Hi Ferox,
Brave of you to admit faking orgasms. I think that's the first step towards your goal. But immediately I hear myself using the word goal I realise that that's the trap you fell into the first time and I can feel you setting yourself an even bigger goal (to become multi-orgasmic) now. So I think my first piece of advice is to tell you to beware of goal fixation.
I had no idea how 'normal' faking it is until I was about 30. I'd probably slept with twenty or more different women and had sex countless times, but when this particular woman came while we fucked it felt very different. Her whole body was involved, the texture of her vagina changed and I KNEW that it was the real thing. It was the same for her. Afterwards, she lay in a daze giggling and saying, "Oh, Mr Riven!" It had also been her first real orgasm during sex. We went on to repeat the experience many times, although our relationship didn't last. In a nutshell, we both had our hearts elsewhere. She had a husband (the father of her kids) who wanted to come back when his affair became difficult. And similarly, my long term gf, who had also gone walkabout, came back to me. However, we (orgasm woman and I) came away from the experience having learned a lot about sex.
I learned that pressure to perform, desire to please and goal orientation, had been the factors that had stopped me from relaxing into sex. I had always suffered (I thought) from premature ejaculation. The goal I was fixated on was trying to keep up a good thrusting rhythm so that my lovers might achieve orgasm. My lovers had shared the goal fixation, and because they felt it necessary to show appreciation, reward me, whatever, they'd fake it. Sound familiar?
I went on to give the gf (who'd come back for a second time round) some proper orgasms at last, although that relationship didn't last because, once again she couldn't stop herself from cheating. I later met the women who is now MrsRiven, and a few months into our relatinship she experienced orgasm during intercourse for the first time too. I'd got it sorted
)
Ok. What to do about it:
1) Stop faking it. You've already done that so give yourself a brownie point.
2) Slow down and teach yourself to masturbate slowly and gently and try to stay relaxed as you come. I'd suggest you do it on your back, knees apart, as if in the missionary position. This gives you a chance to re-program your body. To tune in to a style, pace, and pressure of stimulation that your lover/s can replicate when fucking you. You could skip this stage and go straight into sex with your man but I think this will make it easier.
3) Avoid goal fixation. The idea is to take urgency out of the process and focus on feeling the pleasure as it builds rather than on the goal of orgasm. Sooner or later orgasm will overtake you and it should be more powerful because of your level of relaxation. If you're working alone, use a dildo if you like, because it gives your vagina something to hold on to, and use the flat of the free hand to rhythmically massage the area around your clit (which is the important thing that's happening during intercourse). Ok. what's next?
4) Make a pact with your partner not to 'try' to come, or not come. 'ie. you don't try to come; he mustn't worry if he blows his load before you've even got going. If he does, it doesn't matter. When you've both had a good sleep, try again.
5) Allow him to set the pace. You relax and let him fuck you at a pace he can maintain without blowing his load. This might necessitate him stopping form time to time, and even pulling out to let his excitement subside a little. Encourage him to bury his cock up to the hilt (this is where an over-long cock is a positive disadvantage) and gently nudge your clit with the base of his cock. He will gain confidence in his control of the situation, and you will learn to relax and enjoy the process. Do this enough times, and if you stay relaxed and focus on how nice his cock feels... If you don't start chasing your orgasm... You will come
) And when you do, your pussy will (completely on it's own) milk his cock and make him come at the same time.
6) Well, when you reach this point, I think you'll agree with me that the goal of becoming multi-orgasmic... Pah. Multi-Schmulti. Who's countin' baby? When you're in that zone numbers don't make any sense at all
)
