Gay and Ugly - How superficial is the gay scene?

[skinboy8]

44 hairy and maybe not cute but well informed and well hung

... And that sounds pretty good to me! Some of us are after more than a man with a $200 haircut and killer abs, especially if the man who sports both doesn't have anything to talk about except the gym and how hot his last fuck was.

 

[HappyBoi]

A lot of negative stuff he said.

I feel both sad for you, and irritated at you, when reading what you wrote. I hope you meet some people in the future that will help you change your views.



Saying that the "Gay Community" is more superficial than society at large or any other "community" is just so.. weird.

A persons level of superficiality does not come from their sexuality. I am not more or less superficial because I'm gay. I am however much superficial I am because of how I was brought up, the people I had around me, the society of which I am a part of, and also how superficial I myself decide to be.

I am pretty superficial in certain terms. When looking for sex partners or relationships I can be really superficial. Looks is important to me. So is A LOT of other factors. It's my own right to decide what I'm looking for. To have someone go on and on about how it's bad is quite annoying.

A lot of people want to have a relationship with someone who's got a high intellect.. OMG HOW CAN THEY? How can they brush off the lesser intellegent people!? IT IS SO SUPERFICIAL AND RUDE.

Some people want to meet other people who share their political ideas.. WTF? How can people ignore all others who don't think like them!?

And so on and on.. Looks is just another of these factors that people can go after when searching for partners. It's not any worse to want a partner whose appearance you find attractive than to want a partner who can challenge your intellect.

 

[1Cody]

I have been called a pretty boy in an affectionate manner by str8 males. I been described as handsome or buff (in the past) by women. Hunk or hot by gays. I am probably vain and shallow on a lot of levels. But, I am human. I lost my significant other of the last 23 yrs, my exwife. Eventhough we weren't married, she was my emotional attachment and I remained hers. No matter what either of us was going through being able to talk to the other and have a sympathetic ear was strengthening and healing. I have observed a yr of mourning out of respect for her memory and her daughter's feelings.

When I go to the clubs alone or with someone, I sit away from the crowd because I don't smoke. I also don't drink alcohol. So for me to be away from the crowd I am not being stuck up or think I am too good. I just want to be comfortable. Why not say "hi" to those you see away from the crowd? We are all in this together. There has been a lot of recent losses in my family and friend's families. I know that tears are healing. I belong to a be in control (hide your feelings, appear strong) culture I tell a lot of the people my age and younger to grieve. I tell them that if they dont want anyone to see them, to go into the shower turn on the water and cry their eyes out. I tell them that it is necessary to grieve. I encourage them. I ve also heard that new experiences heal the spirit. Take a trip, travel, go to a restuarant and have different food that you never ate before. See a latest release movie. Go for a walk in a park or lake that you have never visited before. There are many ways to have new experiences in our every day life. Just a couple of ideas that seem timely. I am not a counselor, guru, ect. just someone that is doing the best that I can through the difficult times. I wont address the hundreds of ideas of spirituality but they exist. Hang in there!

 

[Rikter8]

The reason I became hermit-like is because of gay men being superficial.
I've had enough of the dragon queens and the "in the loop" socialites.

Having self confidence does not entitle you to be a dick to people that you deem less than you are.

If your not young, beautiful, buff, hung, and have money - your set aside. For those who live in larger city areas - you cannot relate to this as you have a larger population to work with. Rural towns and sparcely populated states such as Michigan have a low gay population, and selection is very thin.

Argue it all you want, but don't forget that your a member of this forum which only makes the problem worse...

 

[hrdhatdad]

I have seen enough of the gay community to realize I could never feel that I was more than a "visitor". I'm not putting it down. My background (college fraternity, professional male environment. etc) gave me too strong of a foundation to make such a drastic shift in "fitting in". I'm not straight but the majority of those guys make me feel too straight to be gay lol

 

[BIGBULL29]

I have seen enough of the gay community to realize I could never feel that I was more than a "visitor". I'm not putting it down. My background (college fraternity, professional male environment. etc) gave me too strong of a foundation to make such a drastic shift in "fitting in". I'm not straight but the majority of those guys make me feel too straight to be gay lol

You're allowed to have an opinion. You live in a free country. If you don't like gay culture, you need not to apologize for it. It is your right.

Sadly, it is thought that being critical of gay culture means that you are somehow opposed to homosexuality, which couldn't be further from the truth for many.

There are a lot of subcultures that I don't like in this country.

I don't identify as gay or bisexual because I don't enjoy having sex with other men (am attracted to mainly muscular women), but gay culture has always appealed to me because I always "felt" different, along with the incredible music they play (tribal house, trance, etc). Straight venues (except in Europe), although getting better, just can't keep up with the gays.:biggrin1:

Yes, gay culture at large is very superficial (despite a few of its less pretentious subcultures), but so many scenes are like that (soccer mom culture, fat men with model wives, "look at my car" culture, etc LOL).

 

[bimetaldude]

And where does a gay person look for other gays in, as you call it."normal" "sound" places? Gays are limited to meeting other if the same orientation in places like bars ect, Its not like gays have it written on their foreheads..

I met my bf online 11 years ago on yahoo chat.:smile: and it was in a bisexual chat room but that is not "Normal" I guess

 

[B_deltaboy767]

I feel both sad for you, and irritated at you, when reading what you wrote. I hope you meet some people in the future that will help you change your views.



Saying that the "Gay Community" is more superficial than society at large or any other "community" is just so.. weird.

A persons level of superficiality does not come from their sexuality. I am not more or less superficial because I'm gay. I am however much superficial I am because of how I was brought up, the people I had around me, the society of which I am a part of, and also how superficial I myself decide to be.

I am pretty superficial in certain terms. When looking for sex partners or relationships I can be really superficial. Looks is important to me. So is A LOT of other factors. It's my own right to decide what I'm looking for. To have someone go on and on about how it's bad is quite annoying.

A lot of people want to have a relationship with someone who's got a high intellect.. OMG HOW CAN THEY? How can they brush off the lesser intellegent people!? IT IS SO SUPERFICIAL AND RUDE.

Some people want to meet other people who share their political ideas.. WTF? How can people ignore all others who don't think like them!?

And so on and on.. Looks is just another of these factors that people can go after when searching for partners. It's not any worse to want a partner whose appearance you find attractive than to want a partner who can challenge your intellect.

You are the PRIME example of that part of Queers that i DESPISE!!!! Why does it have to ALWYAS be about looks and dick size to you fags? When alot of straight men can date a less than physically fit girl, look at some straight dating sites, or Craigslist for example, there are TONS of ad from guys looking for BBW Or Milfs Or Cougars but more so BBWs, whereas on the gay side of it, all you see is No fem no fats no old.. WTF???? Queers need to take a lesson... You know its the truth, you know im right, you just choose to be in denial and not accept the fact, typical of most young queers..

 

[B_deltaboy767]

I feel both sad for you, and irritated at you, when reading what you wrote. I hope you meet some people in the future that will help you change your views.



Saying that the "Gay Community" is more superficial than society at large or any other "community" is just so.. weird.

A persons level of superficiality does not come from their sexuality. I am not more or less superficial because I'm gay. I am however much superficial I am because of how I was brought up, the people I had around me, the society of which I am a part of, and also how superficial I myself decide to be.

I am pretty superficial in certain terms. When looking for sex partners or relationships I can be really superficial. Looks is important to me. So is A LOT of other factors. It's my own right to decide what I'm looking for. To have someone go on and on about how it's bad is quite annoying.

A lot of people want to have a relationship with someone who's got a high intellect.. OMG HOW CAN THEY? How can they brush off the lesser intellegent people!? IT IS SO SUPERFICIAL AND RUDE.

Some people want to meet other people who share their political ideas.. WTF? How can people ignore all others who don't think like them!?

And so on and on.. Looks is just another of these factors that people can go after when searching for partners. It's not any worse to want a partner whose appearance you find attractive than to want a partner who can challenge your intellect.

Oh and one other thing, Im a bigger person, and proud of it too, When im in Drag and out and about, Straight guys have NOT ONE SINGLE problem approaching me and telling me how hot i look and wanna take me out, when im out of face on the other hand and in the club, guys go out of thier way to avoid me, why, cause most faggots dont accept bigger people as even human beings and its SICK!!!! So i ask you, if a totally straight guy can tell me a fat bitch im hot and sexy and wanna date me, then why cant some queer tell me the same thing when im out of face? So who is more superficial now? Thats what i thought queer.. CRACKED THAT FACE!!!!

 

[D_Dan_T_Zinferno]

I don't think it is a specifically gay problem. I think it is specifically a problem of the mainstream and gay people have become mainstream at a time when superficiality is at its highest peak since the 1980s, maybe even moreso with the accessibilty and general social acceptance of cosmetic surgery.
Aside from sometimes watching television, I don't consider myself particularly mainstream. I never have been. I was an outsider in school. I've been an outsider ever since. When it comes to watching television, I'm frequently dismayed by the portrayals of gay people on the networks that deem themselves priviliged to 'represent' the 'gay community'. They don't represent me or anyone I know and love.
When I go out, I rarely go to the slick, brightly lit gay clubs that seem to attract circuit boys and the like, so I tend to forget how superficial those places can be but, and I don't want to be mean or sound like I think I'm superior, I'm not, I think it may be partly an issue of intelligence. Stupid people are, as the saying goes, attracted to shiny things and arguably less open to anything outside of mainstream definitions of beauty.
To find acceptance, to be supported and challenged to grow and find myself, I had to go where the sun wasn't always shining, to hole in the wall bars frequented by people my high school classmates would've scornfully called 'freaks'. I'm not saying I'm blissfully happy all the time (Really, who would want to be?) but I can't remember the last time anyone tried to put me down or tell me I wasn't good enough.

 

[Bbucko]

You are the PRIME example of that part of Queers that i DESPISE!!!! Why does it have to ALWYAS be about looks and dick size to you fags? When alot of straight men can date a less than physically fit girl, look at some straight dating sites, or Craigslist for example, there are TONS of ad from guys looking for BBW Or Milfs Or Cougars but more so BBWs, whereas on the gay side of it, all you see is No fem no fats no old.. WTF???? Queers need to take a lesson... You know its the truth, you know im right, you just choose to be in denial and not accept the fact, typical of most young queers..

You've never heard of Bear Culture, or even Polar Bear Culture? You gotta get out of TN more often, Mary-Louise: seriously!

 

[B_deltaboy767]

You've never heard of Bear Culture, or even Polar Bear Culture? You gotta get out of TN more often, Mary-Louise: seriously!

Oh yes i have heard about it, do they really exist though? And if they do, send me some info on it...

 

[D_Dan_T_Zinferno]

Oh yes i have heard about it, do they really exist though? And if they do, send me some info on it...

YES, they really DO exist! Guess really do need to travel outside of Tennessee some time. Take a trip to San Francisco or NYC, your mind will be blown!!

 

[Bbucko]

YES, they really DO exist! Guess really do need to travel outside of Tennessee some time. Take a trip to San Francisco or NYC, your mind will be blown!!

There's no use arguing with a corpse:

deltaboy767 - hate speech, harassment, personal insults

His posts really were over the top lately: musta gotten ahold of a bad batch

 

[B_nudebudlondon]

I really want to thank you for writing this you very eluquatntly voice opinions I share. The harsh reality however in the "GAy SCENE" Night Clubs and Bar's which esssentially has been how the Gay community socializes and meets other MEN. Is driven by the animal instinct that "STRIAGHTNight Clubs and Bar" pick up joints.
You are judged by your looks and it a youth driven culture. I not suggesting this is right as I think the GAY SCENE is lacking heart. I'm happy the Gay Community is getting more diverse and subcultures are growing.

I long to meet a lovely honest happy man to share my life with! x


Any one interested?

A very interesting thread. Thanks to the OP for presenting it for discussion and insight.
I recently was at a social event made up of a diverse group of people - elderly, young, straight, gay, men, women etc. - Yeah, it was a theater. Following the concert, I saw a group of young people circled around a man who was seated. He was extremely obese and about sixty plus years old. He was more or less holding court with a great deal of laughter and smiles all around. He greeted each new arrival with enthusiasm and remembrance of something special about them. Then some of the young men assisted him out of his chair and the group walked him outside and helped him into his car.

I was struck by the love and affection these young people had to the man. It turned out he had been their voice teacher. He was gay, obese, unattractive in appearance but clearly possessed a spirit and a 'heart' that drew respect, compassion, affection and attention from others.

In light of the discussion on this thread, I think that all people should consider what they bring to a group of people other than their physical selves. A genuine interest and respect for others, a spirit of enthusiasm and joy in life, a vocation and career that feeds and sustains you in a myriad of ways....These are what attracts people.

We tend to find that which we seek. If we find superficiality in others, we need to see if it is reflected in ourselves. The poor guy who lost his partner and then didn't find support in a PFLAG community would need to really examine why and how he was part of that community. It would be a rare thing for a support group not to show genuine support.

In any case, my two cents in a thread that offered far more profound statements. I am going to work at treating others a bit better after reading this thread. Thanks, OP for the video and for offering its ideas for discussion.

 

[Russ311]

And where does a gay person look for other gays in, as you call it."normal" "sound" places? Gays are limited to meeting other if the same orientation in places like bars ect, Its not like gays have it written on their foreheads..

I met my boyfriend in high school, and most of the other guys I have been with I met at party's that were thrown by straight friends or at party's at my fraternity house. I've never picked up a dude at a gay bar!

 

[Lowhangersau]

It's about the personality (who they really are) - generally the rest follows!!
However, finding that person is the amazingly hard conumdrum.
Find that person and you will be in "Nirvana" - lucky you !!!