Scared to sleep

Yep, big old me is scared to lay my head down and sleep. I had a dream this morning after I put my ass back to bed within an hour of awaking. Don't know what the fuck my trip was so back I went. I knew I had to once I started bawling for nothing. But right before I woke up the second time around around I had that fucken ugly ass post hospital stay dream. I hate it. I've had it several times. The first time was when I got home (my moms) 2 days after I was released. Won't go into details of the dream but it's the state I was in once I was awake. I was deaf, unable to move my body, I could see, and I wasn't breathing. I swear to God, I felt like I was dead. The only thing that I could move was my eyes. I laid there on my side looking around the room. Because I couldn't hear I wondered, where is everyone? Tried to move, couldn't do it. Why am I not breathing? Where's my heart and why is it not beating? I don't know how long I tried to make everything work again but I remembered the last part of the dream. They told me that I had passed the test and would be permitted to return to be with my mom, which is what I kept on telling them was what I wanted. I laid there in my awakened state and remembered I was at her house. My mom.... breath dammit! and then I could hear everything, like I had just emerged from a long silenced tunnel and tears started to roll down my face and I laid there sobbing uncontrollably like a child whose feelings have been hurt so horribly. The only other time I ever cried like that was the day we buried my brother. Anyway, I had that fucken dream again this morning. I hate it. I hate that dead feeling I have from it. I'm alive. Grateful for it but that nightmare needs to go away dammit.