Feel free to ignore I kind of got carried away and spoke about my whole life story.
Thanks for the advice. I'm going to try my best. I don't want to be that pessimistic guy who constantly talks about his issues as opposed to trying to improve himself. I'm making improvements but i'm sort of looking for a short term plan. The challenge i'm having is that I got into video games at an early age, sort of like a coping mechanism for loneliness. I became addicted because I made fake friends which I later learned didn't give a fuck about me. When I wasn't on the games i'd get fomo; knowing they'd be playing without me. This happened until I was about 20. By that time I was obese. Now i'm 22, i've missed the 18-21, partying, socialising, "college days" because I was terrified of going out while I was large. This resulted in me making 0 friends the 3 yrs I was there. After graduating I made the decision to take a year out to focus on losing weight, which I have. However, I now have a skinny fat physique.
I really want to start doing what other people my age are doing, going to festivals, parties, holidays with my friends before I get too old (I know 21 is drinking age in US but here in UK it's 18 so i'm essentially 4 yrs behind). I'm still in a position where I am uncomfortable in my body. So, the long term plan is to socialise more and do those things but I know I won't be able to do those things while I still look the way I do. It will take me probably 3-12months to lower my body fat and build muscle to fill in any loose skin I got from being so heavy. By that time i'll probably be 23 (I'm expected to start growing up now).
Also, by no means am I saying larger people can't have fun and socialise but i'm really unfortunate as my face holds a lot of fat. It's been difficult to socialise because I look weird and then because i'm insecure my confidence doesn't carry my appearance. So yeah, basically to conclude this ramble I plan to socialise more and do things but it's going to take a few months. In the meantime I wanted to know how I could breakout of this loop of crushing over people i'll never meet as it's more of a short term issue, hopefully. I don't know if this makes any sense and I basically told you my whole life story without you asking lmao. I'm just in a really weird spot where I feel like i've already wasted my life and I can't "restart". Although i'm trying to improve, it takes time which is the main thing i'm stressing over. I feel like I don't have long left of my youth, people around me are having babies and getting married at 22... I haven't even been drunk or had any of my first experiences and i'm already told by family I don't act my age. Just really wish I could turn time back sometimes and stop myself from getting into gaming.
I apologise for burdening anyone reading this with my negativity. I started responding and then kind of got carried away and didn't stop typing haha. Feels good to get the thoughts out of my head though.
I didn't have sex or seriously date anyone until I was 22. Girls were into me in high school and all through college, but I was way into my head that my friends would make fun of me because they'd think my girlfriend/hook up "wasn't hot." I had friends, I partied, whatever in college, but it didn't really do much for me. None it got me ready for growing up or getting into a relationship; it was just stuff to do to pass the time. Like I said in another reply here, I didn't feel like I was really living or feeling "grown up" until I was like 25, and that was 3 years after I met my future and current wife. We met randomly at work. Spent months talking, hanging out at work, none of my friends knew I was friends with this girl, no one met her, she and I just did our thing, and finally we started dating and became intimate and that was 25 years ago and we're still together.
You can't say you've missed a lot of life, not at 22 years old. Do you know how long life can actually be? Dude you have DECADES of time. You have made improvements, you are making your body image fit more of what you want it to be. But real love, real relationships, real romance, real interpersonal relationships are not built on looks alone. They are built on care, kindness, happiness shared between people, and being honest and not caring about everyone else out there judging you. The moment I said "I'm passing up opportunities at happiness, sex, a relationship, etc. due to my worry of how people will judge me, and I'm over it and don't care, I want and deserve a certain kind of happiness and will do whatever it takes to get it" I found my wife within a month. Literally, I made that decision to get out there and let it happen, and I met her. She felt the same way, same boat, she gave up caring and decided "I'm gonna go with the first guy I really like and I don't care what others think and how they judge me screw them they aren't me and don't control my happiness" and boom, she met me. I swear it worked out this way!
The guilt of what could have been is depression sinking in to keep you anxious about what might be in the future. Look at what you have right now and work it for all its worth, with all you got. It does suck the video game playing and fake friends you had during those years weighed you down and didn't give you much to build from. But it did you give you this: the realization that that online shit is fake ass bullshit, and real people, in your face, are what you want to strive to gain.
If you work out at the gym, try to meet people there. Gyms are full of vapid people, sure. But some of them are genuine and nice. there are places you can be to feel comfortable, even groups of like-minded people, clubs, etc. where you can get with people similar to you, or something like that.
