Question for the "Bisexuals"

[B_boynextdoorkpt]

I actually was molested when I was in 3rd grade by a female gym instructor, she kept on rubbing my penis and balls and telling me that one day I would be a big boy.
I never felt like a victim nor do I now, it just happend. I never told anyone but you guys.
Is that why I have no interest in a female relationship? I have no idea, I just know that I do not want a girl friend, but I do want a relationship with a man.
Landon

 

[vince]

I was never molested and had very little in the way of religious education when I was a kid. I tend to agree with poster who said these may be the two of the chief causes of mental illness. They both seem to involve a lot of guilt. But I really can't speak from direct experience. It's just an opinion.

As far as attraction to other men goes, I am really not into cock that much. I am attracted to men who are similar physically and mentally/emotionally to me. I have been in love with a few guys and I do check them out almost to the same degree as women. My head is in swivel mode all the time! LOL

For me, the intimacy with a women is different than that with a man. With men there is a feeling of some barriers that never get taken down. There is kind of a steeliness in my male relationships. With women, I go into more of a "mind-meld" mode where there are no secrets and no inhibitions. The male male love gives me more space, which is nice. Also, I would say that men are easier to talk to about personal problems. I think there is a shared perspective that allows us to understand each other and be more non-judgemental. With women I get lost and become totally consumed in the fog of love. Both are great!

 

[Phil Ayesho]

A But I wasn't molested, I didn't choose to love guys as well as girls, it is just how it is. I'm like Greek Dude, I had tremendous crushes on girls & boys as a youth. Now I've settled into crushes on guys only, because I think it's because that's the one thing I've never EVER had reciprocated.

I think people like you are genuine congential Bisexuals... ( as opposed to those like me who are conditional bisexuals)

As I have mentioned before... my theory... the only thing I can think of that fits all the reports, is that human beings are born with a hardwired preference in ATTRACTION.

And that preference can vary anywhere from nearly 100% straight to nearly 100% gay.

If you are genuinely 50/50... you are one of those who can as easily bond with a male as with a female.

But I think MOST folks fall in the 90/10 category... one way or the other.

However... that is not the end of the story of sexual development.


I think Men in particular are far more sexually driven by testosterone than women... and that this results in men, even those born nearly 100% straight, being able to have sex with a cantalope, if they are horny enough and no other outlet is pending...

Men, moreso than women, can mentally separate pure sexual activity from emotional attachment.


So- take that fact... that the majority of men who are born wired with an emotional response to women... nevertheless have the innate capacity to separate sex from that attachment...

And then... during a phase of childhood where sexual curiosity is growing... and brain structures developing... that male child gets exposed to some kind of sexual situation. ( or situation that seems sexual by being forbidden, shameful or otherwise conflated with social norms regarding sex)


It could be seeing Aunt Mildred's garter belt... ( or seeing garters in a catalog) it could be an inappropriate touch... of jerking off with other boys... seeing farm animals do it... watching a girl pee...

it could be getting sexually molested by a man or a woman...

Whatever it is... this affects the way the child's brain get's wired for SEXUAL response... but not necessarily emotional response... which is hardwired at birth.

How can some Gay men live closeted and married for so many years?
Perhaps because their early experience centered around heterosexual imagery and opportunities...
Which enables them to RESPOND physically with a woman, even though it may not be emotionally satisfying.

I suspect that this is how all of us get our own peculiar mix of sexual quirks.


I suspect that all sexual fetishes can be traced to some early formative experience that simply soldered a connection between that image, that idea, and your groin.

Every guy I know who's into watersports has SOME story, when they were really young, involving pee.



The mistake we make is to think that any of it is unusual, or wrong.

Like a photograph... its simply a reaction to what we were exposed to.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

PS-- and, of course, the more significant or persistent or traumatic the event, the stronger a connection gets formed.

Getting touched once when you weren't even thinking about sex might have no noticable effect on you at all.

But seeing your aunt's garter belt while you were over her knee getting spanked, with your crotch rubbing on her thighs... that might make a more lasting impression.


Those who are serially molested, over long periods of time... would have the strongest effect... and the more harsh and violent the molestation, the more excruciating the effect.


To have sexual sensations correlated with horrific pain and fear and anger at a very early age could make adult sex nearly impossible. Traumatic and agonizing.

 

[D_Keziah Binbanger]

I suspect that many men who act as bisexuals but classify as heterosexuals are more like me.

My only interest in men is the cock... the sexual act itself...

I do not crane my neck to look at men, I do not have any interest in them as romantic prospects.

Exactly the way I am!

 

[B_Hung Muscle]

I'm really interested in learning something here.

If you consider yourself truly bisexual with experience, as opposed to a teenager weighing options, would you explain the difference of what you feel in a relationship (sexual, dating, long-term, whatever) with a man as opposed to a woman. Are there different emotional stimuli, triggers, and bonding experiences?

 

[submit452]

If I had my way I'd be with a hot girl and have a harem of hott muscular hung blond studs in my basement to play with. What's wrong with having desires for both sexes. I've always had these desires going back as far as 9 years old. If it's as natural for you as breathing as it is for me, then what's the problem with not letting your feeling have a voice. Even if it is being with one sex and fantasising about the other while masturbating. I almost got married to a girl I deeply loved when I was 16. I was committed to being with her and yet thought about same sex desires too. Anyone of any orientation can be monogamus. It takes commitment and will to do so, not being sure of yourself is not a reason to be with someone. If you truly love them the desire to not stray takes care of itself.

 

[B_Bette]

I'm not insinuating bisexuality does not exist so don't flip out.

I am. It's almost nonexistent in men. Most end up going fag eventually, even though they may LIKE women A LOT.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

I am. It's almost nonexistent in men. Most end up going fag eventually, even though they may LIKE women A LOT.

Bette, you simply could not be more wrong.


Only 10% or so of the male population shows any decided preference for males only.
Of the 90% that identify as straight... more than half have had occasional homosexual contact with men.

The remainder may have no bisexual tendency at all... or may simply have not had any opportunity in which to have a homosexual contact.
( or, given the stigma, may be lying about homosexual contacts they did have)
A look at history and other, less sexually hysteric cultures shows that men having sex with men was common, and actually thought of as pretty normal.
Further, a look at the sexual behavior of our nearest relative- apes, indicates that males without access to females engage in homosexual contact, and that in the closest related species, most males will engage in homosexual play with other males even in the presence of females.
These males still generally prefer females when available.

Therefore... all the available data suggest that the vast majority of human men are CAPABLE of bisexual activity, with the number increasing with the scarcity of access to females.


Sorry... you are simply wrong. Most men prefer women. Most of those men would be willing to have sex with a man if they had no access to women.
And a lot of those female preferring men are willing to have sexual contact with men under the right circumstances.

 

[D_Ollyvalle Treegirth]

wow this is a really interesting thread....Ive learned a lot. I'm especially kind of surprised by how many of you guys were molested as kids....and you feel that experience hard-wired you to be bi ---- or at least, to respond to men sexually, tho not emotionally. I'm not at all disbelieving you -- especially since more than one of you has the same basic story -- but I just want to know: how can you be so sure that your early molestation by adult men is responsible for your interest in guys' cocks?

 

[nooby]

I'm a married guy, new to the site, and, frankly, uncomfortable with my "interest", but this thread has prompted my first post.

As a boy of 4, I was introduced to sex by an older boy wanting to "show me something fun". I was curious and went along, enjoying the sensation of touching one another's penises. One day, his mother caught us, and that was the end of that.

I grew up believing I was perfectly heterosexual, only ever having crushes on girls, then dating, etc. I had sex exclusively with women until one alcohol-addled night in college, a friend and I shared a bed. He touched me and I touched him back, and something reptilian stirred in my libido. I loved the way his penis felt, and we carried on this way occasionally throughout my college years.

I put that away again and went on to marry, have children, and lead a normal heterosexual life. Except that I started watching some porn. I noticed that I was more interested in the cocks than the breasts and butts.

My wife and I still enjoy satisfying sex (although not as frequently as when we were younger) and I am deeply in love with her, but I find myself wanting the cock, and I really don't know what to do about it.

 

[Spaguy]

Wow Nooby. . .you've almost exactly explained my situation. I had an older boy show me a couple of things when I was about 9 (he must have been 13 or so). From that point on, as a kid I always found a reason to get naked with boys and coax them into having fun. As an adult, I had a couple of encounters with men but they were nothing but passing. While it was fun while it was happening, I always gravitated back to women. I am now married and have very satisfying sex, though when I masturbate I still occasionally think about men. For me (as others have said) it is about the sex. I don't have a need for an emotional attachment to another man. I think it's about the perceived "naughtiness" of fooling around with other guys that gets me horny. I enjoy looking at other guys, but more out of an admiration for those that are in good shape (i.e. pecs, biceps, abs). However, I am married now and will always respect the vows of my marriage first. . .that was my decision when I got married. In the end, I think many bisexuals are attracted to both sexes, but in the end some make a conscious decision to be with one or the other.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

wow this is a really interesting thread....Ive learned a lot. I'm especially kind of surprised by how many of you guys were molested as kids....and you feel that experience hard-wired you to be bi ---- or at least, to respond to men sexually, tho not emotionally. I'm not at all disbelieving you -- especially since more than one of you has the same basic story -- but I just want to know: how can you be so sure that your early molestation by adult men is responsible for your interest in guys' cocks?

I am not entirely sure...

I still believe that most men are biologically capable of sexual activity with men... albeit more as a release of sexual tension than as an affection or emotional bond.

I believe that gay men actually feel more emotional pull toward other men... and that that would be the defining characteristic of being Gay.



I would be willing to venture a guess that the majority of "straight" males are born with something like a 90/10 orientation...

Thus, for many men, even with no exposure as a child, they will still have some small interest in male sexual contact or male sexual imagery.
These would be the males that, say, in prison, would be willing to fuck a guy in the ass, tho they probably would not take one.


I would guess that I was born with a 70/30 basic biological orientation.

The reason I guess that is that I have always been more sensitive than physical... less likely to get into fights, less into sports...
In part, I would guess that my somewhat stronger than average homosexual percentage played a part into my getting suckered into the molestation I experienced. I did not run screaming from a very inappropriate male only situation... I was intrigued and sexually curious enough to get caught up in it.

In retrospect I had to admit that I was not completely innocent in going into that room.
Of course... that could also just have been the intense sexual curiosity that comes form going to catholic school and a pretty oppressive sexual repression.....

Tho having some higher than average homosexual leanings certainly might have played a part in the fact that I so rapidly came to like it. I was only really forced twice. I was coerced a few more times... then I was just bribed for a while... but within a few months, if I am brutally honest with myself as a young boy, I was going back for the fun of it... for the thrill of the forbidden, for the fact that none of my friends were getting to have sex at all, ( I had a secret life ) for the cool factor of hanging out with the older boys....

( these lures are why molestation can be so common, and why those who fall prey can feel so very guilty about falling for them)


But again... I tend to feel it was mostly the imprinting of this experience because everything they did to me, is precisely the things that still turn me on today... the things that I fantasize about...

I am still a piss freak because they pissed on me.
But they never kissed me. They never even fondled me. I have no interest in a man sucking me, no interest in fucking a man... all things that never happened in my molestation...
But I love servicing some other guy... getting fucked by them... I fantasize about being anally raped because I was.

I suspect that if someone's early experience was friendly and fun related- like with a peer.... then their adult leaning will be to have friendly and fun sex with their peers.
If they checked out other boy's dick... they will be straight guys who check out other men's dicks.

But I have not seen, in 35 years, any "increase" in this interest in guys.
I am not any more drawn to guys than I was at 20.
Still have no interest in cuddling or kissing a guy... yet still would suck cock like I was starving for want of cum.

So, no I do not think that men who are 'bisexual' are kidding themselves... (eta- I think that once those brain regions are mapped as children... that this mapping does not change much as an adult... its permanent )

And I think you would be astonished to find out how many men... if my definition were the accepted one, would actually admit to bisexual urges.


Also... If we included all potentially sexuality modifying experiences from childhood under the same umbrella as molestation...
It would be hard to find men who had NOT had some kind of sexually defining experience as a child...


ETA- Again... I am not saying that this makes it okay... I am saying that it makes it fairly common... and that it may explain a lot about our sexual peculiarities as adults. Our guilts and our secret urges.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

My wife and I still enjoy satisfying sex (although not as frequently as when we were younger) and I am deeply in love with her, but I find myself wanting the cock, and I really don't know what to do about it.

You are married... do not do anything about it.

Simply come to grips with the fact that this really is just a brain structure that makes you respond sexually to certain ideas and imagery.

Get comfortable with it because it is there and not going away...

Indulge your fantasies, AS fantasies.... enjoy the porn that get you off...
It does not have to happen in real life.


Maybe talk with your wife if you think she would be accepting... I had a woman for a while there that was happy to strap one one for my pleasure...


But do not risk a loving relationship for something that is essentially on a par with a recurring dream.

Its a habit of thought... nothing more... it does not own you anymore than the ideas in a book on your shelf... that you can read whenever you please...
or, as easily, put away.

 

[Primal_Savage]

.... For example, does your wife or girlfriend know you come on here and other websites and comment on gallery pics and men's cocks? A self-respecting homo can't drool over the gallery these days and fail to notice the number of horny comments left by 90 percent straight guys.....

Aside from a few fbuds, no one knows that I'm on lpsg. Seldom look at gallery pics and certainly don't drool over any. First experience with other guys was my freshman year in college. Have told that story before so there's no need to repeat it. By nature, I've always been an unhibited exhibitionist tho a closeted bi-sexual and that's not likely to change.

 

[Zottig]

For me it's a sliding scale but I will ALWAYS be over 50% gay. Am I bi? Well I do find women attractive and there are things about sex with a woman I really enjoy a LOT... in fact some things I do enjoy (or are more pleasurable) than with men. BUT my lust, attraction, raw zoom zoom, the thing that gets my attention is a man.

I was married for 10 years and she brought in a BF that we shared for the last 4 years. Sadly when he moved on she found another who was only interested in her and things went their separate ways. But I could see having something with a woman again but I think only in addition to, not instead of a man.

For ME... I assume the reason bi-guys don't usually have a girlfriend on the side is that for men you can more readily have the sex for sex sake. And if the attraction for men is higher than for women it's probably not enough to risk an encounter with a woman if it's done on the sly. With guys it's FAR easier to "cheat" with... I mean all of this is generalizations and not meant to speak for anyone.

Zottig
Grand Rapids, MI

 

[dudepiston]

Phil,

This is probably very good advice, but not really *satisfying* is it, Nooby? Certainly not to me. Sure I know I'm married and should not play around. I already know the rules, but I'd like some fun to be had, at SOME point. I'm bi, but I totally would be into not only a sexual but also an emotional relationship with another guy. I already have that with a female, I want it with a male, and if I'm honest, I'd like it in addition to my current marriage. But I'm apparently somewhat emotionally stunted - I don't have any male friends with which to bond in even a non-sexual way. I find myself longing for something more almost all the time.

My question is - is it harder to just 'put that book away & read it whenever you like' when your desires are emotional as well as sexual?

You are married... do not do anything about it.

[snip]

Its a habit of thought... nothing more... it does not own you anymore than the ideas in a book on your shelf... that you can read whenever you please...
or, as easily, put away.

 

[Zottig]

I can speak to this... I "came out" to myself 5 years into my marriage. My wife was bi and being a florist she had lots of gay friends. When I went through a bout of depression I realized I had subconsciously been struggling with it for a long time. I felt I had to tell her though had no intent on doing anything about it. She was not shocked. She knew before I did, before we got married even. She didn't mind at all. She in fact had a friend who eventually came to live with us and was OUR boyfriend for 4 years. It was great to have that physical AS WELL as emotional connection with both.

Sadly those days are over but while they existed they were REALLY nice.

I don't expect it to happen again, but it's not impossible. But it might be in your situation. My ex wife was far more accepting of the polyamory idea than even I am.

Zottig

Phil,
I find myself longing for something more almost all the time.

My question is - is it harder to just 'put that book away & read it whenever you like' when your desires are emotional as well as sexual?

 

[curiousbisexuallad]

I've been attracted to both sexes for about 10 years (I'm 22 now) and I recently told my Mum in a round-about way, she was cool with it, but I haven't told my Dad because he would have me kicked out of the house.

I've only ever kissed a mate and given a blowjob once when I was drunk but nothing else and I would like to have a girlfriend/boyfriend but my confidence has been knocked somewhat and so I've been single ever since I was 10.

One day everything will be OK, even if I have to keep my relationship low-key.

 

[Bbucko]

I've always considered myself a latent-bi. My two experiences with women happened in my mid-twenties, long after I came out gay at the age of 17.

Part of my motivation was curiosity about pussy. Part was my abiding lust for female breasts. I've also always been one to push his boundaries and try to expand my limits.

But I found few women who were truly interested in sex as play: they seemed much more interested in using sex as a way of cementing an emotional commitment, the kind of commitment I had no interest in pursuing with a woman. I am much more interested in connecting emotionally with men.

Who knows how different my life would have been if I'd found a really freaky woman with the right combination of body, attitude and intellect?

And, FWIW, I prefer men who are smaller than I and of medium-to-darker complexions: think Latinos. But I am attracted to taller, athletic, fair women: think German or Scandinavian: not fat, but sturdy.