I had a baby, then things got really busy

Nothing went as expected, even though I was expecting, but all three of us are happy and healthy.

How do I feel about parenthood? Well, let's just say that I understand why Nadya Suleman has 14 children. It's wonderful. I wish I could slow down time and make every minute last five. My world is much more precious and adorable now.

So what happened? I went into labor early, and ended up almost having the child naturally. I dilated fast, and so painfully, all the way through transition before the OR was ready, and it was totally terrifying what was happening to me. In the end the experience of childbirth was beautiful and frightening and absolutely incredible. At the end of the day, I told TheBF that it was the best day of my entire life.

My boy is beautiful, of course. Obviously he is more adorable and perfect and intelligent and charming than any other child ever born. I challenge you to prove me wrong.

The holidays didn't go as expected, either. My father's visit was awkward, something I thought we'd gotten past a decade ago. Before my father arrived, TheBF made what he thought was a harmless joke that hit home, then my father made comments that were obviously in response to that joke after he came here that hurt TheBF's feelings, and mine, too, and then everything was uncomfortable between all of us and nothing could be done about it. Instead of the heartwarming family gathering I wanted, it was all awkwardness and uncomfortable feelings. My mother's visit was much worse, with a few actual yelling fights, but we had expected that, although we had hoped it would go better, and when she finally left I was relieved.

I had been expecting that having relatives around would be less stressful to us, since there would be more people to help out. It didn't work out that way. My family was happy to help out with the dishes or cooking or painting the baby's room and things like that, which was helpful, but there were so few instances when they took care of the baby while me and TheBF did something else. I can think of two times when I specifically asked for help with the baby so I could take a shower! Overall, my parents being here turned out to be much more stressful to us than taking care of the newborn by ourselves since they've left.

So, what about sex? We have had oral sex a few times and we had anal sex 16 days after i gave birth. We would have had sex earlier, but TheBF kept turning me down, even for anal sex! I hadn't expected that because I had underestimated his concern about hurting me, and he upset me so much the second time he turned me down for anal sex that I actually got mad because he waited until after I had cleaned myself before backing out! Then there's also the times when the baby wakes up crying and we never return to having sex because he could not be soothed back to sleep or he needed to be breast fed, but that's to be expected. Family also kept getting in the way of our ability to have alone time, which I hadn't expected. I actually thought that having extra hands around would mean we would have more alone time together. I was wrong about that. Not only was there very little "babysitting" for us, they required our constant attention. There was one time when the baby had fallen into what looked like a deep sleep late at night and we decided we would have sex, then my mother walked into our bedroom and sat down on the bed and made it clear to us that if we were awake, she intended on hanging out with us. We ended up watching a movie instead. I was really annoyed, but I don't have the ability to tell my mother that I was hoping to have some intimate time alone with my husband.

We still haven't had vaginal sex. TheBF refused to try it while I was still bleeding, and after I stopped bleeding, our first attempt failed. When he was pushing the head of his cock inside me, it hurt so badly that I panicked. He says that it never went in, not even just the head. I asked him to try again, but the same thing happened. During the last half of my pregnancy, his width was never an issue. He always fit. Before I was pregnant, it would take some stretching out with toys to make painless sex possible, and now it seems like I'm even tighter than before. TheBF claims that my vagina is now tighter than my ass, but I'm not so sure about that. That doesn't seem likely. I'm sure that it just seems that way because we dilate before anal sex and we hadn't done that before we tried having vaginal sex. I still haven't used any penetration toys in my vagina yet. We haven't talked about it specifically, but I think we've both decided to just wait until the OB says it's safe to start having vaginal penetration. I have explored with my fingers and I was shocked by how my cervix felt, ragged on the end instead of smooth like it used to be, like the edge had torn from dilating. It made me feel nauseous to discover that it felt like that, that horrible evidence of how it had been damaged during labor. That's like something out of a horror movie.

My sex drive is definitely lower right now, but that is moot. I think about sex all the time, and I want it all the time, but I feel like my sex drive isn't as high as it was before I gave birth. The reason why that's moot is because I don't feel like my sex drive is what gets in the way of our sex life. Like earlier tonight, I wanted to have sex, but it was so late and he had to work the next day and having anal sex takes time to prepare and we both know that attempting vaginal sex would probably fail, so we were left with the two of us looking at each other and saying, "I wish we could have sex..." and then having oral sex instead. Having sex is just so much more difficult now than before. Anal sex always requires advance preparation, and now vaginal sex carries with it the need for dilation and birth control and the fear of causing an infection or getting pregnant, which the doctor said was dangerous. When you have a newborn, the sex you're most likely to have is spontaneous sex, and the only spontaneous sex we can have is oral sex. (Oh, I've forgotten to mention that we've also masturbated together, but that felt sort of sad, like something we resorted to doing to fulfill a need, instead of being truly fun.) Our sex life isn't nearly as hot as it was before I had the baby, even compared to the end of my pregnancy when I was massive. The desire is there, though. We were flirting with one another only a day after the birth of my son, and I already wanted to have sex with him. The hospital's breast pump especially turned TheBF on. It had a piston on top that was about 6" long that he found especially erotic, and the rhythmic sound it made reminded him of sex, and my nipples pulsing inside the breast cups mesmerized him.

I think our sex life will improve a lot once the doctor gives us approval that it's safe to have vaginal penetration. Then I'll feel safe about using toys and we can start having spontaneous vaginal sex again because my body will be ready for it. After discovering that we couldn't even achieve penetration without causing me enough pain to make me panic, I no longer feel optimistic that I've retained the same depth advantage I had during my pregnancy, but I am still curious to find out for sure.

So that's the basics. I'm sorry I haven't been around in the past month, and I probably won't be around as much as I was before, but I'll still be here.

Comments

Oh honey, let me be the first to welcome you back!!! I'm so relieved and so glad things are going well. I confess I've been concerned, but hoping for the best. Many, many people will be happy to hear from you. So glad you, the baby, the BF are all healthy and happy.


Congratulations and best wishes to you all. :kiss:
p.s. Try to ignore the avatar. It's temporary ;-)
 
Oh honey, let me be the first to welcome you back!!! I'm so relieved and so glad things are going well. I confess I've been concerned, but hoping for the best. Many, many people will be happy to hear from you. So glad you, the baby, the BF are all healthy and happy.


Congratulations and best wishes to you all. :kiss:

p.s. Try to ignore the avatar. It's temporary ;-)
 
Oh honey, let me be the first to welcome you back!!! I'm so relieved and so glad things are going well. I confess I've been concerned, but hoping for the best. Many, many people will be happy to hear from you. So glad to know that you, the baby, and the BF are all healthy and happy. Are you going to name him BB? ;-)


Congratulations and best wishes to you all. :kiss:

p.s. Try to ignore the avatar. It's temporary ;-)
 
Welcome to Mommyhood! I know tons of people are relieved to hear that all three of you are well.

With my last baby, I dialated and gave birth in under an hour, it took the nurse longer to write up the notes than the actual birth did! On the down side, I went so fast I had tons of tearing and broke my coccyx bone. Never though that would happen, but found out it happens to many women who have fast births. It took me a good 4 months before sex wasn't painful and we had to experiment with many different positions and LOTS of lubes! Especially if you're breastfeeding! Everytime I got aroused, or heard a baby cry (any baby!) I wet through every breatpad, bra and shirt I owned! Not good when you're in public!

If you haven't already found out the washable breast pads are way more comfy btw...

My DH loved to watch me pump too. And yes, the first time he tasted...he was hooked! You may find that the BF really likes it too. Made for some great play and really does help you relax, possibly enough that vaginal sex won't be something you have to prepare for in the near future.

Take care and if you need anything or have questions, feel free to ask!
 
Sweetie- Petitie!!!! You back!! :hug::grouphug::kiss:
Congrats on having your little one there, Darlin'! So, what's his name, what time did he show up, whats the specifics on him, IE weight, length, eye/hair color?
 
"but all three of us are happy and healthy."
The sentence everyone has been waiting to hear for the past month.
Thank God you all are fine.
Congratulations

We all heave a giant sigh of relief and can breath again
 
maxcok;bt29130 said:
Oh honey, let me be the first to welcome you back!!! I'm so relieved and so glad things are going well. I confess I've been concerned, but hoping for the best. Many, many people will be happy to hear from you. So glad to know that you, the baby, and the BF are all healthy and happy. Are you going to name him BB? ;-)


Congratulations and best wishes to you all. :kiss:

p.s. Try to ignore the avatar. It's temporary ;-)

Thank you, sweet Max! :kiss:

I'm sorry I made you concerned. I actually attempted to log into LPSG when I was in the hospital so I could make a blog post, but they blocked the site as porn. Once we came home with the baby, I didn't have much time to browse internet forums, and when I did have time, I was mostly looking up baby related things!

Weeks ago I did log in and I wrote a long blog post that was beautiful and much different than this one, much more sentimental, and then my browser crashed, taking my hours of work with it. I didn't have the heart to start all over again. It's lost forever.

prettyswinggirl;bt29132 said:
Welcome to Mommyhood! I know tons of people are relieved to hear that all three of you are well.

With my last baby, I dialated and gave birth in under an hour, it took the nurse longer to write up the notes than the actual birth did! On the down side, I went so fast I had tons of tearing and broke my coccyx bone. Never though that would happen, but found out it happens to many women who have fast births. It took me a good 4 months before sex wasn't painful and we had to experiment with many different positions and LOTS of lubes! Especially if you're breastfeeding! Everytime I got aroused, or heard a baby cry (any baby!) I wet through every breatpad, bra and shirt I owned! Not good when you're in public!

If you haven't already found out the washable breast pads are way more comfy btw...

My DH loved to watch me pump too. And yes, the first time he tasted...he was hooked! You may find that the BF really likes it too. Made for some great play and really does help you relax, possibly enough that vaginal sex won't be something you have to prepare for in the near future.

Take care and if you need anything or have questions, feel free to ask!

Wow! That sounds terrible! I'm so glad that I had a c-section!

I knew that a fast labor increased the likelihood of vaginal tearing, and I was extremely terrified. I already was had practically every single other risk factor for vaginal tearing, like being Asian, I have a mixed race child, my advanced maternal age, this being my first child, the large baby... The doctor on call tried to convince me to "try" for a natural birth and I yelled at her! My contractions were so strong and I dilated so fast that I was positive I would be ripped from "stern to stern" as I put it. I was having horrible visions of reconstructive surgeries on my vagina and my rectum in my future. It was a nightmare. And the pain! I've never considered myself tough before, but the nurses told me I was, and now I'm convinced that I am!

So far I've only lactated when my baby cries and I haven't when I've gotten aroused or emotional, but I've heard that can happen. I've been using the silicon breast pads called Lily Padz and I love them, but I don't leak a lot. They're no good for overnight though. Rolling around makes them detach, so I'll get some of the washable breast pads for night use. Thank you for the tip!

TheBF tasted my breastmilk, too! He tried it as soon as my breastmilk came in. It's much sweeter than I thought it would be. I haven't been able to produce much excess yet, though, so it's more precious than gold. Whoever made up that saying about not crying over spilled milk must have been talking about breast milk. Every single drop is so valuable!

I think that the novelty of the breast pump has worn off, plus the one I'm using isn't nearly as erotic as the one at the hospital. He does find the waist cincher I've been wearing to be sexy though.

MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK;bt29146 said:
Sweetie- Petitie!!!! You back!! :hug::grouphug::kiss:
Congrats on having your little one there, Darlin'! So, what's his name, what time did he show up, whats the specifics on him, IE weight, length, eye/hair color?

Aw, thank you for the hugs and kisses!

I wasn't actually planning on sharing those details, for privacy reasons. It's part of the rules I made for myself to insure that my openness about sex here doesn't end up haunting me later on!

stu.kay823;bt29148 said:
MADE MY DAY!!!!! Heck, even my year to date. Will send you a pm/email in the next few days.

Aw, thank you! Please do! I need updates!

RawDog;bt29151 said:
Congratulations on having TheBaby!!

Thank you! :kiss:

Shawn8;bt29154 said:
Congrats to you both on your, what must truly be a, bundle of joy. :)
Just take it slow on the sex: it will come on its own. Naturally.
http://www.lpsg.org/../../../images/smilies/misc_smilies/hug.gif
S8

He truly is a bundle of joy!

It feels like the sex has been coming along slowly. Soooo slowly!

nicenycdick;bt29155 said:
Congratulations! Your world will never be the same again! For the better, I should add...

Thank you! My father said something almost identical!

Pitbull;bt29158 said:
"but all three of us are happy and healthy."
The sentence everyone has been waiting to hear for the past month.
Thank God you all are fine.
Congratulations

We all heave a giant sigh of relief and can breath again

:hug: I never meant to make you worry, sweet Pitbull!

I actually logged in here weeks ago and wrote an epic post detailing how I went into labor and that entire drama and all the emotions I felt and the things that happened that changed how I feel and act towards my son (including the reason why I'm co-sleeping now, even though I said I wouldn't!) and then my browser crashed, taking with it my hours of work. I was so heartbroken by that I didn't have the energy to start all over again!
 
Petite, I co-slept with all of mine. It was the only way I could get enough sleep to function and breastfeed! Don't let anyone scare you into changing if you're comfortable.

I always used a light down comforter on the bed, because they're breathable and kept in the right amount of body heat, but very light weight. I dialated fast with my first too, but after pushing for 3 hours it turned into an emergency c-section.Believe it or not the sitz baths and sunlamps the nurses made me take despite the cesarian went a long way toward the healing process of my cervix and the vaginal pain I felt for weeks after. May be too late to try, but thought I'd mention it anyway.
Give the sweet little one a soft kiss and take a deep breath of that fresh newborn scent of his for me! Sigh!! Sooo miss those days!
 
SilverTrain;bt29168 said:
Welcome back, sweet lady. Glad to hear the baby's doing so well!

Aw, thank you! :kiss:

It's wonderful to see you!
prettyswinggirl;bt29180 said:
Petite, I co-slept with all of mine. It was the only way I could get enough sleep to function and breastfeed! Don't let anyone scare you into changing if you're comfortable.

I always used a light down comforter on the bed, because they're breathable and kept in the right amount of body heat, but very light weight. I dialated fast with my first too, but after pushing for 3 hours it turned into an emergency c-section.Believe it or not the sitz baths and sunlamps the nurses made me take despite the cesarian went a long way toward the healing process of my cervix and the vaginal pain I felt for weeks after. May be too late to try, but thought I'd mention it anyway.
Give the sweet little one a soft kiss and take a deep breath of that fresh newborn scent of his for me! Sigh!! Sooo miss those days!
I probably wouldn't have survived breastfeeding exclusively if he weren't next to me! However, that's not what initially made me choose to keep him by my side.

We had a scare on his second day of life that increased my anxiety about SIDS and completely changed my attitude and behavior. It was at night and he was in one of those clear bassinets they use at the hospital. I looked over and he was waving his arms in the air in a strange way. I watched for a little bit because it looked strange and then I got out of bed and walked over to him. That's when I noticed that foam was coming out of his mouth, little bubbles from his throat. He couldn't breathe! I called in the nurse and she suctioned out his mouth. I didn't notice it, but she said he had turned blue around his mouth. He could have died if I hadn't been looking in his direction at just the right moment. That entire incident probably only took one minute, but it changed me from a laid back woman to one who was suddenly hyper aware of how fragile his life is. He has slept next to me on his back or on top of my bare chest every single night since then and I never leave him when he's sleeping unless I have the video monitor pointed at his face and his chest so I can see it rising and falling. I'm constantly waking up and checking on him, like a person with OCD. We've actually had one other incident that scared the willy out of me and almost stopped me from sleeping entirely for the next week. I'm going to buy the Angel Care system to monitor his breathing, because I've read so many great things about it. Then I can stop with the constant night-time vigils. It would relieve a lot of my anxiety and make me feel much more secure than co-sleeping with him. I have a fear that he'll stop breathing or won't be able to breathe and I'll sleep right through it. I like that the Angel Care system will set off alarms in three rooms if you order the alarm system with an extra handheld. That way I can keep one next to our bed and one downstairs and with the alarm in his bedroom, I think I'll be able to hear it anywhere in the house.

I'm extremely careful about the suffocation issue, as I'm sure you can imagine. I'd rather dress him in fleecy footie pajamas than use a blanket over us, just to be extra careful.

My c-section recovery has been really easy! I could have gone on a beach vacation. When I came home from the hospital after 3 days, I had to go to the bathroom and I ran up the stairs like usual. When I reached the top I remembered that I wasn't supposed to do that, run up the stairs, and I realized that the pain meds they gave me at the hospital had completely worn off (we had just filled the prescription on the car ride home and I hadn't had an opportunity to take them yet) but I hardly felt anything at all. Honestly, I feel 100% now! I told my doctor that I felt great and she warned me to take it easy anyway, so I have been. I haven't been lifting more than 25 lbs (no hernias for me!) or doing any non-doctor approved exercises, even though I feel like I could without any problems.

I was told I wasn't allowed to take any baths for 6 weeks and I've been dying to have one. I dream of taking baths! What is the sunlamp for?

You know what's been so much harder than recovering from the c-section? Breastfeeding. OUCH!!!! I've been using the pain meds to survive it. There have been many times when they've been so sore that I haven't had the courage to put them back in his mouth unless I took the pain meds. Twice now I've had to take a 24 hour break from breastfeeding from the breast by pumping, in order to let them heal. TheBF teases me and says me and my son have a S&M relationship, the little nipple biter. They've been bloody a few times. I call him The Littlest Vampire. Those silicon breast pads have been such a relief because once they're on, there's no more friction against my nipples and no more pain. I get a few hours of relief before I have to endure the pain again when he gets hungry. It's been getting better, though. He's learning the proper way to latch and I'm producing more milk, which means shorter and less frequent feeding times, which makes my nipples a lot less sore.

Isn't it amazing how newborns smell? TheBF told me he thinks they give off a pheromone. They just smell so good all the time! He is my precious little boy. I'll give him a kiss for you!
 
PETITE!!!!!!!!!! :biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:


I am glad to see you back and the fact that you are all healty and happy (sans sex frustration, it will pass, don't worry) made my entire year!

Mny hugs and well wishes. I have much to say on what you said but forgot school gets out early today and so need to bust a move on this house.

How i missed this blog is beyond me:confused:

I will pick my Sis's brain tonight for all the spevifics she went through with the aftermath of the first pregnancy (I wasn't living her at the time). I do remeber when The Elset decided to have a Baby shower 6 weeks after my niece was born, and My Sis hating having everyone around, becuase we were more of a hinderance than a help (plus she and The Eldest just DO NOT get along). The only thing i remeber for sure is that I did get her to laugh with my insistance on calling it "the after birth shower", much to The Eldset's horror and chagrin!:biggrin1:

Oh i do remeber her saying that the smell of the baby and watching her made all the difference though. She had said weeks ago for me to tell you not to be suprised to find yourslef just watching his every breath as he sleeps.:smile:

Glad you are back, sweetie and big hugs to you and your family!
 
nicodemous76;bt29189 said:
PETITE!!!!!!!!!! :biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:


I am glad to see you back and the fact that you are all healty and happy (sans sex frustration, it will pass, don't worry) made my entire year!

Mny hugs and well wishes. I have much to say on what you said but forgot school gets out early today and so need to bust a move on this house.

How i missed this blog is beyond me:confused:

I will pick my Sis's brain tonight for all the spevifics she went through with the aftermath of the first pregnancy (I wasn't living her at the time). I do remeber when The Elset decided to have a Baby shower 6 weeks after my niece was born, and My Sis hating having everyone around, becuase we were more of a hinderance than a help (plus she and The Eldest just DO NOT get along). The only thing i remeber for sure is that I did get her to laugh with my insistance on calling it "the after birth shower", much to The Eldset's horror and chagrin!:biggrin1:

Oh i do remeber her saying that the smell of the baby and watching her made all the difference though. She had said weeks ago for me to tell you not to be suprised to find yourslef just watching his every breath as he sleeps.:smile:

Glad you are back, sweetie and big hugs to you and your family!

Oh, I've missed you, too! You've been in my thoughts.

You won't believe how much time I spend just smiling at him. I make little videos of his every move and post them up. He made a new sound! Look, he's doing this new thing with his hand! Did you see that facial expression, it's hilarious! Isn't he precious? So cute when he yawns, see? I'm not sure if they're interesting to anyone else except his mother, but my family praises every little thing he does. Maybe they're just humoring me, but I find everything about him to be fascinating. :redface:
 
petite;bt29190 said:
Oh, I've missed you, too! You've been in my thoughts.

You won't believe how much time I spend just smiling at him. I make little videos of his every move and post them up. He made a new sound! Look, he's doing this new thing with his hand! Did you see that facial expression, it's hilarious! Isn't he precious? So cute when he yawns, see? I'm not sure if they're interesting to anyone else except his mother, but my family praises every little thing he does. Maybe they're just humoring me, but I find everything about him to be fascinating. :redface:

I was like that with my CAT!!!! I can't imagine what I'd be like with a human baby :biggrin1:.
 
subgirrl;bt29280 said:
I was like that with my CAT!!!! I can't imagine what I'd be like with a human baby :biggrin1:.
LOL! If I had a video camera then, I would have done it with my dog when he was a puppy, so I'm with you there.
 

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