Coming out

[DavidXL]

Catharsis - I am sure your in box must be full of PMs from your friends and other well-wishers here. Part of growing up is listening to what feels right to you and vocalizing that to parents. You took a huge step in that direction. Your posts are so smart and wise beyond your years. I can tell that you will do just fine.

Congratulations and best wishes -

David

 

[Catharsis]

Yes. People are talking to me about it a bit too much for my liking, personally. But I guess I get what I asked for - I make a topic for support and I'm getting it.

But... It's not something I want to talk about, any more. Not for now, at least.

 

[jerryhall]

Catharsis--you don't have to say a word.

I just want you to know that I have skipped through most of the posts on here (just reading your responses) and you are doing everything right! Your mental clarity and strength is impressive. You WILL look back on this in a few years and realize that you did the right thing.

Any Dad who wouldn't be incredibly proud to have you as his son has his own issues, as you have said, and the individual needs to work that out themselves.

GOOD JOB!

 

[plaerait]

Cath,

I agree with TenInch as well. We are here for you and we all wish you the best. Stay positive.

 

[BIGBULL29]

People make way too much out of sexual orientation, leading too such unnecessary suffering. What I can say? All I know is that it will all get better -- much better!

Take care, buddy.:smile:

 

[DTD]

I don't understand why, when you are gay, you have to "come out" to your friends and family. Why does it matter who you want to be with. You should just live your life how ever you want to. Straight people don't have to sit down with their family and friends to tell them, "guess what guys? I like to have sex with the opposite sex". I don't feel like it should be an issue. Just be yourself. I have dated men and don't feel like I have to go around and tell everyone what I am doing, like it's something bad and that I should be ashamed of it. They have seen me with a guy and if they had a problem with it, it was their problem, not mine. I have been out at a bar and have run into friends while on a date with a guy. I didn't care. I guess they know now that I like men also. I didn't and don't feel like I have to sit down and tell them.

 

[B_Nicodemous]

I don't understand why, when you are gay, you have to "come out" to your friends and family. Why does it matter who you want to be with. You should just live your life how ever you want to. Straight people don't have to sit down with their family and friends to tell them, "guess what guys? I like to have sex with the opposite sex". I don't feel like it should be an issue. Just be yourself. I have dated men and don't feel like I have to go around and tell everyone what I am doing, like it's something bad and that I should be ashamed of it. They have seen me with a guy and if they had a problem with it, it was their problem, not mine. I have been out at a bar and have run into friends while on a date with a guy. I didn't care. I guess they know now that I like men also. I didn't and don't feel like I have to sit down and tell them.

Did ya not get that his dad was already asking why he wasn't with a new girl? Sometimes you need to spell things out for people, and it is a tad more respectful to tell them calmly and in private than to just show up with your guy. Cath has a very religious dad. It is going to take him a while to process this. Just as it took Cath a bit to come to terms with it (I remember when he first joined what his orientation % were)

Just because something works for you doesn't mean it will work for other people.

 

[BIGBULL29]

I don't understand why, when you are gay, you have to "come out" to your friends and family. Why does it matter who you want to be with. You should just live your life how ever you want to. Straight people don't have to sit down with their family and friends to tell them, "guess what guys? I like to have sex with the opposite sex". I don't feel like it should be an issue. Just be yourself. I have dated men and don't feel like I have to go around and tell everyone what I am doing, like it's something bad and that I should be ashamed of it. They have seen me with a guy and if they had a problem with it, it was their problem, not mine. I have been out at a bar and have run into friends while on a date with a guy. I didn't care. I guess they know now that I like men also. I didn't and don't feel like I have to sit down and tell them.

^ This is right. And I've always said the same thing. People make way too much out of sexual orientation to begin with, and that leaves those who aren't straight feeling sad and lonely (such unnecessary suffering!). What adults to with other adults sexually and consensually in the privacy of their bedrooms is not something we should be discussing with others. Heterosexuals are never cornered and made to feel ashamed of their sexuality as well as forced to talk about what is so intimate to them (but they wouldn't be condemned if they were to do so, either). It's clearly and utterly an invasion of privacy at the highest level - a basic human right. This often leaves gays feeling the utmost kind of shame and awkwardness. And trust me, no matter how much you love your parents, your sexuality is NOT their business, even if they really don't like the fact you're gay or bi, or whatever.

Note: I am not in any way telling Catharsis how to handle his problem (unrelated to this). I'm talking in general terms, not looking at something case-by-case.

 

[AtomicMouse1950]

When sexual orientation, isn't an issue that it doesn't matter, that's when it won't be so important, whether a gay man or woman is gay, to their friends and family. In our society, being straight is a given and not unusual. Being straight is expected of offspring. Being gay, is still an unusual lifestyle. However it is straight parents, that bring a gay boys or girls into the world. Being gay is still not usual.

 

[uncut7in]

The Moderating team found this post to be in violation of the present rules regarding content that is unacceptable; "Inappropriate content involving minors, animals or acts of incest - by minors we mean those under the age of 18, incest is sexual acts of any kind between relatives, regardless of their age or relation to each other (brother/sister/father/mother and so on)."

The content of the post has been removed and we request that all members read the rules and follow them in the future.

Members found to be continuing in the same manner after the posting of this warning, will be subject to further actions and sanctions up to and including reviewing your continued participation at LPSG.

 

[B_lrgeggs]

I have found that being gay is like being like a Betamax in a VHS world. Sure there is nothing wrong with it. But the whole world seems to be VHS. So naturally most Betamax people really want to be VHS. There just isn't enough titles to be truly satisfied. Well, at least for me.

 

[sbat]

I have found that being gay is like being like a Betamax in a VHS world. Sure there is nothing wrong with it. But the whole world seems to be VHS. So naturally most Betamax people really want to be VHS. There just isn't enough titles to be truly satisfied. Well, at least for me.

I don't go back far enough - which one came first, betamax or vhs?

 

[B_Nick8]

Cath, I've been away, as you know, both literally and figuratively (for reasons you know better than most) so I missed all this. I'm so proud and happy for you I could bust. Despite or inspite of all the related pain, most of which is process-related and entirely temporary.

With all the qualities you bring to the table, I doubt you even know what an incredible, amazing life you have ahead of you. I see it--most of these posters do as well--and soon you will, too.

Trust us, and trust yourself.

 

[ggsitc]

I don't go back far enough - which one came first, betamax or vhs?

Betamax ... and it had superior picture quality over VHS ... sigh.

 

[BIGBULL29]

When sexual orientation, isn't an issue that it doesn't matter, that's when it won't be so important, whether a gay man or woman is gay, to their friends and family. In our society, being straight is a given and not unusual. Being straight is expected of offspring. Being gay, is still an unusual lifestyle. However it is straight parents, that bring a gay boys or girls into the world. Being gay is still not usual.

I have found that being gay is like being like a Betamax in a VHS world. Sure there is nothing wrong with it. But the whole world seems to be VHS. So naturally most Betamax people really want to be VHS. There just isn't enough titles to be truly satisfied. Well, at least for me.

Homosexual desires are anything but uncommon among men; in fact, most straight men have gay fantasies which is crystal clearly manifested in locker room behavior, straight porn, etc. It's just commono senso. Anyone who denies this reality is nothing other than a fool. I do understand, however, that having a same-sex romantic partner is still very much a minority, but that may change as the taboo of homosexuality continues to erode away ...a 1/100th of a centimeter a year.

(PS: Gay porn is a thriving industry - someone is liking it!)

 

[D_Jacqueline_Boozann]

DTD, not everyone lives in a large, metropolitan city, like New York (my former residence, now residing in Albuquerque, NM). Albuquerque does have gays, but Albuquerque is pretty much conservative. Read my lips:

1. Catholic city/state
2. Old-timers who won't/can't except change
3. Not as many gays who want to come out
4. The expectation of marrige is inevitable

Even in some smaller cities/communities (especially the Native American and some Hispanic communities), being gay isn't tolerated. In fact, one Native American was beat for being gay.

So, the young poster will do what he has to do: it is, what it is. Forcing dad to accept or change, isn't the answer.

In Washington, DC party societies, gay men (who aren't obvious).... and some who are....always bring the finest ladies to the party circuits. Most, if not all of these ladies, know, what's up! Gay men are not necessarily having sex with them, but taking some of the heat off them, and in the worst cases, saving their careers.

Finally, I hope the poster does not give the father a heart-attack; then again, his father may know!

 

[D_Jacqueline_Boozann]

I understand your point, Nicodemous, but the larger picture is the Church and its involvement in politics. Until the Churches, including Mosques, Jewish Temples, or others -- give their blessing and permission -- then gay men/women are going to have this challenge of not being accepted.

Of course, there are some tolerant churches, who are vocal in their acceptance of gays; not all churches, gay bash!

You see, those religious institutions pack in millions on Sundays and other Holy Days....and, for the most part, they listen. Minds do not change overnight. However, I have seen an upsurge of acceptance in the Anglo (white) gay communities in America.....than the black ones (it is getting there -- but slowly).

We do not live in the 50s, anymore. Fast forward: it is 2012. Imagine living undercover during the 50s, especially in the south.

 

[Catharsis]

Well, just so everyone knows, I called my dad this weekend and he answered and we talked for a bit. Obviously, nothing about me being gay. But we talked and I think that's promising.

I'm pretty sure my stepmom talked to him and I think it's a great thing that she supports me so much. I originally thought she wouldn't really care, because I'm not her biological son, but knowing that she does and knowing that she can help my dad come to terms with me being gay... It's really encouraging.

Needless to say, as of this weekend I'm feeling much better about everything. I don't think my dad is a fan of me being gay, but if he can at least accept it, then that will be good enough for me.

 

[LisaMarie]

He might not be a fan of "gay", but he is a fan of his son. He always will be. Parents (well good parents anyway) love their children unconditionally. He just needed/needs some time. It will keep getting better. Just remember that he loves you.

I'm so happy for you Cath :smile: