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Increased Masochism

Discussion in 'Ask a Woman' started by sudcalifornio, May 24, 2020.

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  1. sudcalifornio

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    Let me start to explain, my gf andwand IuI to have some kind of vanilla sex when we started this relationship.
    Everything started when I spanked her while we were at it.
    She begins to ask to be spanked a little harder to the point of mark her, didn't like this but I complied because she has same Rights to get sexually satisfied.
    She knows wants me to choke her
    The way everything seems I feel like this is not going to ended up good.

    She is super sweet and supporting company, don't wanna lose her.
     
  2. MickeyLee

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    If you are not comfortable with any activity, at any point, you are allowed to say no. You are not denying her a right to sexual satisfaction. You are setting boundaries.

    Choking should not be in the same box as spanking with a hand. In spite of what porn and shitty literotica would have folks believe choking can get real serious real fast. A hand clasping her neck? Groovy. Apply a bit of tension for positioning? Probably okay, if you pay attention and maintain control of you/moment.

    Actual choking, impeding the flow of blood or restricting breath? No. Neck structures are many, delicate, and vital for human survival. Without knowledge of anatomy, without experience, and without some guidance, and without being one hundred percent willing to contact authorities/medical help is things go bad.. Don't do it.

    Also: Right to Sexual Satisfaction is not a real thing. Ideally, a sexual partner is open and respectful of needs/desires. Nobody has any right to expect anything a partner is uncomfortable with.
     
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  3. MickeyLee

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    Additional: there are kinks on the ouch spectrum that can be learned with a bit of research and are safer to experiment with.

    If ya are serious about introducing a lil more slap into ya slap and tickle getting ya research on is key. There are heaps of respected sites focused on BDSM. Most offer resources and information for beginner curious people.

    Be very aware of who you listen to. Kink is treated like role playing game on line. People with no real experience offering very bad information.

    Suggested place to start? Wax Play. A few precautions. The right equipment. Some basic anatomy. Ya good to go.

    I can shoot ya some friendly site links if ya interested.
     
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  4. Tight_N_Juicy

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    I don't have anything to add, I think Mickey summed it up.. just wanna second her post ❤️
     
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  5. Scarletbegonia

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    You are not her kink dispenser.
    If you don’t want to, dont.
    If you are uninformed on how to play safely, DON’T.
     
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  6. 286798

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    Trust your gut. If you're uncomfortable, say so.
     
  7. sudcalifornio

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    I wouldn't mind a little spank, I also don't like the idea to go rougher.
    But what is exactly a safe way to choke?
    She is the girl who I can see a future along the road, how can I comply her desires without feeling bad morally? Is this me who I just need to man up?
     
  8. Scarletbegonia

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    IMHO, there isn’t a safe way to choke. Breath play has too many risks for my comfort, even if I didn’t go into a panicked rage when someone touches my throat. (My ex and I tried as a “trust exercise.” I can’t even wear short necklaces)

    kink takes a LOT of communication. In SoCal there are lots of groups.
    kink groups riverside CA - Google Search
     
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  9. sudcalifornio

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    I guess I am gonna be postponing this till she complains
     
  10. Scarletbegonia

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    Or you could educate yourself.

    Does she have any interest in learning safe kink?
     
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  11. MickeyLee

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    If she complains point out your reservations and discomfort. You were game until you hit your personal limit. She can't expect anymore. And has no footing to demand more.

    There is no real safe choking. RACK stands for Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. SSC - Safe Sane Consensual is another biggie.

    Ms @Scarletbegonia is dead on with contacting members of the community. There are couple friendly groups that are safe places to explore kink. They are not dungeon scenes or anything out of a movie. Nobody will be naked or hanging from the rafters.

    These Intro events usually take place in a sex-positive space. I've been to heaps in feminist/queer *everybody is welcome* bookstores. There will be a few speakers, usually people respected by the local kink community. Some folks will be sex-forward therapists, some kink activist. And snacks. Kink folks seem to really like snacks.

    Ya can ask questions. Lots of times BDSM basics will be available to touch/fiddle with. Most light bondage gear, some paddles, a few light floggers, blind folds, gags. Be polite. Ask permission for anything more than examining toys.

    Choking/Breathe Play is considered heavier play and won't be covered. It's also not a kink to learn on-line. Study? Yes. Absolutely. Anatomy, learn the danger areas and the "safer" areas. Learn the why of Breathe Plays appeal. A great time to talk to ya partner about what aspects of being choked turn her on. For some people the rush is related to the physical act. For others the submission is key. Knowing why can help find a happy and safe area ya both are comfortable exploring.
     
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  12. MickeyLee

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    @sudcalifornio - when you look for events use the terms "BDSM Munch" or "BDSM Workshop"

    Read reviews of the events. Do a bit of searching on the speakers and the venue. Double check everything. And legit kink folk will welcome ask you asking about their background, so long as the questions are respectful and related to the topic at hand.
     
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  13. sudcalifornio

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    no, that is too much, there are some borders i don't think i can cross
     
  14. MickeyLee

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    Okay, so meet-up/Munches are outside ya comfort zone. Cool.

    If the breathe play is the too much. Then ya know ya limits. Insist she respects them.

    I still say learn more about kink/BDSM. You and ya lady friend might find activities ya both have an interest in. Activities that don't have potential to do very serious harm to either of you. Kinks in both comfort zones.
     
  15. Scarletbegonia

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    Go peek at Fet life. Ask in novices and newbies
     
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  16. Experiment_626

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    That will probably be too much for him too
     
  17. Scarletbegonia

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    I’m thinking cowhideman will set him right
     
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  18. Holly Doors

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    If you're going to practice choking hunni you need to do your research so that you don't have any accidents, sometimes I like it myself but you must make sure you know what you're doing.
     
  19. sudcalifornio

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    i just cant choke her the way she wants it, i wish she would like it light
     
  20. Scarletbegonia

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    You just don’t get what you are hearing, do you?

    YOU are uncomfortable with choking/breath play.
    So don’t do it. End of story.
     
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