Racism? Or Simply Preference? Who Is Right Here?

[deleted464787]

Hi. I'm a Black man, so let me throw my two hats into the ring.

I've commented on something like this a while ago on another site, but I'll try to keep this short.

Starting off, do I think you're racist for having a preference? No. That being said, preferring a certain race over a certain sex are two totally different things, but that's neither here nor there. Saying "I prefer X guys" does not exclude anyone, it's a preference. Saying "Only White Men" would be more racist because you're excluding other races. So is "Only Blacks" so is "Only Mexicans" I know some will disagree, but it is still excluding other races.

That being said, I never message anyone of these apps that put their "preference" in their profile unless it's Black men.

1. I respect I'm not everyone's type.
2. I have no desire to chase after someone that has stated I'm not their type.

I agree for the most part. Especially when it comes to how I react when I see preference that don’t include me in someone’s profile. If they don’t prefer white guys, I don’t message them, and I don’t get bent out of shape about it.

I’m intellectually honest enough to give people the rights to their preferences the same as I have mine. I’d even take a step further and allow people to say “I’m not attracted to white guys.” And I wouldn’t get bent out of shape about it. That’s not racist, in my opinion. But if you would treat me as less than anyone else OUTSIDE of sexual selection, then you’re getting into the realm of racism.

I guess what it all boils down to is this: sexual selection and racism are mutually exclusive to each other, at least in my book. There’s no bigotry involved there.

 

[freeballininnyc]

So why limit your options writing that post?
I denied many guys because of that: they find me attractive I find them attractive.. but then I read their profiles stating the same "conditions " as yours and I decline to meet.

So you make a blanket judgement without discussing something with someone because they make a blanket judgement about someone else AND you feel justified in doing so. LOL. Ok.

 

[masqlnbtm]

So you make a blanket judgement without discussing something with someone because they make a blanket judgement about someone else AND you feel justified in doing so. LOL. Ok.

Without discussing? Why you assume that?
Lol, ok

 

[freeballininnyc]

Without discussing? Why you assume that?
Lol, ok

Because it doesn't make sense to say to someone you find attractive, "hey, what's with the no blacks (for instance) in your profile?" That would then invite a comment or conversation that could go 1 of 2 ways. 1. Hey man. Sorry, but I hate black people. or 2. Well, here's my experience and here's why I feel that way. I can't see 1 happening once, certainly not multiple times where gay men are involved. With 2, you might be provided with a viable reason for someone's preferences that you hadn't considered and to write them off would be silly. So no, I don't believe you're discussing it. I do believe you are now trying to validate your own prejudices and hypocrisy bc you see the parallel and don't like it but also REALLY don't like being wrong. But, like I've said before in this thread, you do you. Whatevs.

 

[deleted1220758]

Because it doesn't make sense to say to someone you find attractive, "hey, what's with the no blacks (for instance) in your profile?" That would then invite a comment or conversation that could go 1 of 2 ways. 1. Hey man. Sorry, but I hate black people. or 2. Well, here's my experience and here's why I feel that way. I can't see 1 happening once, certainly not multiple times where gay men are involved. With 2, you might be provided with a viable reason for someone's preferences that you hadn't considered and to write them off would be silly. So no, I don't believe you're discussing it. I do believe you are now trying to validate your own prejudices and hypocrisy bc you see the parallel and don't like it but also REALLY don't like being wrong. But, like I've said before in this thread, you do you. Whatevs.

I actually see that happen often with biracial people. A friend of mine (Afro-latino with very light features) finds himself canceling dudes left and right. Often because they see him with black family members or friends in his photos and then say they're not really into black people and he replies " I guess you're not into me then" and stops responding to them.

I think with him its more about principle but there are plenty of people that are turned off from those with racial preferences, and more often than not, it's the person with the racial preference that puts their foot in their own mouth when they backpedal after finding out their actual "preference" has some blackness in them lmfao

 

[masqlnbtm]

Because it doesn't make sense to say to someone you find attractive, "hey, what's with the no blacks (for instance) in your profile?" That would then invite a comment or conversation that could go 1 of 2 ways. 1. Hey man. Sorry, but I hate black people. or 2. Well, here's my experience and here's why I feel that way. I can't see 1 happening once, certainly not multiple times where gay men are involved. With 2, you might be provided with a viable reason for someone's preferences that you hadn't considered and to write them off would be silly. So no, I don't believe you're discussing it. I do believe you are now trying to validate your own prejudices and hypocrisy bc you see the parallel and don't like it but also REALLY don't like being wrong. But, like I've said before in this thread, you do you. Whatevs.

Lmao.

 

[Infernal]

I knew it wouldn't take too long for someone to get banned over this. Let's talk about something more pleasant.

 

[freeballininnyc]

I actually see that happen often with biracial people. A friend of mine (Afro-latino with very light features) finds himself canceling dudes left and right. Often because they see him with black family members or friends in his photos and then say they're not really into black people and he replies " I guess you're not into me then" and stops responding to them.

I think with him its more about principle but there are plenty of people that are turned off from those with racial preferences, and more often than not, it's the person with the racial preference that puts their foot in their own mouth when they backpedal after finding out their actual "preference" has some blackness in them lmfao

Again, it begs the question why isn't someone "into black people" bc I highly doubt it's "just bc they're black". And your point about people finding out their "preference" has some blackness in them - this would help prove my point that it's not "just bc they're black". Still, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. You like what you like and not what you don't and you really don't have to explain it or justify it to anyone.

 

[deleted1220758]

Again, it begs the question why isn't someone "into black people" bc I highly doubt it's "just bc they're black". And your point about people finding out their "preference" has some blackness in them - this would help prove my point that it's not "just bc they're black". Still, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. You like what you like and not what you don't and you really don't have to explain it or justify it to anyone.

My point is that some people who present a race preference show their hands which can be a turnoff to those who may have been originally attracted to them physically.

If we consider that to be a blanket statement, I'd argue that it measures much lower than the original person who set the tone

Same as someone finding a guy cute until he's rude to the waitress during a dinner date. We can argue that perhaps the guy has a lot going on and it's unfair to write him off as a jerk , but he set the tone by his actions/conduct and the reaction is the consequence.

 

[freeballininnyc]

My point is that some people who present a race preference show their hands which can be a turnoff to those who may have been originally attracted to them physically.

If we consider that to be a blanket statement, I'd argue that it measures much lower than the original person who set the tone

Same as someone finding a guy cute until he's rude to the waitress during a dinner date. We can argue that perhaps the guy has a lot going on and it's unfair to write him off as a jerk , but he set the tone by his actions/conduct and the reaction is the consequence.

I see your point. But again, talking to the guy who's mean to the waitress would give incite into that behavior - is it a one off bc of a bad day or is he a jerk? Talking to someone who says "no blacks" gives you incite into THAT behavior. Writing someone off is totally your business but it also means you could be missing out on the greatest thing in the world. A little conversation shows you which direction to go. Making a complete judgement about someone based on one POSSIBILITY is rash. None of us are any one thing - we're the sum of our parts.

 

[deleted1220758]

I see your point. But again, talking to the guy who's mean to the waitress would give incite into that behavior - is it a one off bc of a bad day or is he a jerk? Talking to someone who says "no blacks" gives you incite into THAT behavior. Writing someone off is totally your business but it also means you could be missing out on the greatest thing in the world. A little conversation shows you which direction to go. Making a complete judgement about someone based on one POSSIBILITY is rash. None of us are any one thing - we're the sum of our parts.

That's the game of life, my friend. We may not play by the same rules, but we're all playing. People may miss out or they may be well off not investing time in the person they wrote off for whatever reason. No one knows and it's all hypothetical.

All i can suggest is that if someone looks back on their choices and find that they haven't found what they were looking for in *insert time* then they should consider whether their choices have really benefited them and whether they should consider a new plan of action.

 

[deleted464787]

That's the game of life, my friend. We may not play by the same rules, but we're all playing. People may miss out or they may be well off not investing time in the person they wrote off for whatever reason. No one knows and it's all hypothetical.

All i can suggest is that if someone looks back on their choices and find that they haven't found what they were looking for in *insert time* then they should consider whether their choices have really benefited them and whether they should consider a new plan of action.

Fair enough. On Grindr Ive been looking to get blown, and that's all. And I've had no trouble getting exactly that. So, I guess I can stay the course then?

 

[deleted1220758]

Fair enough. On Grindr Ive been looking to get blown, and that's all. And I've had no trouble getting exactly that. So, I guess I can stay the course then?

Do what you want.

 

[bravesoldier]

To me it is not racism. I dig black men and have had several black sex partners. I have white guys most of the time but as I say, when I want black dick nothing else will do. I told that to a mid 30's black guy one night as he had me on my back. When I said that he shoved his black cock into me hard about three times. It hurt but looking back it was hot.

Not racism to me at all, just what I am preferring at the moment.

 

[deleted2780451]

Haven't read the thread bc I'm NEVER surprised where these convos go, but I prefer old white guys with big cocks, who tf cares? There's way more pressing race related issues going on in this country right now ::side eye::

 

[emmyfan]

I know that people have preferences, but as someone who has witnessed and experienced racism in gay bars, Pride Parades, and other gay events as well as in general for being a black gay male - it is sometimes disheartening when people rule out a race of people. Gays are discriminated against by straight people and then there are a lot of times that gays turn around and discriminate against each other - does not make much sense to me and comes off as hypocritical.

There are gay bars in Chicago that have attempted to adopt a music format of not playing certain type of music so that it does not attract African-Americans. I know my comments are a little bit larger than the topic of this thread, but I wanted to mention this.

 

[Perados]

I guess those who "prefer" a certain colour, should think about their preferences again.

Why is it that you prefer blacks, asians, latins, or what ever?
Could it be facial features that show up in some races more often?


Asians have dark but straight hair, the eyes are different.
Most blanks have very curly hair, many have full lips.
Often arabians have a lot of body hair, or a big nose.
Many europeans have a long nose and some blond hair...

The colour of the skin is also something that makes a difference in appearance. Why shouldn't it be part of a preference?


Maybe those who say they prefer a certain "race" just prefer certain features. If these features show up on a person that is not part of the "prefered race", this person could be attractive also...



I don't think it's racism if you have preferences, as long...

a) you don't combine your preferences with stereotypes. Like "blacks fuck better", or "arabians kiss better"

b) you aren't totally focused on a single race and would accept nearly everyone as long as he/she is part of that certain race.


People have their favourite music, colour, food and paintings. Why shouldn't they prefer a certain type of person?


I can say in general I find people with red hair unattractive... but I wouldn't call myself a racist.

 

[Marcojohnson12]

Haven't read the thread bc I'm NEVER surprised where these convos go, but I prefer old white guys with big cocks, who tf cares? There's way more pressing race related issues going on in this country right now ::side eye::

So you don't date other black men?

 

[deleted1220758]

Lol saw this meme and immediately thought of this thread.

 

[ThickBearMeat]

Hi all, been a LOOOOONG time since Ive posted here.... mostly just spent the years lurking and looking at pictures and videos. But tonight, something happened, and I just had to post about it. So please read this whole thing before drawing any conclusions (warning, this post may be quite long), and then give me your honest feedback. I promise I won't be offended either way.

So, as a quick background--a bit about me. Im mostly straight (mostly into women, but down to fool around with dudes if the mood is right), and I can only ever see myself getting into an actual relationship with women (with men, it would never go beyond physical pleasure). Label me whatever category that puts me into... straight, bi, whatever... thats not the point. The 2nd fact about me, Im white. Im not hung up about it, and I don't have a feeling of superiority about it... it just is what it is--thats how the universe made me... a white guy.

Why is all this important you ask? Well, it just so happens that sometimes Im in.. "the mood" and having a guy around to help me out sounds kinda fun... so naturally I turned to Grindr (LOL, dont judge me, we all have needs). On there, my profile simply says, and I quote:

"Bi white guy here, looking for fun. Mostly attracted to other white guys."

So tonight, I just happened to get on, and I was greeted with this lovely message from a Latino individual (see picture attached). For those that cant see the picture, this is how he greeted me, verbatim:

"You understand that racial preferences are racist? Making preemptive decisions about a person based on the color of their skin is racism. Check your white privilege dude."

I was shocked. I've never really been a fan of people who play into identity politics, but Ill be damned if people on the far left now think they are so "woke" enough to start dictating who I can, or have to be attracted to. I wanted to just cuss the guy out, or block him, but I thought "you know, lets see if I can talk to this guy rationally and see if I can construct an argument that would make him change his point of view and agree with me."

I won't post pictures of the entire conversation--its a long one--but Ill try to give you guys the gyst of how it went down, along with my thoughts, and then Id like to hear what you all have to say about it.

First, I tried explaining to him that although I'd consider myself unlikely to have sex with a black, or latino dude, Id happily still be friends with them. Does that still qualify as racist? He seemed very hung up on the fact that I was a white dude who only liked other white dudes. I then explained to him that as a bi guy, Im actually mostly attracted to Asian women over any other race, to which he responded thats racist because Im sexualizing Asian women (huh?).

He then made a statement that there must be a REASON why Im attracted to white dudes. To which I responded with this analogy: "I love steak. And I think onions are gross. (really, I cant stand them, lol). Whos to say whats right or whats wrong about that? Why am I not entitled to have my own preferences? Once again, this is simply how the universe made me, and I cant CHANGE it just because that offends you." He responded saying that my food analogy is stupid because "onions arent an ethnic identity that im excluding because its different from what Ive been told is beautiful."

Again.... huh? I don't remember being told that only white people are beautiful. And if I was told (and convinced!) that only white people are beautiful, then why the hell am I attracted to Asian women?

In the end, I explained to him that I dare say that if I was a white guy, who only happened to be attracted to say... black guys, he wouldnt be so offended by this. And do you know how he responded? Youre not going to believe this.... HE AGREED! He couldnt have proven my point any easier. How does a person not see the hypocrisy in all of this?

Afterwards, I told him I was going to be posting a rundown of our conversation on here, and getting feedback, and sharing it with him. I also intend to share the link to this thread with him so he can share his side of the story, and hopefully not be biased (lets see if he actually responds). If not, Im prepared to post screenshots of the entire conversation just to prove Im being genuine here, and not only telling one side.

So now, I ask you all the readers, to please share your feedback here.

I would argue that he was WAY out of line to begin by making such assumptions and coming at me that way. And I might even argue that him coming at me that way could even be proof that he harbors some "white hate" if there is such a thing--but maybe thats a stretch.

I would also argue that having a sexual attraction is not racist, just as having a sexual preference is not sexist, and just having a preference for ANY characteristic is not "x-ist". Not only that, but I for SURE am not obligated to justify why I find certain things attractive, and certain other things unattractive, nor is anyone obligated to explain to me why they might not be attracted to me--that is entirely their subjective opinion, and theyre entitled to it. And if the social justice-identity politics-toting left is starting to push to mandate how we think like that...then Ill just start jacking off on my own rather than being forced to have sex with someone I happen to not be attracted to just because it offends them.

Thoughts? Opinions? I'll be checking back periodically to see what you all have to say.

Thanks for reading.

I honestly don’t think you owe this dick or anyone else an explanation about what you’re attracted to and turns you on. The preference of the colour of someone’s skin is no different than preferring blond hair over brown or green eyes over blue, curly or long hair over straight or short hair, et cetera. People are attracted to certain traits or characteristics that sometimes exclude a specific race.

I happen to be like you, I am a straight (or bi) white guy in love and in an open relationship with a woman. I happen to be mostly attracted to men with very Nordic features: blond hair & blue eyes, and ginger/auburn-haired guys with green eyes. It doesn’t mean I want to oppress other ethnicities, it’s just what turns me on!