Reluctant Bottom

Jism

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Bbucko thanks for being civile and polite;
Re your message to me I must correct you and maybe we should meet so I can prove to you that a great pitcher can also be a good catcher.Surely a man of the world,like you, knows that
 

SandraSmithCarver

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njqt466 is an evolved woman who has the grace to learn from her surroundings and associations. She is also a friend of mine.


point taken,,
i just remember dating a man that i suspected was Bi

he wasnt affectionate, didnt like to cuddle, and asked if I was a top or bottom, the first time we did it.
He said he was a "bottom" at the time I had no idea what that was.
at that time, i was more submissive and had only been with men who preffered to be on top, but he did rock my world
 

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I guess I am number 3. I fuck with man because I like to fuck with men and that goes for cocksucking too I love to plow a guy's arse real hard. "Passive only bottoms" are not enough of a challenge- pace bottoms.
Hard tops who only want to plow your butt are Ok for a pick up but à la longue, I want more spice.The best fucks are with guys who are tough fuckers themselves but sometimes feel to be used like a slut.

Give me a call, Jism!:tongue: You must have peeked at my resume!!!
 

B_Italian1

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It's confusing enough for men to accept they're gay in this predominately straight world, but this top/bottom stuff must make matters even worse.

If you're not into any kind of anal activity you'd have to find another guy who was also in the same boat. But it's not something that two people normally discuss when they first meet or on a first date. If you're into anal, a top needs a bottom and a bottom needs a top. I would think two tops couldn't get together and two bottoms couldn't either.

You could meet the greatest guy in the world; you could love his looks, sense of humor, he could have a great career, be intelligent, and everything else you wanted, but because of the whole top/bottom dynamics, it wouldn't work. That could be heartbreaking.

If you place a personal ad, you can state what you are and what you're looking for, but if you're not into personal ads you're kind of screwed. All of this must have been impossible before the internet.

I guess I'd be a reluctant top and bottom.
 

Lex

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It's confusing enough for men to accept they're gay in this predominately straight world, but this top/bottom stuff must make matters even worse.

I don't think it is confusing as much as it is difficult. The entire coming out process begins with coming out to yourself and realizing and accepting you are gay.

After that, figuring out your sexual preferences is just like what anyone would do. Not all straight men like eating pussy, some like having their butts played with, etc.

If you're not into any kind of anal activity you'd have to find another guy who was also in the same boat. But it's not something that two people normally discuss when they first meet or on a first date. If you're into anal, a top needs a bottom and a bottom needs a top. I would think two tops couldn't get together and two bottoms couldn't either.

Not being into anal usually means not wanting to get fucked. There are plenty of guys who are total/nonreciprocal tops and never bottom. FOr them, they would look for guys who are versatile or guys who love to bottom. There are also plenty of guys who never want to top, so matches can be and are made.

You could meet the greatest guy in the world; you could love his looks, sense of humor, he could have a great career, be intelligent, and everything else you wanted, but because of the whole top/bottom dynamics, it wouldn't work. That could be heartbreaking.

Well, it is one of the things that is usually discussed/mentioned/alluded to pretty early on. This happens to many men every day--they see someone they like and find out that they are both bottoms. Relationships between two bottoms are harder to sustain than relationships between two tops/ Two tops can bring in a third (what I call a stunt bottom), or they can occasionally top each other over time or they can have an open relationship. Two bottoms have far more limitations.

... I guess I'd be a reluctant top and bottom.
I have found over time that being versatile definitely has its advantages, although I can not bottom for just anyone. I started as a total top and evolved over time. When I am single I tend to lean much more heavily to topping and tend to equal out my top/bottom tendencies when in committed relationships with other versatile men.
 

B_Italian1

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After that, figuring out your sexual preferences is just like what anyone would do. Not all straight men like eating pussy, some like having their butts played with, etc..

That's true, but for the most part you don't know the other person's preferences at the beginning of a relationship.

Not being into anal usually means not wanting to get fucked. There are plenty of guys who are total/nonreciprocal tops and never bottom. FOr them, they would look for guys who are versatile or guys who love to bottom. There are also plenty of guys who never want to top, so matches can be and are made..

But some may not want to be a top or bottom. Period.

Well, it is one of the things that is usually discussed/mentioned/alluded to pretty early on. This happens to many men every day--they see someone they like and find out that they are both bottoms.

It's not really something most people discuss during a dinner, movie, or bowling. They're trying to get to know one another in areas other than sexual, even though they probably have an initial attraction in order to be dating to begin with.

Relationships between two bottoms are harder to sustain than relationships between two tops/ Two tops can bring in a third (what I call a stunt bottom), or they can occasionally top each other over time or they can have an open relationship. Two bottoms have far more limitations..

Not everyone is up for open relationships, gay or straight.
Stunt bottom? :confused: Good grief! :rolleyes:

I have found over time that being versatile definitely has its advantages, although I can not bottom for just anyone. I started as a total top and evolved over time. When I am single I tend to lean much more heavily to topping and tend to equal out my top/bottom tendencies when in committed relationships with other versatile men.

All of this is totally foreign for straight people.
 

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...
It's not really something most people discuss during a dinner, movie, or bowling. They're trying to get to know one another in areas other than sexual, even though they probably have an initial attraction in order to be dating to begin with.
Um, how do you know this? I know that most gay men discuss this either prior to a date or somehow during the date. There are ways to talk about the issue without blatantly asking the question.

"So what things do you look for in a partner?"

"What kinds of relationships work best for you?"

"What do you get into?"

I had a really nice date (dinner and then coffee) with a hot man where we talked about all kinds of things that let us know if we would even have a chance at compatibility. By the end of the date, I knew he was versatile but preferred to bottom and he knew I was versatile with preferences depending upon the chemistry. We also knew that we both preferred monogamous relationships (A whole other dimension). And, no, we did not have sex at the end of the date (to those who are wondering).

You can be sexually compatible with someone and not compatible in regards to the rules of the relationship. Some want to be totally open and sleep with whomever, some want to be open only if both partners are there, others was strict monogamy.

The bottom line is that--it really isn't that gay relationships are somehow more difficult to pull off than straight ones--this is not true. What is true is that some gay men tend to be more open at first about what they probably want to do rather than feeling the need to hide their urges (I am thinking about the straight guy who does not want a woman to know he is into swinging or wants to see his woman with another woman at first).

Not everyone is up for open relationships, gay or straight.
I was not saying that they were. I was simply providing examples of how I have seen and know the different combinations to work.

All of this is totally foreign for straight people.
Not true. It may be foreign to you or to some straight people, but there are plenty (usually those with gay friends or family members) who understand these dynamics. I thank you for at least listening and seeking to further your understanding.
 

Hellboy0

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...All of this is totally foreign for straight people.

I'm not sure, Italian. My straight friends tell me that their sexual appetites change alot during their relationships and as they mature. Anal sex, for one...oral... it's all up for grabs.

I can't really speak for all gay/bi guys, but I allow myself to enjoy a lot more of what's out there in the sex-banquet than I did in my early days. I do think I talk about these things more than the average straight guy. Saying that, though, I've got one friend and biz associate who is a full on, 100% Straight man and he LOVES to talk to me about man-man sex. Don't flame-post me back about how 'he's gay, dude or he wouldn't wanna hear about it'. He's one of those seemingly rare individuals that loves sex and recognises it's hotness in anyone. And I'd never try to make him a reluctant bottom...respect him too much and it would make for a rotten fuck-fest. Not into rape, folks.
 

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There are other things that top/top and bottom/bottom couples can do which are very satisfying. It's not all about fucking.

I would love to be versatile and am trying to learn how to do so. It's not easy as my barriers are entirely psychological. Right now I will only do it for guys I trust completely and they I can count on one hand.
 

B_Italian1

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Um, how do you know this? I know that most gay men discuss this either prior to a date or somehow during the date. There are ways to talk about the issue without blatantly asking the question.

The key words there are gay men.

I had a really nice date (dinner and then coffee) with a hot man where we talked about all kinds of things that let us know if we would even have a chance at compatibility. By the end of the date, I knew he was versatile but preferred to bottom and he knew I was versatile with preferences depending upon the chemistry. We also knew that we both preferred monogamous relationships (A whole other dimension). And, no, we did not have sex at the end of the date (to those who are wondering).

For the most part that does not happen during straight dates. Even if a guy is attracted to a woman he will most likely not say "do you like guys to go down on you?" or "what posititions do you like?". It would be totally inappropriate in most circumstances. She's likely to slap him, throw a drink in his face, or walk out. And then she'll most likely tell all her friends he's a pervert.

You can be sexually compatible with someone and not compatible in regards to the rules of the relationship. Some want to be totally open and sleep with whomever, some want to be open only if both partners are there, others was strict monogamy.

Right.

The bottom line is that--it really isn't that gay relationships are somehow more difficult to pull off than straight ones--this is not true. What is true is that some gay men tend to be more open at first about what they probably want to do rather than feeling the need to hide their urges

Exactly. Which seems odd because relationships are so much more than just sex, and may explain why gay relationships have a high failure rate. When you start out all about sex, there's no where to go, nothing to build up to. And that can happen to straights too, but when women hold the strings, it's unpredictable when you're getting any. :biggrin1:

(I am thinking about the straight guy who does not want a woman to know he is into swinging or wants to see his woman with another woman at first).

She either says yes or no, and if he insists, he may get dumped.

I'm not sure, Italian. My straight friends tell me that their sexual appetites change alot during their relationships and as they mature. Anal sex, for one...oral... it's all up for grabs.

Of course things change, but most men and women are going to have vaginal, that's a given. Where it goes from there is going to be up to the woman. She's not going to do anything she doesn't want to, or she'll do it to make him happy......sometimes.

And I'd never try to make him a reluctant bottom...respect him too much and it would make for a rotten fuck-fest. Not into rape, folks.

And he might whip your ass, hellboy! :eek:


There are other things that top/top and bottom/bottom couples can do which are very satisfying. It's not all about fucking.

I would love to be versatile and am trying to learn how to do so. It's not easy as my barriers are entirely psychological. Right now I will only do it for guys I trust completely and they I can count on one hand.

That's right. What I was getting at was how different it is for straights who don't have to even have to think about tops or bottoms, and maybe there are gays who could care about anal either, as you say. And it is psychological with straights too. Many men and women will not do certain acts unless they are in a deeply committed, loving, and trusting relationship because the intimacy is overwhelming.
 

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There are other things that top/top and bottom/bottom couples can do which are very satisfying. It's not all about fucking.
Very true. I apologize for making it appear otherwise. I know committed couples who just have oral even though they used to enjoy anal sex.

I would love to be versatile and am trying to learn how to do so. It's not easy as my barriers are entirely psychological. Right now I will only do it for guys I trust completely and they I can count on one hand.
I want to add that it was not easy to become versatile. Even after I decided that I wanted to experience bottoming, it was not easy. I had to learn how to prep, relax, and what felt good for me and what did not. Good luck with that. There can be a lot of pleasure in being on the receiving end.

...He's one of those seemingly rare individuals that loves sex and recognises it's hotness in anyone. ....

Don't you just love people who can get into the energy of sexual activity without getting grossed out due to a differing orientation?
 

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And he might whip your ass, hellboy! :eek:

Well, I don't go anywhere I'm not invited. Might remember that the next time you hear about some poor woman getting date-raped...seems to happen a hell of a lot more with the heterosexual than the gay community.

As for the ass-whuppin', hope you aren't making any assumptions, Italian. Otherwise, I'll have to come over and give yours a good smacking!:biggrin1:
 

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Well, I don't go anywhere I'm not invited. Might remember that the next time you hear about some poor woman getting date-raped...seems to happen a hell of a lot more with the heterosexual than the gay community.

Isn't that the truth, but a gay man might not report something like that out of embarrassment. And a woman is seen as more vulnerable than a man. How many times have you heard about a man being raped by a woman? And I'm not talking about the boys who had sex with Debra Lafave and Mary Kay Letourneau.

As for the ass-whuppin', hope you aren't making any assumptions, Italian. Otherwise, I'll have to come over and give yours a good smacking!:biggrin1:

I might enjoy a good smacking,:biggrin1::wink: but I'm not going to be a reluctant bottom boy. :eek:
 

Lex

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The key words there are gay men. ...

For the most part that does not happen during straight dates. Even if a guy is attracted to a woman he will most likely not say "do you like guys to go down on you?" or "what posititions do you like?". It would be totally inappropriate in most circumstances. She's likely to slap him, throw a drink in his face, or walk out. And then she'll most likely tell all her friends he's a pervert.
...
I thought I was straight for 30 years and was married for 10.5 of those. I know about straight AND gay dating. Men don't need to ask women if they like having oral but I bet they wished they could ask her if she like giving oral or having anal.

The scenario you lay out is one where people are dating without having much in the way of prior conversation. I had a straight buddy who is divorced and has been dating for a few years now--once people have had some experience, the differences between the two populations and their dating habits become fewer and fewer.


Exactly. Which seems odd because relationships are so much more than just sex, and may explain why gay relationships have a high failure rate. When you start out all about sex, there's no where to go, nothing to build up to. And that can happen to straights too, but when women hold the strings, it's unpredictable when you're getting any. :biggrin1:

The relationships aren't based on sex. Knowing that you are sexually compatible with someone is important. If you do not think that sexual compatibility comes into play in straight relationships, then you have not been paying attention. After money, sex (sexual compatibility) is the second most frequent reason for divorce (problems) among heterosexual couples.

Women hold sex as power over men (As well they should). They know that if they do not give you what you want, the likelihood of your finding another woman to give you that (and everything else) is slim. Gay men are not as restricted as their partners are also men and thus, are not (often) encumbered by the sexual drives of women.

That being said--I know what my man brings to me is rare and cherish that. If I was looking for just sex, I could find that anytime and at the drop of a hat (not many straight men could say that although they would want to) but I want more--I wanted a husband who could be a step-father to my kids and come home to/with me every night.
 

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Reluctant bottom... If it was up to me, every guy should be versatile. I think to be a good fucker, you have to know what it feels like to take it. Also, guys who have to top are (to me) still kinda in denial about their gay/bisexuality. I've had only 3 guys who were total tops who I turned versatile. One guy wouldn't even suck cock, let alone let me play with his ass. After I was done with him, he was maybe 70% top. He'd suck my cock and love to have his ass played with. Didn't get to fuck him, but I know if I really pushed it, I could have.
 

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Men don't need to ask women if they like having oral but I bet they wished they could ask her if she like giving oral or having anal.

Of course they wish they could, but it doesn't come up right away unless it's a hookup, and in that case it's kind of obvious.

The scenario you lay out is one where people are dating without having much in the way of prior conversation. I had a straight buddy who is divorced and has been dating for a few years now--once people have had some experience, the differences between the two populations and their dating habits become fewer and fewer.

It's different now with the internet. A couple may talk and get to know each other intimately before actually meeting. But sometimes it's meeting someone at work, or a fix up, and in those cases it's more of a gradual getting to know the person and not overly sexual, except maybe for mutual attraction.

The relationships aren't based on sex. Knowing that you are sexually compatible with someone is important. If you do not think that sexual compatibility comes into play in straight relationships, then you have not been paying attention.

Sexual compatability is very important in any relationship, but some people will hookup with someone and it will be wonderful. Then they get to know the person and there's nothing else there. There are more outlets for gays to have casual sex than for straights. I touched on this a while back. If he wanted to, a gay man can have a different sex partner every night of the week. That can't really happen with a straight man unless he went to a hooker every night, or is a rock star.

Women hold sex as power over men (As well they should). They know that if they do not give you what you want, the likelihood of your finding another woman to give you that (and everything else) is slim. Gay men are not as restricted as their partners are also men and thus, are not (often) encumbered by the sexual drives of women.

That's true to a certain extent, but he can also go elsewhere for it.

That being said--I know what my man brings to me is rare and cherish that. If I was looking for just sex, I could find that anytime and at the drop of a hat (not many straight men could say that although they would want to)

Very true.

but I want more--I wanted a husband who could be a step-father to my kids and come home to/with me every night.

That's cool. :smile:
 

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On a slightly related issue, what about that poor lady Marine in N.Carolina, found dead and buried in her backyard...charred body with an unborn child. Was living with another Marine that she had claimed was harassing her, that had raped her, and now feared for her life. The house is now bloody and there's a manhunt on to find the guy.

Do ya reckon she told him 'no means no'?!
 

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On a slightly related issue, what about that poor lady Marine in N.Carolina, found dead and buried in her backyard...charred body with an unborn child. Was living with another Marine that she had claimed was harassing her, that had raped her, and now feared for her life. The house is now bloody and there's a manhunt on to find the guy.

Do ya reckon she told him 'no means no'?!

I just heard that on the news. Horrible. :mad: