I am extremely attracted to my coworker

[Aphradight]

Ask him out on a friend date. Like going and doing something friends do. You’ll have him to your self, and you can both get to know each other better.

 

[kodekn]

I’ll purposely come up with things to talk to him about at work so I can walk over to his desk and slyly stare at his bulge. I’m a straight acting gay so he has no idea.

You're gay so you're probably quite aware of it but it's extremely easy to notice someone checking out your bulge, especially if it's happening constantly. Het guys many times catch even the slightest things that are off with other guys so I'd bet he's aware you're smitten with him. If that's the case he might be enjoying the attention OR he might be laughing at you behind your back, or both. It doesn't help he's dating the daughter of your boss. I mean seriously, get a grip, man.

I've fallen in love with a couple of my straight friends over the years, and the last time made me see a side of myself I never ever wanted to witness. He was only slightly bicurious but I fell for him deeply and pretty much made an absolute fool of myself. I became jealous, possessive, a total tool for someone who never really wanted anything with me. I lost a dear friend and my reputation because everyone pretty much ended up knowing what happened.

My advice to you: Shut it down, jerk off till your dick falls off but do not make any kind of pass at him. You'll get hurt in any case if this goes any further. If you fuck it's a total mess that might end up with you losing your job. If you keep pining after him without any true release you'll get your heart broken.

 

[C4junG0n3_BAD]

You're gay so you're probably quite aware of it but it's extremely easy to notice someone checking out your bulge, especially if it's happening constantly. Het guys many times catch even the slightest things that are off with other guys so I'd bet he's aware you're smitten with him. If that's the case he might be enjoying the attention OR he might be laughing at you behind your back, or both. It doesn't help he's dating the daughter of your boss. I mean seriously, get a grip, man.

I've fallen in love with a couple of my straight friends over the years, and the last time made me see a side of myself I never ever wanted to witness. He was only slightly bicurious but I fell for him deeply and pretty much made an absolute fool of myself. I became jealous, possessive, a total tool for someone who never really wanted anything with me. I lost a dear friend and my reputation because everyone pretty much ended up knowing what happened.

My advice to you: Shut it down, jerk off till your dick falls off but do not make any kind of pass at him. You'll get hurt in any case if this goes any further. If you fuck it's a total mess that might end up with you losing your job. If you keep pining after him without any true release you'll get your heart broken.

Yea Straight guys laughing at you while inadvertently leading you on is real shitty. I don't know it if this guy is doing that. As a gay dude, I know we as a people tend not to be very subtle about such things, especially nowadays. It isn't like when I was in high school or college when you got an ass-whipping for the wrong glance for the wrong length of time at the wrong guy. Some straight guys really get off on the attention. It doesn't mean they will ever do anything. It just means they are narcissists.

 

[SlumberLumber]

I'm in the same boat right now, except I keep trying to NOT think about my guy in a sexual way. I fight the urge to think of him when I jerk off. I try to avoid my guy but he keeps coming around me cracking jokes, sharing his adventures, texting me, or wanting to hang out. I've been down this road before so I know better. I cracked a little before we went on Christmas break by hugging him just a second longer than I should have. Now I can't stop thinking about him and his big, warm embrace. I've only known him for about 4 months and I'm not sure if he realizes yet that I'm gay. He was so excited to introduce me to his girlfriend at our office Christmas Party and she expressed how nice it was to meet this guy who he's always talking about. So, I feel bad that he thinks we are BFFs when I know I've often been cold to him because I don't want to fall any harder than I already have.

 

[C4junG0n3_BAD]

I'm in the same boat right now, except I keep trying to NOT think about my guy in a sexual way. I fight the urge to think of him when I jerk off. I try to avoid my guy but he keeps coming around me cracking jokes, sharing his adventures, texting me, or wanting to hang out. I've been down this road before so I know better. I cracked a little before we went on Christmas break by hugging him just a second longer than I should have. Now I can't stop thinking about him and his big, warm embrace. I've only known him for about 4 months and I'm not sure if he realizes yet that I'm gay. He was so excited to introduce me to his girlfriend at our office Christmas Party and she expressed how nice it was to meet this guy who he's always talking about. So, I feel bad that he thinks we are BFFs when I know I've often been cold to him because I don't want to fall any harder than I already have.

See this is the conundrum, right here. It is sad really. I truly get where you are coming from on this. There is this guy that thinks the world of you and wants to be big buds, but you just can't get too far into it for fear of getting hurt. He may or may not know about your being gay. The thing is even if he does know, he has no idea you're crushing HARD on him. I mean you can't be angry with him. If he is straight, and he does seem to be if he has a girlfriend, he thinks, obviously you know that...the girlfriend thing. So, even if he knows you are gay, he is under the assumption that you wouldn't be having any feelings like this because he is straight and he thinks you know for sure he's straight.

The bi-curious or G4P or S2G thing is way overblown by the gay porn industry. It has been blown so far out of proportion that it has ruined many gay men concerning this. Are there straight men that will have sex with men? Sure, I've done it. Are there straight men that won't have sex with gay men? Sure, I've been there too. Are there straight men that will be offended and never speak to you again if you try anything? Yes, I've been there as well. Are there straight men that will be flattered and think so much of you and your friendship that they will sit down and talk it out with you and continue to be your friend? Yes, I've had that happen. Are there straight men that will beat your ass for suggesting it? Yes, I've been in that sitch too.

I've posted about this in other forums and been called a few things concerning it. I won't go there. I will say this. The few times I actually did have sex with a straight guy, I regretted it. Even the ones that turned out to be fun and passionate and intense and exciting. I'm not talking about the random snog or BJ or RJ or pump and dump. I'm talking about serious sexual experiences. I mean real sex that makes you feel like superman...the real connection kind. I mean the kind when you look them right in the eye and IT is there.

The reason I say that is the friendship was never the same. You get what I'm saying here, right. The actual friendship was gone and replaced by something else. I don't know how to explain to you what that something was but it was different. I mean the sex fades. It doesn't last because the guy isn't gay. He isn't into guys. He is just into you, for whatever reason. Just you and that is so intoxicating, believe me. I'm a recovering drunk. I know what I'm saying here. It is like a sip of Nolet's.

You'd think the memories would assuage that feeling of disappointment you invariably feel when you come to that realization. They don't! I'm heading toward 60 and I've been in love twice. Both were straight guys.

 

[Annatarsauron]

Reading these has been really instructive.
Where I work, relationships at work are taken seriously. If anything happened between us, one of us would have to change our location.
I have no idea if he’s gay or straight. The way he behaves with guys with muscles makes me think he is attracted to men with muscles. I don’t fit that profile.
Thing is that he’s super helpful. He makes working so much easier. He gives me a lot of advice. He thoroughly answers my questions — even going beyond just answering it to demonstrating it. He doesn’t do this with others.
I sometimes touch him. Nothing major: just a touch on the shoulder or the side. He never flinches.
Indeed, the last time during his break, he removed his beanie. Ugh, he was so, so gorgeous. I told him be looked better without the beanie, and he was flustered.
See, one thing is that NO ONE likes him at work. He has a strong personality that rubs people the wrong way. But I love that about him. He and I get along really, really well.
The weird thing about all of this: I got his mobile number and started texting him. He said he has no problem. But shortly, he ghosted me. Even now, nothing had changed when well we physically together. But text? He never responds.
My boss knows. I told her. But I also told her I keep it professional. (And she sees me working with him so she can see for herself.) Chances of anything happening is practically nil.
Last time — same day he took his beanie off — whenever he’d bend over, his ass crack would show as well as the small of his back. Why, why does that turn me on so much? Usually I can see his underwear but for some reason it was a lower lying pair.
I know what I should do. But it’s hard.
But if I change stores or job, I’m definitely going to shoot my shot. If it fails, I won’t lose anything.

 

[C4junG0n3_BAD]

Reading these has been really instructive.
Where I work, relationships at work are taken seriously. If anything happened between us, one of us would have to change our location.
I have no idea if he’s gay or straight. The way he behaves with guys with muscles makes me think he is attracted to men with muscles. I don’t fit that profile.
Thing is that he’s super helpful. He makes working so much easier. He gives me a lot of advice. He thoroughly answers my questions — even going beyond just answering it to demonstrating it. He doesn’t do this with others.
I sometimes touch him. Nothing major: just a touch on the shoulder or the side. He never flinches.
Indeed, the last time during his break, he removed his beanie. Ugh, he was so, so gorgeous. I told him be looked better without the beanie, and he was flustered.
See, one thing is that NO ONE likes him at work. He has a strong personality that rubs people the wrong way. But I love that about him. He and I get along really, really well.
The weird thing about all of this: I got his mobile number and started texting him. He said he has no problem. But shortly, he ghosted me. Even now, nothing had changed when well we physically together. But text? He never responds.
My boss knows. I told her. But I also told her I keep it professional. (And she sees me working with him so she can see for herself.) Chances of anything happening is practically nil.
Last time — same day he took his beanie off — whenever he’d bend over, his ass crack would show as well as the small of his back. Why, why does that turn me on so much? Usually I can see his underwear but for some reason it was a lower lying pair.
I know what I should do. But it’s hard.
But if I change stores or job, I’m definitely going to shoot my shot. If it fails, I won’t lose anything.

OK you reacted to my post so I'm going to give a some unsolicited input. Let me preface this by saying the Kinsey study, hence the scale, is a myth. Many gay men get erroneous information based on this spurious doctrine. I'm not saying you have in particular but it is prevalent in the gay community....whatever that is. So, pretty much all gay men have been influenced one way or another.

Gay men and straight men are still men. They just have different perceptions about things. All straight guys will look at and appreciate, even admire a guy with muscles. I work with male models. It is common. The motivation may be different...maybe jealousy, maybe comparing to see where one can improve, maybe simple admiration for the dedication and commitment it takes to get those fabulous bodies. It IS a lot of work. Genetics helps, a lot, but it can only go so far. I've often heard comments when a new guy comes into the scene. Things like..."I've got to quit skipping leg day" or "Geez Louise, I want those pecs" or " I've got to stop the late night pizza runs."

Most straight guys, as a rule, do not mind casual physical contact. That is a feminist inspired myth as well. Some guys are touchy feely...I'm not...and some guys are. That is an individual thing...not all guys certainly not all straight guys.
As to the strong personality, that is just a thing with some people. I've known a lot of people that you either love or hate them and there is no in between. The texting thing. Well that could be a personal thing too. I hate texting and I rarely answer them.

The answer here could be very simple. He just likes you as a person and wants to be your friend. As a gay man that has no desire to do anything but that, I can say this with a high degree of surety. Gay men are very deliberate with their movements, words, situations, glances, looks, gestures, and the like...especially when we're on the prowl. If a guy is straight he just isn't thinking that way....even if he does know you're gay. If he knows you're gay, he also thinks you know he's straight. So, unlike what is portrayed in 100% of gay porn nowadays, straight guys, generally, don't think of gay guys in a sexual manner. There are exceptions to be sure, the military, prison, gangs, etc.

 

[Annatarsauron]

OK you reacted to my post so I'm going to give a some unsolicited input. Let me preface this by saying the Kinsey study, hence the scale, is a myth. Many gay men get erroneous information based on this spurious doctrine. I'm not saying you have in particular but it is prevalent in the gay community....whatever that is. So, pretty much all gay men have been influenced one way or another.

Gay men and straight men are still men. They just have different perceptions about things. All straight guys will look at and appreciate, even admire a guy with muscles. I work with male models. It is common. The motivation may be different...maybe jealousy, maybe comparing to see where one can improve, maybe simple admiration for the dedication and commitment it takes to get those fabulous bodies. It IS a lot of work. Genetics helps, a lot, but it can only go so far. I've often heard comments when a new guy comes into the scene. Things like..."I've got to quit skipping leg day" or "Geez Louise, I want those pecs" or " I've got to stop the late night pizza runs."

Most straight guys, as a rule, do not mind casual physical contact. That is a feminist inspired myth as well. Some guys are touchy feely...I'm not...and some guys are. That is an individual thing...not all guys certainly not all straight guys.
As to the strong personality, that is just a thing with some people. I've known a lot of people that you either love or hate them and there is no in between. The texting thing. Well that could be a personal thing too. I hate texting and I rarely answer them.

The answer here could be very simple. He just likes you as a person and wants to be your friend. As a gay man that has no desire to do anything but that, I can say this with a high degree of surety. Gay men are very deliberate with their movements, words, situations, glances, looks, gestures, and the like...especially when we're on the prowl. If a guy is straight he just isn't thinking that way....even if he does know you're gay. If he knows you're gay, he also thinks you know he's straight. So, unlike what is portrayed in 100% of gay porn nowadays, straight guys, generally, don't think of gay guys in a sexual manner. There are exceptions to be sure, the military, prison, gangs, etc.

That is eye-opening. I didn’t think about evaluating this from a straight man’s perspective. And you’re right: gay men tend to be very intentional and deliberate in what we do while straight men just do whatever with other men.

I know this sounds weird but I drew some tarot cards about this situation and they suggested he was indifferent to me. That infuriated me. I want him to like me or hate me or something. Indifference is an absolutely me-negating emotion.

Thanks for your input.

 

[canadian_guy486]

Sad update: today was his last day he’s on his way to bigger and better things being that it was likely the last time I’ll ever see him again, I took every chance I could to soak in every last bit of him. I spent almost 25 min just chatting with him about his new job while he sat with his legs spread wide and I got to stare at his bulge without him noticing. I’m going to really miss staring at his bubble butt ass when he walked in front of me. I’ll miss his sweet yet slightly sweaty scent that was like heaven to me. His pants were extra fitted today and I could see the outline of his boxer briefs around his thighs and I had to sit down for a bit so my raging boner wouldn’t show…. At one point he got up to use the bathroom, and I walked over and took a deep inhale of his coat while he was away from his desk, and I’m embarrassed to admit this, but when no one was looking, I walked over and smelled his chair i couldn’t help myself!! I wanted to just soak in every last bit of his essence before he was gone for good.

This probably a good thing though, as I was on the hook bad. Clearly lol. So this is good for me. I can move on. Get over my crush. And just imagine it’s him inside me wrecking my insides instead of my bf

 

[C4junG0n3_BAD]

Sad update: today was his last day he’s on his way to bigger and better things being that it was likely the last time I’ll ever see him again, I took every chance I could to soak in every last bit of him. I spent almost 25 min just chatting with him about his new job while he sat with his legs spread wide and I got to stare at his bulge without him noticing. I’m going to really miss staring at his bubble butt ass when he walked in front of me. I’ll miss his sweet yet slightly sweaty scent that was like heaven to me. His pants were extra fitted today and I could see the outline of his boxer briefs around his thighs and I had to sit down for a bit so my raging boner wouldn’t show…. At one point he got up to use the bathroom, and I walked over and took a deep inhale of his coat while he was away from his desk, and I’m embarrassed to admit this, but when no one was looking, I walked over and smelled his chair i couldn’t help myself!! I wanted to just soak in every last bit of his essence before he was gone for good.

This probably a good thing though, as I was on the hook bad. Clearly lol. So this is good for me. I can move on. Get over my crush. And just imagine it’s him inside me wrecking my insides instead of my bf

Dude you had it bad. It sucks sometimes. Believe me...been there...done that! That being said, for future reference just pretend he caught you doing the chair sniff thing. Now what exactly do you think his reaction would have been? Yeah that! I mean this sincerely. I really sucks to find that guy. You know. The one with the silver bullet with your name on it....and he bats for the other team. I feel for you man. You are right though. Now you can move on to something different. O and just so you don't feel totally stupid in doing the chair thing. My first real love/crush was a straight guy. I screwed that up royally because I believed he would just have to respond the way I wanted if he really really really understood how I felt. Nope! Anyway, I digress. I still use his birthday as my pin on just about everything.

 

[SlumberLumber]

It's been a long time since I posted an update on my own situation.

The straight male co-worker I have it bad for is also leaving the job for bigger and better things. I'm going to miss him, except that we now have a solid friendship based on trust and honesty. We've promised to keep in touch and hang out as much as we can.

Let me give some details: I lost control of my emotions by early February. I told him I was gay and that I have a crush on him but that I can handle it because I respect him and I know he is straight. He responded by saying he didn't care that I was gay because he thinks I'm a great, kind friend. We had a few bumps over the next few weeks and I had stopped talking to him for a few days and was planning to just ghost him but he confronted me about it and wanted us to work thru whatever issues I had with him. A lot of it was a misunderstanding on my part and he was sweet enough to reassure me that he really likes me and how important I am to his life. He made me promise to always talk to him about any issues I had so that we can work things out. We had great, fun days after that. He would tease me about how much I loved him and if I'm doing OK with those feelings. On the morning that he told me about his new opportunity and when he plans to leave the job, I was tearing up or crying (in our restroom) all day. He wanted us to go to a bar after work. On the way there I told him how deep my feelings really were for him and how badly I wished he was staying (even tho I'm happy about his opportunity). He hugged me. When I started wiping away tears in the bar he was very reassuring that our friendship will stay the same or get better because we are going to stay in touch and still hang out often. He told me he didn't like seeing me so sad. I'm now friends with his girlfriend and we've all been spending time together. My feelings are more in check now. I'm at peace with the situation but I know his last day is still going to be very difficult.

 

[Annatarsauron]

I’m glad it’s kind of working out for you. You didn’t get the man the way you want but at least he’s going to stay a friend. And it’s obvious he cares about you.

 

[JMichaelB]

It's been a long time since I posted an update on my own situation.

The straight male co-worker I have it bad for is also leaving the job for bigger and better things. I'm going to miss him, except that we now have a solid friendship based on trust and honesty. We've promised to keep in touch and hang out as much as we can.

Let me give some details: I lost control of my emotions by early February. I told him I was gay and that I have a crush on him but that I can handle it because I respect him and I know he is straight. He responded by saying he didn't care that I was gay because he thinks I'm a great, kind friend. We had a few bumps over the next few weeks and I had stopped talking to him for a few days and was planning to just ghost him but he confronted me about it and wanted us to work thru whatever issues I had with him. A lot of it was a misunderstanding on my part and he was sweet enough to reassure me that he really likes me and how important I am to his life. He made me promise to always talk to him about any issues I had so that we can work things out. We had great, fun days after that. He would tease me about how much I loved him and if I'm doing OK with those feelings. On the morning that he told me about his new opportunity and when he plans to leave the job, I was tearing up or crying (in our restroom) all day. He wanted us to go to a bar after work. On the way there I told him how deep my feelings really were for him and how badly I wished he was staying (even tho I'm happy about his opportunity). He hugged me. When I started wiping away tears in the bar he was very reassuring that our friendship will stay the same or get better because we are going to stay in touch and still hang out often. He told me he didn't like seeing me so sad. I'm now friends with his girlfriend and we've all been spending time together. My feelings are more in check now. I'm at peace with the situation but I know his last day is still going to be very difficult.

Wow...he sounds superhuman...does his gf know all this?

 

[SlumberLumber]

Kinda wild, isn't it? I actually had dinner with both of them tonight. Yes, she knows. In the beginning, she was NOT happy about any of this at all. One of the reasons I fell out with him was because I caught him screenshotting my texts and sending them to her. I didn't let on what I saw and I didn't really understand what was going on but it tore me up inside. When I told him about it some 5 days later (because he came to me to ask how come I'm ignoring his texts and that I seem cold when talking to him at the office), he was adamant that I was misunderstanding the situation. He said he was only showing her my messages to get across the point that I'm a great friend to him and never inappropriate, so she has nothing to worry about. We both make dirty jokes with each but I've never made a move on him or said anything overtly sexual when it came to my feelings for him. So, she & I addressed everything by text messages before our first meeting, and we're very cool with each other now. She didn't know what to make of this "connection" he & I have but after communicating with me and spending time with me, she says she's happy that he has a friend who loves & cares about him so much and someone who has his back. I'm taking her at her word and my guy friend has also assured me that there are no issues. Some days I'm texting her more than I text him because she's really funny and smart. And the more time I spend with them, the more it helps me get over the feelings I have for him.

 

[SlumberLumber]

I’m glad it’s kind of working out for you. You didn’t get the man the way you want but at least he’s going to stay a friend. And it’s obvious he cares about you.

I remind myself often how lucky I am to have such a nice guy as a close friend. He's truly a one-of-a-kind guy.

 

[JMichaelB]

Kinda wild, isn't it? I actually had dinner with both of them tonight. Yes, she knows. In the beginning, she was NOT happy about any of this at all. One of the reasons I fell out with him was because I caught him screenshotting my texts and sending them to her. I didn't let on what I saw and I didn't really understand what was going on but it tore me up inside. When I told him about it some 5 days later (because he came to me to ask how come I'm ignoring his texts and that I seem cold when talking to him at the office), he was adamant that I was misunderstanding the situation. He said he was only showing her my messages to get across the point that I'm a great friend to him and never inappropriate, so she has nothing to worry about. We both make dirty jokes with each but I've never made a move on him or said anything overtly sexual when it came to my feelings for him. So, she & I addressed everything by text messages before our first meeting, and we're very cool with each other now. She didn't know what to make of this "connection" he & I have but after communicating with me and spending time with me, she says she's happy that he has a friend who loves & cares about him so much and someone who has his back. I'm taking her at her word and my guy friend has also assured me that there are no issues. Some days I'm texting her more than I text him because she's really funny and smart. And the more time I spend with them, the more it helps me get over the feelings I have for him.

I don't think most people could navigate this.

 

[SlumberLumber]

I don't think most people could navigate this.

I also think it’s because she accepts his personality. Even though she doesn’t like that he still communicates with his ex girlfriends, he lets her know that he can’t let anyone go once they’ve meant something to him. If I play armchair psychologist, I think it may have something to do with losing both his parents when he was quite young?

 

[JMichaelB]

I also think it’s because she accepts his personality. Even though she doesn’t like that he still communicates with his ex girlfriends, he lets her know that he can’t let anyone go once they’ve meant something to him. If I play armchair psychologist, I think it may have something to do with losing both his parents when he was quite young?

Neither of them want a three-way? Do you?

 

[SlumberLumber]

Neither of them want a three-way? Do you?

He'd probably like one with another female. I can't imagine he'd be open to another man in the mix. As for me, I couldn't do it. lol

 

[JMichaelB]

He'd probably like one with another female. I can't imagine he'd be open to another man in the mix. As for me, I couldn't do it. lol

...and does he not have any straight male friends to whom he's closer than he is to you? Don't he and his wife have separate groups of same-sex friends?