Perhaps me should ask...What is dramatic on an AE scale.
For me, being married twice, once to a Bi-Polar, 7 grandkids and life of the self employed and all the stuff in between. What tweeks the AE scale of drama?
You are just describing a life. Life IS a drama.
The most recent example I have witnessed of a man being dramatic would be a potential suitor who constantly mistakes my reservations for anger. He was distant and aloof with me, which I perceived as disinterest, so I wrote him off. Deleted his phone number from my list of contacts in my phone, un-friended him on Facebook. I'm not here to bother anyone with my presence, so when he seemed bored and distracted on a date, then didn't hug me goodbye, then didn't respond to a text for several days, I removed myself from his orbit.
Now, he's paying lots of attention, but constantly asks if I'm upset. I get that he might be a little nervous since I cut him out entirely, but he didn't even notice until I told him we were no longer contacts on social media, and that I no longer had a photo to use for his contact info in my phone. By then, when he had reached out, over a week had passed since I had given him up for lost. Now he questions every silence, and was really kind of a drama dump one night when he said he wanted to call back in a few minutes, and I asked him to call the next day instead since I was planning to get some work done. He also seemed a little upset when I couldn't FaceTime with him on his lunch break one day. I don't even have an iPhone, nor did I have the time at that moment to Skype or whatever. Whenever there is an opportunity to misinterpret something I have texted, he always chooses the interpretation that would be the most hurtful to him. Most of those times, I don't even know the slang connotations he thinks I have used. I also think he wants me to be jealous of other interested women. In contrast, I usually go out of my way to make every man pursuing me feel like he's my favorite.
To me, a friend being a little quiet is something to take in stride, not take personally. Bad timing for a phone call or video conference is the same. In difficult communication with a friend, I ask for clarification, then laugh with them at the multiple possibilities, having already assumed the best from this person who is supposed to be held in esteem. I come from a place of assuming my friend means no harm. It makes me wonder how he would ever cope with my actual bad moods, irritation, anger, or a thoughtless comment that doesn't come out quite right. He's too much drama. I think we are just going to be friends, if that. We are too old for drama. Maybe he romanticizes it. Maybe his ex girlfriend abused him. I don't know, but I do not have enough invested in him to want to deal. Save the drama for your mama. To quote Shakira lyrics, "I'll love you for free, but I'm not your mother."
There is another paramour who keeps trying to jump the gun and get me to be his girlfriend. I don't know him like that. He keeps trying to manufacture intimacy. Dates are always a little too cozy, and he has all these sticky, saccharin pet names for me. He tells people I'm his Buddha. Whatever that means. Maybe it's Boo-da. I didn't ask. It's better than my last boyfriend, who referred to me as BAE, a slang acronym I find annoying (Before All Else) particularly after him, since he was being disingenuous at best. This guy keeps doing things to or for me, and saying, "That's the benefits of being dedicated." I keep telling him we are not a monogamous couple. I also told him if he pursued a sexual agenda with me I wouldn't stop him, and that because he lived nearby he would get laid, but it would make it a lot harder for me to love him, as I would regard him as a playmate, not a potential partner, because that's how I treat a man I don't know well who wants to fuck me. They get compartmentalized. I learned to do that from years of casual sex. For better or worse, the result is it is almost impossible to go from FWB to loves with me. I told him this. I allowed him to bed me, figuring he'd made his choice.
Then he started using all this monogamy language in our discussions. He'd argued that sex would make us bond and become closer. I told him several times it would not. I made him paraphrase my position to be sure he understood me. Now, we've had sexual contact a few times, intercourse once, and he's bonded (apparently) but I feel nothing. I like him. He's fun to be around. He's sweet and attentive, and adequate in bed. He's business savvy. But he's some guy I barely know who gets me off on a regular basis. Not my boyfriend. It would be different if we'd had a long-standing friendship/acquaintanceship/flirtation and then we hooked up. But he wants to go from zero to partnered in seven days. I can't even.
He keeps trying to talk me out of what he calls serial dating. LOL These dudes are not in a series, they are concurrent. I'm newly single, exploring my options, trying to find a comfortable fit. It could have been him, but I may never know, because he's just a friendly penis to me now, just like I told him he would be, if he kept trying to get too physical too fast. And the result? Drama. He won't stop running his mouth about me "dedicating" myself to him. The whole time, all I can think to myself is, "Sweetie, let me watch this movie, ride your mouth, make you cum, then help clean up before I have to go to work. Shhh." He says women break his heart. I say he invites the drama of heartbreak by bedding women too fast, confusing oxytocin for love, and then wondering why he is treated like an option, like she always maintained he was, rather than the priority he made her. That shit is extra, and dramatic.
I should probably leave him alone before he gets too hurt. I suggested he take out other women. I refused to see him for a couple of days, having told him I think he needed time to put our relationship into perspective, and get a little distance from the intensity of what he claims to feel. He just turned into a sad puppy.
And yet. It doesn't seem real to me. Maybe I'm just a bitch, maybe I'm still reeling from an ex who was phony, but it all feels fake. Maybe he's just a devious guy who has figured out how to get his dick wet and just doesn't want to share, for however long he wants to keep me around. I don't really know or care. But I would rather skip the drama, fuck each other stupid, and sleep it off in my own bed, alone. Later, if the friendship side becomes more, so be it. But as Coolio said, "The way things are going, I don't know."
