Problem with girlfriend

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Randy_Buoys, Mar 7, 2010.

  1. D_Randy_Buoys

    D_Randy_Buoys Account Disabled

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    I'm not really sure how to describe how I feel. I have been with this girl for almost 2 years now. Our sex has been great, and she's the only girl I've ever had sex with. Up until about a month ago things have been great. Then one week were apart she called me crying saying she cheated on me. I found out she had sex with a black guy at a hotel, for reasons I'm still not sure of. Basically I feel totally insecure and now refuse to have sex with my girlfriend. Not only that but I'm starting to feel racist.

    Every time I talk to her about it she says things like:

    "Penis size doesn't matter to me, I just want to be with you."

    But I basically read this as: "Yeah he had a huge dick, but I can't be in a relationship with someone like that so I'll just be happy with you."

    My penis is not small by any means, in fact it's above average.

    Is there anyway to cure my insecurity around this issue which I never have had?

    I also feel like if we did have sex, it wouldn't be as enjoyable for her or me now that she has had sex with this other person.


    HELP!!!
     
  2. xnuckinfutz

    xnuckinfutz New Member

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    what she did to you is what a cheap whore would do. i would get rid of her if i were you.
     
  3. petite

    petite New Member

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    Uh, your biggest issue is that you're afraid that she had sex with someone with a larger penis?

    Putting aside the cheating issue, seriously, don't worry about that! It takes a lot more factors that penis size to have a great night in bed together!

    I'm not going to advise you on the cheating issue. That's just too complicated to advise on over the internet without knowing you, her, your relationship, etc. I've only had one person cheat on me, and we broke up and got back together a few months later, only to have years of a wonderful relationship together. It was absolutely one of the most painful experiences of my life, the phrase "heartbreak" being so apt, but a relationship is so complicated and there are so many factors to it that anonyous strangers can't know enough about what you have to tell you what you should do here. I know that it hurt enough that I could never do it to someone else, and I've been lucky that I've been wise enough to choose men who have been loyal to me since then.
     
  4. D_Randy_Buoys

    D_Randy_Buoys Account Disabled

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    It is so painful. I feel like I'm too young to have to learn a lesson like this.

    I am just afraid that once she experiences sex with me again, she will not be pleasured. That's why I can't have it. She assures me that her hotel sex romp was not that great, and she even cried during it. It still doesn't change these social constructions or pre-existing notions that I have in my head about a girl hooking up with a random black guy.
     
  5. petite

    petite New Member

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    It's not like that. That's not how it works.

    It's not like a larger penis makes a smaller one less enjoyable, or that she would even enjoy a larger penis more.

    Great sex, for women at least, has got to have foreplay and she has to be ready for it. If she was crying in the middle, then she had a horrible time. I doubt that she'll have positive memories of it. You have nothing to worry about there.

    From my personal experience, I've only had one "one night stand" that was as good as the sex I have in relationships. The rest were only okay in comparison, better than not having sex, but not amazing.
     
  6. nevin

    nevin New Member

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    Dude, she cheated on you. What could her excuse be? She was drunk? She liked the guy? He had a bigger cock? (Hell, I got cheated on and my ex said she did it cause he had a smaller cock, which was total bs because cock size is irrelevant).

    Your girl is spoiled goods. I'm gonna be the bad guy and tell you that she'll probably cheat again. Maybe with another black dude, maybe with a guy with a big dick. Maybe she'll cheat when you get into a fight to spite you and rebel. But most likely she'll cheat.

    Dick size is irrelevant. Black dude is irrelevant. Would you feel better if it was a different stereotype? That the guy was a little dick asian? Does that change the fact that she didn't give a fuck about you and cheated? Or was she taking that cock and thinking about you the whole time? Really now?

    W/e your age, this shit is never too old to learn the lesson about cheating. Think of it this way, if you best friend got cheated on by someone would you want them to still be with that person? If you have a stepmother and she cheats on your dad don't you think that he should kick out? You get the picture. Take your sorry crying ass out of this situation and put someone else in it and what advice would you give them? I can guarantee you sir that when that girl was taking that cock, no matter the size nor color, she wasn't giving a damn about you. If she did, she would've said that I have a b/f, husband, s/o, and that would've ended right there. But no, she is a hoe. She wanted to experience sex with someone else and even perhaps a bigger cock. What you need to do is say "bye bitch, enjoy that BBC cause you ain't getting none of mine". No girl or woman wants to be with a bitch boy, so don't ever be anyone's bitch boy. Don't complain or cry. She fucked you and there's no excuse for that shit.

    She is only saying that she wants to be with only you because she has nothing and nobody else. I guarantee that if that dude she fucked and her had any sort of viable relationship possiblities she'd be saying things like "we need a break", "i'm sorry, i just don't love you anymore", "i need some space". Bro, do yourself a favor and dump this needy bitch.

    Again, I'm angry because I went through the same shit and it feels personal when someone else who seems like a nice dude goes through it. It is like a disease, but time is a good healer. My relationship lasted 3 years, bitch managed to cheat twice. You ask anyone they'll tell you that you should probably dump her. I don't know you, but I swear to god that this girl does not love you, no matter how many times she says it.

    And why have sex with someone who cheated? Why do you care if she enjoys it? She cheated on you. She cheated on YOU. This bitch cheated on you sir. Get it, understand it. Does it matter why? NO!

    Even if you have a small baby dick, is that a good enough reason to cheat? Hells no. If your dick does not satisfy her then she should break up with you and find someone who is a better match for her, sexually. Same shit if she finds you boring, if you guys are not compatible then she should not be with you and find someone else. But that is never a reason to cheat.

    Next thing you know you'll be enjoying those cuckold fantasies. Is that what you want? Do you want to be a cuckold? Do you want black and white bulls fucking your girl while you play with your dick? Cause that will happen. (Okay maybe not the last part, but I'm just trying to paint a grim picture.)

    Dump that hoe. I know you may not get it but alot of people here do. Google it if you must, but the 'abundance mentality' when applied to women is gonna help you understand and get past this.

    My best advice is to understand that you are not the first nor will you be the last to have this happen to them. If you want to be the guy who is willing to be with a girl who cheated on him and disrespected him, his family name, and his manhood then that is your one choice. Or you can break up with her, say that you can never be with someone who cheated. Tell her she is a great girl and that she'll find other great guys. Move on, do not ever pick up the phone when she calls, cut her out of your life and out of your heart. Eventually you meet someone else.

    Your choice.
     
  7. J_izzo

    J_izzo New Member

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    It's really about trust
    if she lost it, if you don't think she can regain it ... move on, or, get some "space" between the two of you.

    If it were me though, I'd say "goodbye" to her for sure.

    Don't worry, as you said you're young, and there's plenty of girls out there. Your best bet is to get out there ASAP, get a bud or two, hit a local bar, and start talking to new girls man.

    sucks
     
  8. cooliorox

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    tell her to let you fuck one of her hotter friends to get even...
     
  9. denton85

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    Break up with her. She cheated on u with a stranger. If it happened to me i wouldn't think twice about it.... i'd go into a "rage" state like when i found out my ex had sex with my friend (we were broken up then but she had asked permission and i said it was make me very angry if she hooked up with one of my friends, and did so anyway). I didn't leave my "rage state" for a few months. I have anger issues so it's hard to describe. ... It's like having absolutely no emotions other than .... blind ... hate...

    I'd go about my daily life with no reaction to anything... no emotional response to anything... until all of a sudden i'd think to myself...

    " i could drive my car into that building filled with people drinking coffee... murder them all...."
    "do i care?...."
    "no...."
    "but i'd miss the new episode of how i met your mother... that would kinda suck i guess...."

    i'm not saying be like me... but what i am saying is... man the fuck up, and break up and forget about the bitch that not only cheated on you with a stranger. She essentially used terminology that implied she did it cause she wanted to "try" being with a larger guy. Just sounds like she really doesn't care about you. And she told you just so she can get your forgiveness so she can absolve her guilt.

    Sorry, i get angry when i drink rum... i fucking need to get scotch... it mellows me out.
     
  10. D_Randy_Buoys

    D_Randy_Buoys Account Disabled

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    Having sex with someone else is not my desire. She told me after it happened that I could have sex with someone else if I would feel better. I felt a little insulted but also I don't think causing more pain is the right solution.

    It's strange when you think you know someone and then they do this.

    Is it worth going to see a counselor about insecurities like this? or would it just wind me up even more?
     
  11. xnuckinfutz

    xnuckinfutz New Member

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    why go see a counselor? there are plenty of fish in the sea so they say. she's not the only girl in the whole world. if you stick around, chances are she might do it again and you'll never find out. dump her and find another girl that is worth your time. don't stress too much dude. live life
     
  12. Gillette

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    Ashnfn, black doesn't automatically mean bigger. Maybe she was crying during the sex because she'd hoped he would be but he was actually much smaller.

    When it comes down to it it doesn't matter what size she cheated with, it's the fact that she cheated at all that should concern you. She's not worthy of your angst nor your trust.

    I'd already be packing her bags.
     
  13. wallyj84

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    Don't stand for some chick cheating on you. Drop her like a bad habit!
     
  14. Thedrewbert

    Thedrewbert Member

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    Time for a new girlfriend. Get rid of her.
     
  15. jdick79

    jdick79 New Member

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    Once a cheater always a cheater is my motto!

    I had a gf living with me and she cheated on me so she was gone! She turned around and married the guy and then cheated on him multiple times until he got rid of her.

    It's a vicious circle!
     
  16. Nd10

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    if she wanted that so much then let her have it.....id bail......dont think for a moment that other guy cares about her, she was a conquest, he got what he wanted....i also suggest she go get tested
     
  17. AbeFroman

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    So, why do you think this other guy has a bigger cock than you do? Just because it was a black guy? Race guarantees nothing in that area.

    The real issue is that she cheated on you. Deal with that. If you can't, you need to move on.
     
  18. tampahungblk

    tampahungblk New Member

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    look i'm above avg but believe me man thats not what keep a girl coming back if you don't know how to use it there not going to stay i've had lady's tell me they have had great sex with small ,avg , and big but on the same hand have hear them say a guy was huge but didn't know what to do with it i was very lucky i started out young with a older lady n she showed me a lot and one thing to remember not all girls are the same its up to you to find out what turns her on in bed
     
  19. gwr1349

    gwr1349 New Member

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    Get rid of her. She is a lost cause.
     
  20. B_curiousme01

    B_curiousme01 New Member

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    I don't know how old you two are, but I did note she is your first sexual partner. Maybe you were hers, too? Anyways, what is most important here is that she told you about it. If she didn't care about you, she never would have. Cheating is very bad, but not telling or lying is so much worse... it destroys that special bond and I think it's nearly impossible to get it back after getting 'caught.' The worst part is the partner who got cheated on feels extremely insecure, painfully wounded and automatically assumes it's their fault. Just like you have expressed here. It's not your fault at all but rage and blind hate is no partner to love or a healthy you. If you really care for her so much and wish to remain together, a frank conversation about hers (and yours) sexual desires should be brought out in the open. It's quite possible you could have a very loving, open-egoless relationship that could be the best thing that ever happened to either of you. Be the leader here after deciding what you can live with. I would forgive my hubby for cheating once but understand the realities of longterm relationships. He's wouldn't be looking for "love." Personally, I would prefer to know he wanted another before he actually did it. Then he would not feel guitly doing it and would have a much better experience. I could not deny him something he felt he wanted/needed to try just to keep an imaginary image of "he LUSTS after only ME and no one else forever and ever." Highly unrealistic, that. Having said all this, I've never cheated on him and know for sure that it would destroy us. So, I am more understanding than he is, but that's how we roll. Best wishes.
     
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