courtship

[goodwood]

Or - is she has children (which my last ex did, two little girls) take the children out for a fun outing so she could have some alone time and maybe get a nap in or have lunch with a friend.

 

[36DD]

Or - is she has children (which my last ex did, two little girls) take the children out for a fun outing so she could have some alone time and maybe get a nap in or have lunch with a friend.

Or you could arrange something fun for the kids so you could have alone time with her and have a complete day of rolling around together in bed...

 

[D_Geffarde Phartsmeller]

For me, I like to do small but thoughtful gestures. With one girl, I knew how much she liked oatmeal raisin cookies so one day after class (this was in college) I surprised her with a few from Mrs. Fields. I waited outside of her class for about 30min cuz sometimes she left early and I didn't want to miss her.

With another girl, I bought her a black hoodie with "MSU" on it cuz the one she had was lost and she looooooooooved the thing. Went to every store in East Lansing looking for the right size. AND this was on a game day so I put-off drinking to do it. That was 3 years ago and she still wears the hoodie I got her.

It's just going to depend on the girl I'm wooing. You can't can't can't stick to a static gameplan because what works on one may not have any effect on another. The best acts of wooing are the ones that have a personal connection. Favorite cookies, flowers, concert tickets to a favorite band, going out to eat at a favorite restaurant, etc. She needs to know she's special

 

[36DD]

the best acts of wooing are the ones that have a personal connection. Favorite cookies, flowers, concert tickets to a favorite band, going out to eat at a favorite restaurant, etc. She needs to know she's special

I agree...it shows thoughtfulness, and that rates very high in my book.

 

[goodwood]

Big smile 36. We did would make arrangements for the kids and spent many wonderful days not getting out of bed.

 

[36DD]

Big smile 36. We did would make arrangements for the kids and spent many wonderful days not getting out of bed.

I'm so jealous...and now even more depressed! What I wouldn't do right now for one of those all-day rolling around in bed romps! Well, excuse me now while I go cry and have a pity party!

 

[goodwood]

LOL 36! I'm sorry. : ( but if it's any comfort, i am single and rolling around in bed just isn't the same.
Back on topic something I like to do after a shower and the mirrors are all steamed up write in the steam with my finger a little note so when she takes a shower and the mirrors get steamed up, she gets out of shower to find her note.

 

[36DD]

LOL 36! I'm sorry. : ( but if it's any comfort, i am single and rolling around in bed just isn't the same.
Back on topic something I like to do after a shower and the mirrors are all steamed up write in the steam with my finger a little note so when she takes a shower and the mirrors get steamed up, she gets out of shower to find her note.

Ok...that confirms it...you are just not real! Why the hell are you single?

 

[goodwood]

LOL. I have a really low tolerance for bad or abusive behavior in a relationship and every woman I have dated seriously has such severe issues and emotional scars from horrible prior relationships and they think they should be able to behave badly, dysfunctionally or in an unhealthy manner. And while I am patient to a point when the bad behaviors don't stop, then they have to go. Why are all the pretty/hot ones so psycho? Sigh.

 

[Principessa]

Such wisdom, in such a hot young body! I was about to ask where were you when I was living in Leominster, MA for four years. Then I realized when I moved to Mass in 1997 you were 14 and I was 31. :biggrin1: :tongue: C'est la vie!

Well, we as a world are caught up in two extreme opposite ends of getting together - there's the whole old-school notion of romance, complete with gentlemanly conduct and women being swept off their feet, but you've also got the party scene where people are so much quicker to hook up and form relationships based off of one night of fun.

It's important to try to gauge what the person you're interested in is all about in that regard. I try to do this and then think about how I'd want to be courted if I were her. If she's at the bar every weekend then she's going to warrant a completely different approach than a homebody-type girl, who likely would enjoy a long, gradual courtship. So as a guy you're always looking at how she is and interpreting that to put yourself in the best possible position for being with her.

So her social behavior is one thing, but the other biggie is past history. A girl who's been in abusive relationships for example is with all likelihood going to be somewhat insecure. Because of this, I know from experience that she will probably not respond well to traditional, romantic courtship. She will doubt it, mistrust it, and mistake it for neediness/desperation, not believing that she deserves to be treated well just because I like her. And the problem with the proliferation of the party scene is that it makes this sort of reaction very common, whether or not she's had bad experiences. So guys then erroneously think they have to be assholes to make it happen, when you just need to be right for her, and be able to strike the right balance with everything in your interactions with her.

Along with the adaptation of myself to her to a certain degree, I try to take a middle of the road stance when it comes to actual seduction. I'll be a little vain and make her wonder if I mean it. I'll give her a hard time because her hair's not great that day. Once in a while I'll throw in a significant flirt, to let her know that I've got balls and that I'm not afraid to go for what I want. But above all I'll try to keep her laughing with things that I feel she might be interested in, and it could be as banal as our high-pitched waiter or some really shitty show on TV. That human connection and level of familiarity has to be there. And like I said above, as a guy it's important to get the right balance of evasion versus interest. She has to feel like she's being given space, but also that I've tested her to my own satisfaction - that I genuinely like her for who she is and that I'm not just doing this because she's female and available. Getting this right without making her feel under any pressure is what it's about for me.

Standards are important to both parties but I do try to always put myself in the position of chooser. Call me chauvenistic, but I've never quite been able to get the caveman image out of my head - you know the one, where he drubs his woman over the head and drags her back to his cave.

So I'm no No_Strings, but definitely no wham-bam-thank-you-maam either. It's like with politics - it's just safer to be somewhere in the middle.

 

[B_New End]

I've warned friends before to watch otu for guys that open the doors and pull out chairs. They are most likely mommas boys.

I have been right every time so far.

The conversation goes like this "He opens the door for me"
Me: "pffftt mommas boy"
her: "but hes really nice"
Me: "of course, hes trying to get into your pants"


3 or 4 months later

HEr: "What a jerk" or "He was cheating on me" or "His mom came over, and dumped me for him!"

 

[Principessa]

I've warned friends before to watch otu for guys that open the doors and pull out chairs. They are most likely mommas boys.
I have been right every time so far. F'ing A! Remind me never to date a man from Washington State.

The conversation goes like this "He opens the door for me"
Me: "pffftt mommas boy"
her: "but hes really nice"
Me: "of course, hes trying to get into your pants" Momma's boy or not I thought that was every mans sole purpose in life?
3 or 4 months later

Her: "What a jerk" IMO The jerks are the ones that think being a gentleman or showing polite interest in a woman is a wuss move. or "He was cheating on me" or "His mom came over, and dumped me for him!"

WTF!?!? That's not being a momma's boy that is a dyed in the wool player. He's even playing his momma into doing his dirty work for him. The reason he didn't do it in person wasn't because he is afraid of confrontation. He's already moved onto another woman and is too busy getting into her panties.

 

[Love-it]

I open doors out of courtesy, for age (young or old), ability, convenience, carrying packages or for the hell of it. And women have opened doors for me. It has nothing to do with sex or courting.

As for courting I believe that the time has come to let the hangups go. Do something out of respect, love or courtesy but not out of some outdated and/or misguided component of establishing a relationship. Men and women need to stand on their own two feet, show that they can be independent and that they are capable of coming together as two individuals. Within those parameters you can establish what is comfortable for you as an individual and as a couple. I.E. we use our given names instead of appellations like honey, sweetie or sugar pie, blecch!

If that doesn't sound like romance, too bad. Love is what is important and it is the glue that holds a life-relationship together.

 

[Osiris]

I've warned friends before to watch otu for guys that open the doors and pull out chairs. They are most likely mommas boys.

I have been right every time so far.

The conversation goes like this "He opens the door for me"
Me: "pffftt mommas boy"
her: "but hes really nice"
Me: "of course, hes trying to get into your pants"


3 or 4 months later

HEr: "What a jerk" or "He was cheating on me" or "His mom came over, and dumped me for him!"

I usually am right there with you on your posts man, but this one I am not. I do open the door and all the chivalrous things, but not because I am trying to get down someone's pants.

On the flip side, girls who think just like you have are twice as bad because they end up playing the one guy out of 100 that is really genuinely doing it and not trying to play a booty call. I have a girl who did that to me and she came up on me shortly after I got married and was all sorry. She realized I wasn't playing that game.

All I could say to her was too bad for you, good luck finding another like me.

I open doors out of courtesy, for age (young or old), ability, convenience, carrying packages or for the hell of it. And women have opened doors for me. It has nothing to do with sex or courting.

As for courting I believe that the time has come to let the hangups go. Do something out of respect, love or courtesy but not out of some outdated and/or misguided component of establishing a relationship. Men and women need to stand on their own two feet, show that they can be independent and that they are capable of coming together as two individuals. Within those parameters you can establish what is comfortable for you as an individual and as a couple. I.E. we use our given names instead of appellations like honey, sweetie or sugar pie, blecch!

If that doesn't sound like romance, too bad. Love is what is important and it is the glue that holds a life-relationship together.

THANK YOU! Now if only the playas would grow up and quit using this as a tactic.

 

[SpeedoGuy]

On the flip side, girls who think just like you have are twice as bad because they end up playing the one guy out of 100 that is really genuinely doing it and not trying to play a booty call.

And herein lies the dilemma and hence all the confusion:

1. Be genuinely gentlemanly and you're assumed guilty of scamming.

2. Be crude and boorish, and, well, you're crude and boorish. Situation: normal.

Either way, its a loss.

 

[Osiris]

Oh Sweetheart....You have me crying......
YES!!!! YES!!!!!!! You get it,,,that is just so wonderful, so beautiful,so special.....and no I would never bash a MAN for being a gentleman, a man who really knew women and knew how to make them feel cherished, desired and oh so feminine.

My wife also wanted me to point out that when one gets married, there are ways to woo or court and keep it alive. She wanted me to point out what I do for her every Mother's Day.

She wakes to breakfast in bed, she is not allowed in the kitchen to cook or to clean or even to get food. The men of the house look out for her all day. I'll make her her favorite meal and give her a new plant for the garden.

I've heard many women claim they want men to woo them in a courtly and gentlemanly manner. Based on what I've seen in my years, I no longer believe it. They may say that, but they don't really mean it.

No kidding. A majority of women say they want a prince, but end up picking the toad. I have no sympathy for women like that who whine about it, get the shot, and then trash the guy.

LOL. I have a really low tolerance for bad or abusive behavior in a relationship and every woman I have dated seriously has such severe issues and emotional scars from horrible prior relationships and they think they should be able to behave badly, dysfunctionally or in an unhealthy manner. And while I am patient to a point when the bad behaviors don't stop, then they have to go. Why are all the pretty/hot ones so psycho? Sigh.

I hear you. I dated one like that and once we started talking marriage, she became abusive. I ended it immediately after a month of such behavior.

 

[36DD]

LOL. I have a really low tolerance for bad or abusive behavior in a relationship and every woman I have dated seriously has such severe issues and emotional scars from horrible prior relationships and they think they should be able to behave badly, dysfunctionally or in an unhealthy manner. And while I am patient to a point when the bad behaviors don't stop, then they have to go. Why are all the pretty/hot ones so psycho? Sigh.

We're not all psycho...I've been through a lot of shit...more than I'll ever let on here, but it doesn't give me the excuse to behave badly to others!

 

[36DD]

I've warned friends before to watch otu for guys that open the doors and pull out chairs. They are most likely mommas boys.

I have been right every time so far.

The conversation goes like this "He opens the door for me"
Me: "pffftt mommas boy"
her: "but hes really nice"
Me: "of course, hes trying to get into your pants"


3 or 4 months later

HEr: "What a jerk" or "He was cheating on me" or "His mom came over, and dumped me for him!"

I open doors for people all the time...male or female, doesn't mean I want in their pants...it's called courtesy. I raised my children to have courtesy also because I wanted them to bring some sense of manners to the table.

 

[B_New End]

I open doors for people all the time...male or female, doesn't mean I want in their pants...it's called courtesy. I raised my children to have courtesy also because I wanted them to bring some sense of manners to the table.

I open doors for people all the time too... but not car doors... nor do I pull out chairs, or put my jacket over a puddle so a woman can walk over it.

 

[Redbabe01]

WANTED...man who will treat me like dirt. Must be big, sexy, and have assholish tendencies. Nice guys need not apply. Lol I might as well have put that ad in the classifieds because I am an asshole magnet. They must get those vibes off me. They are drawn to me like a moth to a flame. Married one infact....how dumb is that? Lol.