The Life Model

[crackerjack05]

I'm thinking I'm going to ignore forget about this thread and reboot rewrite and post it all in a brand new thread

 

[NOTYKTY]

I may need to retract everything I wrote.

I ran the last entry of The Long Way to You and post #14 of this story through three different AI detectors: Grammarly, ZeroGPT, and Pangram.

All three detector sites report with 100% confidence that both passages were written with AI.

Are you using AI to write your stories?

 

[tallmascaussie]

This has rapidly become one of my favorite stories here.

Agree!!

OK, I'm confused about something.

In post #34 on Saturday at the rugby match party, Darragh tells his best mate Conor and his wife Aoife that Darragh caught his wife Siobhan in bed with her coworker Mark. Conor acts like this is the first time that he is hearing this devastating news from his friend, and Darragh acts like this is the first time he's telling his friends about this painful event.

Except...

A few days earlier at work, in post #17 (the day after he slept with Cormac for the first time), Darragh tells his best mate Conor that he caught his wife Siobhan in bed with Mark. Conor gets angry and threatens to do bodily harm to Mark.

Did you forget that Darragh and Conor already had the Siobhan and Mark conversation when you wrote post #34, or do Darragh and Conor suffer from some sort of contagious short term memory problem?

Definitely one of my favourite stories. Am loving the frequent updates and that Darraghs personality, his charm, sincerity, and dry humour, is being admired for what it is, and his OCD is almost normalised and not portrayed negatively.

I noted the error as well - and am sure all the other readers with similar OCD perfectionist traits to Darragh did too. An easy error to make when drafts and stories get modified by the writer. But good to bring it to the authors attention, before it becomes a TV drama or mini series...

 

[GaySy82]

I'm thinking I'm going to ignore forget about this thread and reboot rewrite and post it all in a brand new thread

Don't do it, it's a beautiful story

 

[Dan1982]

Don't do it, it's a beautiful story

This is a cracking story. There are errors (like telling the best mate twice, or there being a boiler service and then it being forgot).

It may well be supported by AI, I’m ok with that cos it’s a great story.

I would suggest that maybe - either as an edit or an AI instruction- to make some basic amends. Like “don’t” isn’t a go to line that every character should fall to. The fast and short dialogue is great, but I often have no idea who is saying what. Not everyone sees everything in someone’s face all the time.

These aren’t massive criticisms. The premise is really sweet. And I’m here for it. But the small and repetitive (I use this word cos I can’t think of an alternative) fails very much gate.

Feel free to ignore this. But do not feel free to stop posting. I need Darragh and Cormac in my life right now.

 

[art]

One of my best-paying college part-time jobs. It’s harder than I had thought not moving for 20 to 40 minutes.

 

[GaySy82]

I'm thinking I'm going to ignore forget about this thread and reboot rewrite and post it all in a brand new thread

Any news on this? I'm very invested in Darragh and Cormac x

 

[tictic_boom]

I miss reading your stories Jack. I hope you post soon