I think I'm afraid of sex...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by shyyguy123, Oct 11, 2010.

  1. shyyguy123

    shyyguy123 Member

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    There's no other way to explain why I'm still a virgin at 23. Women have always seemed to find me attractive and I've had a lot of opportunities to have sex. I seem to have some sort of irrational fear of making strong sexual advances (it has nothing to do with size, i love my 7x6 member).

    I KNOW it has a lot to do with the severe social anxiety I've dealt with most of my life. There has to be additional factors though and I really don't have any idea how to overcome them. :frown1:

    I wish I could go talk to someone but I just graduated college and just don't have the money. I really feel like I just need to have sex, to get it over with. The longer I let this fear win the harder it's going to be. The problem is I just don't see any easy way to go out and have sex. I wish I could just ask someone to have sex with me and it be that easy, but it's not! I don't really have any close female friends.

    I really don't know what to do.
     
  2. tgirlsrgreat

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    you are a college grad, use what you should have learned. go to a bar, statistically, one out of seven women will say yes if you just go up and ask them, do you want to fuck. you're just not asking enough. regarding the 7x6, i really doubt that or we would not be having this discussion. now, grab yourself by your nutsack and get out there bucko! i was a late bloomer, but i had been laid before i graduated!

    now, if i have offended anyone and you are saving yourself for that someone special i apologize, but i did not get that in the post.

    good luck and play safe!
     
  3. Mr_Bulldog

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    I think I share this fear. Sure I fantasize about doing it but given the opportunity I would probably run away and I don't understand why.
     
  4. shyyguy123

    shyyguy123 Member

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    Just going up to random girls asking them if they want to fuck would be nearly impossible for someone shy like me. Maybe if I get reallly wasted lol. Interesting idea though.

    As for size, it doesn't really matter if you don't believe me. I know it's not the issue. If you want to get technical I'm 6.85 x 5.9 and that's not bone pressed either. I have gotten a blowjob before and she said it was "twice as thick as any other dick I've seen". I'm not worried about size.
     
  5. unknown_rican

    unknown_rican Member

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    Eek. I am a little older than you and I would love to have a larger member. I'm socially scared of the rejection and humiliation that might occur. Due to the size of my member. I plan on going to grad school but I do hope to lose it before that happens.
     
  6. tgirlsrgreat

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    ahh, a bill clinton virgin, interesting!:069:

    the statement is to make a point. i don't mean it literal, that would be a little brutish, even though some will absolutely claim it works. you are going to have to put yourself at some level of risk of failure and not worry about it. now get off the bench junior and into the game!!
     
  7. SpeedoMike

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    we should discuss. see my personal message.
     
  8. LambHair McNeil

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    One thing to consider (that you don't really mention) is what are your standards? Do you view intercourse as something to not necessarily be reserved for marriage but something to be had when you are in a fairly serious relationship - only?

    I have a friend who was like that (and still is). He's now 27 and is engaged to be married next year. He was a "Bill Clinton virgin" until he was 22 and had what some called a split-personality on the idea of sex -- reserving actual intercourse until he met a serious person to have it with.

    As far as "talking to someone", if you decide you really want to go that route, there should be income-based community counseling options in your city or area that you might be able to look into if money is indeed a consideration.
     
  9. shyyguy123

    shyyguy123 Member

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    Well I'm not waiting for marriage or a serious relationship, that's for sure. I would have no problem with having sex with some random woman. I have been told I have very high standards, as in I have passed up sex with women I'm not extremely attracted to quite a bit. But I have had plenty of opportunities to have sex with women who I've though were very attracted, so my standards can't be THAT unrealistic.

    I might have to just start going up to women and asking if they want to fuck like some guy stated earlier in this thread. I mean it has to work eventually right?

    I really just need to get this over with. I think it's just going to cause more and more problems the longer I don't have sex...
     
  10. helgaleena

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    You realize of course that it is a difficulty in your mind? You have already had sex, both a blow job and most likely you masturbate. Those are sex too! I really get annoyed by people who denigrate other sexual activities as somehow being inferior simply because they do not have the disadvantage of leading to offspring.

    Rethink your attitudes to what sex consists of, and you will gradually become more tolerant of yourself and less judgmental about what sort of sex you engage in already.
     
  11. wilseb

    wilseb Member

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    I would definitely categorize myself as 'shy' when I was your age. I'm amazed that I got laid at all. Actually truth is, I lost my virginity at age 17 and didn't have sex again until I was 22. At the time, I was too focused on my career and didn't go out much. Looking back, I slap myself and ask, what the fuck was I thinking!

    You've gotten a BJ so obviously you broke the ice somehow. Just once or were there several / several women? How did that go down (pardon the pun)?

    Some pointers that I've learned through my own experience...
    - If you're out with friends, don't look like you wish you could be somewhere else. Makes you less approachable.
    - Keep smiling! With friends, talk to them and carry on conversation, keeping an "interested" and "just happy to be here" look on your face - keeps you from frowning. While doing this, talking to your friends, occasionally look around the room and scope out who's there. It's not rude if you do this when you're with other guys. You can't see who else is around without looking. :cool: Doing this will help let your eyes lock on anyone who may be looking at you. Helps with breaking the ice if you later talk to them.
    - When you're talking to someone, in the back of your mind, think that you care less about this girl. Weird, yes, but think of it this way... by doing this, you seem less desperate. If you're desperate/anxious, there are subtle signs that women spot and just know.

    It's daaaaamn hard to walk up to someone cold. I'm far more confident now, but even today, it's still difficult if I had to do it. Get a few drinks in me and that changes. :biggrin1:
     
  12. wilseb

    wilseb Member

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    Wow... (taps microphone) am I talking to my younger self!? Eeery.

    I was looking for a LTR when I meet women. If I didn't deem them to be the LTR kind, I dropped all interest in them, thus blowing them off and any chance I would have with any short-term relationship.

    I actually used this line on a girl once and it worked "... hey nice shoes - wanna fuck?". Given that both of us were in an inebriated state, it worked out.

    Think of it as life experience points. You don't earn points if you don't play. It also helps with learning positions, trying out which ones work and learning from her, too.
     
  13. tgirlsrgreat

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    hey hey hey, i am not just some guy!!:irked: i never said anything about size, but if you are measuring out to the 100ths, you are a bit obsessed. if you are really sincere about this (and i am starting to doubt it), what you are looking for is what some of my buddies called, sport fucking. just for the hell of it. nothing wrong with that, just be a gentleman, and play safe. you have received all kinds of advice here. you say you are 100% straight, sure about that??? anyway, take the advice and run with it, be kind, have a sense of humor, be open to things that don't necessarily meet your "standards", etc. get cleaned up, nice haircut, well groomed, maybe some new clothes and get out there. don't care where, church, clubs, dating site, whatever, but get the hell off of this site and start leading a real life. half the stuff on here is fantasy and wank material anyway!!!!!:buttkick:
     
  14. exwhyzee

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    Do you know how conflicted you sound?

    Which is it? Do you have an irrational fear of making strong advances? Or is it impossible? You're making this 100 times harder than it has to be...
     
  15. scottredleter

    scottredleter New Member

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    Dude the social anxiety you are talking about is real and it can be treated. You need some professional help is all. Don't let this go until you are in your 40's and wonder how your life passed you by. Go get some help... almost all employers offer some kind of counseling service that is usually free, but even if not, there are free services around... google it and go get some help and stop being alone.
    Best of luck man.
     
  16. THEDUDEofDestiny

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    if you didnt get laid in college you will never get laid
     
  17. scottredleter

    scottredleter New Member

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    That 'standards' thing can be a real cock blocker!
     
  18. THEDUDEofDestiny

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    ive sufered from social anxiety most of my life and self-medicated with alcohol and drugs - both of which get you laid a lot but slowly ruin your life. anyway, just realize tha all the worst dudes have the most confidence in themselves and there is no reason they should get all the good jobs and hot chicks just because they are too stupid to be selfaware or self questioning
     
  19. HiddenLacey

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    Tricks for anxiety, recite your ABC's backwards in your head, count each breath you take slowly breathing in and out while counting, it helps to say one one-thousand, two one-thousand, three one thousand, etc (silently so the people around you have no idea you're freaking out.)

    I don't see the big deal being a virgin at 23. I waited until a month before my 21st birthday and I was in a very serious relantionship at the time or it wouldn't have happened as I'm generally a circus freak of clumsiness and unknowing stupidity at the worst moments possible.
     
    #19 HiddenLacey, Oct 11, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 11, 2010
  20. shyyguy123

    shyyguy123 Member

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    Haha what's with tgirls?? First he questioned my size and now my sexual orientation? I didn't join this website and make this thread to lie about my penis size and sexual orientation. And I only listed my penis size in tenths because you were questioning my size in the 1st place.

    I have made significant advances in terms of my social anxiety. I had never gone on a real "date" until October of last year. Since last October I've been on dates with 7 different woman, one with a woman 20 years older than me haha! Six of those women I met from online dating websites, which helps me out a lot since approaching is really hard for someone shy like me. And I actually approached and got a # and a date at a bar/club for the 1st time earlier this year.

    It has helped a lot and I'm now pretty confident going on dates with women. It hasn't helped with my fear of making sexual advances though. The chick I got a bj from was really aggressive, and she usually made the moves. Oh and she wanted to have sex(different day) but I couldn't get it up that time because I was apparently too nervous!!
     
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