Chat etiquette

Tattooed Goddess

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There's one of two things going on:

Either the OP is a really boring chatter or the guy he is talking to is really boring based on the responses he is sharing with him (us).

Some people just don't have a knack for being good conversationalists on the internet. Some are good on the internet but not in certain types of conversations they are uncomfortable with. There are many things that could be going on here.

I blow people off all the time if they are boring me in the first few seconds. It takes a lot to keep someone engaged in conversation in the fast food world we live in. If someone is boring in the first 8 to 15 seconds in the conversation they have lost me entirely pretty much.

I can't really help it. I've been talking on the internet with people for 16 years now. Whether or not they are chatting with other people isn't offensive. If they are boring the hell out of me I sure hope they are chatting with others so they don't keep going "Hey, how are you?" over and over with a "Where'd ya go?" thrown in between for good measure.
 
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If I'm just talking to someone on instant messenger, you had better believe I'm probably talking to other people, doing email, and a few other things all at once. All the same, I like to think I'm fairly quick at replying to people. If it's dirty, one on one chat with someone? I don't really talk to other people. If I'm in a private chat on the LPSG chat (which happens about once on a millennial basis) I still am most likely doing other things besides just talking to that individual. I'm a multi-tasking queen. And I assume most people are at least talking to other people while also talking to me. If not also watching a movie, on Twitter or Facebook, on the forums, etc.

My $0.02. If you're just having a casual chat, getting your feelings hurt over slow replies isn't going to be particularly productive. Sometimes people get distracted, they get a phone call, or they just don't see the little blinking light at the bottom of their screen, showing they got a new message. HOWEVER, if it's an intimate chat and it happens a lot? Yeah, you could call them on it. Let them know that if it's a more -involved- kind of discussion that you prefer it being one on one, and I think that's fair.
 

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It bothers me if someone else is chatting at a different pace from me. I've had nice casual chats where each of us responded about 3 times an hour all day long, and I've had chats where each of us is obviously typing furiously while the other person is typing furiously. I like those, too.

I think the casual chats go more smoothly if the other person informs you that their attention is distracted. Then you aren't hitting submit and just sitting there waiting for them to reply. It helps if they type things like "brb" to let you know not to wait for a reply because they're temporarily away.

I'm particularly self-conscious about letting the other person know that I'm present, but I don't expect that from other people. I really don't know why I have a different expectation for my own behavior than other people's behavior. I suppose I feel that someone else might be more judgmental or more sensitive than I am and I don't want to offend anyone.
 

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It just comes with the job. We all have things that we are doing in our lives. If I am talking on my cell phone, I am also watching TV, on LPSG, eating food, playing video games, writing, etc. So chatting is the same way. Yes it can, at times, be frustrating if you are just waiting for a response but unless you let the chatter know that you need their full attention you better believe that they are doing other things while talking to you.
 

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Like it or not this is about control issues, and I've been guilty of finding it rude and impossible to deal with.

But it is exactly that kind of behaviour that puts people off, projecting your expectations and putting pressure on that person.

You also reason from your own mindset which is not who the other person is.

The best thing is to just let go and occupy yourself chatting with other people or doing something else and not read into it.
 

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From my own personal experience, having both been someone who had multiple conversations and been on the other end of conversations that took too long for replies, I can say that it seems this person is not that interested in chatting with you. People give time to things that interest them.
 

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Things in the world of IMs are very different than any other conversing medium. Its not unusual for someone to have 2, 3, 8, 10 conversations going at once, and to even to have multiple lines of conversation within a single conversation. It takes a little wrapping your brain around, but its not considered rude. Almost constantly I will have 2 or 3 different conversations with a single person, in the same window. Its almost always clear which topic a particular IM is about, and theres almost never confusion.

Sorry OP, but youre being a little bit of a dinosaur here
 

FRE

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On an IM system on another site, I quite accidentally ended up chatting with three guys at the same time; they started the chats. I could not keep up and was honest about why I couldn't. The others expressed their outrage that I dared to converse with anyone except them. So far as I'm concerned, I did the right thing and their response was uncalled for.
 

pcghabsy

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I had someone on chat who would sometimes take an hour or so to reply to one of my messages. Long after I closed the chat window, I would see a random reply pop up as if there had been no time lag whatsoever, with myself having forgotten what it was a reply to. Once this happened a couple of times, I asked him why this is so and told him I have to backtrack and check what he was replying to - and I never heard back from him again. The last thing he said was "Fine, if that bothers you I will never chat again". Oh well.
 

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Hey thanks for all your insights. I'm starting to get a clearer picture that in general chat or chatting is entertainment and expectations beyond that unless communicated between the "chatters", is beyond the chatters understanding. I guess my expectations is based on true in depth value of a conversation, which this is not, and i get it. It's just thought and responses for the moment.

To some it is flighty, trivia of myself, me and I, what else do people get out of chat otherwise than to kill time, inbetween tasks that whomever you are chatting is more concerned with, multi-tasking is the term used- though IMO its an excuse for rudeness. I mean seriously to say you expect anything beyond pious platitudes is ludicrous, as most posters have implied, though I did not infere any, "that's the way it is so live with it attitude," and i get that. Though my reason for posting as I've said this before is to understand what this is all about so that I can enjoy it for what it is. The situation that prompted this I felt was necessary so that you knew where I was coming from. It was taken by some as possibly a whine or some sort of victimization. Hmmmmm thought too long for yah I guess.

Btw, having been in the chat room on lpsg is quit enjoyable. And i dont expect profound gossip. My $0.02. And I'm sure the popular members look forward to the attention they get and expect. But of course that's my take on this.

But that's my opinion which will no-less be twisted as a defensive act of insecurity caused by my ignorance. But that's okay because no one should take this seriously. .......as some seem to. That's what I'm being told anyway.

And as much as it may not appear I do appreciate whomever read my reply. I do ask that if you choose to resond that you ONLY respond with what you feel are the positive points. Teach me don't judge me.
 

LaFemme

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Well, I'm not going to judge you! I totally see where you're coming from, then again, I'm over 40, so I guess I expect a conversation in chat will be somewhat like a conversation in real life. Probably one of the reasons I don't like chatting.

When I do chat, it is with like minded people. If it's just general-nothing-important stuff, then it's ok to take a long time and multi-task. But if we are having a real conversation, then I will give you my full attention and will ask for yours. With all this in mind, I haven't had a problem.

So my advice? Chat with like minded people. Those of us who think it's rude to text during dinner, even when it's a group of people and no one is talking to you! :smile:
 

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Well, I'm not going to judge you! I totally see where you're coming from, then again, I'm over 40, so I guess I expect a conversation in chat will be somewhat like a conversation in real life. Probably one of the reasons I don't like chatting.

When I do chat, it is with like minded people. If it's just general-nothing-important stuff, then it's ok to take a long time and multi-task. But if we are having a real conversation, then I will give you my full attention and will ask for yours. With all this in mind, I haven't had a problem.

So my advice? Chat with like minded people. Those of us who think it's rude to text during dinner, even when it's a group of people and no one is talking to you! :smile:

Thank you, you found the forest for all the trees.
You make a good point when you mentioned your age, is our younger generation straying away from our humanism because of the need for attention?hmmmmm
 

LaFemme

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Thank you, you found the forest for all the trees.
You make a good point when you mentioned your age, is our younger generation straying away from our humanism because of the need for attention?hmmmmm

I don't know. I just think that they are different - not bad, just different. We have nurtured a different culture and they are our children. The trick is to acknowledge each other and accept the differences. In the case of chat, when it matters, let the other person know that you need their full attention; if it doesn't matter, then don't let yourself feel insulted if the responses aren't immediate. That being said, some people are rude regardless of age; some people are cool regardless of age.

Generation gaps have always existed, but things like smart phones/IPads etc have made that gap wider than ever before. I just don't believe any gap is too wide to span.

Just my opinion. :smile:
 

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I don't know. I just think that they are different - not bad, just different. We have nurtured a different culture and they are our children. The trick is to acknowledge each other and accept the differences. In the case of chat, when it matters, let the other person know that you need their full attention; if it doesn't matter, then don't let yourself feel insulted if the responses aren't immediate. That being said, some people are rude regardless of age; some people are cool regardless of age.

Generation gaps have always existed, but things like smart phones/IPads etc have made that gap wider than ever before. I just don't believe any gap is too wide to span.

Just my opinion. :smile:

Totally agree. I work with troubled youth, inspite of their challenges they hve taught me more about myself as much as me to them. Thanks again, your insight is much appreciated.

You can teach an old dog new tricks, it just takes a little more patience!
 

FRE

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I had someone on chat who would sometimes take an hour or so to reply to one of my messages. Long after I closed the chat window, I would see a random reply pop up as if there had been no time lag whatsoever, with myself having forgotten what it was a reply to. Once this happened a couple of times, I asked him why this is so and told him I have to backtrack and check what he was replying to - and I never heard back from him again. The last thing he said was "Fine, if that bothers you I will never chat again". Oh well.

IF both parties agree to it, there is nothing wrong with taking a long time to respond to a message. However, in that case, it would make more sense to exchange e-mails. But to take a long time to reply without first making some sort of agreement is rude.
 

pcghabsy

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IF both parties agree to it, there is nothing wrong with taking a long time to respond to a message. However, in that case, it would make more sense to exchange e-mails. But to take a long time to reply without first making some sort of agreement is rude.

The issue was that these long lapses were treated casually, as if it was an instant reply. They were random and went unacknowledged. The least one would expect would be "Sorry for the delay". Anyway, it's the internet, I suppose there's nothing that is "rude". It's a total free-for-all.
 

Frnkd213

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The issue was that these long lapses were treated casually, as if it was an instant reply. They were random and went unacknowledged. The least one would expect would be "Sorry for the delay". Anyway, it's the internet, I suppose there's nothing that is "rude". It's a total free-for-all.

I liken this thinking, and this maybe extreme, to an abused or bullied person, why would one accept disrespect or "rudeness" as a given! The Internet and its anonymity that it has seem to allow this to prevail. If you do not demand a certain respect from anyone, friend or not then it wont happen. Justifing it as "its the internet" is ludicrous. Just saying.
 

FRE

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The issue was that these long lapses were treated casually, as if it was an instant reply. They were random and went unacknowledged. The least one would expect would be "Sorry for the delay". Anyway, it's the internet, I suppose there's nothing that is "rude". It's a total free-for-all.

I partially agree with you. However, I do think that some Internet behaviors are rude. I wonder what Emily Post would say.