So I am sitting here looking at something that just made me cry. Now before I tell you why it made me cry, I should step back to Thursday.
I had just spent another afternoon of my life wasted and e-mailing and texting my office from the lobby of the Redmond District Courts building. I was there for yet another pre-trial hearing involving my troubled 17 year old step son. He was in a good mood this day as was I until I heard I would have to repeat this song and dance in court again in January. We pulled into the driveway and he rushed off to text his girlfriend du jour. I sat in my car for a moment and watched through the picture window looking into the house.
The younger children were running about playing and giving my wife a headache by the looks of it. My 15 year old stepson is at the PC playing Heroes of Might and Magic. I sat there and just pondered "Was our household always this chaotic? I honestly can't remember.
So this morning I am sitting here at the computer desk and I find a hard bound copy of Sun Tzu's The Art of War. I had given it to my then 14 year old stepson (now the 17 year old). I had inscribd the following in it to him:
T,
When I was 16, my mentor told me to read this book and it made a world of difference in how I see life, people, and the world. I'm proud of the future choices you are making and will support you as I can. You have my resect always.
S
That passage I wrote was exactly 785 days to the day ago.
I sit here crying. That 14 year old kid is not the now 17 year old kid I live with now. The child I live with now is a felon, a habitual liar, and an ego-maniacal bully. It breaks my heart because those words in the book are lost to me now. There is no respect on my side, love for him is slipping away, and I am feeling that the kid I love and support will wind up in jail, if not dead, by 25.
I ask myself, why is he reading this book now? Has he read the message I wrote? Does he care? Is he playing a head game with his mother and I by leaving it out where we can see it? Is this his way of saying I want to be that kid again? Is it his way of saying "Where is that respect?" Is this his way of saying I could care less about you.
I am crying because the boy I loved as a son is no more. I pray he comes back, but I hold no hope of this. If he doesn't love or respect me, that is his perogative, but it doesn't mean I am going to stop trying to set him on the path of right and success.
Sun Tzu would do no less for his children or his men.
I had just spent another afternoon of my life wasted and e-mailing and texting my office from the lobby of the Redmond District Courts building. I was there for yet another pre-trial hearing involving my troubled 17 year old step son. He was in a good mood this day as was I until I heard I would have to repeat this song and dance in court again in January. We pulled into the driveway and he rushed off to text his girlfriend du jour. I sat in my car for a moment and watched through the picture window looking into the house.
The younger children were running about playing and giving my wife a headache by the looks of it. My 15 year old stepson is at the PC playing Heroes of Might and Magic. I sat there and just pondered "Was our household always this chaotic? I honestly can't remember.
So this morning I am sitting here at the computer desk and I find a hard bound copy of Sun Tzu's The Art of War. I had given it to my then 14 year old stepson (now the 17 year old). I had inscribd the following in it to him:
T,
When I was 16, my mentor told me to read this book and it made a world of difference in how I see life, people, and the world. I'm proud of the future choices you are making and will support you as I can. You have my resect always.
S
That passage I wrote was exactly 785 days to the day ago.
I sit here crying. That 14 year old kid is not the now 17 year old kid I live with now. The child I live with now is a felon, a habitual liar, and an ego-maniacal bully. It breaks my heart because those words in the book are lost to me now. There is no respect on my side, love for him is slipping away, and I am feeling that the kid I love and support will wind up in jail, if not dead, by 25.
I ask myself, why is he reading this book now? Has he read the message I wrote? Does he care? Is he playing a head game with his mother and I by leaving it out where we can see it? Is this his way of saying I want to be that kid again? Is it his way of saying "Where is that respect?" Is this his way of saying I could care less about you.
I am crying because the boy I loved as a son is no more. I pray he comes back, but I hold no hope of this. If he doesn't love or respect me, that is his perogative, but it doesn't mean I am going to stop trying to set him on the path of right and success.
Sun Tzu would do no less for his children or his men.
