Open Relationships

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by its_allgood, Jan 30, 2010.

  1. its_allgood

    its_allgood New Member

    Dec 3, 2009
    Likes Received:
    Hi, I'm new here, but I'm hoping you all can offer some advice. I have a friends-with-benefits relationship with a guy. We met through and online dating site and got to be really good friends. We'd be friends even if we weren't having some occasional sex.

    My dilemma here is that he talks a lot about his past relationships and what he's done sexually and it seems to be far more than we're currently doing.

    I'm fairly shy and I have a hard time talking about feelings, needs, etc. It's something I'm working on, but old scars from growing up and a bad marriage make it difficult. I can be very open and active during sex, but I need to feel like I'm in a place of emotional safety before it can happen.

    Anyway, I really like this guy. We've been friends for over a year now and he's made hints about open relationships, etc. A lot of his fantasies also involve being watched, particularly getting sucked off or jacked off and having another woman watching it happen.

    I've thought about this a lot and I think I'd really like to do this. I think I'd also want to try sex with multiple people. I've never been with a woman, but I'm not turned off by the idea - there would just have to be at least one cock involved, lol!

    I also have a fantasy about being with two men - particularly two men who aren't opposed to touching each other as well as me.

    My dilemma is that I don't know how to bring all of this up to my friend. I'm afraid of ruining our friendship, which means the world to me, but I also want a much more active and adventurous sex life.

    Any advice would be very much appreciated.

  2. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

    Sep 17, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Bay Area, California
    You could bring up the topics of open relationships and sexual friendships with him. Since he is already a good friend and has discussed his past relationships with you, then you could ask if he's ever had a 3-some either MFF or MFM and listen to what he says. If he has already had a 3-some, ask him what what it was like. If he enjoyed it, you could tell him how much you fantasize about group sex. If he did not enjoy any past group sex encounters, you could ask what particular issues got in the way of his joy.

    Since you are open to an FMF 3-some, and since he likes the idea of a FMF 3-some, why not offer him a deal? You each give the other a gift of fullfilling a fantasy. You both arrange a FMF for him, and then you both arrange a MFM for you.

    Once you both agree to indulge these desires, I suggest having some frank discussions about safer sex techniques, whether this is a one time event or an ongoing exploration. Be sure to discuss boundaries between you and the other woman during the FMF sex, and same for him and the other man during MFM sex. You might also want to talk about whether you prefer the other person be a near stranger from a dating site, an acquaintance, or a trusted friend.

    Take it from me - group sex is a wonderful experience if it goes well. The first few times might be a bit awkward, but with a caring partner it can still go well.

    Good luck and hope it turns out well for both of you!
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