Friendship

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

A good friend is worth the world, but not worth givng up your self respect for. Try once, try twice and if it still isnt recipricated then its time to start considering them part of your past.



They are the person who you can always rely on the cheer you up and not judge you or be-little you

 

[Drifterwood]

A friend will be honest even when you can't handle it, if (s)he needs to be.

I thought about that one for some time. But as I could think of situations where the pain would be more than the gain, I decided that sometimes you might withold information, out of concern that your friend just couldn't handle it.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

I thought about that one for some time. But as I could think of situations where the pain would be more than the gain, I decided that sometimes you might withold information, out of concern that your friend just couldn't handle it.

Sure, sometimes - but other times a person needs a friend to voice the stuff they can't, or at least are refusing to, handle to push them over a necessary edge. I can think of several occasions where I've hated a friend for a week or so, more even, before realising they were telling me something I needed to hear.

 

[DC_DEEP]

Perhaps never really a true friend.

That's so true. Drifterwood illustrates that in his first statement below:

Being friendly with each other doesn't make you friends.A friend will be honest if you can handle it.

A friend will be honest even when you can't handle it, if (s)he needs to be.

Yes, and in light of Drifter's response to this: A good and true friend knows the difference. Most people can handle the truth, but many don't want to.

I've had acquaintances and casual friends throughout my life, but I do have a core group of friends who have been my friends since I was in junior high school, 35+ years ago. There are about 20 in that group. Since I live so far away now, I don't see them as often as I would like, but we stay in touch, and they still get together several times a year. I'll be visiting some of them at the end of this month.

 

[YourAvgGuy]

I've had acquaintances and casual friends throughout my life, but I do have a core group of friends who have been my friends since I was in junior high school, 35+ years ago. There are about 20 in that group. Since I live so far away now, I don't see them as often as I would like, but we stay in touch, and they still get together several times a year. I'll be visiting some of them at the end of this month.

I think DC_Deep has articulated it precisely here when he distinctly classified the two seperate categories. You have friendships and then you have acquaintances. There are differences and those differences are very unique in scope, definition and association. Friendships, at least in my opinion, are geninue but rare and not easily obtained. When you do secure true friendships, they last throughout a lifetime - I think.

Like DC_Deep, I have about 20 or so "friends" that I have had for 15-20 plus years. We keep in contact on a regular basis. One friend, my best friend, I have had for 24 years (almost 25). On the other hand, I am well-known in various circles and have tons of acquaintances; those relationships are different. I value those, but the value I place on those are far different than the value I place on others.....

A true friendship is more valuable than a precious stone or a rare antique... they are more valuable and priceless than any possession one could ever have...

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

When you do secure true friendships, they last throughout a lifetime - I think.

YAG, I understand your point, and I think it's often true that a friendship may last a lifetime -- but I don't think one necessarily will.
We are all works in progress, and no matter how compatible we feel at point X, a decade or two or more of change and evolvement can take us enough apart that the chemistry shifts.
Friends have more binding them than acquaintances and proportionately more of one's true friends will survive these displacements than one's acquaintances.
But I wouldn't want to say that the statement, "We were really good friends once, but I guess we aren't any more," necessarily means we were never true friends, even at the beginning.
Your statement might be taken to have that implication.

 

[naughty]

I love this thread. I think that we over use the term "friend", period. It is true that we often confuse acquaintance with friendship or perhaps use the word friend when we are trying to put a more warm and fuzzy spin on an acquaintance we are attempting to cultivate. Friendships come in many forms. There are various levels of friendship. Often problems occur when there is a disparity in feeling. There is almost always the potential for problems when one cultivates another with a selfish agenda.Friendship can not survive when one party sees the other as his or her host animal. I think that unfortunately many of us because of dysfunctional modelling in our past have NO IDEA what a friend actually is. Friendship unlike a bond of blood, is a bond of choice. It is fragile, tenuous and needs careful cultivation. In order to be allowed to say the tough things, one has to have emotional capital with that other individual . I think we often forget that it takes 10 good things said to counteract one careless or nasty thing. So, when we are tempted to go for the juglar in a fit of pique, we need to think about that. But dont be discouraged .Each day is an opportunity for a learning experience. We just have to be open to what the day brings...

 

[Principessa]

It's kind of a tradition among my friends: If you get out of a lame relationship, we will bake you a cake, and throw you a party. There's even singing involved. It's lot's of fun, and hopefully an incentive. I'm known for excellent break-up cake, and so is Entenmann's. LOL Ben and Jerry are usually also invited.

Oh we do that too, there is often pepperoni pizza and chardonnay involved as well. :tongue: I love Ben & Jerry! They are the only two men upon which I can always depend.

A friend will be honest even when you can't handle it, if (s)he needs to be.

True

I thought about that one for some time. But as I could think of situations where the pain would be more than the gain, I decided that sometimes you might withold information, out of concern that your friend just couldn't handle it.

Hmm, I have/had a friend like that and when I finally decided I needed to tell her in order to avoid the train wreck that was coming, she stopped talking to me.

I love this thread. I think that we over use the term "friend", period. It is true that we often confuse acquaintance with friendship or perhaps use the word friend when we are trying to put a more warm and fuzzy spin on an acquaintance we are attempting to cultivate. Friendships come in many forms. There are various levels of friendship. YES! Often problems occur when there is a disparity in feeling. There is almost always the potential for problems when one cultivates another with a selfish agenda.Friendship can not survive when one party sees the other as his or her host animal. I think that unfortunately many of us because of dysfunctional modelling in our past have NO IDEA what a friend actually is. Friendship unlike a bond of blood, is a bond of choice. It is fragile, tenuous and needs careful cultivation. Agreed. In order to be allowed to say the tough things, one has to have emotional capital with that other individual. I think we often forget that it takes 10 good things said to counteract one careless or nasty thing. Yup! This is why nasty gallery comments are particularly bothersome for some of us. So, when we are tempted to go for the juglar in a fit of pique, we need to think about that. But dont be discouraged .Each day is an opportunity for a learning experience. We just have to be open to what the day brings...

I'm big on categories. I have 3 categories for the non-blood related people in my life: friend, acquaintance, associate.

Or as Ben Affleck once said in an interview with David Letterman. "A friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move and bury a dead hooker and not ask any questions until you are drinking coffee at the diner afterwards."

I have 2 good friends in real life. Oddly they have always sorta been there but it's only in the last few years I have realized what truly great people they really are.

 

[naughty]

Oh we do that too, there is often pepperoni pizza and chardonnay involved as well. :tongue: I love Ben & Jerry! They are the only two men upon which I can always depend.

True

Hmm, I have/had a friend like that and when I finally decided I needed to tell her in order to avoid the train wreck that was coming, she stopped talking to me.


I'm big on categories. I have 3 categories for the non-blood related people in my life: friend, acquaintance, associate.

Or as Ben Affleck once said in an interview with David Letterman. "A friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move and bury a dead hooker and not ask any questions until you are drinking coffee at the diner afterwards."

I have 2 good friends in real life. Oddly they have always sorta been there but it's only in the last few years I have realized what truly great people they really are.

I loved your distinctions. Yes, we can only hope that we will learn to be a friend and aspire to be and sometimes make it to good friend. It is true tha talk is cheap. Thanks for giving me something to think about. :smile: