battered husbands

[monel]

i agree with you Petite, but the voluntary agencies do nt seem to believe men can be victims

I think it comes down to the immediacy of the threat. When a woman is being g battered by a man, usually, due to the greater strength of the man, the danger that she will be seriously inured is great. When a man is being g physically abused by a woman the threat of serious injury is usually much less. Therefore there is an attitude that the abuse is less severe. In the meantime there are men who "die a death of a thousand cuts".

 

[hud01]

I think it comes down to the immediacy of the threat. When a woman is being g battered by a man, usually, due to the greater strength of the man, the dangerous that she will be seriously inured is great. When a man is being g physically abused by a woman the threat of seriousthe injury is usually much less. Therefore there is an attitude that the abuse is less severe. I be the meantime there are men who "die a death of a thousand cuts".

This is a stupid and ignorant post. Have you watched MMA, or seen the number of women who study martial arts. There are a lot of very strong and talented women in this world.

 

[dolfette]

i can do a hell of a lot of damage.
i know this for a fact.
the perception that i must be harmless because i have tits is a false one.

help should be offered to all who need it.

 

[The Dragon]

i can do a hell of a lot of damage.
i know this for a fact.
the perception that i must be harmless because i have tits is a false one.

^^^^This.

 

[monel]

This is a stupid and ignorant post. Have you watched MMA, or seen the number of women who study martial arts.

Thank you for your learned response. If one of those WWA participants happens to be involved with Woody Allen's doppelganger then you have a point. Since that is rarely the case your post is certainly the most stupid and most ignorant of the thread. In addition I did say "usually" . So let's keep the discussion in reality and leave your fantasies out of it.

 

[dolfette]

Thank you for your learned response. If one of those WWA participants happens to be involved with Woody Allen's doppelganger then you have a point. Since that is rarely the case your post is certainly the most stupid and most ignorant of the thread. In addition I did say "usually" . So let's keep the discussion in reality and leave your fantasies out of it.

which sums it up completely...

you look like a fit, strong guy.
am i correct?
if you're sitting at your desk and i walk in behind you, irritated that you're on the computer again, and wrap a lamp around the back of your head, will being a strong, fit guy make the skull fracture less painful and dangerous?
if i throw a kettle of boiling water over your groin, will your stature make serious burns into superficial burns?

even if i wasn't muscular & fit you may still be in danger.

 

[hud01]

Thank you for your learned response. If one of those WWA participants happens to be involved with Woody Allen's doppelganger then you have a point. Since that is rarely the case your post is certainly the most stupid and most ignorant of the thread. In addition I did say "usually" . So let's keep the discussion in reality and leave your fantasies out of it.

It is not rarely, it is common, my ex wife was a black belt... so your moronic lack of knowledge is significant and as others have stated a frying pan is a significant equaliser. You were offended because your ignorant post was called out...I see that, but don't compound it with another stupid post

 

[monel]

which sums it up completely...

you look like a fit, strong guy.
am i correct?
if you're sitting at your desk and i walk in behind you, irritated that you're on the computer again, and wrap a lamp around the back of your head, will being a strong, fit guy make the skull fracture less painful and dangerous?
if i throw a kettle of boiling water over your groin, will your stature make serious burns into superficial burns?

even if i wasn't muscular & fit you may still be in danger.

You are absolutely correct Dolfette. And we're you to do that you would be arrested because the injury would be so severe that the authorities could not overlook it. But we all know that this is not the way it usually happens. When a woman abuses a man it is more often with her hands, fists, feet and verbally. You could walk up behind me a blow my head off with a gun. You will not escape the authorities because you are a woman and I am a man. If we are talking about how the system often turns a blind eye to the abuse a man might suffer at the hands of a woman, it is because the abuse typically does not rise to this level. Thus the man is usually not considered to be in danger and the abuse not considered serious.

 

[Kotchanski]

I appologize. It wasn't meant to offend and certainly I do not condone the act ( my own sister was involved in one for 8yrs ) I know there are lots of reasons to stay with an abuser, kids, money, fear. But can any of these reasons by stronger than living in sheer terror everyday?
My sister had family, friends and authority that could and would have helped her but she stayed with the basterd. Why!!!
It took him beating her kids and taking her and my parent life savings before he finally got kicked ( literally ) to the curb.
Aconitum sorry if my post upset you or anyone else but having experienced this 1st hand my veiw is a little messed up.

A year, a whole fucking year.

I was locked in a house, more often than not a single room within that house. I wasn't left alone for a second. I was beaten, abused and raped repeatedly. The phone line was cut.

If there had been a way out, I'd have bloody well taken it.

There wasn't.

 

[D_PooNaHoe]

The closest I've ever come to being knocked out was by a well placed left hook from a 5 foot tall 110lb woman. Upset women concern me slightly more than men because they seem to be willing to do anything to injure you if they're angry enough. Hell hath no fury, etc.

 

[dolfette]

You are absolutely correct Dolfette. And we're you to do that you would be arrested because the injury would be so severe that the authorities could not overlook it. But we all know that this is not the way it usually happens. When a woman abuses a man it is more often with her hands, fists, feet and verbally. You could walk up behind me a blow my head off with a gun. You will not escape the authorities because you are a woman and I am a man. If we are talking about how the system often turns a blind eye to the abuse a man might suffer at the hands of a woman, it is because the abuse typically does not rise to this level. Thus the man is usually not considered to be in danger and the abuse not considered serious.

the guy posted that the police took it seriously but that the support & help groups did not. that was the post you were responding to.
had you been left scarred and traumatised, would you not be just as in need of counselling and support services as your female counterpart?

 

[deleted704937]

Following in the frying pan vein, my best friend's ex-wife used to like to use objects as weapons, often throwing them. The straw that broke the camel's back was one night when she came at him with a fucking iron! I don't care what's between your legs, getting smashed in the face with an iron is going to fuck you up. So let's not be asinine and act like men aren't at risk.

And I agree with dolfette that while there's surely much more physical violence going on than we are shown, emotional abuse is probably through the roof.

The underlying cause is the way society looks at it. It was always funny when Blondie came out of the kitchen with a rolling pin and conked Dagwood on the head. It showed that she was sassy and kind of empowered. No one would be laughing if he took it from her and beat her with it, but then nobody ever thought of that because it's wrong for men to hit women. I say it's wrong for anyone to hit anyone, and if you're going to start going there with someone, you had better be damned sure you can finish it.

 

[monel]

It is not rarely, it is common, my ex wife was a black belt... so your moronic lack of knowledge is significant and as others have stated a frying pan is a significant equaliser. You were offended because your ignorant post was called out...I see that, but don't compound it with another stupid post

The fact that your wife was a black belt is not the norm. Don't posit your particular situation as though it is the standard against wbich all such situations should be measured. It isn't. I wasn't offended by the idiocy of a post such as yours. But I won't be chastised in such an ignorant fashion without responding back. If you want to disagree with me, fine. But do it with some decorum.

 

[monel]

the guy posted that the police took it seriously but that the support & help groups did not. that was the post you were responding to.
had you been left scarred and traumatised, would you not be just as in need of counselling and support services as your female counterpart?

My point was that the institutionalized attitudes are different because the man is perceived not to be in serious danger. That may not be the case depending on the circumstances. But it is why the idea of wives beating up on husbands is often treated like a joke while the reverse is more often dealt with as a serious matter.

 

[693987]

I'll admit it. I've hit people twice in my life span. Am I proud of that? No. Would I have -not- hit the people I did if I could change the past? Not necessarily. Both were male and only one of them was I in a relationship with. I was engaged to this man for nearly two years, during which time all manner of one sided abuse (on his part, to me) occurred. After having him scream in my face during an argument where I kept quietly and politely trying to interject a comment and him shouting me down, I slapped him.

People will put up with all manner of abuse for all kinds of reasons. For me at least, I just wasn't willing to see what was in front of my face, and accept that it was abuse. A male friend of mine put up with abuse from his wife for a long time, in order that he could stay involved with his child. Sadly, when he finally did put things in motion to divorce her, she took their child and moved clear across the country.

Another friend of mine made a comment about how their leg hurt, upon being asked why, they mentioned that their significant other had hit them, but it "wasn't like it was actually abuse". Myself and other friends all tried to politely suggest that this wasn't acceptable behavior. After making our point in as non-abrasive a manner as possible, we let it be. I still try and watch out for my friend, but telling them to break up with their partner constantly just wouldn't work. Abuse happens to men as well as women and it's sad.

 

[helgaleena]

I am thankful for a certain few who got dolfette to put this thread up. And Aconitum, :crying: nobody can live in another person's head well enough to explain. Step one is when someone says, 'you don't have to put up with that' and you realize there was 'putting up with' going on. In your case it must have taken great cleverness to get away.

You are here with us now :grouphug:

 

[englishmale]

i do nt think physical strenght has anything to do with it, the perpetrators of domestic violence both male and female work on their victims pyschologically so the victims do nt think they can or should retaliate, regardless of how strong they may be.

 

[helgaleena]

i do nt think physical strenght has anything to do with it, the perpetrators of domestic violence both male and female work on their victims pyschologically so the victims do nt think they can or should retaliate, regardless of how strong they may be.

Agreed, englishmale. Physical violence is seldom unaccompanied by demoralization of various subtle varieties.

 

[monel]

i do nt think physical strenght has anything to do with it, the perpetrators of domestic violence both male and female work on their victims pyschologically so the victims do nt think they can or should retaliate, regardless of how strong they may be.

Of course the discussion was not about how the abusers analyzed the psychology of their "victims". It concerned the response of the authorities. As such, there is a reason the female on male violence is so often treated lightly. And the reason is that there is a perception that the man is bigger, stronger and so less threatened. If this is not the case why do the authorities look more critically on such abuse?

 

[twoton]

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a girlfriend. She'd push me to the edge, go berserk on me, alienate people close to me, cheat on me, break up with me, and then threaten to hurt herself if I didn't stick around. She followed through once, "accidentally" burned her hand.

She never physically hurt me, really. One time we were out with a friend of hers and she reached across the table and slashed her nails across he back of my hand. Took my by surprise and startled her friend. She said she did it to see my reaction.

As for physical size, she is 5'3" and about 115 pounds. I'm 6'2" and 190#.

Funny thing is, I didn't realize how crazy it was until I met my wife.