Good Ones?
- Thread starter singlemom091977
- Start date
^^^ Where did that come from?
Did you read what I wrote?
Did I say anything about "club hoochies"?
No, no, I didn't.
When you date a single mom, it becomes a package deal sooner or later.
Like I wrote... I have been there done that... had the headaches... had the money stolen out of my wallet by her kid.... driven with the GF to admit her bipolar daughter once again to the psych ward... spent countless hours waiting in the ER for her to get admitted....numerous times
Been kinda caught in the middle between the GF, the daughter, and the X-hubby/biological father...
Moved on to another relationship or two down the road. One gal had a 2 or 3 year old boy.
A'yup, he always had to be the center of attention even if that meant being a rotten little shit...
Call me selfish... and conceited , but I want to be the center of attention of my woman's life.
:wink:
Did you read what I wrote?
Did I say anything about "club hoochies"?
No, no, I didn't.
When you date a single mom, it becomes a package deal sooner or later.
Like I wrote... I have been there done that... had the headaches... had the money stolen out of my wallet by her kid.... driven with the GF to admit her bipolar daughter once again to the psych ward... spent countless hours waiting in the ER for her to get admitted....numerous times
Been kinda caught in the middle between the GF, the daughter, and the X-hubby/biological father...
Moved on to another relationship or two down the road. One gal had a 2 or 3 year old boy.
A'yup, he always had to be the center of attention even if that meant being a rotten little shit...
Call me selfish... and conceited , but I want to be the center of attention of my woman's life.
:wink:
I feel you too w/in. I dated several single mums (9/11 caused a baby boom here in New York because women hooked up and had kids out of wedlock here then you also have the divorced ones) and had the problem child and the mother wanting a hand-out. The boy also called me the "not-the-daddy" and was abusive toward me and always cried for his biological father. She also didn't work and expected me to shell out money for everything in the relationship and even took a ski trip with a group of her friends leaving me with the brat to babysit. Then to add insult to injury, she dated someone on that ski vacation and we broke up.
Every one of my single mother relationships were similar more or less but I had met one single mom that works and hires a babysitter. As a guy, if I were to go the single mom route ever again, she MUST:
1) Take full responsibility for the care of the child without needing my help and the child must be cared for while we're dating.
2) Not expect aid financially in raising someone else's children especially if they still yearn for the biological father and is abusive toward us as a step dad.
Since my coworker meets these 2 criteria, I would give her a chance if she agrees to date again.
I think these 2 criteria for single moms is reasonable and has been done by a co-worker of mine. I also do not plan on adopting or paying child support to the child should we get married then divorced. To sum it up, men don't like being asked for a handout for someone else's flesh and blood. And forget diapers. Don't expect the guy to help you out on that child either. You keep him, he's your responsibility, you clean up his mess, both poo and trouble-making, because the child is not the guy's flesh and blood. Besides, most step kids don't listen to step dad anyway even if he is the nicest guy on the planet.
You may run into the guy who meets that list criteria but be prepared to expect what I have mentioned if you want a relationship with a new partner to work out without being a "fuck and run". If you expect help for that child from another father, he'll dump you in the drop of a hat because no one likes taking care of other people's children.
Or, an alternative is to find a guy who is willing to adopt children or who wants children but is sterile. Although prepare for the worst if your child is abusive. If he is, then be single or give him away for adoption if you really want a new boyfriend.
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Hmm... Do you guys think that all single moms are the same? Maybe you - like we are accused of - date the wrong kind of women? I'm thinking the women you describe would take advantage of you even if they were not mothers, don't you think? A gold digger is still a just that even if she is a mother...
A little background: I'm a single mom. I work hard to make my child grow up to be a responsible, smart, and polite kid. Sure, when he's around he tends to take occupy more than the actual physical space needed to house å 45-pound-person (what healthy five-year-old does not?) - I will not ignore him even though I'm with man. There's no way I'd bring the kid to a date, though. I will not introduce a boyfriend to him unless we're both serious about the relationship - I believe a kid has no use having adults randomly enter their lives just to disappear without an explanation later on.
I do not want a guy who does not accept my child. My child has a dad who is very much involved in his life. He does not need a new father. However, a guy who would be in our household would be expected to love and act like a responsible adult - but that's beyond the dating scene. Why would I settle for anything less? I'll give that in return if he has kids.
So Within one standard deviation is right about this, it becomes a package deal sooner or later. But, darkseid, I'm not looking for a hand-out; I don't need financial support, but I would like to meet a MAN who is emotionally generous (with me and my son). Someone who is honest, who will be faithful, and who shares some of my values. I would not give anything less in return, so why should I settle for a liar? No one should have to do that.
I see that you want to be the center of attention... I'll keep my man center of attention, but he'll have to share my heart with someone else. That does not mean I love him any less - actually, I'll probably love him more if he is prepared to take us both into his heart. Anyone who has a heart big enough for two?
Just some random thoughts there, could probably be a bit mor organized... Am I too naive believing there is someone out there for me, you think?
So guys, is this defensive enough for you?
A little background: I'm a single mom. I work hard to make my child grow up to be a responsible, smart, and polite kid. Sure, when he's around he tends to take occupy more than the actual physical space needed to house å 45-pound-person (what healthy five-year-old does not?) - I will not ignore him even though I'm with man. There's no way I'd bring the kid to a date, though. I will not introduce a boyfriend to him unless we're both serious about the relationship - I believe a kid has no use having adults randomly enter their lives just to disappear without an explanation later on.
I do not want a guy who does not accept my child. My child has a dad who is very much involved in his life. He does not need a new father. However, a guy who would be in our household would be expected to love and act like a responsible adult - but that's beyond the dating scene. Why would I settle for anything less? I'll give that in return if he has kids.
So Within one standard deviation is right about this, it becomes a package deal sooner or later. But, darkseid, I'm not looking for a hand-out; I don't need financial support, but I would like to meet a MAN who is emotionally generous (with me and my son). Someone who is honest, who will be faithful, and who shares some of my values. I would not give anything less in return, so why should I settle for a liar? No one should have to do that.
I see that you want to be the center of attention... I'll keep my man center of attention, but he'll have to share my heart with someone else. That does not mean I love him any less - actually, I'll probably love him more if he is prepared to take us both into his heart. Anyone who has a heart big enough for two?
Just some random thoughts there, could probably be a bit mor organized... Am I too naive believing there is someone out there for me, you think?
So guys, is this defensive enough for you?
TwasBrillig
1st Like
Naive, Melis? Not at all. In fact, your thoughts are about the most lucid, coherent and intelligent I've seen in a long time. All things considered, your maturity is most impressive and, unfortunately, not shared by many others.
I wish you well. You are the kind of woman I would love to meet some day. And I'm not young by a long shot but I still will not give up looking.
Thank you for being you.
I wish you well. You are the kind of woman I would love to meet some day. And I'm not young by a long shot but I still will not give up looking.
Thank you for being you.
D_Fiona_Farvel
Account Disabled
Heehe, giving the ignore feature a workout, eh? :tongue:
So very true, NP!It's CONCEITED, not "concded" or "conceded". To concede means to give in (a point, an argument, a battle, etc.). Conceited means thinking a good deal too much of oneself.
If you go to a supermarket, and you don't find the food you're looking for, you try a different market.
Same with men.
If your activities -- and the places to choose to "hang out" -- don't bring you face to face with the kind of man you'd like to meet, then you need to change your activities AND the places you go to hang out.
Don't blame men, and don't blame scarcity.
There are plenty and I mean PLENTY of great men out there. (Sigh... so many men, so little time....
I meet good men daily, even though most may not be the right person for me, they are good, averagely flawed, single men.
Sometimes women get caught up in a fantasy or ideal of the man they want and overlook the decent, often quiet, guys who may not fit every desire, but may be perfect for you.
Stop bemoaning the lack of quality men - just go outside, look cute, extra lip gloss, smile, be friendly, talk (have something to say!), and eventually you will find a "good one". :wink:
Hmm... Do you guys think that all single moms are the same? Maybe you - like we are accused of - date the wrong kind of women? I'm thinking the women you describe would take advantage of you even if they were not mothers, don't you think? A gold digger is still a just that even if she is a mother...
A little background: I'm a single mom. I work hard to make my child grow up to be a responsible, smart, and polite kid. Sure, when he's around he tends to take occupy more than the actual physical space needed to house å 45-pound-person (what healthy five-year-old does not?) - I will not ignore him even though I'm with man. There's no way I'd bring the kid to a date, though. I will not introduce a boyfriend to him unless we're both serious about the relationship - I believe a kid has no use having adults randomly enter their lives just to disappear without an explanation later on.
I do not want a guy who does not accept my child. My child has a dad who is very much involved in his life. He does not need a new father. However, a guy who would be in our household would be expected to love and act like a responsible adult - but that's beyond the dating scene. Why would I settle for anything less? I'll give that in return if he has kids.
So Within one standard deviation is right about this, it becomes a package deal sooner or later. But, darkseid, I'm not looking for a hand-out; I don't need financial support, but I would like to meet a MAN who is emotionally generous (with me and my son). Someone who is honest, who will be faithful, and who shares some of my values. I would not give anything less in return, so why should I settle for a liar? No one should have to do that.
I see that you want to be the center of attention... I'll keep my man center of attention, but he'll have to share my heart with someone else. That does not mean I love him any less - actually, I'll probably love him more if he is prepared to take us both into his heart. Anyone who has a heart big enough for two?
Just some random thoughts there, could probably be a bit mor organized... Am I too naive believing there is someone out there for me, you think?
So guys, is this defensive enough for you?
You are one of the more responsible single moms I mention like my co-worker that changed my mind and eased my fear of them. I like single moms that can support their own kids without depending on someone else to support kids they had from failed relationships. It shows you have character and strength which is also what a guy likes in a life partner. I can be emotionally generous with a child that is not my own BUT it will come with conditions:
1) The child must like me in return and be well behaved and also not a thief. Most important!
2) The child is cared for without my help financially. I will care for him emotionally but don't expect financial help from me because that should come from his biological father. Having to pay for a child that is not your own is no fun and games and can lead a guy to resentment toward the child. It will also show irresponsibility of the woman and that she can't handle being a single mom and shouldn't raise kids.
3) He must not yearn for his biological dad or if he does, he should go to him.
4) If he gets into trouble, you should be around to help him or discipline him. He certainly won't listen to step daddy or step date.
Expect that from single guys who date you as they deserve respect from both you and your child from the previous relationship. If they cannot at least give them respect, expect no emotional support. Yes, I like other people's dogs but I hate it when they take them in front of my house and take a dump. I will like my dog IN SPITE OF him taking a dump in front of my own place BECAUSE he is my own dog.
Having dated some single moms that I had bad experiences with and the one I had a very good experience with, I leave you with these advices I mentioned above and ideas on how men think about them so that you would know what to expect from us.
I totally agree with you 100% on this one. Most women set their standards too high or too impossible. For me, women think I am imperfect for them because of my height. Then they moan about how much men are scumbags and that there are no good men out there. That negativity radiates from them and all men stay away from them. Even the creatures from middle earth would be repulsed by that attitude.
I would say to all women to be positive and go out and meet guys. And please, no more "Girls night outs" where you talk badly about guys or play mindgames with them. Guys remember you and will stay away from you if you hang out with these negative women and you'll be alone with cats. This unfortunately happens a lot in New York City where girls don't want to be met and are unflattered and consider it sexual harrassment. Again, this is negative thinking which is horrible for your chances in dating. Being flattered is positive thinking which will lead you to the right guy. Singlemom, don't be one of these bitter women I meet in New York. I of course struggle with negativity towards them each week I go out but occasionally I am fortunate to meet the few good ones that are worthy to spend time with. The same for you singlemom. You'll meet a lot of jerks but you will run into the good guys. Your chances of running into the good guys are much better the more jerks you meet. If you meet nobody, your chances are zero like those "Girls night out " girls. From my previous post, I did list my criteria and some of the other good guy's criteria just so you can avoid mistakes single moms make in dating and you'll know what to expect to keep these guys.. And yes, most of them made terrible mistakes.
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singlemom091977, I have it the same as you just the other way around.
I feel that most women does really not want a proper relationship, they consider working for a relationship wrong because they think that "the good" must be something that drops down from heaven. They blindly trust their impulses that in return will pull them through some very bad experiences with guys that does not fit them at all.
I can only say that I feel bad for these women because they have a hard time over and over again from one relationship to another, but they also hurt some of the guys on the way.
It's also sad because these women don't know that a relationship has a lot of stages and can be something far better than the initial love that it started on. Maybe some of the mothers are partly to blame for showing their daughters a lot of confusion and bad things that will be adopted from generation to generation.
I feel that most women does really not want a proper relationship, they consider working for a relationship wrong because they think that "the good" must be something that drops down from heaven. They blindly trust their impulses that in return will pull them through some very bad experiences with guys that does not fit them at all.
I can only say that I feel bad for these women because they have a hard time over and over again from one relationship to another, but they also hurt some of the guys on the way.
It's also sad because these women don't know that a relationship has a lot of stages and can be something far better than the initial love that it started on. Maybe some of the mothers are partly to blame for showing their daughters a lot of confusion and bad things that will be adopted from generation to generation.
wonderland
Experimental Member
I made the comment because of the things you listed that made the man a complete package. When I read your post I thought you were overlooking perfectly good men because they didn't fit into your mold. I would become involved with a man who didn't have a big cock or wasn't great looking but had other desirable qualities.
I try not to date a man who cheats, lies or has a incompatible personality. Those things are not always apparent when you first meet someone.
And I never date men I know are married.
Singlemom,
The best type of guy you should marry next is the best friend. Forget love and romance, that is now secondary now that you already have a child. I hope the child grows up to like your new boy-friend (I put a hyphen because a best friend should now be the best choice for the husband, not the lover who grows tired of you once the romance dies out) and eventually husband. You now are really looking for companionship instead of love. If you continue to seek love, you will have a bunch of guys that would love you until he grows weary of the children issues. Heck, it is hard enough to keep a romantic relationship even if you have your own kids with the husband, much more difficult with someone else's. And the best guy friend you have might have been the one you should have hooked up with but overlooked because he didn't meet your standard as the perfect guy. He may have been a nerd but the perfect guy because he listens, is smart, and compassionate. You may have casted a short but nice guy in the "just friends" list. You should call back the ones who are most friendly to you. However, with the child, make sure that you make it clear that you have no intentions of trying to replace his father with your new boy-friend. Trust me, men hate that and don't want the role so you must be both the father and mother of your child and leave your new companion out of it, unless of course he doesn't mind it.
As ChocoKitty says, go out there look good and be positive. Women do have it easier than men in the dating field, at least women know their line-up of choices of men as they are the ones who approach you and you get to pick the one you like. Men, on the other hand don't know who would say "yes" or "no" and that is why we end up with the fugliest women if we get too many "nos". If you get a jerk or ugly guy, that is a reflection of your energy. Negative energy brings you jerks, positive energy brings you the best friend/companion you can find.
The best type of guy you should marry next is the best friend. Forget love and romance, that is now secondary now that you already have a child. I hope the child grows up to like your new boy-friend (I put a hyphen because a best friend should now be the best choice for the husband, not the lover who grows tired of you once the romance dies out) and eventually husband. You now are really looking for companionship instead of love. If you continue to seek love, you will have a bunch of guys that would love you until he grows weary of the children issues. Heck, it is hard enough to keep a romantic relationship even if you have your own kids with the husband, much more difficult with someone else's. And the best guy friend you have might have been the one you should have hooked up with but overlooked because he didn't meet your standard as the perfect guy. He may have been a nerd but the perfect guy because he listens, is smart, and compassionate. You may have casted a short but nice guy in the "just friends" list. You should call back the ones who are most friendly to you. However, with the child, make sure that you make it clear that you have no intentions of trying to replace his father with your new boy-friend. Trust me, men hate that and don't want the role so you must be both the father and mother of your child and leave your new companion out of it, unless of course he doesn't mind it.
As ChocoKitty says, go out there look good and be positive. Women do have it easier than men in the dating field, at least women know their line-up of choices of men as they are the ones who approach you and you get to pick the one you like. Men, on the other hand don't know who would say "yes" or "no" and that is why we end up with the fugliest women if we get too many "nos". If you get a jerk or ugly guy, that is a reflection of your energy. Negative energy brings you jerks, positive energy brings you the best friend/companion you can find.
THEDUDEofDestiny
Experimental Member
this is the first time i have ever heard married, boring, conceited, lying, cheaters called having a "good personality"
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THEDUDEofDestiny
Experimental Member
THEDUDEofDestiny
Experimental Member
also maybe you could meet better dudes before you got knocked up. now you have to assume great looking dudes with huge cocks aren't going to want to be with you
As a man, any woman who puts her "man" ahead of her children is poison. When you're dealing with kids, it is complicated. But a parent's 1st job is to be a parent, not a good boy/girl/friend. The difficult choices of adulthood.
Anyway, I think most women want men who are "complicated". Even if they are married or in jail or whatever. I'm not condemning it. It's just human nature.
Anyway, I think most women want men who are "complicated". Even if they are married or in jail or whatever. I'm not condemning it. It's just human nature.
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