I was in a monogamous, heterosexual relationship for 13 years before I decided I couldn't take it anymore. My ex wife was not a very nice person. It started off nice, but through the years it got worse and worse to the point I decided I wanted to separate. So, as it was final in 2019 I started talking to people, going on dates. I was really just exploring my sexuality because I'm one of the 50/50 people where I find real love and attraction to both sexes. Dating women sucked, really. I felt like I was being interviewed for someone to take care of them for the rest of my life by the questions they asked, and how they made me feel. The ones who didn't make me feel that way, I usually didn't find myself wanting a long-term relationship with them, or the vibes just weren't there for me. And for dating guys, it was always more fun, and they were always a little more willing to go exploring with me (go on my boat, come to my house, go on excursions out of town, fly somewhere). So, I seemed to begin focusing on finding dates with guys versus girls.
Well, in 2021 on Cinco De Mayo, I met someone at a restaurant in downtown Houston, and we got to chatting it up. We ended up going to a few bars and having some drinks. He was a native, and I only come in town once a month to check on my company, so I didn't really know the are as well. I followed him around and it was a really fun time. Ended up, we met again a couple times before I left back to my home in Florida, and he said he would come back with me and see what Florida life is all about.
I took him on my boat, we went to some car meets, went to some private bars in my community and cruised around South Florida just having fun while we did it.
So fast forward six months, we officially call ourselves "boyfriends" (he was super slow to commit to anything and so was I). All of a sudden, he was getting mad at me when we went anywhere and I introduced him as "my friend".
I was getting the talk every night about how he felt like I was embarrassed of him, or myself and I needed to just "rip the band-aid off" and tell everyone about my sexuality.
I agreed, I said I would tell my few CLOSE friends, and then any stranger we met I'd tell them immediately. And I did.. and just as I figured, nobody cared. (but they were surprised, because I'm pretty straight/masculine acting and nobody would ever suspect a thing).
Fast forward a little bit, maybe a month, and now THAT wasn't good enough for him. He wanted me to post it on my Facebook, and tell my parents & family. He wanted me to be 100% OUT.
In February 2022 he said he was coming to Miami for a bachelorette party (I guess the token gay dude is always invited to those?) and I told him "Great, I don't want to intrude, but lets make sure we get dinner". So, we made plans to take a river cruise, and after eat at KiKis on the water and I would meet his best lady friend and her friends.
We all drank a lot, and we hit some other bars after and started doing shots. He got drunk and started harping to all of the ladies about how I'm so insecure with myself I won't just tell my family. And as we got more stupid drunk, and the night was coming to a close, we all hopped in an Uber to go back to my place.
It was at that point, in an Uber, him and his friends made me call my Mom at 3:45am on Facetime and tell her that I was gay, this was my boyfriend and I'm letting the entire world know. Then, he got my phone and posted a photo of us kissing on my Facebook with all my family, my ex, my kids, my friends to see.
The next day when I woke up I immediately remembered it. I went on there, and I had a hundred notifications, likes, reacts, comments. I didn't even read them because I had so much anxiety - I just deleted the post and shut the app off. Then, I look at my texts and it was everything from "did you get hacked?" to, "what are you doing? to "do you need to talk to someone?". My mom texted me "Want to elaborate on last night?".
It made me a quite sad that my "coming out" wasn't going to be how I'd imagined it. I felt like I didn't get a chance to do it my way, and I felt like the closet was just blown apart around me, and I was standing there like a moron with all my friends and family as onlookers.
As for him, he said he was genuinely sorry he did it, and he was just acting out of emotion and alcohol with his friends.
I felt like I didn't trust him anymore, and it is very hard to explain, but I started feeling resentment towards him. I slowed down my communication, stopped inviting him to my place, and when I went to Houston for work I didn't let him know so he didn't drop by to see me. In the end, I finally told him I did not want to see him anymore. It was heart breaking for both of us, but I just couldn't bare to look at him after that. I had so much resentment in me (which I truly regret).
Next, I did something stupid. I called up this doctor I met at a TikiBar on the beach in Fort Lauderdale. I asked her to dinner and we actually hit it off. I was posting photos with her everywhere. She was actually quite beautiful, and genuinely a good person. I realized though, I was doing this to prove something to everyone... and it was going to just hurt us both in the end. I was for sure physically attracted to her, and I loved hanging out, the sex, and her company but I didn't see myself in a long term relationship with her. I just got out of a 13 year relationship, I don't want to go back to doing the domesticated stuff right away. I wanted my alone time to work on myself, projects I've been putting off, business plans I made.. So, I ended it with her as well after a couple months.
I don't think anyone knows what I am now. I'm sure people talk about my sexuality, but they probably can't put a finger on whether I'm gay or straight. When someone asks me, I just reply "I am me". I'm me, I don't know what label to put on myself, but I like what I like. I'm sure they think I'm like a freelance sex provider to whoever I decide to date at any given time. Who knows?
Anyways, that is the story of how I got the door blown off my closet and came out to everyone on FB. I still have anxiety about that night, but it gets better as time goes on.
But for those who may have someone going through this, let them come out at their will. Don't do the "Rip the band-aid off" routine. It's tragic. Like me, they may dream about that day where they tell their mother and give her a hug because she will still love them the same, or dream of the acceptance from their father. But if you force them, you're ripping that away from them, and that really hurts.
And for my Mom and Dad.. We just don't talk about that subject......