loners

[agnslz]

We all need a mix of alone time and social times, if the times you've allocated to being sociable don't seem equally attractive as the alone times I'd still say you're mixing with the wrong crowd, or trying to force yourself into socialising more than your natural need to socialise. As long as it's not hurting anyone's feelings (a wedding for instance) if you want to go home why not just go home and not agonise over it?

For some people they have feelings like they'd rather be off on their own at home no matter who they're with. I know I can sometimes experience this even at family gatherings and I love my family to death and enjoy them. It's just that you're naturally uncomfortable in social settings.

This is a great thread and I've been able to identify with the feelings of all those who've posted about being this way themselves. There's nothing I enjoy more than spending time by myself. Ever since I can remember I've avoided parties and going out to the extent possible. I'm incredibly shy and I feel awkward having extended conversations with people. I also don't think it's something wrong with me and I've never felt the need to be more sociable.

 

[oneguy67]

What about loner-types and relationships?

All my life I've tended towards doing things alone and not thinking much about significant others. My friends for the most part have all found me, rather than me finding them. But what I'm finding as I get older (turning 40 next month) is that when I do my normal "alone" stuff, I find myself wanting to share that with another person. That's a totally new feeling for me.

I don't really have good skills or group-type interests to use as a springboard for meeting people and here I am finding out at this stage in life that I never learned how to socialize. Apparently I've been faking it all these years!

 

[B_tallbig]

Hi, I got probably three very good friends, lots of 'mates'. But you know, somedays I just like to be by myself. Even to the extent of going shopping or whatever into town, like to go my own way. Have had sometimes the feeling when you meet a friend, ' I dont want to talk to you, make excuse and go'. Am I strange in being like that?

i have feel like that too very often. sometimes we need time alone

 

[SpeedoGuy]

I've always had something of a loner streak in me but the older I get, the less and less capable I am of enduring mindless chatter and small talk. I guess this explains why I seem to have fewer and fewer "friends" around. And maybe that's not a bad thing.

To spend an evening in good conversation over coffee with a long time friend? Hell, yes! But, truth be known, I'd really rather sit alone than go through the motions of appearing interested in rambling idle chit-chat about shallow topics.

 

[efail]

I've always had something of a loner streak in me but the older I get, the less and less capable I am of enduring mindless chatter and small talk. I guess this explains why I seem to have fewer and fewer "friends" around. And maybe that's not a bad thing.

To spend an evening in good conversation over coffee with a long time friend? Hell, yes! But, truth be known, I'd really rather sit alone than go through the motions of appearing interested in rambling idle chit-chat about shallow topics.

Yeah, you got it right on dude, nice to know that other people understand. Its kind of a boredom threshold that you know you will reach before you get there, so I avoid that happening by going my own way. does that make sense?

 

[B_Italian1]

I've always had something of a loner streak in me but the older I get, the less and less capable I am of enduring mindless chatter and small talk. I guess this explains why I seem to have fewer and fewer "friends" around. And maybe that's not a bad thing.

To spend an evening in good conversation over coffee with a long time friend? Hell, yes! But, truth be known, I'd really rather sit alone than go through the motions of appearing interested in rambling idle chit-chat about shallow topics.

Sounds like me. The simpler the better. I always hated large gatherings, and would always try to find some kind of excuse to avoid them when I was younger. Often it was impossible like if it was a wedding or some kind of event that was "mandatory". The older I've gotten the less I get invited to functions and that fine with me. I'd rather be with just a handful of people than at some noisy party with some useless drunks.

 

[B_ScaredLittleBoy]

Loner? No. Introvert? Yes!

I prefer to be by myself and with my own thoughts. Well ideally I'd like to be with a girl too. I could read her poetry. And then we could make a story of our own :wink: hehe.

 

[efail]

I have spent the last four new years eve's on my own ( by my choice ) and really enjoyed it. No having to sing drunken songs and kiss people you wouldnt normally even say hi to. Just watched tv, put some music on and partied by myself. Great, but no one else understands. I get the ''oh you cant be by yourself, come to us'' line every year. But I love it.

 

[sjprep06]

Introverted and independent/'loner' type. I love just being by myself and doing things my own way at my own pace. I've never been one for big, noisy occasions nor have I always been social mostly because I grew up being the youngest in the family. So, most of the times I couldn't even try to fit into those convos or events without being treated differently. That and people tend to irritate me quite a bit, even the ones I semi-like get on my last damn nerve....

 

[SpeedoGuy]

I always hated large gatherings, and would always try to find some kind of excuse to avoid them when I was younger. Often it was impossible like if it was a wedding or some kind of event that was "mandatory". The older I've gotten the less I get invited to functions and that fine with me. I'd rather be with just a handful of people than at some noisy party with some useless drunks.

Its kind of a boredom threshold that you know you will reach before you get there, so I avoid that happening by going my own way. does that make sense?

Yes. There was a time when I looked forward to family events and other parties but the enthusiasm is wearing thin. After decades of trying, I'm more willing to face up to the fact that I can't mix well in most social circumstances. Why? Its not that I'm anti-social by nature but I don't avidly follow traditional sports or pop culture trivia so I just can't contribute much to the usual conversations at parties. I almost always end up sitting alone on a couch thumbing my way through the newspaper until I get bored enough to head home.

 

[efail]

Do you know speedo, the more I read on this thread, the happier I am. Its great not to feel as though you are the only one with these issues. God, for a lifetime then I thought I had a problem. Like I said, being a loner is very different to being lonely. Why cant most people understand? I have ( really ) had some of the best times by myself. And some great times shared with others.

 

[Principessa]

I have always been a loner; I attribute that to being an only child. Though I enjoy being sociable; if I do so for an extended period of time I must stop and re-charge my batteries. I'm not fake when I'm out in public; but it takes so much energy for me it's like I am on stage. After a while I just need me time.

I have always been shy and introverted yet I often attract the nicest people to me. :smile: I tend to compartmentalize people, and I have 3 classifications 1) Friends, 2) Acquaintances, 3) Associates.
Friends know the real me. They have been to my home, met my folks, maybe even some extended family members. They have helped me move, picked me up from the Newark Liberty Airport during evening rush hour, and listened to me kvetch about the man in my life or lack there of. They know my secrets and they still love me, as I do them.

Acquaintances are usually people I work with, I might even go to lunch with them and talk about superficial things like celebrity break-ups or which secret office romance is not really a secret.

Associates are often a friend of a friend. Someone I only encounter at annual professional conferences. Friends of my parents whom I sometimes encounter professionally, etc.

I think it's all about balance, a healthy balance of having time for friends and for yourself. :smile:

That sounds about right.

 

[sdbg]

I am a loner, but I am not lonely...does that make sense to anyone?:redface:

It makes total sense. I need some breathing room. I can't be around people 24/7

 

[efail]

Thats cool sdbg. You understand too. At last the fog is beginning to clear.

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

The 3 friends i do have all live hours away so i don't see them very often, maybe 3-4 times a year, so i do alot by myself. However i like being alone, going to the movies, shopping.. I like my own company. And if i know i need someone to talk to they are all only a phone call away.

I think less contact with friends is just part of growing. Friends making their own lives, families, careers. Doesnt mean they are any less of a freind, just a friend with their own life

 

[agnslz]

I have spent the last four new years eve's on my own ( by my choice ) and really enjoyed it. No having to sing drunken songs and kiss people you wouldnt normally even say hi to. Just watched tv, put some music on and partied by myself. Great, but no one else understands. I get the ''oh you cant be by yourself, come to us'' line every year. But I love it.

Ha! That's about all I've done on New Year's Eve for as long as I can remember. My usual routine is to sit home and watch the Ab Fab "Happy New Year" episode where Eddy laments having to "Watch the New Year in on telly" for the first time. It's funny, because that's exactly what I enjoy doing.:biggrin: