Gay bars...

[Rugbypup]

OK, over the last few years I've made the acquittance of a female friend who's gay. She's become a very good friend of mine and on occasion, her, her misses and I go out drinking. A couple of times now we've gone to a gay bar in town.

I've never felt so straight in my life!

Obviously I can't comment on all gay bars as I've only ever been to one but holy shit, if ever you wanted to see a collection of the worst stereotypes of gay men, we found the jack pot.

I'm in two minds on this.

One, I know it's thanks to airy-fairy, flamboyant queens we less obvious gay men own a debt of gratitude. Without their 'Pride', endurance and acceptance of themselves and their social overtness, gay men would all be in the dark days of society having no tolerance to homosexuality.

Two, conversely, there wasn't a strong wrist in the place, not a pint glass in sight, more lisps than I've ever heard and what the fuck is up with men in there sixties dressing up like Sarah Jessica Parker? Where's the line between being gay and a fairy princess?

These were the only reference to gay men I saw growing up as a child and frankly, I can not identify with any of it.

Is it possible to be gay and homophobic?

Again I'm in two minds.

One, good for them, they accept themselves and are comfortable in their skin enough to be who they please and accept all those they meet for just the same.

Two, conversely, no wonder the straight male world takes offense and can be so disgusted with gay men.

It's deeply confusing for anyone still wrestling and understanding their own sexual identity.

I was pleased to see gay folk of all ages openly in one bar, drinking, having a laugh and living life freely. But I also realised, I am just not that kinda gay guy, they are as attractive as, well, as women. :biggrin1:

No one really explains to you that there's a spectrum of gay men from the uber fag to the virtually straight. I wish I had know this as a younger guy. Perhaps it's just something you live into and learn the long way round.

Ho hum.

So gay bars... your thought and experiences?

 

[DexterMorgan]

I worked in Gay Bars for years...as a male stripper. You get everything from the "flamers" to the RG's (Regular guys). Like you said...there's a spectrum of different expressions of homosexuality...But, I guarantee you can find what appeals to you.
:smileexter

 

[laughatbig]

I personally can't stand gay clubs. I am a gay man in los angeles and when ever I go it appears to be a total meat market with very little socializeing and a lot of gawking and posing.

 

[tomthelad91]

Hmm. Not all Gay Places are like that at all. I think here in the UK Gay Bars are becoming less and less gay, a lot of my straight friends male & female prefer them because they're nicer, less drunken perverts, better music, less crowded. I can't say I've ever been in a Gay Bar which fits the description you're saying. But yeah, Camp people do annoy me. I've never seen the need to scream your sexuality in people's faces, it's totally counter-productive, making such a big deal out of it, purposely segregating yourself, Little Britain summarized this perfectly.

 

[MrToolhung]

I don't go out anymore but when I did for the most part gay bars annoyed me. For the same reasons that you had suggested. One of my biggest issues were the "twinks" that would run around screaming like little girls. If I do go out I prefer the cruise type bars such as Woody's in Toronto. The guys are down to earth and are more interested to chatting with one and another instead of what is the latest fashion.

On a side note: tomthelad91 you have a nice cock!

 

[Rikter8]

The bars here in MI tend to be meat markets too. Some of them are more social than others...it all depends on where you go.

Gay bars in general are more friendly and safe atmospheres than straight bars. Many straight folks go to Gay bars to get away from the "Claw your eyes out" crazy women.

I totally can relate to you Rugby.
We have to appreciate what the willing and can-do gay folks do for our community, but keep in mind that there's the other side too. We have our masculine guy group just the same.
I joined a Gay Car club in my area - they're nation wide. Lambda Car Club.
Lots of Gearheads, car buffs, and masculine guys.
Sure..there's a few effeminate guys in there too...but still...Common interests prevail and the rest is just...extras.

Any large community be it gay straight whatever is going to have a few fruits and nuts. If it isn't peter pan syndrom, it's wanna-be trannys.

 

[invisibleman]

I want to say that while I worked at a gay bar for five years. I have met some very interesting people and have been to some cool events. When I worked there, I had a lot of gay friends. And lots of opportunities for sex--fuck buddies and some significant others.

Looking back then up to present day, I really don't have anything or anyone to show for all the experiences that I have had. It is sad. I think that it would've been even sadder had I done club drugs. Thank God, I never succumbed to peer pressure.

I have met some really hot men...and some really cute men though. That made things more palatable. :smile: I always knew that one day when I got older--I promised myself that I never would go to another gay bar after a certain age because I knew that the guys would really be shitty to the older gay men. I used to see a lot of older guys get mistreated a lot in the clubs. There is a gay club for the older guys...I hated it. There are all of these older guys. Not too many young guys...other than the hustlers...:frown1: So, when I got fired at the gay club, I decided to never go back. I had a boyfriend then. I was happy. He broke up with me about six years later. (It was a really fucked up breakup, too.)

I think that gay bars offer immediacy. The gay men are there. But you have to keep your wits about you. Don't get convinced into doing something stupid that you could regret later on in life.

 

[justmeincal]

I haven't been in a gay bar in years. But back in the 70s and 80s I was a fixture at a local bar in Cupertino, CA. It was def. not a meat market, although guys did meet up and get together. I still miss that place. I made many good lifelong friends. When Cheers was on TV, it reminded me of my old hangout. Everyone knew everyone. I even tended bar there sometimes just for fun.

I went back to it in the 90s once and I didn't know a soul. I wish I'd never returned.

 

[Bbucko]

If you want to avoid fey twinks, don't go to their bars. Next time try a leather/denim bar; the crowd will be older and much more masculine.

 

[nudeyorker]

I've always said any bar that I'm in is a gay bar. That aside there is such a wide variety to choose from in most metropolitan areas if you don't like the vibe at one you might feel more comfortable in another. Personally in NY I prefer the local bars that are not part of the scene. In Honolulu I like the bar where the locals go and the tourists can't find.
There are a few places in my travels that I go back to visit on occasion and if a certain bartender is not working or if some of the regulars are not there it's not the same brand of fun. Some are fun some are a bore If you don't mix with the crowd move on.

 

[Viking_UK]

Pup, I know exactly what you mean. The trouble is that on a fairly small scene, there aren't many options for where to go and the camp, flamboyant screamers stand out. A lot of the more regular guys tend to avoid the gay bars as a result, unless they're out on the pull.

There are some bars/clubs that manage to pull off having a mixed crowd, but they're usually larger venues with different bars, rooms or areas where the different groups can hang out and not be dominated by screaming girly youngsters.

I'd suggest that you just try the various (if you're lucky) bars in your area and find one that suits you. One pointer is that if a bar's not close to the main scene, chances are there will be fewer queens in it. Find out where the non-camp guys drink. It may be in a straight bar where nobody realises they're gay. Check out squirt.org and Spartacus (although it's often out of date) and Google to find out where your local bars are.

 

[Lex]

If you want to avoid fey twinks, don't go to their bars. Next time try a leather/denim bar; the crowd will be older and much more masculine.

Exactly. There are broad distinctions in bars here in town and in most cities we frequent. The Levi/Leather/Blue Collar bars are where its at for me -- unless we are looking for the occasional muscle boy, then all bets are off.

 

[Bbucko]

Exactly. There are broad distinctions in bars here in town and in most cities we frequent. The Levi/Leather/Blue Collar bars are where its at for me

My favorite hang out for 20 years was a scruffy, sticky-floor dive in Boston called Sporter's. I'd make the scene all over, but if I was looking for good conversation with quality men I really only had one choice and kept going back. Its conversion to a Starbucks in 1997 was a fundamental loss to the city in general and myself in particular.

 

[FRE]

I don't really like crowds and don't drink, so I feel out of place in gay bars. When smoking was more prevalent, I couldn't stand them at all.

 

[JacobFox]

If you want to avoid fey twinks, don't go to their bars. Next time try a leather/denim bar; the crowd will be older and much more masculine.

I have to agree. It seems like the older I get, the younger guys seem to get femmy-er and louder and more aggravating to me. (Please don't think this means there is anything wrong with that-people can act however they want and if I don't want to be around it, I'll be the one to leave because I don't think anyone should conform because I don't want to see it) The leather and denim bars and bars without dance floors seem to work a whole lot better.

However, I haven't been to a gay bar since I lived in Madison and that was four years ago.

 

[B_VinylBoy]

I've been a DJ in gay & straight bars for almost 20 years, and I seem to have the most fun when the crowd is mixed. Most of the best parties in New York would start out straight, then as the night progressed into the after hours it would become more gay. I tend to stray away from the really young crowds since I really don't care much for the music that is played in those venues. Last few times I went bar hopping in New York to a bunch of gay bars, the DJ played "Single Ladies" by Beyonce within 10 minutes of my arrival. My friends and I were starting to think it was some kind of conspiracy.

Lex & BBucko have said a mouthful already regarding the twink spots and more masculine watering holes. The Eagle & Gym Sportsbar in New York are great spots for those who want to hang out in a bar that isn't so pretentious. View Bar is pretty cool too on certain nights.

Wow... Sporters! I haven't heard that name in like forerver!

 

[deleted3782]

My favorite hang out for 20 years was a scruffy, sticky-floor dive in Boston called Sporter's. I'd make the scene all over, but if I was looking for good conversation with quality men I really only had one choice and kept going back. Its conversion to a Starbucks in 1997 was a fundamental loss to the city in general and myself in particular.

I remember Sporters...in Beacon Hill? My favorite was a second floor video bar I think on Church Street, cant remember the name.

I have been in over 100 gay bars from Sydney to Shanghai to Athens to Mexico City...and I've seen a lot of different scenes. I rarely ever hook up in a bar, but I like to watch people interact...see who is staring at whom, who people associate with, the cliques, the characters, and the music. I don't think this has had much impact on my self identity at all...I tend to place more value on deeper connections I have with friends and I enjoy their insights. For example, a very close friend once told me that she fell in love with personalities more than genders...and that helped me get a perspective on how my own sexuality worked.

All that said, don't put a lot of stock in gay bars as a litmus to measure yourself. You are your own man. The guys in the gay bars might be putting on a front to attract someone, or impress their friends, or impress the world...so I'm not sure there is much value in measuring the gay world through gay bars. Listen to your closer friends...male and female...they help define you in a much more meaningful way.

 

[Bbucko]

Wow... Sporters! I haven't heard that name in like forerver!

:biggrin1:

I remember Sporters...in Beacon Hill? My favorite was a second floor video bar I think on Church Street, cant remember the name.

Yup: it was on Cambridge St. The video bar was called Luxor, just down from The Napoleon Club and Jacques (and, a long time ago, The Other Side).

I understand that Boston's nightlife is very very quiet compared to how it was, say, 25 or 30 years ago.

 

[B_Lightkeeper]

I've loved gay bars for years - even worked in several. I said "loved" since where I live now is in a rural area and the nearest ones are Birmngham or Montgomery (as far as I know.)

Since I quit smoking years ago, I don't even like straight bars unless they are non-smoking, which I guess is rare.

Besides Birmngham and Montgomery, I've enjoyed ones in San Francisco, Houston, Atlanta, Nashville, Pensacola and Columbus, MS*

*Not actually a gay bar but a Holiday Inn there was known for traveling gay/bi salesmen and local gays.

 

[Mickactual]

Bars have never been for me.
For starters - I could never stand the smoke (mercifully those days are over, here in the States anyway).
And that Godawful blaring thumpa-thumpa club "music" (never fails to give me a headache).
Plus I don't dance.
Plus I'm not much of a drinker.
So bringing me to a bar is like bringing an athiest to a church.

Also - here in northern NJ, the only game in town is a place called Feathers in River Edge, which is about as nauseatingly cliquey as they get.
The bath houses are far more my speed, Thank You.