Roommate issues...

B_Nicodemous

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Wow azladd. I like how you edited this part out. I have bolded and
italicized it for your convince:

. But, very soon after, he met this girl who also went through a break up and it seemed a typical rebound for both of them. I was not concerned, it didn't seem serious and she wasn't even from the same city.
So one evening, after a night of binge drinking, I finally decided to tell him about my curiosity. He was the first person ever to whom I openly admitted that. Not surprisingly, he said he doesn't believe in people being 100% gay or 100% straight and that given the circumstances and although it never happened before, he doesn't see why he couldn't fall for a guy. He said he falls in love with people and not sexes. Ok, to me that was even more than I was expecting, since my attraction to guys is less emotional and more physical. Ok, the conversation went on, and at the point we were so wasted that we just decided to call it a night. Before going to sleep I hinted that if he ever wanted to experiment, that I am here and he replied that if I could turn him on the way this girl he met can, why not... It stayed there...

Couple of weeks later, I realized that he's getting serious with this girl... And that's when my problem started. I felt something, I have never felt for any guy before... jealousy... It manifested as strong anxiety every time I would see them or think about them together. I realized that my "gayness" just stepped up a notch. It could be that I am in love with him, or it could be just my fixation since I've met a guy who's apparently similar to me and I needed to see how far can this go. In any case, the anxiety just won't go away.

He saw something was wrong... I was becoming more distant and cold and when he'd ask me what was wrong I'd blame it on various stuff... school, this, that, whatever... but I was definitely not the same to him anymore...
Then I realized that by drifting apart I was behaving in a weird, and to him inexplicable way. So I decided to confess once again what's wrong with me.... I told him that I have issues coping with him getting together with this girl and that he was the reason. I told him I was hoping I could explore this curiosity with him. He replied that he was flattered but that he couldn't help me... So, after yet another long conversation, where I openly asked him if he would be comfortable being naked in front of me or jerking off with me, he said no. But to him, he said, that did not depend on sex and that he would be equally uncomfortable jerking off together with a female friend. So, this was kind of strange since couple of nights before he said something different. He said most he could help me was to go out one night to a gay bar and be my wingman. I told him that this was not what I wanted because I knew some of those places and if I really wanted to fool around, I would have done it long time ago. In the end I concluded that we are definitely in different places concerning this issue and even though he might be curious, he's definitely not ready to experiment.

Furthermore, since I know him, and I know how he works, it seemed to me that he could also have been overly empathic towards me and tried to make me feel more comfortable in this situation and that I mistook this empathy for an invitation. I have seen him doing that before to other people, and people like his empathy, but sometimes pretending to understand somebody or convincing himself that he understands somebody can lead to a disaster. These were my final words to him and I told him that I needed time to sort things in my head, that he shouldn't be surprised if I act strange, cold and distant and that I hope it would not come to that but that we could very well stop being friends after this. This is one of my old issues I'm working on, I tend to cut off people fairly easily.

In his situation, I will try my best not to do it, but the main reason why I decided to have that chat with him - to ease my anxiety, did not solve anything... I still wake up and go to sleep with a terrible gut feeling and I feel it especially when I hear him cheerfully talking to his now new gf on the phone. The worst thing is that I still somewhere deep down hope that he would come around, and I am afraid that I will cut him off especially because at this point I don't see how things can go back to where they were unless he doesn't.

If you will note, it's not the roommate in question did a little more than just be tolerant or accepting of gays. He hinted that, if the right guy came along he would experiment further. I find it funny how you left THAT part out...

HOWEVER, that being said, wonderwhy1 should have let the subject drop when the roomie said that he was flattered but no thanks. He shouldn't have pushed it further.

Your make the assertion that he is trying to engineer situations to get the roomie to change his mind. I just don't see it that way. I don't think he engineered the binge drinking. It sounds to me like they may have done that a few times. What happened is that it lowered his inhibitions to where he could ask what he wanted to. Likewise it lowered the friend’s inhibitions to answer what he felt.

Wonderwhy1 should have damn well known better than to think that anything said while drunk would stand the test of being sober in the morning. Instead of becoming more besotted with the roomie, he should have had a convo where he brought up what was said that night, without any expectations. If the roomie hedged around the questions he should have dropped it. Either the friend isn't as open to his curiosity as he said while inebriated, or was embarrassed by it, either way that would have been an indicator to back the hell off. If he was like "yeah, that's what I feel" then fine, wonderwhy could have asked him what shot he had.

Now if said roomie did mean what he said in a state of college age drunkenness, and still did not see wonderwhy1 as anything but friend material (a "hey, I might be a little bi-curious, but you are not my type"), then wonderwhy should have left it be, and accepted that, although rejection of our advances hurt, it was in no way a rejection of the friendship.

This is why in my original post I gave the example of me and my friend. I knew there was a damn good possibility that J didn't feel that way towards me. I also knew, by his own admission that he had fooled around a bit with guys. I tried to not let my feelings for him interfere in our friendship, but seeing as how we drank and smoked a ton of pot (2 things
guaranteed to make you say things you don't intend to be said) I decided to own up to my feelings and tell him. Why? I was suddenly avoiding situations that we have always had been in together before. He knew I still drank and smoked at the time, so thought I was mad at him. I felt, embarrassing as it may be for all parties involved, that the best thing to do was to clear the air and accept whatever happened.

I asked for space till I got my feelings in check. I did what other posters have suggested wonderwhy1 to do. Made myself so busy that I didn't have time to dwell on him. The difference is I didn't live with my crush.

Was the OP trying to be mean by saying he may be distant? No. He was letting his friend know that it was hard for him and to give him space, and to not take things personally. Was it ok to say he may have to cut off the friendship? Not really, and he acknowledges that. He says it's something he needs to work on. I don't feel he was trying it as a "mess around with me or else" scenario. More like a, "I know this is my issue, I don't want to bail on you and you not know what the hell happened" scenario. As the op said, it's something he knows he needs to work on.

Now as for his latest post, where he says he is moving out because the roomie can be not such a good friend? Sounds like rationalizing sour grapes to me. That’s why I suggested he move out, still be friends, and when the feelings fade to do some soul searching as to if that was the real, or only reason he moved. He will need to be honest with himself, as does his roommate, to see where his culpability in this was. His friend needs to be aware that if he indeed was trying to over empathize with wonderwhy1, then that was something he needed not to have done. If for example he never would fool around with a guy, but said that to assure his friend that being gay, bi or curious was ok in his book, then that's what needed to have been said. Period.