Coming out

[dude_007]

You don't think you turned out so bad except that you're gay? I realize this is probably an emotional time, but being a gay person isn't a defect, it isn't wrong, and it is thoughts like that which keep the cycle of degradation of gay people going.

The only plan my God has is for beings to experience life and to find joy here, as it is in Heaven. I will also say that if/when the Christ does return and judgement day does happen, all will be forgiven as He has promised.

 

[798686]

I know... He's not a bad man. He did raise me, after all, and I don't think I came out so bad. Except for the fact that I'm gay, haha.
Once again, thank you all for your encouragement and support.

Hi Cath,

First off I'm glad I can call you a friend on this board. You're a very good and authentic guy from all of our interactions.

<3 both of ya.

Haven't really got anything else to add, Cath - aside from what we've already discussed. :smile:

But... :hug:

 

[Ra]

Hi Cath

Just wanted to say that you are an extremely brave guy! It was a tough decision to make to tell them and a tougher one to carry it through. For what its worth I think you have done the right thing and you will feel so much better knowing it is all out in he open now and you are not having to pretend to be something you are not.

It will be difficult - our parents have visions of what they want their children to be - and although we can try to meet those expectations first and foremost we need to be our own person and not the person others want/expect us to be.

Your dad's reaction is going to hurt - we all want our parents to accept us and be proud of us whatever decisions we make or however we are. I know it doesn't make up for it but know that we accept you just the way you are.

Good luck bro. We are keeping you in our thoughts.

Wish I could give you a big hug but my arms aren't long enough to reach all the way across the Atlantic. Will have to be a virtual hug instead.
>>>>>>>>HHHHUUUUUGGGGG<<<<<<<<<

 

[Catharsis]

Thanks, Stringer - you might be giving me too much credit, but I appreciate your kind words. Same to joll, Ra1, and others. I don't feel anywhere near as relieved as I thought I would, but I do know that this is something that needed to be done and I just hope that it pays off, eventually. My stepmom told me that after this weekend, he doesn't want me to come visit them, any more. I hope that changes with time.

You don't think you turned out so bad except that you're gay? I realize this is probably an emotional time, but being a gay person isn't a defect, it isn't wrong, and it is thoughts like that which keep the cycle of degradation of gay people going.

The only plan my God has is for beings to experience life and to find joy here, as it is in Heaven. I will also say that if/when the Christ does return and judgement day does happen, all will be forgiven as He has promised.

To be fair, out of everything I said in this topic, that was the one part that was actually supposed to be taken very light-heartedly, or so I intended it to do so. I mean, my dad raised me to be a good person of whom he is proud. But, I guess to him, me being gay is one of the worst things that could happen.

There's a lot more to the story, but I don't really want to talk about it, at the moment. He's had some words with me yesterday and there is so much I wanted to say to him, but I would have done nothing more than caused an argument and I don't want that to happen. I want to have a mature and civil conversation, but unfortunately his thoughts and beliefs on homosexuality are just too narrow and he won't take anything I say to be true.

I think all he needs to do is educate himself and learn to accept me for who I am. I just don't know how long that will take.

 

[stiff8er]

This might be worth sharing with your father....

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/24/opinion/welcome-end-of-a-pseudotheory.html

 

[dolfette]

cathy, i'd be proud if my son turned out like you.

 

[Novaboy]

Cath, remember that some people's only conception go what it means to be gay is what they may see on tv which so often is the worst of the stereo types. What is important here is that you have come out. The closet is a lonely and very restricting place. The coming out process is like a new lease on life. I know that actually felt that my real life was about to start when I came out 18 years ago (though it really wasn't a surprise to anyone). Stay strong.

 

[pmax]

Now that you've already done it, congratulations.

My advice is that you shouldn't always assume they've taken it as well as you think they have. My parents are very progressive people, and I assumed they already knew. I was very wrong, but they seemed to accept it. I told them at the beginning of my spring break. For the rest of the week I thought they were okay. About a week later I found out they were blaming each other when they called me to find out why I was gay. I couldn't stop crying for a week. I realized this wasn't as easy as I thought it would be, so I came back home for a weekend and we talked some more. We even joked about it, but I wanted to remind them that they were great parents and I turned out well. The fact that we're gay doesn't change anything. We're still the same sons they raised us to be, but now they just know we're gay. Were fine now and my mom is even bragging to her friends about me, so hopefully the negative feelings have run their course. But really, talk to them about it. Don't make assumptions. It took you your life to come to grips with it, so it's going to take them time too.

 

[travis7]

I told my sister i except her the way she is and who she married, if she can't except me the way I am and who I am then then I guess I'm not her brother.
She did not speak to me for three months.
She tried to mouth off a verse in the bible, but I told her I guess we have different gods. My god loves us all for who we are, I am me, I will not pretend to be some one else just to make them happy..

 

[B_Nicodemous]

Tharsis. First of bravo! Secondly: sorry i missed all of this (had some personal things going on that were not pleasant, will text or PM ya) so haven't been on. Third: Give him time and space and respect his wishes in the visiting and whatnot. That being said, do prepare that things may never change. Things could get s estranged that even if you do settle down and have a bi kid by surrogate that he will either not recognize the child or still prevent your partner from coming over or being spoken of. Not to be negative, but just brace for the possibility.

Another possibility is that he comes to terms with it and embraces you fully as you are. I mean,, you are still the same person. With luck (and time), I hope he realizes that.

To you, young man, all the best. I am so very proud of you. :hug: Love ya dude, and if ya need t talk, text me (if ya get free incoming I can call)

 

[798686]

My stepmom told me that after this weekend, he doesn't want me to come visit them, any more. I hope that changes with time.

Aww, no. :frown1:

It took you your life to come to grips with it, so it's going to take them time too.

Yep.

 

[BIGBULL29]

It's 2012 and so many are still talking about gay sex like it's the worse thing a person can be doing. :tongue:

Get out of those little hick towns, and stay away from religious or narrow-minded folk - they're toxic. Also, sometimes non-religious narrow-minded people can be even worse than the religious ones.


If I had a family, I'd want one of each:

1) a butch lesbian daughter

2) fem gay son

3) transsexual lesbian son

4) and, yes, a Chaz Bono:biggrin1:


It's just sex, people, just sex we're talking about here -- and sex that is consensual between two adults. Let's worry about more serious matters than what two people are doing in the privacy of their bedroom (so Dark-Ageish, so ludicrous)

 

[someperson]

Sometimes heterosexuals are totally heterocentric and cannot understand gay at all. And when it is close to home...a family member discloses that their gay...it is a disappointment.

It really depends on the person & how the person grew up ..
our whole family all ready knew my oldest sister was gay. When she came out about it did not change anything for anyone. But it is well accepted in our family prior to her coming out.

 

[798686]

It's 2012 and so many are still talking about gay sex like it's the worse thing a person can be doing. :tongue:

Get out of those little hick towns, and stay away from religious or narrow-minded folk - they're toxic. Also, sometimes non-religious narrow-minded people can be even worse than the religious ones.


If I had a family, I'd want one of each:

1) a butch lesbian daughter

2) fem gay son

3) transsexual lesbian son

4) and, yes, a Chaz Bono:biggrin1:


It's just sex, people, just sex we're talking about here -- and sex that is consensual between two adults. Let's worry about more serious matters than what two people are doing in the privacy of their bedroom (so Dark-Ageish, so ludicrous)

You're a completist! You want the whole set!

If I get the str8-acting, yet geeky, gay one, I'll swap ya for the butch lesbian? :tongue:

 

[hrdhatdad]

Not to say that I told you so but....my folks reacted the same way. For your dad, it's a classic paradigm shift. As you can imagine, his reaction stems from years of conditioning. Once your dad gets use to the idea he'll be fine (and so will you). You wouldn't believe the things my mother said to me 25 years ago (which she would deny today ha-ha). My folks are 100% supportive but they required months if not years to adjust their beliefs. Good luck man!

 

[BIGBULL29]

You're a completist! You want the whole set!

If I get the str8-acting, yet geeky, gay one, I'll swap ya for the butch lesbian? :tongue:

I keep my butch lesbians, but if I get my lipstick lesbian daughter, you can have her if you promise to give me the geeky butch gay son I always wanted.:biggrin1:

 

[Dave NoCal]

Catharsis,
I came out to my parents in 1976. There were very religious and had a hard time with it, especially my father. After a couple of years, though, they came around. These days my father, who is a retired minsiter, gets in trouble with his ministerial association for being a public advocate of marriage equality and all the rest.
Give it time and hold your ground. You are doing great!
Dave

 

[LaFemme]

Catharsis,
I came out to my parents in 1976. There were very religious and had a hard time with it, especially my father. After a couple of years, though, they came around. These days my father, who is a retired minsiter, gets in trouble with his ministerial association for being a public advocate of marriage equality and all the rest.
Give it time and hold your ground. You are doing great!
Dave

Maybe your dad could give you some things that Cath could say to his dad. Christians have a language all on it's own. It make not make sense to people not raised in the church, but it does to those that believe.

Oh, Cath... I'm sending you big hugs.

 

[Countryguy63]

I keep my butch lesbians, but if I get my lipstick lesbian daughter, you can have her if you promise to give me the geeky butch gay son I always wanted.:biggrin1:

Dad?? :tongue: :biggrin1:

 

[BIGBULL29]

Dad?? :tongue: :biggrin1:

I'm a pan-sexual dad.