Gay and Ugly - How superficial is the gay scene?

[eddyphobia]

I know this isn't a gay support forum or anything but I just wanna share this wonderful video with everyone, (not really sure if it has been shared here but) I think it's a good one. He's spot on on what the gay community has failed to address while we're busy fighting for our so called 'rights.' Cheers.

Are You Gay and Ugly?

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

"your asking for something, but not saying why you deserve it"


Pfft. You don't have to be a good person to deserve your equality. But broadly I understand what he's talking about. I don't know if superficiality is a specifically Gay problem right now though, I think many societies around the world have become consumed with an obsession with appearances.

 

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

"your asking for something, but not saying why you deserve it"


Pfft. You don't have to be a good person to deserve your equality. But broadly I understand what he's talking about. I don't know if superficiality is a specifically Gay problem right now though, I think many societies around the world have become consumed with an obsession with appearances.

QFT.

As a heavy person, I have first-hand experience with this. A general dislike for heavy people seems to thread together most cultures, creeds, races, etc.

It's fucking maddening, to be quite honest about it.

 

[eddyphobia]

I think many societies around the world have become consumed with an obsession with appearances.

True. And we can't blame no one else but ourselves. I'm wondering whether if we still can fix it.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

True. And we can't blame no one else but ourselves. I'm wondering whether if we still can fix it.

I have no answer for that tbh. I don't know if there are any fixes. I think we just have to do our best as individuals in treating everyone regardless of their looks with the same respect and interest. If enough people begin to do the same then societies will change.

 

[Charles Finn]

i come first i love me more than anything else.
i can't help everyone but i help who i can and at first yes i was scared of winding up alone but the more time i was alone the more i loved myself.

 

[Charles Finn]

44 hairy and maybe not cute but well informed and well hung

 

[D_John Quicky Adams]

I know this isn't a gay support forum or anything but I just wanna share this wonderful video with everyone, (not really sure if it has been shared here but) I think it's a good one. He's spot on on what the gay community has failed to address while we're busy fighting for our so called 'rights.' Cheers.

Are You Gay and Ugly?

Finally someone addresses this issue. To me it always seems like if you're not rail-thin,blonde,and twinkish looking then there is no chance of ever finding a partner.

 

[B_jeepguy2]

Finally someone addresses this issue. To me it always seems like if you're not rail-thin,blonde,and twinkish looking then there is no chance of ever finding a partner.

I think most of the gay men who are into the rail thin twinkish guys are really pedophiles who go for twinks because they are as close as they can get to what they are really into, underaged boys, without breaking the law and risking time in the slammer.

 

[ChicagoWuff]

A'ight... This is downright ridiculous...

First off, that older PFLAG member who found that he had no support within the gay community? I have seen it time and time and time again where someone on the periphery of a group will show up with some horribly sad news and will expect everyone to just throw down support and concern for someone who, beyond belonging to the same group, is otherwise a complete stranger. I'm not saying this is the case there, but I'm sorry... If your partner just died and you're receiving NO support? I think it's more likely that the people your asking aren't really your friends, rather than your close personal friends have all decided to turn their backs on you, simply because they just suddenly realized you're old and unattractive.

As for the gay community at large... It is no more, no less kind towards the disabled or unattractive than the straight world. Just because it's a smaller community and we have something in common, doesn't mean you instantly deserve complete acceptance.

Years ago, I was young, thin, hot and well hung... And I hated how biased the community was. But, as I got older? I gained self confidence and began to realize that I was letting my own biases get in the way. I was getting plenty of attention, just not from the hot, older guys I was interested in. Now, I'm happily in my mid-30's, chubbier, handsome is a good word for it and while well hung, I no longer prefer to "ruin the surprise".

And while, I'm no longer what many in the gay community would consider the "ideal" hot, young twink... I've got guys, literally throwing themselves at me, because of my self confidence.

So, to summarize... #1. Your friends don't care what you look like or how old you are. And if they do, then here's a tip: They're not your friends. #2. Beauty is only skin deep, ugly is to the core, but self confidence makes both irrelevant.

 

[D_John Quicky Adams]

I think most of the gay men who are into the rail thin twinkish guys are really pedophiles who go for twinks because they are as close as they can get to what they are really into, underaged boys, without breaking the law and risking time in the slammer.

Lol ok I really didn't mean twinkish guys but it seems like if you don't fit a certain image then it's pretty much hopeless. Me being stocky black guy I haven't had much luck in the gay dating scene and I've also encountered racism too for some reason

 

[D_Rufus_D_Dufus]

So, to summarize... #1. Your friends don't care what you look like or how old you are. And if they do, then here's a tip: They're not your friends. #2. Beauty is only skin deep, ugly is to the core, but self confidence makes both irrelevant.

I agree with this 100%

 

[motoramic]

"your asking for something, but not saying why you deserve it"


Pfft. You don't have to be a good person to deserve your equality. But broadly I understand what he's talking about. I don't know if superficiality is a specifically Gay problem right now though, I think many societies around the world have become consumed with an obsession with appearances.

Yes, it's true that societies have become more superficial and self-centered but in the gay community is much more prominent. When I flip the pages of gay magazines or free gay publishers, I see lots of good looking people and "superficial" contents such as ads for plastic surgeries, leasing new luxury cars, hair transplant, tan salon,workout trainers, latest fashion wear, etc. Some gays are brainwashed by it. It's sad that there are people who need to go for a mini-lipo, get a pec inplants, lease a BMW, charge their credit card for designer outfits and try to be all pretentious about it!

 

[belowaverage1]

Finally someone addresses this issue. To me it always seems like if you're not rail-thin,blonde,and twinkish looking then there is no chance of ever finding a partner.

It's hard to find acceptance in the gay culture at times.

I'm one of those (tall) thin blond (blue) things you speak of but I've always been hairy and am growing into moderation and looking my age finally.

It's a bit unnerving to be liked for certain superficial "sets."

The gay world has a large focus on two good looking cultures between being very well kept and stereo-typically good looking.

Sometimes it's awkward to be one, but not the other...or neither.

I can't even style my own hair.

It leads to a lack in confidence, which affects/effects attraction more.

Beauty comes from yourself and in a way is given to others.

I'm very fond of foreigners and more individualized qualities possessed by people that make them attractive.

It's a system of value.

Nice has it's shades too.

For every bit of tall blond thin blue I have along with looking younger than my years I have skin that rips, peels, and bleeds. Pocking, acne, scars along the inside of my mouth, lip, and a particularly large one next to my undescended testicle. (I've been dumped for that, by a runway model.) Being hairy sucks because a large part of the gay community treats you like an unnatural freak or a fetish.

I've been dating someone (not in a relationship) for the last two months - it doesn't bother me that he's balding, his hair is thinning/receding, he has acne and scars from it, and he's got dandruff like a motherfucker at times.

He sits across from me. I see him and his shadows. He sits beside me and lays his head on my shoulder rarely, offers to share a meal.

I know he's beautiful, he makes himself that way.

I'm not gonna say I'm ugly, but I'm beautiful - when the right person is looking.

 

[joyboytoy79]

Wow. So the sweeping generalizations can come from within the community, too. The "gay community" isn't any more or less superficial than the "straight community." The perception of the gay community is that it's purely superficial, and maybe some gays have a very superficial experience, but the community as a whole is highly diverse.

Finally someone addresses this issue. To me it always seems like if you're not rail-thin,blonde,and twinkish looking then there is no chance of ever finding a partner.

To you it may seem that way, but in my circle of friends, most of whom are partnered gay men, there is not one rail-thin, blonde twink. When I go the gay hangouts in Baltimore and DC, I don't run into many rail-thin blonde twinks - but then again, I tend to avoid the "twink bars." You get out of an experience what you put into it.

A'ight... This is downright ridiculous...

First off, that older PFLAG member who found that he had no support within the gay community? I have seen it time and time and time again where someone on the periphery of a group will show up with some horribly sad news and will expect everyone to just throw down support and concern for someone who, beyond belonging to the same group, is otherwise a complete stranger. I'm not saying this is the case there, but I'm sorry... If your partner just died and you're receiving NO support? I think it's more likely that the people your asking aren't really your friends, rather than your close personal friends have all decided to turn their backs on you, simply because they just suddenly realized you're old and unattractive.

As for the gay community at large... It is no more, no less kind towards the disabled or unattractive than the straight world. Just because it's a smaller community and we have something in common, doesn't mean you instantly deserve complete acceptance.

Years ago, I was young, thin, hot and well hung... And I hated how biased the community was. But, as I got older? I gained self confidence and began to realize that I was letting my own biases get in the way. I was getting plenty of attention, just not from the hot, older guys I was interested in. Now, I'm happily in my mid-30's, chubbier, handsome is a good word for it and while well hung, I no longer prefer to "ruin the surprise".

And while, I'm no longer what many in the gay community would consider the "ideal" hot, young twink... I've got guys, literally throwing themselves at me, because of my self confidence.

So, to summarize... #1. Your friends don't care what you look like or how old you are. And if they do, then here's a tip: They're not your friends. #2. Beauty is only skin deep, ugly is to the core, but self confidence makes both irrelevant.

THIS!

 

[belowaverage1]

Lol ok I really didn't mean twinkish guys but it seems like if you don't fit a certain image then it's pretty much hopeless. Me being stocky black guy I haven't had much luck in the gay dating scene and I've also encountered racism too for some reason

I really dislike racism in the gay community because you think that we have enough hatred to deal with.

I don't know what things are like in MI but I live in Texas and racism is pretty bad here. I was at a predominantly Mexican club in Houston Sunday and a black guy walked in who was pretty much an 11.5 on the stereotyped 10.0 scale and he was completely glossed over like he didn't exist.

I do and however will add that I notice in the gay community that guys are more open to dating outside their own race or cultural heritage.

Which is kind of sad in it's own merit because they gay community is so small but I see mixed couples FAR more often than I do with straights.

My date pointed out that mixed babies are so cute and we started talking about how it's a shame it doesn't happen more often.

 

[belowaverage1]

The perception of the gay community is that it's purely superficial, and maybe some gays have a very superficial experience, but the community as a whole is highly diverse.

True that. There is a lot of diversity to be found and you have to look in the right places.

 

[hockeysweat]

What precisely is the 'gay scene' or the 'gay community?'

If you don't like the guys who hang out at bars and clubs, don't go to bars and clubs. Don't impute your self-loathing acceptance of homophobic stereotypes to me or anyone else, please.

I kind of feel like a broken record on these forums sometimes. Gay people are exactly as diverse in appearance, background, and interests as straight people. We can be as mean, superficial, and vain as straight people. We can be as caring, discerning, and wise as straight people. Check your invidious distinctions at the door.

 

[Otep]

Finally someone addresses this issue. To me it always seems like if you're not rail-thin,blonde,and twinkish looking then there is no chance of ever finding a partner.

I wouldn't say that rail-thin is the gay ideal. If it was then I'd have a lot more people after me.

 

[D_CountVonBhigBohner]

Why? Do str8 "ugly" people have more success?

I know this isn't a gay support forum or anything but I just wanna share this wonderful video with everyone, (not really sure if it has been shared here but) I think it's a good one. He's spot on on what the gay community has failed to address while we're busy fighting for our so called 'rights.' Cheers.

Are You Gay and Ugly?