Nothing went as expected, even though I was expecting, but all three of us are happy and healthy.
How do I feel about parenthood? Well, let's just say that I understand why Nadya Suleman has 14 children. It's wonderful. I wish I could slow down time and make every minute last five. My world is much more precious and adorable now.
So what happened? I went into labor early, and ended up almost having the child naturally. I dilated fast, and so painfully, all the way through transition before the OR was ready, and it was totally terrifying what was happening to me. In the end the experience of childbirth was beautiful and frightening and absolutely incredible. At the end of the day, I told TheBF that it was the best day of my entire life.
My boy is beautiful, of course. Obviously he is more adorable and perfect and intelligent and charming than any other child ever born. I challenge you to prove me wrong.
The holidays didn't go as expected, either. My father's visit was awkward, something I thought we'd gotten past a decade ago. Before my father arrived, TheBF made what he thought was a harmless joke that hit home, then my father made comments that were obviously in response to that joke after he came here that hurt TheBF's feelings, and mine, too, and then everything was uncomfortable between all of us and nothing could be done about it. Instead of the heartwarming family gathering I wanted, it was all awkwardness and uncomfortable feelings. My mother's visit was much worse, with a few actual yelling fights, but we had expected that, although we had hoped it would go better, and when she finally left I was relieved.
I had been expecting that having relatives around would be less stressful to us, since there would be more people to help out. It didn't work out that way. My family was happy to help out with the dishes or cooking or painting the baby's room and things like that, which was helpful, but there were so few instances when they took care of the baby while me and TheBF did something else. I can think of two times when I specifically asked for help with the baby so I could take a shower! Overall, my parents being here turned out to be much more stressful to us than taking care of the newborn by ourselves since they've left.
So, what about sex? We have had oral sex a few times and we had anal sex 16 days after i gave birth. We would have had sex earlier, but TheBF kept turning me down, even for anal sex! I hadn't expected that because I had underestimated his concern about hurting me, and he upset me so much the second time he turned me down for anal sex that I actually got mad because he waited until after I had cleaned myself before backing out! Then there's also the times when the baby wakes up crying and we never return to having sex because he could not be soothed back to sleep or he needed to be breast fed, but that's to be expected. Family also kept getting in the way of our ability to have alone time, which I hadn't expected. I actually thought that having extra hands around would mean we would have more alone time together. I was wrong about that. Not only was there very little "babysitting" for us, they required our constant attention. There was one time when the baby had fallen into what looked like a deep sleep late at night and we decided we would have sex, then my mother walked into our bedroom and sat down on the bed and made it clear to us that if we were awake, she intended on hanging out with us. We ended up watching a movie instead. I was really annoyed, but I don't have the ability to tell my mother that I was hoping to have some intimate time alone with my husband.
We still haven't had vaginal sex. TheBF refused to try it while I was still bleeding, and after I stopped bleeding, our first attempt failed. When he was pushing the head of his cock inside me, it hurt so badly that I panicked. He says that it never went in, not even just the head. I asked him to try again, but the same thing happened. During the last half of my pregnancy, his width was never an issue. He always fit. Before I was pregnant, it would take some stretching out with toys to make painless sex possible, and now it seems like I'm even tighter than before. TheBF claims that my vagina is now tighter than my ass, but I'm not so sure about that. That doesn't seem likely. I'm sure that it just seems that way because we dilate before anal sex and we hadn't done that before we tried having vaginal sex. I still haven't used any penetration toys in my vagina yet. We haven't talked about it specifically, but I think we've both decided to just wait until the OB says it's safe to start having vaginal penetration. I have explored with my fingers and I was shocked by how my cervix felt, ragged on the end instead of smooth like it used to be, like the edge had torn from dilating. It made me feel nauseous to discover that it felt like that, that horrible evidence of how it had been damaged during labor. That's like something out of a horror movie.
My sex drive is definitely lower right now, but that is moot. I think about sex all the time, and I want it all the time, but I feel like my sex drive isn't as high as it was before I gave birth. The reason why that's moot is because I don't feel like my sex drive is what gets in the way of our sex life. Like earlier tonight, I wanted to have sex, but it was so late and he had to work the next day and having anal sex takes time to prepare and we both know that attempting vaginal sex would probably fail, so we were left with the two of us looking at each other and saying, "I wish we could have sex..." and then having oral sex instead. Having sex is just so much more difficult now than before. Anal sex always requires advance preparation, and now vaginal sex carries with it the need for dilation and birth control and the fear of causing an infection or getting pregnant, which the doctor said was dangerous. When you have a newborn, the sex you're most likely to have is spontaneous sex, and the only spontaneous sex we can have is oral sex. (Oh, I've forgotten to mention that we've also masturbated together, but that felt sort of sad, like something we resorted to doing to fulfill a need, instead of being truly fun.) Our sex life isn't nearly as hot as it was before I had the baby, even compared to the end of my pregnancy when I was massive. The desire is there, though. We were flirting with one another only a day after the birth of my son, and I already wanted to have sex with him. The hospital's breast pump especially turned TheBF on. It had a piston on top that was about 6" long that he found especially erotic, and the rhythmic sound it made reminded him of sex, and my nipples pulsing inside the breast cups mesmerized him.
I think our sex life will improve a lot once the doctor gives us approval that it's safe to have vaginal penetration. Then I'll feel safe about using toys and we can start having spontaneous vaginal sex again because my body will be ready for it. After discovering that we couldn't even achieve penetration without causing me enough pain to make me panic, I no longer feel optimistic that I've retained the same depth advantage I had during my pregnancy, but I am still curious to find out for sure.
So that's the basics. I'm sorry I haven't been around in the past month, and I probably won't be around as much as I was before, but I'll still be here.
How do I feel about parenthood? Well, let's just say that I understand why Nadya Suleman has 14 children. It's wonderful. I wish I could slow down time and make every minute last five. My world is much more precious and adorable now.
So what happened? I went into labor early, and ended up almost having the child naturally. I dilated fast, and so painfully, all the way through transition before the OR was ready, and it was totally terrifying what was happening to me. In the end the experience of childbirth was beautiful and frightening and absolutely incredible. At the end of the day, I told TheBF that it was the best day of my entire life.
My boy is beautiful, of course. Obviously he is more adorable and perfect and intelligent and charming than any other child ever born. I challenge you to prove me wrong.
The holidays didn't go as expected, either. My father's visit was awkward, something I thought we'd gotten past a decade ago. Before my father arrived, TheBF made what he thought was a harmless joke that hit home, then my father made comments that were obviously in response to that joke after he came here that hurt TheBF's feelings, and mine, too, and then everything was uncomfortable between all of us and nothing could be done about it. Instead of the heartwarming family gathering I wanted, it was all awkwardness and uncomfortable feelings. My mother's visit was much worse, with a few actual yelling fights, but we had expected that, although we had hoped it would go better, and when she finally left I was relieved.
I had been expecting that having relatives around would be less stressful to us, since there would be more people to help out. It didn't work out that way. My family was happy to help out with the dishes or cooking or painting the baby's room and things like that, which was helpful, but there were so few instances when they took care of the baby while me and TheBF did something else. I can think of two times when I specifically asked for help with the baby so I could take a shower! Overall, my parents being here turned out to be much more stressful to us than taking care of the newborn by ourselves since they've left.
So, what about sex? We have had oral sex a few times and we had anal sex 16 days after i gave birth. We would have had sex earlier, but TheBF kept turning me down, even for anal sex! I hadn't expected that because I had underestimated his concern about hurting me, and he upset me so much the second time he turned me down for anal sex that I actually got mad because he waited until after I had cleaned myself before backing out! Then there's also the times when the baby wakes up crying and we never return to having sex because he could not be soothed back to sleep or he needed to be breast fed, but that's to be expected. Family also kept getting in the way of our ability to have alone time, which I hadn't expected. I actually thought that having extra hands around would mean we would have more alone time together. I was wrong about that. Not only was there very little "babysitting" for us, they required our constant attention. There was one time when the baby had fallen into what looked like a deep sleep late at night and we decided we would have sex, then my mother walked into our bedroom and sat down on the bed and made it clear to us that if we were awake, she intended on hanging out with us. We ended up watching a movie instead. I was really annoyed, but I don't have the ability to tell my mother that I was hoping to have some intimate time alone with my husband.
We still haven't had vaginal sex. TheBF refused to try it while I was still bleeding, and after I stopped bleeding, our first attempt failed. When he was pushing the head of his cock inside me, it hurt so badly that I panicked. He says that it never went in, not even just the head. I asked him to try again, but the same thing happened. During the last half of my pregnancy, his width was never an issue. He always fit. Before I was pregnant, it would take some stretching out with toys to make painless sex possible, and now it seems like I'm even tighter than before. TheBF claims that my vagina is now tighter than my ass, but I'm not so sure about that. That doesn't seem likely. I'm sure that it just seems that way because we dilate before anal sex and we hadn't done that before we tried having vaginal sex. I still haven't used any penetration toys in my vagina yet. We haven't talked about it specifically, but I think we've both decided to just wait until the OB says it's safe to start having vaginal penetration. I have explored with my fingers and I was shocked by how my cervix felt, ragged on the end instead of smooth like it used to be, like the edge had torn from dilating. It made me feel nauseous to discover that it felt like that, that horrible evidence of how it had been damaged during labor. That's like something out of a horror movie.
My sex drive is definitely lower right now, but that is moot. I think about sex all the time, and I want it all the time, but I feel like my sex drive isn't as high as it was before I gave birth. The reason why that's moot is because I don't feel like my sex drive is what gets in the way of our sex life. Like earlier tonight, I wanted to have sex, but it was so late and he had to work the next day and having anal sex takes time to prepare and we both know that attempting vaginal sex would probably fail, so we were left with the two of us looking at each other and saying, "I wish we could have sex..." and then having oral sex instead. Having sex is just so much more difficult now than before. Anal sex always requires advance preparation, and now vaginal sex carries with it the need for dilation and birth control and the fear of causing an infection or getting pregnant, which the doctor said was dangerous. When you have a newborn, the sex you're most likely to have is spontaneous sex, and the only spontaneous sex we can have is oral sex. (Oh, I've forgotten to mention that we've also masturbated together, but that felt sort of sad, like something we resorted to doing to fulfill a need, instead of being truly fun.) Our sex life isn't nearly as hot as it was before I had the baby, even compared to the end of my pregnancy when I was massive. The desire is there, though. We were flirting with one another only a day after the birth of my son, and I already wanted to have sex with him. The hospital's breast pump especially turned TheBF on. It had a piston on top that was about 6" long that he found especially erotic, and the rhythmic sound it made reminded him of sex, and my nipples pulsing inside the breast cups mesmerized him.
I think our sex life will improve a lot once the doctor gives us approval that it's safe to have vaginal penetration. Then I'll feel safe about using toys and we can start having spontaneous vaginal sex again because my body will be ready for it. After discovering that we couldn't even achieve penetration without causing me enough pain to make me panic, I no longer feel optimistic that I've retained the same depth advantage I had during my pregnancy, but I am still curious to find out for sure.
So that's the basics. I'm sorry I haven't been around in the past month, and I probably won't be around as much as I was before, but I'll still be here.
