How much do you believe in Gaydar? I don't. Try to change my mind.

[wayless]

but... do you believe that every fem guy is gay?

Yes. But they may no know it.

 

[Boaxy]

but... do you believe that every fem guy is gay?

No of course not. There are feminine/flamboyant straight guys who seem fruity, and have high pitched voices etc. Prince etc. lol. who are straight, but yeah aren't the most masculine guys in the world. So yeah.

 

[dana2]

but... do you believe that every fem guy is gay?

I have a friend who is somewhat fem but straight and married with kids. Even though he is somewhat fem, he did not set off my gaydar when we met. What my mind said at the time was: hmm this guy is fem but for some reason I just know he is straight.

 

[iamjustme65]

Title is a bit reductive so I will clarify slightly. The basic definition of gaydar" according to Google is:



This is what I am contesting.

I believe someone can observe perceived "gay traits" in an individual and conclude they might be gay. I don't think this is truly gaydar per the definition though. You don't need intuition or slight indications to assume someone is gay because they have limp wrist or speak with a lisp.

This is just stereotyping.

Every time I've discussed this, I'm told "gaydar isn't just stereotypes" but it's something "deeper" after all. I don't believe in that. Just sounds like magical thinking not backed by any evidence other than subjective bias.

It is true only if the gay man is effeminate.
Gay men who are not effeminate it would be pretty impossible.
Having said that - with GenZ it is not as easy. GenZ young males - a fair percentage of them are not masculine at all.

 

[Odyssey Land]

Of course I haven't poured over the scientific literature on such matters myself so I will take your word for most of this, I won't claim anything said here is false, I could not. However... I will pose just simple questions to express my concerns since I think some conclusions are still a bit reductive, regardless of the facts of the science itself.

Is "gaydar" an evolutionary gift if multiple women still for decades have gotten married to closeted gay/queer men unbeknownst to them? and in some cases still bore children with them.

If gay man also have this alleged gift? Why still so much disparity/conflict in opinions and debates over which men are allegedly also gay/straight? Shouldn't these be easily settled questions?

Re: life experience. I can't push back against anything you have seen personally, but I would counter with my own experience that shows that women absolutely have no particular sense for picking out gay men
"no matter the masculine traits.". I would know, many of the guys I've encountered are closeted men with gfs or wives who don't know what their lovers are doing in secret.

Re: bisexuals. I think that their existence is generally a wrench in the entire scheme of the binary understanding of sexuality. I have met bisexuals who claim to have gaydar or believe or in it at least and that's their prerogative but I don't agree. I think the concept of gaydar can only work with a binary view of sexuality as gay vs straight frankly.

I don’t know how I managed to miss your reply but thank you for taking the time to address my statements!

I believe the bullet points you presented are what I would call “outliers.” They can indicate novel behaviour or structures in the data-set already established. Which means, while everything you stated is true, it strays from the raw science if you remove the social constructs that may influence the natural tendencies of men and women. And yes, bisexuals are certainly one of those anomalous wrenches in the system that can challenge the science.

Sorry for sounding like a text book or a chatGPT bot but I enjoy reading about human behaviors and why we do what we do lol. I try to avoid chiming in on hot topic issues but I do peruse and read through most of them. Thanks for the thought provoking conversation!

 

[deleted2780451]

I don't, but I would say I have a radar for when a straight guy is clearly feeling out whether I'd keep my mouth shit if we hooked up.