InsertHere
Experimental Member
I know a girl who was in a relationship for a few years starting when she was 14 and he was 38. She dumped him, basically, because he was being immature. You never know!
Age difference and dating
- Thread starter B_duracock9x6
- Start date
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2004
- Posts
- 5,718
- Media
- 15
- Likes
- 13,368
- Points
- 643
- Location
- Massachusetts (United States)
- Sexuality
- 100% Straight, 0% Gay
- Gender
- Male
When I was in my 20's I dated girls my age or slightly younger. My longest relationship was with a woman 7 years younger. As everyone else has said, it all depends!
LapDog
LapDog
Well I'm 19 and my gf is 16, she turned 16 the day after I turned 19...which was strange but...For me I think its okay and so does everyone else. Well my uncle, who has some weirdly scientific, methodical way of life now (changes, he must be reading up on something new) keeps saying 'You're only going down there to relieve yourself, for sexual satisfaction' (then tells me about Maslow's Hierarchy Of Needs, which I know about)
This is because I stopped goin to the pub with him...But him I just ignore. Also my mates are all same age as me (well a year older at most) dating girls that are 16 (he is 19) and 17 (this mate is 20).
Course thats only three years and I guess thats normal. Still, if the opportunity came up itd be nice to have an older woman to talk to, they seem really nice, well most girls do. Also from a girl's POV its good too as long as the older guy isn't in his 30s and the girl barely in her 20s maybe even pre-20s and using her. I think a lot of that goes on...
Also, who you're in a relationship only matters to two people. What anyone else thinks is just what they think. What you and another person can be for each other is a whole other thing, hopefully a very special thing and uninterrupted by anyone else.
This is because I stopped goin to the pub with him...But him I just ignore. Also my mates are all same age as me (well a year older at most) dating girls that are 16 (he is 19) and 17 (this mate is 20).
Course thats only three years and I guess thats normal. Still, if the opportunity came up itd be nice to have an older woman to talk to, they seem really nice, well most girls do. Also from a girl's POV its good too as long as the older guy isn't in his 30s and the girl barely in her 20s maybe even pre-20s and using her. I think a lot of that goes on...
Also, who you're in a relationship only matters to two people. What anyone else thinks is just what they think. What you and another person can be for each other is a whole other thing, hopefully a very special thing and uninterrupted by anyone else.
LeahCat: Well Im in my mid 20's and have been 'dating' a guy in his mid 30's who, interestingly, I met on this board (Swinging Voter). Early days yet but the age difference has been nothing but beneficial (he's more experienced, Im more flexible LOL).
madame_zora
Sexy Member
I think there's nothing wrong with anyone, any age dating each other if the two people involved are happy with it, but I have a few issues irt taste. I think it's okay for an older person to let a young one know they find them attractive, but let them respond in their own good time. I don't like young people feeling "pressured" into a relationship with an older person because it's icky. I never "come on strong" to anyone under 30, but if a great 20-something guy comes on to me, I think it's okay. The largest age disparity in my own life was a 53 yr old man when I was 26, and he remains one of my fondest memories....
wonderland
Experimental Member
The oldest man I dated was 19 years older than me. And the youngest was 12 years younger. Both have been within the last six months. I think the 21 yo is more mature.
If both people are adults age difference isn't a problem unless you make it one.
If both people are adults age difference isn't a problem unless you make it one.
I'm 46, my girlfriend is 60. We're very happy, but realistically won't stay together for the long haul. She'll be eighty when I'm ready to retire... at that point there will be too much difference in what we want to do in life.
The only issue I have with large age differences is if there is an implicit power imbalance. For example, a wealthy 40 year old dating an 18 year old student might be an unhealthy situation because there may be coercion going on, even if it is unintended or subconcious.
The only issue I have with large age differences is if there is an implicit power imbalance. For example, a wealthy 40 year old dating an 18 year old student might be an unhealthy situation because there may be coercion going on, even if it is unintended or subconcious.
^ That's just what I was about to post....or something like it.
Age differences don't matter to me as long as one of them isn't some youngun' after an older person's money (like the whole Anna Nicole Smith thing) That just plain irks me.
As long as both are happy, of legal age, and not together for other reasons, I say let them be.
As far as personal experience, the oldest I've dated was a guy 7 yrs older. Not much difference at all.
Age differences don't matter to me as long as one of them isn't some youngun' after an older person's money (like the whole Anna Nicole Smith thing) That just plain irks me.
As long as both are happy, of legal age, and not together for other reasons, I say let them be.
As far as personal experience, the oldest I've dated was a guy 7 yrs older. Not much difference at all.
the_force: i think it depends on the age of the couple itself...for example...i'm 26, my currente girlfriend is 18...i know her father has some issues. And i totally agree with his concerns. If my daughter came up to me at the age of 18 and said she wanted to date a guy almost 10 years old, my concern would be...what does a man that age have in common with a 18 year old girl. REGARDLESS of maturity level...life experience is different than maturity. There are just some things she CANNOT relate to with me because she just hasn't experienced that part of her life yet. That doesn't mean she's lacking maturity. Now this whole situation changes the older you get....if a woman is 25 and the man is 35....they have a great deal more "in common". It is a fact that women mature faster then men...that's why i use the example of older man and younger woman. I hope this made some sense lol
cdj215: I must begin by saying I agree with all the posts so far about the emotional age of people, love transcending age, etc, etc. So don't yell at me! These are not MY views, necessarily.
But I do remember a pretty simply rule of thumb that seems to predict at least what SOCIETY views as acceptable.
Take 1/2 of the older person's age and add 7 to see the age of the youngest person general society would approve of them dating.
(Obviously if you're starting with the younger age, subtract 7 and multiply by 2.)
It actually seems to work pretty well, since it allows for a larger range as the people get older.
For instance, I'm 25. The youngest person that most people think I should date would be 19.5. The oldest person would be 36. Sounds reasonable to me, actually.
But I do remember a pretty simply rule of thumb that seems to predict at least what SOCIETY views as acceptable.
Take 1/2 of the older person's age and add 7 to see the age of the youngest person general society would approve of them dating.
(Obviously if you're starting with the younger age, subtract 7 and multiply by 2.)
It actually seems to work pretty well, since it allows for a larger range as the people get older.
For instance, I'm 25. The youngest person that most people think I should date would be 19.5. The oldest person would be 36. Sounds reasonable to me, actually.
Standard Deviant
Cherished Member
I have always had friendships (nonsexual) with people ranging from 20-75, and I mean CLOSE friendships, where age didn't matter at all. When it came to sex, I was guilty of being pretty ageist when 18-23, with all sexual relationships being with women within 4 years of my age. But by 26 or 27, I had great sexual fun relationships with several guys who were 10-15 years older, and one or two who were 18-19 yrs old. There's something about the age of 19 that I fixate on slightly, relate to very well, and have the most fun with--but the older guys are almost always better in bed, perform better, more relaxed, more sensitive, move with you more in tandem. Younger guys are almost always kind of crappy in bed, jerky, clumsy, too grabby, whatever. OTH, my all time favorite sex with a guy was an 18 yr old who just laid back and let me give him the best blow job of the century... I made him last for hours, then kept him up after he came and got another hour out of him before he blew again and was all out.
One of my best friends, who just died at the age of 79, also had friends of all ages all his life, but always had sexual relationships with younger partners, as far as I know. When he was in his 60s, he had a lover who was 20!!! I never could figure out how the younger person could really relate or enjoy that very well, but it seemed to work for them. When he was in his 50s, he had a 19-yr old lover for over a year.
And another close friend my age has been happily married to his wife for over 20 years--she's 11 years older than him. When he was 29 she was 40, which seemed wierd to me at the time, but he was in a huge family and his parents were ancient, like in their late 60s when he was 18, so I suppose it makes sense he kind of related to older ages.
One of my best friends, who just died at the age of 79, also had friends of all ages all his life, but always had sexual relationships with younger partners, as far as I know. When he was in his 60s, he had a lover who was 20!!! I never could figure out how the younger person could really relate or enjoy that very well, but it seemed to work for them. When he was in his 50s, he had a 19-yr old lover for over a year.
And another close friend my age has been happily married to his wife for over 20 years--she's 11 years older than him. When he was 29 she was 40, which seemed wierd to me at the time, but he was in a huge family and his parents were ancient, like in their late 60s when he was 18, so I suppose it makes sense he kind of related to older ages.
orionsword57: My sister is married to a man 14 years her junior and they have a fine marriage.
I continued to "see" a much older woman (me, 18, she, 37) my freshman year in college after having met her my senior year in prepararory school close by. It was certainly not dating in the normal sense of the word, as it was always going to be a temporary arrangement, but the wisdom and support I got from her maturity was incredibly helpful to me in my later life. Someone once wrote that when men are between 15-30, they should be with women who are 30-45, and when men are 30-45, they should be with women who are 45-60, and when men are 45-60, they should be with women who are 15-30. Interesting concept!
I continued to "see" a much older woman (me, 18, she, 37) my freshman year in college after having met her my senior year in prepararory school close by. It was certainly not dating in the normal sense of the word, as it was always going to be a temporary arrangement, but the wisdom and support I got from her maturity was incredibly helpful to me in my later life. Someone once wrote that when men are between 15-30, they should be with women who are 30-45, and when men are 30-45, they should be with women who are 45-60, and when men are 45-60, they should be with women who are 15-30. Interesting concept!
Synergistic
Experimental Member
Thats weird, thats pretty much the same formula I've heard and devised with my friends.
Well.....
If you look at it carefully it is probably trying to more evenly match the alleged average sex drives for people in those particular age groups. I have dated men younger than myself by 10 years and older by about 10 years. I really think it is the individual and the unique set of experiences, attitudes and prefernces you bring to the table. As one of my mother's friends once told me. Baby if you know like I do get one that is 5 to 15 years younger than yourself, in most cases you wont have to worry about "fire power" and when it all averages out you will probably die around the same time! LOL! We shall see....
Naughty
If you look at it carefully it is probably trying to more evenly match the alleged average sex drives for people in those particular age groups. I have dated men younger than myself by 10 years and older by about 10 years. I really think it is the individual and the unique set of experiences, attitudes and prefernces you bring to the table. As one of my mother's friends once told me. Baby if you know like I do get one that is 5 to 15 years younger than yourself, in most cases you wont have to worry about "fire power" and when it all averages out you will probably die around the same time! LOL! We shall see....
Naughty
