Sexless relationship advice

[girthquake260]

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly three years now, and this past year we've all but stopped having sex. It's been three months since we've had actual intercourse and going on two months since we've fooled around.

Whenever I try to initiate anything sexual he quickly makes an excuse not to, and says "Let's do it tomorrow" and tomorrow never happens. I've asked him if he's not attracted to me or if there's someone else and he always says that's not it, and that he just doesn't have much of a sex drive. I find that to be kind of bullshit though because of how often I walk in on him jerking off and how often he leaves porn open on my computer.

I'm honestly just really confused, and it's starting to affect my self esteem and my confidence in our relationship. I don't know if I'm just being crazy, this is my first serious relationship so I don't have much experience to go off of. I'm not sure what I need to do.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Leave. I didn't, and I regret that deeply.

 

[AlteredEgo]

That is very little to go on. It could be anything. Medications, weight gain, depression. Needing more information.

To be clear: None of that matters if he still has enough of a drive to pleasure himself alone. I learned this the hard way.

 

[bkmuscledad]

All good advice given so far, but the key is the porn. Your bf sounds like he may have become addicted to porn. If you're not already aware, porn literally reprograms the chemicals in the brain to need porn in replacement of real intimacy. Check out articles on that subject to learn more, and perhaps start from that.

 

[HorseHung40's]

Insist on a frank discussion as to why this has occurred. Be prepared that you may not like what you hear, as some of it may fall back onto you. Once you have facts, you can make clearer decisions.

Good luck.

 

[Brodie888]

The OP hasn't been active on here for over a year. I don't think there will be an update.

 

[girthquake260]

Stud, Have you talked to him about just having an open relationship and you can get what you need outside of your loving relationship!!

We did try that, and he didn't like it.

 

[BillM]

We did try that, and he didn't like it.

Stud, What did He not like as He is not having sex just beating off!!

 

[rayray]

That is very little to go on. It could be anything. Medications, weight gain, depression. Needing more information.

 

[BillM]

Stud, Have you talked to him about just having an open relationship and you can get what you need outside of your loving relationship!!

 

[Beanie]

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly three years now, and this past year we've all but stopped having sex. It's been three months since we've had actual intercourse and going on two months since we've fooled around.

Whenever I try to initiate anything sexual he quickly makes an excuse not to, and says "Let's do it tomorrow" and tomorrow never happens. I've asked him if he's not attracted to me or if there's someone else and he always says that's not it, and that he just doesn't have much of a sex drive. I find that to be kind of bullshit though because of how often I walk in on him jerking off and how often he leaves porn open on my computer.

I'm honestly just really confused, and it's starting to affect my self esteem and my confidence in our relationship. I don't know if I'm just being crazy, this is my first serious relationship so I don't have much experience to go off of. I'm not sure what I need to do.

Our stories are strangely similar but we’ve been in our relationship a lot longer. We’ve had lots of arguments about it and the crux is that as he’s got older he just disinterested in sex but he does masturbate often which confused me. It turned out that the problem was me or us it was his embarrassment in admitting his cuckholing fantasy to me and some other stuff.

We had a very deep and long chat, opened our relationship recently and things haven’t been better. It’s still early days and I’m not saying that our situations are going to be the same, just sharing. Hope it helps.

 

[Gj816]

The OP hasn't been active on here for over a year. I don't think there will be an update.

You may be onto something here.

 

[deleted1124309]

Why don't you try couples therapy?
Since he's unwilling to talk, professional help will certainly be needed if you want to solve this problem.