Problems with my boyfriend

sexycobra

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I just love your posts. Telling it like it is.

Keep going.


sares said:
ha, it's a social issue as well as a physical issue. women are given a lot of messages about themselves and their sexuality, and almost 100% of them amount to: you're not good enough. you're not pretty enough. you better do whatever you can to try and keep a man.

what do guys hear? size doesn't matter. size doesn't f'n matter. like some demented cheerleading squad.

it's a lie, and it dovetails neatly with girls being told they need to subsume their desires, whatever they may be, to please a man's ego. SIZE MATTERS. but not just big size... any size. SOME women like big. SOME women like average. SOME women don't give a shit because they want cunnilingus anyway. but whatever the case, whatever the size, IT MATTERS.

bah. argh. roar. rant.
 

B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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sares said:
h you're not good enough. you're not pretty enough. you better do whatever you can to try and keep a man.

what do guys hear? size doesn't matter. size doesn't f'n matter. like some demented cheerleading squad.

This seems remarkably biased to me. If there wasn't an enormously powerful discourse out there that size DID matter, then there would be no need for all the people saying that it doesn't matter. Do you really believe that men obsess about their size so much naturally? That there is no social component to this? Look at all the stupid junk e-mails you get, or those freaking Enzyte commercials for crying out loud. You don't see any ads like that on primetime television telling women they need to get titty implants.

At the same time there are plenty of available discourses telling fat women that "big is beautiful", "real women have curves" etc. Or that real beauty is on the inside.

I agree with some of what you said, Sares, and I think it's a shame SO many girls out there have low self-esteem (I thought about bringing some of this up in the "please stop complimenting me" thread).. but overall your post here sounded really sexist and one-sided to me.
 

sares

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NineInchCock_160IQ said:
This seems remarkably biased to me.
actually, I agree, it is, NOW. when I was growing up, not at all (I'm nearly 30 now). but I do expect my baby son to be buffetted with all the same sort of denigrating shit I as he grows up.

so while I do think the refocusing on men being inadequate is relatively recent, it is not because of any huge sociological change. it's just that they discovered that both sexes could be made to feel inadequate, and thus profits could be instantly doubled. holy shit, men will buy penis pills? SCORE!! etc.
 

Wilde316

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Men have always had issues with dick size, we just dont mention it as much. Whether its too big (I have heard complaints) or too small, Sares is correct, but I think its only been recently that these issues have become public. Movies have been made for ages with women that have big tits, but until recently full male nudity has only really been seen in porn. How many big dick sites are there now, probably equally the number of gigantic breast sites. Penis Envy isn't new it just wasn't broadcasted.

Just my opinion I could be wrong, the entire purpose of this thread was to help a woman decide whether her big dick craving was natural, of course it is, but that doesn't necessarily mean that she should end a good relationship, unless she's unhappy in all areas, because even if she leaves this guy theres no guarantee that the next will be hung, that is unless she meets him here.

Wilde "who is on a rant tonight"
 

Snozzle

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Wilde316 said:
Men have always had issues with dick size, we just dont mention it as much. Whether its too big (I have heard complaints) or too small, Sares is correct, but I think its only been recently that these issues have become public. Movies have been made for ages with women that have big tits, but until recently full male nudity has only really been seen in porn. How many big dick sites are there now, probably equally the number of gigantic breast sites. Penis Envy isn't new it just wasn't broadcasted.

Just my opinion I could be wrong, the entire purpose of this thread was to help a woman decide whether her big dick craving was natural, of course it is, but that doesn't necessarily mean that she should end a good relationship, unless she's unhappy in all areas, because even if she leaves this guy theres no guarantee that the next will be hung, that is unless she meets him here.

Wilde "who is on a rant tonight"

It's a great shame if you give up this guy because his dick isn't big enough (and 4" isn't actually small, it's just the bottom edge of average, he ought to be able to reach your G-spot with it) because the next one might be a well-hung brute who beats you, and the next one a horse-hung zombie with no conversation.

Your chances of finding everything in one man are minscule. You don't have to answer this publicly, but can he bring you off? If he can, I'd say stick with him, and satisfy your craving for big dicks with gay porn.
 

Wilde316

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Snozzle said:
It's a great shame if you give up this guy because his dick isn't big enough (and 4" isn't actually small, it's just the bottom edge of average, he ought to be able to reach your G-spot with it) because the next one might be a well-hung brute who beats you, and the next one a horse-hung zombie with no conversation.

Your chances of finding everything in one man are minscule. You don't have to answer this publicly, but can he bring you off? If he can, I'd say stick with him, and satisfy your craving for big dicks with gay porn.

I stand corrected on my consideration that 4" is small
 

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Size matters more to some, than others. You might suggest he spend more time down on you and perfecting his oral skills. If he can't understand you wanting to try toys, he's not understanding. You seem nice, I'm sure you could explain your needs and preferences in a way that wouldn't hurt him. If he tries to please, he might be able to. If he's not willing to try, who would blame you for moving on?
 

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NineInchCock_160IQ said:
At the same time there are plenty of available discourses telling fat women that "big is beautiful", "real women have curves" etc. Or that real beauty is on the inside.
I'd also like to argue that "thin is in" is a hell of a lot more pervasive than "real women have curves." by far. there's a lot of penis pills, but even MORE diet pills, and the institutionalized positive message is not, "big is beautiful" (which correlates to "size doesn't matter") but "get fit and healthy," which I agree with, but is very, very hard for some body types.
 

Wilde316

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Gotta say that while thin can be attractive so can curves, I've noticed that a lot of girls in there teens are now pencil thin with gigantic breasts, while this may arouse some I kind of think some meat would be nice, not a huge amount but some. And I would like the penis pills to go away, I've never gotten spam from a diet pill but there are a whole lot of people that must think my dick needs to be bigger because I get more mail from them than I do from my friends.
 

sares

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Wilde316 said:
I've never gotten spam from a diet pill but there are a whole lot of people that must think my dick needs to be bigger because I get more mail from them than I do from my friends.
ha!

that's because of your sex and the places you frequent. even spam is targeted, and if you mark "M" on a form you're more likely to get penis pills than weight loss.

they know their insecurity buttons... they installed them.
 

D_Herin_Ghan

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sares said:
ha, it's a social issue as well as a physical issue. women are given a lot of messages about themselves and their sexuality, and almost 100% of them amount to: you're not good enough. you're not pretty enough. you better do whatever you can to try and keep a man.

what do guys hear? size doesn't matter. size doesn't f'n matter. like some demented cheerleading squad.

it's a lie, and it dovetails neatly with girls being told they need to subsume their desires, whatever they may be, to please a man's ego. SIZE MATTERS. but not just big size... any size. SOME women like big. SOME women like average. SOME women don't give a shit because they want cunnilingus anyway. but whatever the case, whatever the size, IT MATTERS.

bah. argh. roar. rant.

:werd: Tell it like it is.
 

B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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sares said:
I'd also like to argue that "thin is in" is a hell of a lot more pervasive than "real women have curves." by far. there's a lot of penis pills, but even MORE diet pills, and the institutionalized positive message is not, "big is beautiful" (which correlates to "size doesn't matter") but "get fit and healthy," which I agree with, but is very, very hard for some body types.

"Size matters" is also far more pervasive than "it's not the size that counts it's how you use it"- at least when not used it a joking or ironic context.

I probably would have said more but I didn't want to hijack this girl's thread who is looking for advice.
 

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My current GF tells me that size does matter,but not in a 'bigger is always better' kinda way.She says it matters in whether it is too big or too small.

Too small will simply not hit the spots regardless of the creativity of the man(and the woman's own capacity plays into this).

Too big can make certain positions too painful, and in her own experience with a really big man(in the 12 inch range she guesstimates) she spent more time worrying about whether he was gonna wind up in her chest and couldn't just relax,making the experience a mixed one at best.Plus she said his fucking skills were average,almost making his size advantage a moot point.

Ideally, a large cocked guy is best for a large vagina woman,medium guy for a medium woman,and so on.But life isn't ideal,and that is why size does matter.

As for the OP's dilemma, I would say be frank and honest with him.Not in a rude,humilaiting way,but you can't put off your own desires for the sake of his ego.It may hurt him more in the long run trying to play like he's doing the job,only to get yourself frustrated and blurt out 'you're too damn small' or something like that.That would hurt him more than anything. Sometimes the truth hurts,but the longer you wait to tell him(or not at all) the worse off BOTH of you will be.
 

abvavrg

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I didn't read the rest of this thread, so maybe someone already hit on this idea, but dildos/vibrators can be a lot of fun for a guy as well as a girl in bed; personally, I love using them on my girlfriend. So I suppose it depends on how sensitive you think he'd be to your issue, and how willing he'd be to expand his horizons, so to speak.

It's easy enough to say to you "just talk about it and it'll be okay", but I know that if my girl told me I was not nearly big enough to make her happy, I'd have issues for pretty much the rest of my life. But if you'd be willing to let that part of him slide (really, no pun intended there...), perhaps you AND he can find enjoyment in playing around with larger toys.

However, I'd break him into it slowly...that is, don't get a 9" by 7" vibrator right away, because even that could make him feel inadequate. But if you're willing to discretely work through it, I'm sure he'll come around.

Good luck! :smile:
 

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sares said:
I'd also like to argue that "thin is in" is a hell of a lot more pervasive than "real women have curves." by far. there's a lot of penis pills, but even MORE diet pills, and the institutionalized positive message is not, "big is beautiful" (which correlates to "size doesn't matter") but "get fit and healthy," which I agree with, but is very, very hard for some body types.

To the same effect as that though as men we here "size doesn't matter.... uhm to a point " or "size doesn't matter" (rolls eyes or laughs) type comments. The only people who say size doesn't matter with a straight face are sex therapists and doctors pretty much the same group who say "big is beautiful with a straight face. Basically my point is men know the undertones of such comments, we're just not bombarded with the ideals/message unless we visit sites such as this. Where as women are bombarded with their issues everywhere they look men don't see such things as often, we do still hear the implication of penis size in the undertones of what's communicated in society. I couldn't imagine how bad our body (read penis) image would be if we had to take that message 24/7 like most women have with the fashion/hollywood ideals being thrust down their throat in the media.
 

sares

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there's nothing more tiresome than someone who says, "I didn't read anything but here's what I think anyway"

I figure that means it's not worth reading what they have to say, and if I peruse out of curiosity, I find that instinct is usually validated

abvavrg said:
I didn't read the rest of this thread, so maybe someone already hit on this idea, but dildos/vibrators can be a lot of fun for a guy as well as a girl in bed; personally, I love using them on my girlfriend. So I suppose it depends on how sensitive you think he'd be to your issue, and how willing he'd be to expand his horizons, so to speak.

It's easy enough to say to you "just talk about it and it'll be okay", but I know that if my girl told me I was not nearly big enough to make her happy, I'd have issues for pretty much the rest of my life. But if you'd be willing to let that part of him slide (really, no pun intended there...), perhaps you AND he can find enjoyment in playing around with larger toys.

However, I'd break him into it slowly...that is, don't get a 9" by 7" vibrator right away, because even that could make him feel inadequate. But if you're willing to discretely work through it, I'm sure he'll come around.

Good luck! :smile:
 

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sares said:
there's nothing more tiresome than someone who says, "I didn't read anything but here's what I think anyway"

I figure that means it's not worth reading what they have to say, and if I peruse out of curiosity, I find that instinct is usually validated
STFU

514871-post30.html
 

sares

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pfft, Spladle, you're the exception to every rule and you know it
 

stud_hunter

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AmyW28 said:
Hi I'm new here. Not really sure what this site is all about, or how serious it is, but I wasn't sure where else to turn. My new boyfriend is a really great guy and we get along very well. But for some reason that I can't even figure out myself I've always had a thing for, well, big guys. And he is really not one of them. I mean I work in the medical field and if I didn't think it would hurt his feelings I would tell him to see a doctor about it. Its seriously like 4 inches long or something.

As far as I know, there are no methods for enlargement that are proven both effective and safe, so I wouldn't push him to go there. As for the issue, love can overcome a lot but let's be honest here - you probably need to decide if this is something that is going to create a lasting problem in the relationship, and if it is you might want to consider ending it. I know that probably sounds like a drastic solution and I obviously don't know a lot about your relationship, but let's be honest here. If it's really that small it could really affect your enjoyment of sex and that's a major consideration in a relationship. Of course, that really depends on you too. Some women would be fine with 4 inches. I think it depends on what you want, how you orgasm, and your gut feeling about how much of an issue this is going to create. Of course like others have said you can try compensating with dildos, etc, and even work them into your sessions. Whatever decision you make just please don't feel guilty for your feelings on this. You're allowed to seek sexual fulfillment.