Men Need Love, Too

[D_Martin van Burden]

I picked this up off of the http://www.penis-size.us site:

Most men would prefer to be loved for their potential as source of sexual satisfaction. This is one reason why they are concerned with the size of their penises. Of course, here's the strange cross-reference: Many men even find it degrading to be loved because they make good husbands. This smacks of being willing to do the dishes and putting the whole income to the disposal of the wife.

What's this disparity about? In one breath, preoccupation becomes a reflection of inadequacy; in another, a similar inadequacy emerges because of a display of sensitivity, being "a good husband."

 

[B_DoubleMeatWhopper]

Conclusion: penis-size.us is full of shit!

 

[13788]

gwilson: lol.. not only is it full of shit, but I'll gathering that the author was a little.. how can I put it.. bitter?

Coco.

 

[13788]

doghorn: Hey All,

I don't understand your beef with this quote.

My take on it is that he's saying that men would rather be loved because they can make their women come then for their ability to be a domestic partner. That they would rather be known as a stud than as a housemate.

He says that men are "concerned" with the size of their penises. This can mean that both (1) those with a large organ are proud of them and gain satisfaction from their size as it relates to their woman's pleasure, and (2) those with less-than-large organs worry about whether they are large enough to provide this pleasure.

Do you really not agree with this? Or am I missing something?

Ron

 

[D_Martin van Burden]

I agree with what's stated; nice elaboration, by the way. I was only thrown by the organization of it, since those two sentences were strung together without proper elaboration in the first place.

Still, I find it strange that size seems equated with satisfaction, even if the author himself does not take that stance. I'm more than certain there are well-endowed men in the world who haven't a clue how to use their units properly.

 

[13788]

NineInchCock_160IQ: I agree with the original post and feel this way myself, it has more to do with just being seen as "domestic" though... this also goes to the types of relationships that men prefer over those that women desire. For a man who is looking for a physical relationship they don't want to be told that they are "nice" or "special" and certainly not that they would make a good husband. That's like the kiss of death. I find all too often I am so nice, so sensitive, so sincere and so honest that it is very difficult for me to find girls interested in me just for sex (though I am great in bed so this sometimes changes after they give me a chance there)... and I've never been able to lie my way into getting a girl in bed... I'm just not a dishonest person. However, once I am in a relationship (or before then) the girl almost inevitably ends up falling for me because I am "such a great guy". Bah. Because I am a nice person, concerned about the feelings of the women I date, honest and principled this means I can't be viewed as a sexual object? Sometimes I wish I were an asshole.

 

[13788]

doghorn: Hi Dee, I agree with you, he didn't write what he was trying to say very well.

NineInch_160: You need to find a syndicated radio talk show host named Tom Leykis and listen to him religiously. He will teach you things in one month that took me a decade to learn on my own. It's not about being an asshole. It's about being in control and not giving the women you're interested in the sense that they can control you. Women want a man who they can never hope to control, a man who's his own man, a man who will say "no" to them. You must give them the impression that you don't need them. That there are other, better-looking women that you're already fucking, and that they'd be in very fine company to land you. There are many subtle and not-so-subtle facets to the mating dance. Most guys either never learn them or learn them very slowly and painfully. Things like they don't get a Saturday night date until you're already fucking them or well on your way to. That you don't buy them a nice dinner or spend $$$ on them until they've fucked you. This sounds callous, but I assure you I'm a warm and caring person (really). I've been with women who've eaten my expensive dinner and then fucked some other guy. I've been with women who asked me to come over at 10:30 on a Saturday night so I could fuck them after some other guy took them out. Believe me, I'd rather be the late date. I could go on for pages, but I'll just say to listen to Tom. Especially on Thursdays (a teaching day called Leykis 101). I don't know if Tom Leykis is on where you live, but look on his website: blowmeuptom.com.

Ron

 

[D_Martin van Burden]

Even beyond the control issue, I don't think it's too incredibly hard to find women who are more interested in sex than love. They're not some rare breed, I assure you; it's simply a matter of being keen to that desire and manipulating your behaviors and responses to meet that compatibility.

It all sounds like one big mind fuck to me, personally. Granted, if you've got the fortitude to enjoy being treated like a piece of meat... no problem. Or maybe I'm the wuss that has it wrong. I like having sex, but it seems more enjoyable from someone I care about too.

 

[jonb]

Yes, it is, Dee. Women are more than one-dimensional stereotypes. Every woman has her own preferences. Just like men.

 

[Max]

It seems to me that the question in the title of this thread has an obvious answer, which maybe we haven't actually voiced yet. YES.

To be assessed:

- on your performance in bed (whether aided by the size of your equipment or not)

- on the size of your pay-packet

- on your likely domestic performance as a loving husband or father, or on any other criterion ...

... all are just calculation, and a woman who starts scoring you out of ten on any of them is not in love with you. Even just to fancy someone is beyond that sort of thinking. I need to know I am loved for what I am, not for my performance, which can vary under any category. Corny but true.

I have some sympathy for what Ron (Doghorn) says, in that I agree that many women tend to be drawn to men whom they can't control or tie down easily. A sort of male verion of "The Rules" (being hard to get, I suppose) always worked for me, and it was particularly so with the girl I married.

But beyond a certain point, it is just manipulation, and whether exercised by women or by men it seems equally ugly to me.

 

[13788]

PetitePnut: Hi Guys! Can I jump in here for a sec, and just say that in my own experience with men and love, and that whole "mind fuck" thing that DeeBlackThorne mentioned...SEX has everything to do with, well, EVERYTHING! I can admit that I have fallen hard for a couple guys, that I honestly still believe are the most wonderful men Ive ever known, but loving them for who they were, instead of how incredible they made me feel(or didn't feel I should say) when we were together, was the reason those relationships eventually faded, certain things got a little boring, and I'd like to know how 'feelings' aren't affected by that? Personally? I tend to want a man in my life, thats going to BLOW MY MIND, every time he touches me. (simply because he wants to)

 

[13788]

palladen: Couldn't have said it better myself, pnut, and welcome back stranger! ;D

 

[13788]

two_fister: hey pnut .....what certain things got boring?

 

[13788]

PetitePnut: Palladen, HI!!! Im so glad this place is back! ;D And to answer your question Two-Fister, (Um...Two fister? ) I meant that when it gets to be the "same old - same old" kind of stuff in the bedroom, it kinda gets boring, and I tend to think that leads to disaster if nothing changes to add a little excitement to a relationship. Am I wrong?

 

[13788]

two_fister: No, you're not wrong pnut(...and the nickname two-fister came fron an ex-g/f, it's what she said when she first saw "it")

I think that's one of the things that makes a long term relationship difficult. How do you keep things fresh and exciting? The longest relationship I've ever had was a bit over a year, so I'm probably not the the best at it.
I'm really hooked on the newness aspect on a relationship the first few times you kiss, touch either other ,ect. I don't know if that's a good thing.

 

[13788]

PetitePnut: How do you keep things exciting? Personally, I think it comes from something other than the 'physical' part of sex. Ive known alot of people with hang-ups, and too many insecurities to understand how important those special intimate moments are in a relationship. If Im with someone, he has to pretty much turn me on in every way, and Im just like putty in his hands. There doesn't seem to be a limit to the excitement you can have with your lover, if there's a deeper connection than whats on the outside, and you can open your mind to experience different things. I'm kind of a 'passion' freak...much like those feelings a person gets with the anticipation of that first kiss?... I want that feeling to stay with me, so if for whatever reason I feel it fading away, I change things around a bit to get it back. It seems to work.

 

[13788]

two_fister: ...change things around a bit?

So you've had some long term relationships then?

You sound very mature in your thinking....I'm trying to get to that level.

 

[13788]

malito: Nice to see this thread. I totally agree that men need love too. Romantic type love.
The wife and I have been together for 27+ years and are still very much in love. The other day I found a love card on the computer for me from her. It was soooo romantic. All through the years we have done things to make things different so we did not bore each other. One of those is to talk to each other to find out feelings and needs. Love letters, cards, doing things different in bed (or the kitchen table), the pool, the hot tub, etc. The main thing is to decide that you love each other and want to make the other feel special. If you ever get into the trap of saying" I love you because..." then you have made your love quantitative upon something that you or your partner have no control over. We have to be able to say "I love you." It is a decision that we each must make.

 

[13788]

headbang8: [quote author=two_fister link=board=relationships;num=1035439102;start=0#14 date=11/02/02 at 10:56:55]
I think that's one of the things that makes a long term relationship difficult. How do you keep things fresh and exciting? The longest relationship I've ever had was a bit over a year, so I'm probably not the the best at it.
I'm really hooked on the newness aspect on a relationship the first few times you kiss, touch either other ,ect.  I don't know if that's a good thing.[/quote]

I think you have to reinvent your relationship every day.   Time changes things...our bodies, our minds, our aspirations, our lives.  In the long term relationships I've entered, we have either enjoyed the way each other changed and grew, or we ended it.

If two people don't change and grow enough to keep on surprising each other, then one can't be surprised if it's over.  

Some relationships actively discouraged me to change--where we were fine in one circumstance but if our lives took a different direction (like we had a baby or one of us went back to school and the financial pressure affected our lifestyle) it wouldn't work for us.

Heart on the sleeve: I'm worried about that right now.  My partner is Japanese, and we're fine  living in Tokyo (where we met), but I wonder about our future when I'm posted elsewhere.  

In my experience, lots of couples actively constrict each other.  And one partner feels he or she wants to grow but the other resists.  That's when it's endsville.

Maybe the same goes for erotic variety.  Partners can thrill each other with sexual surprises well into a relationship.  It just takes a little imagination and a spirit of adventure.  

Naturally, my partner and I have meat-and-potatoes sex a lot of the time.  (We call it miso-and-rice sex, of course)  But there are some things we save for special occasions when we're both specially horny or have the time to savour it.  And we're passionate about finding new ways to enjoy each other's bodies.  

Kinda like home cooking.  You can't eat the fancy stuff every day.

Confession time:  I recently strayed.  Not from boredom or a search for a novelty, but rather because I was away from my partner on a long trip and felt lonely.   The experience didn't help me grow or learn.  We didn't even do anything particularly new or exciting.   I regretted it.  

 

[13788]

Tender: [quote author=headbang8 link=board=relationships;num=1035439102;start=0#18 date=10/06/03 at 15:51:48]

Confession time:  I recently strayed.  Not from boredom or a search for a novelty, but rather because I was away from my partner on a long trip and felt lonely.   The experience didn't help me grow or learn.  We didn't even do anything particularly new or exciting.   I regretted it.  

[/quote]


hmm.
well it does sound as though you learned a bit there.
you just havent realized it.
you learned it wasnt worth doing....

Tender