Are you comfortable masturbating in front of your partner; does she masturbate in front of you?

[dreambridger]

So I was a little shocked by my straight friend who was in a situation where he was living in a tiny home with his girlfriend of five years and complaining about her not having a higher sex drive. I'm, like, okay, that's a normal complaint. then he adds about it being too cold out to masturbate in the outdoor shower and not having any privacy to masturbate at all, or the possibility of being caught. He said, word-for-word, he would be "devastated if she ever caught him masturbating". Mind you they're not just starting out. They've been together for *five years*. I inquired further and he admitted to me that "of course we've never seen each other masturbate, that's weird." Now, to my point of view, this sounds really unhealthy to me. How can you feel really comfortable and safe around an intimate partner if you're not comfortable with them seeing you masturbate or vice versa?

When I expressed my confusion and concern, he told me, "Well, I'm a lot more vanilla than you." But I couldn't wrap my head around that. What's a more vanilla and wholesome sex act than a couple masturbating together? Is this normal for straight couples? Or am I correct in thinking that my friends' relationship has a sexual disturbance because of this bizarre discomfort surrounding masturbation?

 

[Clyde770]

My wife knows I need to cum more than she does. She used to just give me hand jobs or suck me off but she would get tired (literally sore arms and neck) from sucking me and jacking me off so much.

So I said "why don't you just watch me while I masturbate for you?"

So now she just holds me or watches me while I jack off my cock. Sometimes she shows me her tits or her cunt while she encourages me to blow my load.

She likes it when I shoot in her mouth and tongue kiss her so we can swap my cum

 

[ibp2010]

I probably do it once a week in front of my wife, while she's getting ready for bed. If she get done and is in bed she holds my balls while I finish.

 

[deleted17703901]

My wife and i cam sometimes. And also in bed we masturbate while the other one watches. Encouraging each other.

 

[rbi99]

Not really the same thing I guess, but many times when my wife is going down on me she takes my hand and puts it on my dick so that as she is blowing me I can beat off to orgasm. Don't get me wrong, she is great at giving me blow jobs, but she knows I also like sometimes finishing myself off while she has me in her mouth.

 

[hectorbbk]

My gf has asked to see me masturbate before and I admit it made me feel a bit awkward - So many years of hiding it as a horny teenager I guess!

 

[deleted814719]

I usually masturbate solo but have no problem doing it with my wife in bed. Her usual response when I start is to take over the "task" and finish me herself. Bonus!

 

[Sagittarius84]

What's a more vanilla and wholesome sex act than a couple masturbating together? Is this normal for straight couples?

More common than you think. Old school conservative or religious culture typically frowns upon masturbation by either party. But even within a modern context, I'd venture more women, whether they are aware of it or not, negotiate long term relationships from the position of sexual source/gatekeeper; to masturbate as a man is to have a sexual outlet besides her, especially if done along with watching porn not of her, which many women translate as infidelity.
I think for straight men, the underlying sentiment is sexual release is something to be earned, and to provide it to oneself is indicative of a failure or inability to be man enough to encourage or seduce a woman to be the source of that release...interestingly enough straight women's masturbation is also often translated as a straight man's inability to satisfy her.

 

[deleted17703901]

Because my wife and I don't live together, we need our own places, we sometimes cam together. She pleases her self in front of the camera, and i do the same for her.

 

[14600801]

I don't masturbate when my wife is around. I don't think she does at all, and she does not understand that I do. It is an unspoken reality in our relationship that should not be how it is, but I cannot do anything to change it.

 

[Motion-of-the-Ocean]

I of course can't answer what is normal for all straight opposite-gender couples, other than to say my wife and I have both masturbated in front of each other and with each other and thus I see nothing wrong with it. In fact, it has been a turn-on for us both and by watching each other has in fact helped us figure out what pleased the other, where to touch, how to touch, etc., especially early on in our marriage.

I do believe that at least statistically speaking, the majority of couples would admit to a survey of having done this, so your friend likely is in the minority and while I might agree it's a little odd, but to each his own.
If anything, it sounds like the problem might be two-fold in he might feel some shame from an act that historically has been shamed and his wife might be insecure in thinking "Why do you need to masturbate at all as I should be enough for you?" Some women think this way and that a man should have no need for solo sex after marriage and if they do, that need is somehow threatening.

The best course is always communication and the couple accepting that masturbation, whether alone or together is a supplement to together sex, not a replacement, even if they have an active sex life and there seems no need for it. But it seems like that plain of acceptance is not where your friends are and maybe never will be.

 

[dreambridger]

I do believe that at least statistically speaking, the majority of couples would admit to a survey of having done this, so your friend likely is in the minority and while I might agree it's a little odd, but to each his own.
If anything, it sounds like the problem might be two-fold in he might feel some shame from an act that historically has been shamed and his wife might be insecure in thinking "Why do you need to masturbate at all as I should be enough for you?" Some women think this way and that a man should have no need for solo sex after marriage and if they do, that need is somehow threatening.

The best course is always communication and the couple accepting that masturbation, whether alone or together is a supplement to together sex, not a replacement, even if they have an active sex life and there seems no need for it. But it seems like that plain of acceptance is not where your friends are and maybe never will be.

That's interesting and echoes what @Sagittarius84 was saying with the sexual "gatekeeper" thing. I could never have a relationship like that, there's a weird control element there.

I think why it's especially hard for me to grapple with mentally is that I feel the point of intimacy is to feel completely safe and comfortable around someone, being entirely yourself around them and having that be embraced. Having to hide masturbation from your partner sounds akin to being afraid of them, and if you're afraid of them, then no sincere intimacy has been achieved, so why have a relationship to begin with?

 

[Sagittarius84]

Because unfortunately the intersexual dynamics of heterosexual men and women dictate that the vast majority of men have to adhere to her amicability and preferences in order to get the relationships and sex that he wants, while the vast majority of women are desired for sex and relationships, independent of the amicabilities and preferences of men. Extremely sought after men seem not to have this underlying issue with women, and I imagine the upper echelon of attractive men in the gay world enjoy the same privilege.
You have to understand, sexual selectivity has always burdened straight men in a way like no one else...to where the vast majority have to conform to the guidelines set forth by the egos and preferences of women(no matter how formed), or be sexually ostracized. The system persists because most men will settle for a transactional or conditional existence of intimacy and sexual access, when the alternative is unwanted celibacy, social isolation, and a genetic legacy lost.

 

[jumbo747jet]

I'm not in a relationship but when I was, mutual masturbation was one of the things I truly enjoyed. It's all about having eye contact in my opinion

 

[14600801]

and his wife might be insecure in thinking "Why do you need to masturbate at all as I should be enough for you?" Some women think this way and that a man should have no need for solo sex after marriage and if they do, that need is somehow threatening.

Tell me about that

 

[dreambridger]

Because unfortunately the intersexual dynamics of heterosexual men and women dictate that the vast majority of men have to adhere to her amicability and preferences in order to get the relationships and sex that he wants, while the vast majority of women are desired for sex and relationships, independent of the amicabilities and preferences of men. Extremely sought after men seem not to have this underlying issue with women, and I imagine the upper echelon of attractive men in the gay world enjoy the same privilege.
You have to understand, sexual selectivity has always burdened straight men in a way like no one else...to where the vast majority have to conform to the guidelines set forth by the egos and preferences of women(no matter how formed), or be sexually ostracized. The system persists because most men will settle for a transactional or conditional existence of intimacy and sexual access, when the alternative is unwanted celibacy, social isolation, and a genetic legacy lost.

This is extremely insightful and true; I think you're really getting to the core of the matter here. When I was younger and trying really hard to be straight, I found communication with women concerning sex and relationships absolutely mind-boggling. I could talk openly with women as long as we were just friends, but if I began to pursue them, their openness would suddenly and completely disappear, which freaked me out, so I'd bail. I was simply too stubborn and too idealist to bow to that dynamic of sexual selectivity.

When I came out as gay to my mom, she told me she all ready knew because, "You've always been very open, and men are the more open gender."

As far as I've experienced, there's no sexual competition in the gay world. I think the majority of gay men see themselves as the selector rather than as the selected. It's true that we care a lot about our physique and health, but that's less to do with sexual selection as much as it is keeping our own sex drive up so that we can enjoy sex more. We do worry about loneliness, but I think the kind of loneliness we worry about can't be quelled by transactional or conditional intimacy; that makes the loneliness worse.

 

[deleted627832]

I have many times throughout the years. But, at the same time I will get embarrassed if, she happens to catch me. I don't know why because she knows that I do. Just yesterday she told me that I cannot be naked in the garage. I didn't have the heart to tell her...

 

[throbbing4u]

Masturbation is a beautiful thing. Exploring and stimulating one's own body in front of another is awesome!

 

[longstroke7]

Yes and yes

 

[sprinter78]

I've jerked off in front of her more times than I can count. Sometimes she just watches and sometimes she will hold my balls or play with my ass while I do it. She will masturbate for me if I ask and I find that to be really hot! Even better are the times that she uses my dick to masturbate herself to orgasm and finishes me off by having me blow my load all over her pussy. Nothing like seeing her fingers coated in her own juices.