I'm feeling very emotional today. I was reading a few posts about missed opportunities and running into an ex. They made me think of a friend I used to have.
When I first came out (1989 or 1990), I was still living in my hometown where I grew up. There was no gay scene. The only option we had was the gay-friendly bar which wasn't really that gay friendly or the gay/lesbian support group which was only for emotional support but no outside social talk was allowed. So the best we could do was travel to the popular gay bar that was located an hour away. We often would carpool to the gay bar.
One night, I took a friend of mine to the gay bar. While we were there, he introduced me to another guy, Kevin, that was also from our same hometown. Kevin and I hit it off right away. We were the same age (only a few months difference in age), had lived in the same crappy apartment complex, and had both been studying for the same college degree and had both dropped out of school because of money. When we weren't working, Kevin and I were hanging around all the time, often over at his place. One night, when we had gone to the gay bar, on the ride home, he laid his head in my lap. I kept one hand on the steering wheel and rubbed his head and back with the other hand. I had never thought about Kevin sexually, but that night I spent the night at his place and we had sex 3 times. For the next 2 months, we were hanging around as friends during the day/evening and then having sex at night. We were also writing stupid funny notes to each other. One day, I arrived at my apartment to find a note from Kevin. Instead of his usual funny note, it was a note telling me that he had met a new guy and they were going to move in together. I was blindsided. I realized that I had serious feelings for Kevin and was really hurt.
Not wanting to lose my new best friend, I agreed to be social with him and his new boyfriend. When it came time to meet the new guy, Tony, I discovered that Tony was a really nice guy and easy to get along with. Tony and I became friends and often the 3 of us hung around together. When I moved into a new place for the summer, Kevin and Tony moved into their new apartment. When my new roommate was stealing my stuff, I moved all my stuff into the garage at Kevin and Tony's new place. That summer, Tony and I started working out together at the college gym playing raquetball together. Slowly Kevin wasn't around as much but Tony and I were spending a lot of time together. Needing to get away from my summer roommate, I found a new 1 bedroom apartment very close to my job and the school. The next time I talked to Kevin, I told him about my new place. He told me that is awesome because him and Tony had also got a new apartment in the same building. We helped each other move in we had dinner a few times together. But it was obvious something was wrong with Kevin. One day he was friendly but the next day he would be distant. So I would be polite when I saw them in the hallways, but I kept some distance from them (mainly Kevin). Eventually, Tony and I stopped going to the gym/racquetball court together. One day, Kevin asked me for a ride (he didn't have a car) to a doctor's appointment. The doctor's office was in a town about 10 minutes away and located in a strange building. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I waited in the waiting room while Kevin went into the exam room. He was only in there for a few minutes before he came into the waiting room and said he was ready to go home. On the trip home, he didn't say much. It was obvious he was upset. He did lay his head on my lap again. I just rubbed his back. When we got home, he went to his place and didn't say anything to me. A few days later, I saw Tony in the hallway. I asked how Kevin was doing. Tony told me that they were still living together but had broken up. A few weeks later, Tony let me know that Kevin had moved out and was living in Boston now. It really hurt me that Kevin left without saying anything to me.
About 15 years later, I was attending Market Days in Chicago. Huge street festival, with the street packed full of people. I was with some friends when I noticed Kevin was across the street. I hadn't seen him in the 15 years since he moved to Boston, but there he was looking good. He was walking in the opposite direction that we were going. When we got close to each other (he was on the opposite side of the street), he looked over to where we were standing but I couldn't tell if he had seen me or not. The street was so packed, there was no way I could make it over there without getting lost from my friends. I didn't get to talk to him, but it was nice to see him. 6 months later, I happened to run across a guy on AOL that had been friends with both Kevin and me in college. We talked for a few minutes when I told him that I had run into Kevin in Chicago. He stopped talking for a few minutes and then told me that wasn't Kevin. I asked how he knew it wasn't Kevin, when he told me that Kevin had died in 1992. It turns out that when I took Kevin to that doctor's appointment, he got tested for HIV/AIDS. His test had come back as positive. Kevin broke up with his boyfriend and moved to Boston because he couldn't face the people he knew and loved.
I have kept all of Kevin's notes from the few months we were together. Whenever I am in a sad mood, I pull them out and it always cheers me up. Kevin, "Pedro, come hither." "Alfredo, what is he? A cheese sauce?" RIP my friend, I hope you have found your peace.
When I first came out (1989 or 1990), I was still living in my hometown where I grew up. There was no gay scene. The only option we had was the gay-friendly bar which wasn't really that gay friendly or the gay/lesbian support group which was only for emotional support but no outside social talk was allowed. So the best we could do was travel to the popular gay bar that was located an hour away. We often would carpool to the gay bar.
One night, I took a friend of mine to the gay bar. While we were there, he introduced me to another guy, Kevin, that was also from our same hometown. Kevin and I hit it off right away. We were the same age (only a few months difference in age), had lived in the same crappy apartment complex, and had both been studying for the same college degree and had both dropped out of school because of money. When we weren't working, Kevin and I were hanging around all the time, often over at his place. One night, when we had gone to the gay bar, on the ride home, he laid his head in my lap. I kept one hand on the steering wheel and rubbed his head and back with the other hand. I had never thought about Kevin sexually, but that night I spent the night at his place and we had sex 3 times. For the next 2 months, we were hanging around as friends during the day/evening and then having sex at night. We were also writing stupid funny notes to each other. One day, I arrived at my apartment to find a note from Kevin. Instead of his usual funny note, it was a note telling me that he had met a new guy and they were going to move in together. I was blindsided. I realized that I had serious feelings for Kevin and was really hurt.
Not wanting to lose my new best friend, I agreed to be social with him and his new boyfriend. When it came time to meet the new guy, Tony, I discovered that Tony was a really nice guy and easy to get along with. Tony and I became friends and often the 3 of us hung around together. When I moved into a new place for the summer, Kevin and Tony moved into their new apartment. When my new roommate was stealing my stuff, I moved all my stuff into the garage at Kevin and Tony's new place. That summer, Tony and I started working out together at the college gym playing raquetball together. Slowly Kevin wasn't around as much but Tony and I were spending a lot of time together. Needing to get away from my summer roommate, I found a new 1 bedroom apartment very close to my job and the school. The next time I talked to Kevin, I told him about my new place. He told me that is awesome because him and Tony had also got a new apartment in the same building. We helped each other move in we had dinner a few times together. But it was obvious something was wrong with Kevin. One day he was friendly but the next day he would be distant. So I would be polite when I saw them in the hallways, but I kept some distance from them (mainly Kevin). Eventually, Tony and I stopped going to the gym/racquetball court together. One day, Kevin asked me for a ride (he didn't have a car) to a doctor's appointment. The doctor's office was in a town about 10 minutes away and located in a strange building. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I waited in the waiting room while Kevin went into the exam room. He was only in there for a few minutes before he came into the waiting room and said he was ready to go home. On the trip home, he didn't say much. It was obvious he was upset. He did lay his head on my lap again. I just rubbed his back. When we got home, he went to his place and didn't say anything to me. A few days later, I saw Tony in the hallway. I asked how Kevin was doing. Tony told me that they were still living together but had broken up. A few weeks later, Tony let me know that Kevin had moved out and was living in Boston now. It really hurt me that Kevin left without saying anything to me.
About 15 years later, I was attending Market Days in Chicago. Huge street festival, with the street packed full of people. I was with some friends when I noticed Kevin was across the street. I hadn't seen him in the 15 years since he moved to Boston, but there he was looking good. He was walking in the opposite direction that we were going. When we got close to each other (he was on the opposite side of the street), he looked over to where we were standing but I couldn't tell if he had seen me or not. The street was so packed, there was no way I could make it over there without getting lost from my friends. I didn't get to talk to him, but it was nice to see him. 6 months later, I happened to run across a guy on AOL that had been friends with both Kevin and me in college. We talked for a few minutes when I told him that I had run into Kevin in Chicago. He stopped talking for a few minutes and then told me that wasn't Kevin. I asked how he knew it wasn't Kevin, when he told me that Kevin had died in 1992. It turns out that when I took Kevin to that doctor's appointment, he got tested for HIV/AIDS. His test had come back as positive. Kevin broke up with his boyfriend and moved to Boston because he couldn't face the people he knew and loved.
I have kept all of Kevin's notes from the few months we were together. Whenever I am in a sad mood, I pull them out and it always cheers me up. Kevin, "Pedro, come hither." "Alfredo, what is he? A cheese sauce?" RIP my friend, I hope you have found your peace.
