Instead of cheating, why not just leave?

[halcyondays]

Yup.


Yay!


Thanks!


Nope.


Because he's a man of his word.


Yup.


Correct.


This is a what-if situation that doesn't apply to me.


Wonderful woman.


Not that I know of.


Not that I know of.


Not that I know of. Well maybe that one time he told me I was still cute when he was holding my hair (when I still had it, lol) out of my eyes whilst I was praying to the porcelain throne gods, lol.

My Mother was perfect in my eyes.

My Husband is pretty damn near perfect. Other than remembering to put stuff back where he found it after he uses it!

OP accused me of being enlightened. I think you deserve the moniker of the Enlightened One.

Gold Star!

 

[Evenflow618]

Agreed. But expecting people not to make mistakes--not to be human--is not human and inhumane.

People don’t want to be accountable for their actions

 

[halcyondays]

People don’t want to be accountable for their actions

People are afraid of looking bad.

 

[aheidla]

Some people fight their own "War of the Roses".

By far, one of my favorite movies. Pure classic.

 

[aheidla]

OP accused me of being enlightened.

No baby. I accused you of erroneously seeing yourself as "enlightened." I gave you no such title.

 

[aheidla]

Agreed. But expecting people not to make mistakes--not to be human--is not human and inhumane.

No. A "mistake" is forgetting to pay a bill on time or, God forbid, only seasoning one side of the chicken before cooking it. Cheating involves making a choice. The wrong choice.

I put cheating in the same category as murder with regard to poor choices. You had the opportunity to make a good decision that wouldn't harm someone and you chose the opposite. That is not a mistake. That is being a bad person. No exceptions.

 

[Evenflow618]

No. A "mistake" is forgetting to pay a bill on time or, God forbid, only seasoning one side of the chicken before cooking it. Cheating involves making a choice. The wrong choice.

I put cheating in the same category as murder with regard to poor choices. You had the opportunity to make a good decision that wouldn't harm someone and you chose the opposite. That is not a mistake. That is being a bad person. No exceptions.

Cheating is nowhere near murder never make that hyperbole mistake again

 

[aheidla]

Cheating is nowhere near murder never make that hyperbole mistake again

I put cheating in the same category as murder with regard to poor choices.

I was very clear about the fact I was specifically referring to the issue of making poor choices, here. Nowhere did I state that the level of harm for each is equivalent. That much is obvious.

 

[bar4doug]

By far, one of my favorite movies. Pure classic.

I think I'll go and take a piss on the fish...

 

[halcyondays]

I put cheating in the same category as murder with regard to poor choices. You had the opportunity to make a good decision that wouldn't harm someone and you chose the opposite. That is not a mistake. That is being a bad person. No exceptions.

 

[aheidla]

Yes sir. I'm a fairly laid-back individual, tolerant of mostly everything when it comes to sex between two consenting adults.

Except cheating. I draw the line at cheating. I don't care what someone's "reasons" are. If you cheat, I have no sympathy for you or your situation.

"Fuck what you going through and fuck what you stand for." -- Snoop Dogg

 

[erpap]

Everyone situation is different. However if my spouse cheated then I think I’m owed the truth regardless of the outcome. If it has been established it is a monogamous relationship of all the people in your life that is the one you owe the truth to, otherwise why bother being in a relationship.

 

[halcyondays]

Yes sir. I'm a fairly laid-back individual, tolerant of mostly everything when it comes to sex between two consenting adults.

Except cheating. I draw the line at cheating. I don't care what someone's "reasons" are. If you cheat, I have no sympathy for you or your situation.

"Fuck what you going through and fuck what you stand for." -- Snoop Dogg

For people who don't marry and don't agree to be exclusive relationships it is impossible to cheat.

 

[aheidla]

For people who don't marry and don't agree to be exclusive relationships it is impossible to cheat.

I am obviously not talking about those people. Why are you bringing them into the conversation?

 

[GODHEAD PLATINUM]

some people just like the drama and the thrills and spills they get of it

 

[halcyondays]

Instead of living embittered by events you could not control why not just forgive and forget?

 

[glennb]

Make it make sense? There is no good reason to remain and cheat. Not even "for the kids." As a product of a broken/dysfunctional home, trust me, we'd rather you just split up because the tension and vitriol is easily picked up on by the kids. So, no, "staying for the kids" is not a good reason. If either party is not happy or not getting something out of the relationship, the next logical step is to leave.

I think the entire message is simplistic. It is not uncommon for women to simply decide they are done with intercourse. They don't want it anymore and refuse to give it. Let's say you get along fine with your wife in every other way and have no desire to separate, You also have kids. Maybe it has nothing to do with staying together "for the kids". Maybe the thought of losing your children is horrible and you're staying together for yourself. I've actually seen this situation from both men AND women.

So here is the question. You want to stay with your wife and children because you love them but you have no desire to be done with intimacy. What do you do? Do you simply accept that intimicy is a thing of the past and live a priests existence or do you leave a situation that you desperately want to stay in? Or do you try to find physical intimacy somewhere else. I think it's very easy to cast judgement when you've never been in a situation.

 

[aheidla]

So here is the question. You want to stay with your wife and children because you love them but you have no desire to be done with intimacy. What do you do?

Be an adult and talk to her about what she's doing being a problem for you and tell her that she can either get her shit together, open the marriage, or you're leaving. Do not cheat. That is the coward's route. Leaving a marriage if one spouse refuses intimacy is a completely legitimate reason for leaving. Cheating, however, is not the solution and it is not a legitimate reason to do so.

Also, if you two have that conversation and she opens the marriage, it is no longer cheating. That is an agreement. Consent and honesty are established. Cheating is devoid of honesty and consent.

 

[aheidla]

Instead of living embittered by events you could not control why not just forgive and forget?

Every woman on both sides of my immediate family was cheated on by her husband and/or abused. One of my aunts was not only cheated on repeatedly by her husband, but he also beat her quite literally to death.

I prefer to follow the advisement of the Emperor and let the hate flow through me. It's become part of who I am, at this point.

 

[marriedasian]

without writing a novel. cheating is unique to each situation. the act of cheating is universal though.

there are financial reasons, emotional reasons, familial reasons, cultural reasons, and the list goes on and on for why people choose to stay in a relationship and then choose to cheat thereafter. the source of why cheating is chosen is also wide and far in between. it could be a dead bedroom, it could be a medical reason, it could be malice, it could be barter, it could be whatever.

my argument is to not jump to conclusions without understanding the entire story (if you are even privy to that information). each person has to make their own decisions that affect their own lives. we can sit outside of that and look in while passing judgement with ease. i say don't knock it until you've lived it.

i'm all for just leaving but life is not that simple.