Lust

[Drifterwood]

I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on lust (women's lust, though please comment on men's lust if you like). Your own lusting or lack of it, whether it needs to be fed by a catalyst or whether it just is and needs to be sated.

Are we also still influenced to think that lust is bad?

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

Never felt lust was a bad thing, just part of the range of feelings one experiences when interacting with others. However, yes, I am more likely to act on my desires when there's a catalyst and the spark definitely varies from person to person.

 

[ArtofDesire]

Never felt lust was a bad thing, just part of the range of feelings one experiences when interacting with others. However, yes, I am more likely to act on my desires when there's a catalyst and the spark definitely varies from person to person.

What exotiKittie said... except I will add that for me there have been times when something or someone triggered my lust unexpectedly and on those occasions my lust (horniness) has gone into hyper drive and become nearly overwhelming to the point that I would want to scream my frustration at not having a partner. Once triggered like that I've had it last for days before I was finally able to squelch the feeling.

If I had a partner during those episodes he would have been particularly lucky, haha but since I've had to go without it's not been a pleasant time for me!

 

[TexasC0wb0y]

Never felt lust was a bad thing, just part of the range of feelings one experiences when interacting with others. However, yes, I am more likely to act on my desires when there's a catalyst and the spark definitely varies from person to person.

Well said, exactly what I was thinking

 

[185248]

Theres an anagram for lust...it's why either is never a dirty (bad) word..to me anyways.

 

[EllieP]

Well, I've had a heart to heart with my hubby about lust a few times. It has nothing to do with infidelity, but sometimes I see someone, always a man, that gets my blood rushing and head dizzy. And there's not one thing that will always do it. Sometimes it's looks, sometimes actions, sometimes just demeanor. Age is never a factor. I went gaga over a 63-year old once that lasted for a while. I felt like a school girl when I was near him. And he was a client!!! That's bad. I swore to never let that happen again. But it has.

Same happened with a friend of my daughter. He was a very mature 22-year old. I felt completely silly and somewhat disgusted with myself. Like Cap said, "one paragraph away from a Penthouse letter."

And to be absolutely honest and fair, I even lusted after Cap when I first met him. And I still didn't act on it immediately! But boy when I did act! Wow!

I never considered lusting bad. But acting impulsively on it can be dangerous. That's where I'm always careful. I've only told one person, other than Cap, that I had a strong desire for him. It did not go well, actually. All it did was make any future relationship very uncomfortable, so I never did it again.

 

[molotovmuffin]

I lust after Nick8 and SpinDoctor...:wink:

 

[Intrigue]

I think lust is something I still experience but have learned to control over the years. I realize that untethered emotions, atleast for me, cause VERY bad situations. Emotions like hate, anger, angst and even love. (The majority of those are negative because those are the ones I had/have trouble with) I lust after my wife, and because of past traumas it sometimes puts her in a place that I wouldn't want to put get in, ever. So even my love and my lust for my wife must be tempered. That is only the case with me though. I don't speak for anyone else.

 

[D_Hey Sailor]

I like lust!

It makes encounters thrilling and I don't think there is anything quite as satisfying (in a purrrvy way) as sating it. Lust makes me feel alive, makes me more aware of a certain side to me, creates anticipation, curiosity, and is totally sincere. It can also make for some awkward and embarrassing moments, but lets pretend I didn't say that. :tapedshut:

Acting upon it re; someone new.... ugh that's when things get complex. I guess the bottom line is that it could turn out to be good or bad, and that isn't unlike any other decision made in life.

Methinks most people label lust as bad because they remember the life situations where they couldn't act upon it without serious repercussions, rather than the situations where they could and did. Or maybe it's just a result of one happening more than the other...

PS: I find it weird how most people talk of lust in the past tense (i.e: lusted after _____ when I met them) as though it vanishes somewhere along the line. For me, when the lust vanishes in a relationship that's a bad sign. I want a partner who can stoke that fire across time, not just early on. yum:

 

[helgaleena]

Lust to me is as in the Iggy Pop song, 'Lust for Life'-- it indicates appetite for worldly experience, most especially of an intimate sort with fellow humans. I perhaps did not get indoctrinated at a tender age by prudes, as my own parents were 'beatniks' and slept around, also sent me to Sunday school specifically to have time alone on Sundays.

So the most worrying times in my own life were when I had no lust, for anyone or anything, and was actively trying to die. I find presence of lust to indicate possibility for happiness exponentially increased!

 

[TexasC0wb0y]

I think lust is essential for a great relationship. I've been in those that dont have it and, no offense to them, it just didnt have the spark needed that will last. I am a relationship guy and not a roamer. And I still think lust can exist between a couple. Lust is usually reserved for describing the flings. Although true, it can also exist in a great relationship (from my experience) and be essential to be long lasting.

 

[Drifterwood]

It is essential for me in a relationship.

I see many relationships in which the lust has been compromised for other "priorities". Speaking purely as a man, it is why I empathise with men who won't accept the answer "she's with you now; what's the problem?"

Well, the problem is often a lesser degree of lust which is clearly apparent and gnawing away at the guy.

Do women pick up on this in the same way as men?

 

[AlteredEgo]

I have discovered that I am adversely affected by a man who doesn't greedily eat my pussy like he's starving for it. I don't really need any other kind of lust from him, whoever he is. I do need a response to my lust to be happy and horny.

I have enough lust for a busload of women, but if I get the impression that it is overwhelming, unrequited, or just plain unwanted as is sometimes the case with my husband, that desire does find a way to get channeled elsewhere. Once, this even spawned romance and love outside my marriage when my lust settled on a friend from an online game. I recently was able to make my husband understand this, and confessed the full breadth of my emotional involvement with that individual.

Consequently, I have had to recently discuss with my husband that I want more sex partners, and he has had to consent to me finding them. I have encouraged him, as part of these discussions, to date and fuck more women. As an adult, he has only ever dated me, and only ever had sex with me. He has only ever been in love with me. I want him to get more experience, and find out what is normal for him. We should have done this sooner. The conversations eliminated every trace of resentment from our relationship, and brought us closer than ever. And I met a nice woman today! I NEVER meet women I want to have sex with.

I'm not sure it's going to work out. She thinks I'm weird; I think she's an intellectual snob. But we seem to like these traits in each other, even though we dislike them in others. Also, I'm not sure she's going to like my body when I am naked. I present really well in clothes. She gives me the impression that she is physically attracted to women who are slimmer and shorter than I am. I believe she is being misled by my clothes, and making an exception about my height. Still, I know my personality turns her on, and she is the one who approached me. I find her laughter intoxicating, and her confident, aggressive demeanor makes me hyper-aware of my panties against my vulva. We'll see. I need to perceive equal lust to get physical.

 

[ArtofDesire]

Interesting post AE. I understand exactly what you mean about needing to perceive equal lust to get physical, I have to feel equally desired as well which is not always easy since like you my lust can come on suddenly and at times be nearly overwhelming. Also since such a great portion of good sex comes from the mind, desire and attitude play a huge role in whether or not the sex will be good.

I too have been in relationships where there was a sexual imbalance and for me it always ended up destroying the relationship, it's good that you have communicated your needs and reached an agreement with your husband - what an excellent way to handle this! His acceptance and agreement shows how much he loves you and wants you to have your sexual needs met.

P.S. I also understand your concern about being naked with a new person, it's amazing how good we can look in our clothes if we know how to select articles of clothing that suit us and fit well. I'd try not to worry about it, I'm sure you'll look beautiful - there is a lot to be said for being naked in front of someone who desires you.

In my experience your lover will only see what they want to see at that moment. I'm a big woman and when I've revealed myself to lovers for the first time in the past I'm always amazed that they look, say 'WOW!' and seem immediately ready to devour me, hehe. At that particular moment they are definitely not looking with a critical eye!

 

[AlteredEgo]

Thanks, AoD, that has always been my experience too. I have just never ended up getting to know someone who specifically verbalized a "type" they liked while they were flirting with me, and . . . it just wasn't me. I find it a bit confusing. And I do present well in clothes, but I don't think anyone could mistake me for being slim or athletic in build. My arms are muscular, but they were not exposed. Meh. Maybe I'm dysmorphic. LOL Either way, I'm just letting things flow organically; I'm sure it will be fine. Actually, whatever happens is fine.

 

[ArtofDesire]

Either way, I'm just letting things flow organically; I'm sure it will be fine. Actually, whatever happens is fine.

That's better! :smile:

 

[rbkwp]

your thoughts on lust (women's lust, though please comment on men's lust if you like).


always been a fave descriptive term for me, with affection
enz

 

[helgaleena]

It is essential for me in a relationship.

I see many relationships in which the lust has been compromised for other "priorities". Speaking purely as a man, it is why I empathise with men who won't accept the answer "she's with you now; what's the problem?"

Well, the problem is often a lesser degree of lust which is clearly apparent and gnawing away at the guy.

Do women pick up on this in the same way as men?

If it is such a 'lesser' thing, why is it gnawing? Surely feeding it would cause it to be satisfied, and come back for seconds. You are confusing me, drifter.

 

[Drifterwood]

You are confusing me, drifter.

:wink:

How do you feel if you feel that your partner had or has greater lust for someone else?

That their lust is of lesser importance to them in your relationship than it was with others, albeit that they value other things with you more.

I was with someone recently and it took me a while to understand that her lust was expressed passively until she was the object of my lust. I have been used for one reason and another to lust being wholly and immediately reciprocal. But then I have also enjoyed being the passive object of lust.

 

[Intrigue]

Lust to me is as in the Iggy Pop song, 'Lust for Life'-- it indicates appetite for worldly experience, most especially of an intimate sort with fellow humans. I perhaps did not get indoctrinated at a tender age by prudes, as my own parents were 'beatniks' and slept around, also sent me to Sunday school specifically to have time alone on Sundays.

So the most worrying times in my own life were when I had no lust, for anyone or anything, and was actively trying to die. I find presence of lust to indicate possibility for happiness exponentially increased!

I like this view. I never thought of it as anything other than sexual in nature.