Recognizing attraction vs. feeling attraction

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by whattheduck, Aug 31, 2009.

  1. whattheduck

    whattheduck New Member

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    Question guys.
    I am in college and go to the gym here on campus. Needless to say most of the people that go here are young and in prime physical condition. My question is- I check out both guys and girls in the gym. When I look at the guys, it's more in a way of "Damn he's cut and it looks good" instead of "Whoa he's hot and I want to fuck him." I recognize that he is attractive without feeling attracted to him, wanting to flirt with him, etc. Is that gay? Recognizing that another guy has a good body and appreciating that without wanting to have sex with him? I am also working on getting toned up myself so it may be that I look at them as role models because I want to look like them. Tell me what you think. (And no I'm not being homophobic or any of that, I have gay friends and have nothing against them, I just want to know your opinions)
     
  2. 8060

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    It's not gay that you recognize the attractiveness in another male. Anyone that can see that is looking at someone with some form of physical attractiveness can do that. Don't fret. If you feel like your recognition of that won't be accepted well among your peers or circle of friends, then just keep your thoughts of recognition to yourself to avoid ridicule and jeers and do with them as you wish.

    Once again. It's not gay. Peace.
     
  3. Calboner

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    Whattheduck, I applaud you for being honest in observing your own reactions. I can understand your raising your question, because you are no doubt aware that if you blurted out the reactions that you speak of, many people would take them to indicate that you are gay. But they indicate no such thing.

    It's too late to change your title, but I would have written "Recognizing attractiveness versus feeling attraction," as that, I think, is the distinction that you mean to make.
     
  4. Florida Boy

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    Wanting to have sex with them makes it gay.
     
  5. MarkLondon

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    Hey, I am gay and I go to the gym and look at guys' bodies. But no, I'm not cruising. I'm comparing and admiring how guys have realised/are realising their potential. It's very different from sizing them up for sex. I know this because I regard women at the gym in the same way.
     
  6. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I would look at this from a slightly different POV. I may find another guy attractive in addition to his physical aspects but if I take it to the next step, does that mean that I want to fuck him? Not necessarily. In fact I don't find myself wanting to stick my dick into guys period. However I might be interested in getting more emotionally close to him which is a whole different thing. I think attractiveness and relationships are complex and just because I might be attracted to someone, girl or guy, I might not at all want to have sex with them.
     
  7. Cockmo

    Cockmo Active Member

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    Nah, it does not mean that you are gay. When me and my boyfriend go out and see a very nice looking woman, we will mention how attractive she is and maybe point out her physical features. Noticing that another guy is in good shape, has nice hair, is attractive, and so on, does not mean that you are gay. Now, if you maybe start thinking about wondering what he is like in bed, then...
     
  8. D_Odipherous Pitts

    D_Odipherous Pitts Account Disabled

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    If I am working out or appear in public in a tank top I will typically get a lot more men than women approach me and complement me on my physique. I think many men are seeking the type of physique I have and constantly approach me either to tell me I look good or to ask questions about training or nutrition. Most women aren't so bold. :frown1:

    Very few of these men appear to be gay, they just appreciate something that I have been blessed with and they would want themselves... much the same way most men would want a larger cock and admire those that have one!
     
  9. novice_btm

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    I don't think that admitting a guy is ripped, or even attractive, makes someone gay. If anything, I think it means that you're secure enough with your masculinity/straightness, that the sexual aspect never even enters your thoughts when commenting on the pure aesthetics. I'm actually WAY more suspicious of guys who obviously have some sexual thought, or fear of having a sexual thought, throw up the wall of "I don't know if dude's hot or ugly". Oh, you do freakin' too, ya big liar! You put some totally hideous guy next to whatever hottie-of-the-day, to be easy, let's just say, Brad Pitt, and I don't care how "straight" you are, you know the difference. To say otherwise, just isn't true.

    I applaud your honesty.
     
  10. B_jeepguy2

    B_jeepguy2 New Member

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    I am going to be honest here, I think most guys even guys who think they are totally stright have some degree of attraction to other men and a lot of them are totally freaked out by these feelings. You may find the idea of making out or having sex with another male completely repusive but more than likely that is because of learned hangups because of your religion or the puritanical culture that you grew up in.

    I grew up in a reallly conservative bible belt farming community and remember being totally disgusted by the idea of two guys having sex back when I was a teen and first learned about homosexuality. I mean the thought of kissing another dude or letting him put his dick in my mouth or stick it up my ass, I mean I thought that anyone who would do that was totally sick! I remember thinking, how could anyone possibly enjoy that? LOL It took me a long time to get past all the sterotypes and internalized homophobia I had but I have had sex with guys and totally enjoyed it.

    You may not think so but I bet if you kept an open mind, and got with one of these guys who you find attractive with his hot body rubbing against yours or him pleasuring your cock with his mouth, you would get an erection, you would TOTALLY enjoy it, and you would cum. Sexual pleasure is pleasure whether you are getting it from a guy or a girl...it really makes no difference. I used to think my attraction to guys was just that because they were attractive...then sometime in my early 20s I realized it was something more and I was really confused at first. If you find a guy attractive it is really nothing to worry about, people focus way too much on labels. Am I gay or am I str8, when the line between gay and straight is really blurred. There are a lot more guys out there who swing both ways than you think. Hey if you have a gay friend that you find attractive maybe experiment with him. You are in college dude, and everyone experiments in college, if it feels good do it! Just be safe and have fun!
     
    #10 B_jeepguy2, Sep 1, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2009
  11. Kayden96

    Kayden96 New Member

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    If you're gay, I'm gay.

    I see tons of guys at the gym that I can't help but stare at. I can say they are incredibly sexy, but do not want to have sex with them. If that makes sense... .Sculpted traps and round delts leading into bulging biceps are a thing of beauty.

    It's not sexual. It's like looking at a '73 Mustang and admiring the hard lines and clean sweeping form or studying the powerful chest and leg muscles of a horse. You can find things can be beautiful and not want to stick your dick in them.
     
  12. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    No, that isn't gay, people always check out others and see things they want to accomplish too. I can appreciate a good looking guy and admire his body. if someone has a six-pack, I admire that because that is also a goal for me, but hard to reach. So, prefectly normal.

    I like it how you see it. Same for me, I can love/like the person very much without having the urge to have sex with them. This is for girls and guys. Although some don't notice the difference.
     
  13. Wish-4-8

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    No, you are not gay. By what you described, no. The gym is a place where you want to make yourself look better. There will be people there who look the way you may want to look. So you are fanicinated and admire that it is even possible to look that way. You may even want to ask them some questions.

    I think on some level, the guys that look good there appreciate the fact that people are checking them out. I bet they dress a certain way to get stares or to show off their physique more. For example, a guy could easily wear a T-shirt and be covered up. But some guys will wear an A-shirt (or wife beater) that shows more skin. I truly believe that is a consious choice.

    Now, if you are fantasizing about the guys and are jerking off to those thoughts, or your mind wanders to a sexual experiance with these guys, then you may have to rethink your sexuallity.
     
  14. whattheduck

    whattheduck New Member

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    thanks for all the good responses, guys.
    as many of you noted, we go to the gym to make ourselves look better and end up comparing ourselves to others there; this is definitely the case for me. i am trying to tone up and get into better shape, get bigger arms, a six-pack and all that, so i look at them and long to look like them! haha.
    also, for the record i have experimented with guys. i definitely prefer women more and wasn't able to even get off with the guy, and he had an excellent body. the guys that i see at the gym, i don't even think about sexually nor do i come back to my house to jack off to thoughts of them.
    once again, thanks for all the responses!
     
  15. invisibleman

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    Yeah, I think that you can have admirations without breaching into sexual interest in a man. But I think that if you are sexually attracted, you would know.

    Me: I can be sexually attracted to some men not all men. But what does that say about me other than I am gay but because I am attracted to the men doesn't mean that I am entitled to have sex with them because I am turned on by them.

    I don't want a man if he is straight. I don't want them if they are in a relationship...or married. Hypothetical: If I were turned on to a straight guy, I wouldn't be friends or be associated with that guy too much. (My sexual interests and desires are only to illuminate what I am interested in...and I realize that my interests and desires may not be reciprocated by my source of my objectivity. I respect that. I don't push myself off on anyone that isn't into me.
     
  16. D_Leotols Toy

    D_Leotols Toy New Member

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    I can relate man, I'm in college too and also go to the gym. Even every day life I'll look at a dude and admire something he may have that I'm striving for, such as a physique or maybe the way he acts around girls. I've kissed dudes as a dare when I was younger and first started partying, mainly dares by girls, but even after that I have no question that I'm no way gay (no offense). I think it's just human nature to look at everyone and recognize beauty whether its same sex or not.

    Society puts such a stronghold on shit like that and so everyone perceives it as wrong or backs it up with that alpha male persona like "Oh fuck that shit bro, I ain't gay" To me it's guys like that who are not secure with themselves. Some of the girls I chill with admit the same shit about looking at other girls. So I mean it's not just you, it's probably everyone, most people just don't say anything out of fear.

    I actually have a friend who is your typical alpha male (he should be on tool academy :p) and he dated this dude, actually dated and they fucked and shit, but when he came back to town and started hanging with all these macho dudes he was like nah dude I ain't gay fuck that shit and will basically fight anything that moves. Dude's in denial and it's funny cause all the chicks he tries to hit on, know of his past.
     
    #16 D_Leotols Toy, Sep 1, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2009
  17. invisibleman

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    The thing is BE SAFE FIRST. Wear condoms properly. Know what games and the rules before you play.
     
  18. modest123

    modest123 New Member

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    Dude! Like... you are TOTALLY gay! Okay, not really. Actually I agree with all the above and especially Novice.
     
  19. novice_btm

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    Wow! If people are actually reading what I write, I'm going to have to start paying more attention to it. :eek:

    :tongue::tongue::tongue:
    P.S. Thanks
     
  20. whattheduck

    whattheduck New Member

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    Funny you say that about the girls. We had sorority recruitment here last week, and one of my friends that is in one of them said "Hey, look at our new girls... They're fuckin' hot, aren't they?" I was like... Why yes they are and wow I can't believe you said that lol.
     
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