Is it like..... OK to go to bars alone????

[galaxus]

You guys might think this is a stupid question.

But sometimes I come home from work, tired, but still restless. I have my fiance, but sometimes she isn't up for a conversation and the lil one doesn't want to be bothered.....

So it feels like I come home to a empty house sometimes. I know we all are just tired and have our things to do, but I still feel lonely in the company of others. And all of my close friends are out of town.

If I go to a bar, or to a club alone.... is that weird. Will I be labeled as the weird guy because I came alone? Is this even a good idea?

 

[aninnymouse]

I don't think so. A lot of people stop off at the bar to have a drink or two, maybe socialize with a couple of people. Some people go to a club just to have a couple of drinks, dance, and unwind. No biggie.

If a situation happens where someone is giving you vibes that they'd like to do more, you don't have to do anything, you can just politely decline.

 

[DTD]

I think that it's cool to go out to a bar alone.......That's where you can go and have some other people that you can talk to.......

 

[MickeyLee]

depends.. are you looking to chat up womens or talk to other dudes?

chat up women.. yes, you will look creepy. uber-creepy if you let slip/mention the fiance.

talk to other dudes - sports bar is okay. pub type establishment, as long as you sit at the bar. club-club, ya might get chat'd up by some other dude there on his ownsome :biggrin:

is kinda like most social gatherings, animal herds and orgies... single dudes are kinda put at a distance.

 

[danjs584]

Go for it! As long as you don't act creepy people won't think it's strange. It actually is a good way to make new friends because people can be intimidated to approach a group but may feel comfortable approaching you by yourself.

 

[petite]

It depends on the bar. I lived a block away from one and went there all the time by myself. I was usually in there for the 11pm showing of The Daily Show. I went regularly and after a while a lot of people I liked went regularly, too, so that we had a regular group. It was really nice. I miss it. I wish I could find a place like that here.

 

[hud01]

Absolutely. You can meet some really cool people and don't listen to those who say you can't talk to women, that is garbage. That is the same thing as saying you can't talk to girls at work because you are engaged. They will probably like to talk to you even more because you aren't trying to pick them up.

 

[jjsjr]

Absolutely.


Just did it tonight. Just go.
Who cares who's judging/watching you?!?!?
Do you want to enjoy yourself or not?!

 

[EllieP]

OMG, if it was improper to go to a bar alone then both Cap and I would be in big trouble!!! Cap often stops off at his favorite watering hole before coming home, and I'd rather him let off steam there than dragging it in the house! LOL!

I don't often stop there, but I have a favorite place, too. It's gotten to the point where she'll almost have my glass of chardonay ready!!! I'm serious! I brought Cap with me one time, and he ordered his drink and the bartender said "Chardonay, right?" I laughed and Cap looked at me with mock surprise.

My place is definitely more upscale than Cap's!

 

[D_Harry_Crax]

Not only is it OK to go to a bar alone, it is OK to do anything alone. I've had good-to-great times travelling alone--both in the USA and in other countries; eating in restaurants alone (it's not great, but I take a newspaper or magazine or book to read while eating, and it's much better); going to the gym alone; shopping alone; not to mention getting myself off!

 

[B_jasonbig]

Every time I enter a bar there is someone having a quiet drink or chillin out with strangers and the regulars. I've had some bar staff go "don't you have any friends" "your always alone" but I just think Im there paying their wage, enjoying myself, I like to socialize, and I like the buzz of alcohol, and also when im free my friends aren't always avalible to go out. People are always going to judge others, if your happy and comfortable what does it matter

 

[irish18]

im a barman in ireland and i see many people come into the bar alone, there the people i end up making conversation with. its what a barman is for to be the company for people as they drink (as well as serve them of course) so yeah have a quite drink in the bar buddy if you wish, club is abit odd. i wouldnt go to a club on my own but thats just me

 

[JC8]

It's a good experience and it's been so long since I first started doing it I've given it some thought to jog my memory and get back into your perspective. A couple things occurred to me:

First, the advice given here is vague, but correct in terms of creepy. This is usually manifested by being self conscious.

You can overcome that one quite easily, you are in a bar after all.

As irish18 the bartenders will banter with you if they're worth their salt.

If you tend to be the self-doubting, nervous, or nebbish type (no reason to think that of course) pour something stiff over the ice while you break it with the bartender.

Two assets I find invaluable when heading into a bar or social situation on my own are my ears and having a sense of humour, and using them at a 80/20 ratio, respectively.

Okay that's a load of shit as far as the ratio; essentially I'm saying listen more than you talk, especially at first. But speak up, the guy who doesn't talk? Creepy. The guy who talks too much? They already have friends for that .

So, you should speak up and when you do make it amusing and show you've been listening and give a shit about what they've been talking about; it's unlikely anyone will remember what you say anyway, might as well lift their mood, right?

The final bit of advice: Leave; set a time and go, even if you're having a grand time with all your new friends.

I have a tough one with this; it's easy to get intoxicated by meeting new people or simply to overstay a welcome. Aside from that there's nothing sadder than the one guy that's wasted because he's been there for eleventy hours.

 

[D_PooNaHoe]

I lived a block away from one and went there all the time by myself. I was usually in there for the 11pm showing of The Daily Show. I went regularly and after a while a lot of people I liked went regularly, too, so that we had a regular group. It was really nice. I miss it. I wish I could find a place like that here.

Norm!!

:tongue:

I think that's the whole point of ye olde watering hole. Everyone is welcome, including singles. Unless its a hardcore biker bar. They don't seem to readily welcome people with open arms.

 

[D_Sal_Manilla]

You guys might think this is a stupid question.

But sometimes I come home from work, tired, but still restless. I have my fiance, but sometimes she isn't up for a conversation and the lil one doesn't want to be bothered.....

So it feels like I come home to a empty house sometimes. I know we all are just tired and have our things to do, but I still feel lonely in the company of others. And all of my close friends are out of town.

If I go to a bar, or to a club alone.... is that weird. Will I be labeled as the weird guy because I came alone? Is this even a good idea?

well since your married, I say to always tell your wife you will be going out. and tell here you'll be going alone to meet new people (friendship-wise) I say this cause if you do start going to the bar alone she might think your cheating.
Also i hope you've talked with her about this.


well anyways I don't think its weird or wrong, just as long as your going to only socialize. maybe instead of going to the bar, you can start talking classes for a hobbies or something. Make quick friends there.

 

[deleted3782]

If I go to a bar, or to a club alone.... is that weird. Will I be labeled as the weird guy because I came alone? Is this even a good idea?

Maybe you will become friends with the wierd guy alone at the other end of the bar...and you can be bar buds.

I understand what you are saying though. When I go to bars today (alone), 99.9% of the people there are with friends in little groups clustered all around the bar. On a recent trip to San Diego, there were literally no other single people in the bars I visited, and people eyed me from a distance over their friends shoulders. Maybe some of them assumed I was waiting for my posse to show up, or had intentions to hook up with someone. I think there is a general assumption that loners are loners for a reason...that they are wrapped in mystery...or worse.

 

[curious_angel]

I think you'll only be labelled weird if you're acting weird. If you're just having a drink, enjoying the atmosphere and seem relaxed I wouldn't bat an eyelid. Clubs, I'd say are different.

I've always thought it must be easier for a guy to be alone in a bar or pub. When I'm away from home on business I hate being stuck in a hotel so I'll often go to a bar/pub/restaurant on my own. I'm choosy about where I go and I try not to act too weird. The only time I feel uncomfortable is when guys (yes, ime, it's only ever guys) assume that you're there to be picked up.

 

[Mercurygirl]

Yeah, I think it's easier for guys too. I've gone to a bar alone once, just killing time, and I felt sort of pathetic and thought I looked desperate. The guys there seem to feed into this and needless to say apart from buying my first drink I had several in front of me within an hour. That and a number of guys hit on me, which was a nice boost for the ego. That is until a group of them, obviously friends, started competing for my attention and I sort of felt like an easy piece of meat. It was as if they weren't trying to impress me but instead they were putting each other down to make the competition look bad with the last standing jerk winning me. I slipped out during a bathroom break as they continued to insult one another. Will never do that again.

But there's nothing wrong with seeking out a little social atmosphere/interaction ... just be nice to the lonely girl at the bar, I guarantee you she's feeling a lot more vulnerable and pathetic than you can possibly imagine. :tongue:

 

[James Duncan]

I have been wondering the same. I was never sure if going to a bar solo would be odd or not. I want to enjoy myself and meet new people, so fuck it.

There are plenty of bars to choose from in my local area (big college/ metro town). I'm going to take advantage of this and start venturing out on my own, and taking on new experiences.

 

[Turbojetx]

First, be prepared to extend the courtesy to her to stop by the bar or club on the way home--so how does that make you feel ? A little threatened? That's how she would feel about it, IMHO.

Yeah, i would speak to my fiancee about it. It's not weird to want to socialize with people, that's you. (However, you also said "but I still feel lonely in the company of others" so that is a little contradictory. What did you mean ? )

Talking it out is the foundation of a good relationship, and to meet each other's needs. If she needs quiet time to recharge and you need people to recharge (that's the difference between introvert and extravert) then you can state that you have to socialize; it may mean she takes a little bit more time chatting with you in the evenings. That may meet your needs and keep you home at night. But then again, she may be ok for you to stop by the bar on the way home or not. I am guessing not at this stage of your relationship. I do also like the suggestion of taking up a hobby or class, maybe just go to the gym is enough socializing.

Going alone, though--you need to consider the possibility of meeting the knockout or "woman of your dreams" (though there is no 'woman of your dreams' since that is a fallacy, but we men can be idiots with the booze and low-lighting) and fall in lust and love all over again in a matter of minutes. A hard-on and it's over. And some women would dig going after the engaged guy and turning his head. How would that affect your commitment to marry? And also look at it from the other person's point of view that you may seem eligible to them when you are not. I dated a woman once who was engaged but did not wear a typical engagement ring. I was extremely pissed when I discovered that--taken for an idiot.

Anyway, I think a bar is ok but a club, not so much. Clubbing to me generally means more checking people out, and pickups.

So , yeah, probably go to a bar and chat up the bartender. Always let your fiancee/wife know what you are doing. Edging into a male conversation at the bar would probably be ok. Chatting up another woman, not so ok.