Is it that obvious?

[bigman79]

So without going into too much detail here is the story. Went out with girl my senior year of high school (2006-7) for about a year. We were eachothers first boyfriend and girlfriend, she was afraid of getting pregnant and being the nice guy I didn’t pressure her into having sex. As far as we went were handjobs and fingering. Couple months after we break up she gets a new boyfriend and from what I heard from her friend he basically pressured her into having sex. 4 years since and she is your typical college girl.

Here is my “situation.” Ever since we broke up I have been by her side, I have seen the boyfriends/fuck buddies/drunken party guys come and go but I never really got the impression she was trying to make a move on me. Here we are almost 5 years after breaking up and I still have very strong feelings for her.

The past year or so has been very different. Like some girls she was very attached to the guy that took her virginity, she always told her friends she hated him but was basically still sleeping with him (some 3 year years later) because of the “comfort” thing. But he has been out of her life for a good portion of the past year.

I am terrible with signs from girls, you basically have to sit in my lap for me to figure out a girl is trying to make a move on me. I have no problem admitting I am very shy and don’t have much confidence. So there is my problem.

So here are some things that my friends have labeled as “signs” but I just blew off:

-She came home from school for a weekend. She was going to be the only one in the house the entire weekend. She kept saying “ya it’s just going to be me and the dogs on the bed tonight”. My friends have said its obvious she wanted some company in bed.

-I went to visit her at her school and have dinner. In order to get home I have to go over a mountain pass which can get a lot of snow, with my luck the snow started dumping as we started having dinner. Throughout dinner she kept looking at the pass conditions on her phone and saying over and over “so what are you going to do if the passes close?” My friends say she was hinting at having me ask her if I could spend the night at her place.

-It was her 22 birthday around Christmas time. I was the only guy she invited, there were about 10 of her girl friends there. They all kind of lit up with excitement when I got there and she got a little embarrassed. Throughout the night we talked and she smeared my face with some whip cream that came from a drink she had.

-Last year at her 21st birthday I was once again the only guy. She was literally attached to my hip the entire night and kept saying “thank you so much for coming” and “I’m so happy you’re here”. As we left the bar we hugged and she went to her car looked at me and said “love ya”. To me this was just a typical 21 year old girl drunk statement.


To you the person who has never met us does this sound like she is trying to give me “signs”? My friends aren’t the most experienced with girls. And one of them is the type who will just tell you what you want to hear. So its really hard to believe what they are saying in terms of her giving me signs. Like I said I am terrible with signs from girls, and I almost feel like I have been so beaten down by this girl since I have had to see the guys shes been with that I am basically oblivious to these signs she is giving me, if that is what they actually are.

Thanks for any help.

 

[unccguy85]

As the guy that REGULARLY misses signals, I'm saying yes, she's being obvious. Don't waste time wondering. Just find out.

 

[Tallhungbball88]

Another guy who can't figure out signals easily. She's obviously trying for some sort of reciprocation from you so just sit down and talk to her about it

 

[B_curiousme01]

Five years of her being with another is not a signal. It's an alarm bell.

 

[oasi86]

I've been through this before. In my case I was her best friend for 10 years and I too saw all the other guys come and go. When a woman has a straight male friend like that who always has her back she realizes eventually that she does have something special in them from what you are telling me she is figuring that out with you right now.

 

[unccguy85]

Five years of her being with another is not a signal. It's an alarm bell.

Can you explain that a little more?

 

[sexplease]

ask her. If I want to know something - I ask.

 

[upone]

ask her. If I want to know something - I ask.

I second that. Once I had the following conversation with a woman friend:

HER: If you're ever in Portland, you can stay at my place.

ME: Should I bring a sleeping bag?

HER: No.

 

[rbkwp]

Here we are almost 5 years after breaking up and I still have very strong feelings for her



All respect OP , but with the time passed i cant see you getting past the 'infatuation' phase with her
All the signs are there, and you dont seem able to go that little bit further, with her that is
Think for your own well being, perhaps you really may have to decide if she is really the one for you, otherwise perhaps be strong and move along there man.
Have a slight feeling you may have what i would call male subservient tendencies, be aware you may not want to be an older male who has a dominant female partner thruout your life.
too nicer a guy, and perhaps deserve a little better, then again i am one for accepting our fate / destiny, so if that be you role in life, ahh well...

Above all, and with respect for her now, feel within her own life, what she had with you initially MAY be all she desires again from you, just as an interim' thing, feel she will likely always go back to the one she lost ner virginty to, thats my hunch, it all depends if you want to be the nice obliging guy, in her life...
Do yourself a favour and move along, me thinks.

 

[bigman79]

Five years of her being with another is not a signal. It's an alarm bell.

She wasn't with another guy for 5 years. We broke up almost 5 years ago. She has had a couple boyfriends in those 5 years.

 

[HunggGreek]

I miss signals and even I know she's into you.

 

[thebesthotsex]

Why don't you try making a move on her? If you think she is throwing herself at you then mirror her. Like you mentioned she said "I'm really glad you came"...look her straight in her eyes and tell her, "I'm really glad I came too" until you lock eyes and hers don't move. Then give her a light kiss on the cheek (not on the lips) and a short hug...if she grasps back hard, she wants you. The night she asked you what you would do if the passes closed, you should have told her, "Damn, I have no idea...what do you think I should do?" Be totally nonchalant with your responses so you can feel her out without coming on strong. If she invited you to her empty house and mentioned her empty bed, that seems like a total sign to me. You should have went and watched a movie. Cuddling during a movie could lead to kissing (which she will hopefully initiate since you're too shy)...and then at that point you could head third base. Hope this helps.

 

[D_Judith K Rantz]

As a female, I miss every damn signal in the book from guys (I'm oblivious in that way...I guess it comes from the shyness). She is going out of her way to make it obvious to you that she still has feelings for you that go beyond friendship.

 

[bigtwin]

Well, I'd say its obvious...either that or she thinks you're gay and includes you as one of her bffs (no offense). Either way you need an answer....so I'd talk to her, ask or tell her your feelings. My wife says the same, so does the bleacher section in right field.

 

[tgirlsrgreat]

So without going into too much detail here is the story. Went out with girl my senior year of high school (2006-7) for about a year. We were eachothers first boyfriend and girlfriend, she was afraid of getting pregnant and being the nice guy I didn’t pressure her into having sex. As far as we went were handjobs and fingering. Couple months after we break up she gets a new boyfriend and from what I heard from her friend he basically pressured her into having sex. 4 years since and she is your typical college girl.

Here is my “situation.” Ever since we broke up I have been by her side, I have seen the boyfriends/fuck buddies/drunken party guys come and go but I never really got the impression she was trying to make a move on me. Here we are almost 5 years after breaking up and I still have very strong feelings for her.

The past year or so has been very different. Like some girls she was very attached to the guy that took her virginity, she always told her friends she hated him but was basically still sleeping with him (some 3 year years later) because of the “comfort” thing. But he has been out of her life for a good portion of the past year.

I am terrible with signs from girls, you basically have to sit in my lap for me to figure out a girl is trying to make a move on me. I have no problem admitting I am very shy and don’t have much confidence. So there is my problem.

So here are some things that my friends have labeled as “signs” but I just blew off:

-She came home from school for a weekend. She was going to be the only one in the house the entire weekend. She kept saying “ya it’s just going to be me and the dogs on the bed tonight”. My friends have said its obvious she wanted some company in bed.

-I went to visit her at her school and have dinner. In order to get home I have to go over a mountain pass which can get a lot of snow, with my luck the snow started dumping as we started having dinner. Throughout dinner she kept looking at the pass conditions on her phone and saying over and over “so what are you going to do if the passes close?” My friends say she was hinting at having me ask her if I could spend the night at her place.

-It was her 22 birthday around Christmas time. I was the only guy she invited, there were about 10 of her girl friends there. They all kind of lit up with excitement when I got there and she got a little embarrassed. Throughout the night we talked and she smeared my face with some whip cream that came from a drink she had.

-Last year at her 21st birthday I was once again the only guy. She was literally attached to my hip the entire night and kept saying “thank you so much for coming” and “I’m so happy you’re here”. As we left the bar we hugged and she went to her car looked at me and said “love ya”. To me this was just a typical 21 year old girl drunk statement.


To you the person who has never met us does this sound like she is trying to give me “signs”? My friends aren’t the most experienced with girls. And one of them is the type who will just tell you what you want to hear. So its really hard to believe what they are saying in terms of her giving me signs. Like I said I am terrible with signs from girls, and I almost feel like I have been so beaten down by this girl since I have had to see the guys shes been with that I am basically oblivious to these signs she is giving me, if that is what they actually are.

Thanks for any help.

cripes, just ask her! your both young adults, so go for it! you should be boinking like bunnies, just play safe!!:smileysex5:

 

[D_Doe_Ray_Mi]

I agree man, having been in similar situation at your age, you are missing a pretty blatant signal. What do you have to lose? You don't have her now so go for it man, tell her how you feel and be more proactive and go for what you want. Be a man!!!

 

[deleted704937]

Clear communication is the only way to go on these things. It's time for an open conversation in which you both come right out with what you want and where you stand. As post-college-aged young adults, you're both too old to be playing "does it mean you LIKE-me-likes-me when you play with me at recess." She should be able to express her intentions in plain language, and you should be able to ask what she's doing if you feel you're getting mixed messages. What some call "signs" I call "playing games." I think the expression is shit or get off the pot.

 

[billblows4u]

i'm no good at this. i've been pinning after my friend bobby for 30 yrs. no lie! he's beeen engaged 4 times to women and has had 4 relationships with men. and i'm still around to pick up the pieces of his life when he needs me to.

 

[bigman79]

Wow. Can't believe basically everyone on here seems to think these signs/signals are so obvious. Hopefully for me its not too late....

 

[b.c.]

And I thought I was slow... but hey, such is life. If I knew then what I know now...whooooah boy!

Let's look at these:

So here are some things that my friends have labeled as “signs” but I just blew off:

-She came home from school for a weekend. She was going to be the only one in the house the entire weekend. She kept saying “ya it’s just going to be me and the dogs on the bed tonight”. My friends have said its obvious she wanted some company in bed.

In a joking manner say something like, "Well, I could bring over the (any board) game and a bottle of wine..." and wait for the response. If she blows it off, less damage, and you'll have your answer.

I went to visit her at her school and have dinner. In order to get home I have to go over a mountain pass which can get a lot of snow, with my luck the snow started dumping as we started having dinner. Throughout dinner she kept looking at the pass conditions on her phone and saying over and over “so what are you going to do if the passes close?” My friends say she was hinting at having me ask her if I could spend the night at her place.

Response: "I don't know, what do you think?" (You haven't asked her to stay, you've opened the door so she could ask you.)

It was her 22 birthday around Christmas time. I was the only guy she invited, there were about 10 of her girl friends there. They all kind of lit up with excitement when I got there and she got a little embarrassed. Throughout the night we talked and she smeared my face with some whip cream that came from a drink she had.

DUHHH....

No, seriously, could've been just flirt play. Signs of good "chemistry" though (whatever the f**k "chemistry" is...)

Last year at her 21st birthday I was once again the only guy. She was literally attached to my hip the entire night and kept saying “thank you so much for coming” and “I’m so happy you’re here”. As we left the bar we hugged and she went to her car looked at me and said “love ya”. To me this was just a typical 21 year old girl drunk statement.

You were drunk too, right? You could've said something as simple as "you too" but only if ya meant it. NEVER tell a woman you love her if you aren't sure.

Thanks for any help.

Dude, if she's "the ONE", go get her.