Sexual Acts and Sexuality

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joe22xxx: Javier,
Thanx for giving me the impetus to explain my confusion.  I've expressed some of this stuff before on other threads, so sorry for the repetition. It seems to me that sexual acts and emotion are pretty mixed up together. Even if it's just a quicky jerk off with a friend or a quicky with a girl when I'm drunk at a party. For instance, I've done sexual acts with my older brother when he & I were younger, mostly jerking off together and some oral stuff. Those sexual acts were very satisfying for me & they expressed some love I have for my brother. I don't regularly have sex (fucking) with guys but I have a few very close male friends who I think I'd at least make out with if they wanted too because I have a deep love for them. Does this mean I'm bisexual? I'm not attracted to the male body but I am attracted to certain males who I love very much. I'm also interested in big dicks. I think they look very erotic.  So in this case, does it mean that I'm straight because I'm attracted to women's bodies, or that I'm straight sexually and bisexual emotionally? Fuck, I'm lost in this stuff. :-/

 

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joe22xxx: [quote author=joe22xxx link=board=sex;num=1066881395;start=20#20 date=10/26/03 at 11:21:14]Javier,
Thanx for giving me the impetus to explain my confusion.  I've expressed some of this stuff before on other threads, so sorry for the repetition. It seems to me that sexual acts and emotion are pretty mixed up together. Even if it's just a quicky jerk off with a friend or a quicky with a girl when I'm drunk at a party. For instance, I've done sexual acts with my older brother when he & I were younger, mostly jerking off together and some oral stuff. Those sexual acts were very satisfying for me & they expressed some love I have for my brother. I don't regularly have sex (fucking) with guys but I have a few very close male friends who I think I'd at least make out with if they wanted too because I have a deep love for them. Does this mean I'm bisexual? I'm not attracted to the male body but I am attracted to certain males who I love very much. I'm also interested in big dicks. I think they look very erotic.  So in this case, does it mean that I'm straight because I'm attracted to women's bodies, or that I'm sexually straight, but emotionally bisexual? Fuck, I'm lost in this stuff. :-/[/quote]

Does this make any sense at all?

 

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blo1988: J22,
Yeah, it makes sense. When I was in my 20's I went through ALOT of similar confusion.
Some thoughts...
Homosexual and homoemotional attraction creates anxiety in most folks. That is why we spend so much time fretting over labels. It is also why it can be difficult to integrate our ACTIONS and EMOTIONS.
For several years, from my teenage years to my 20's, I would have sexual experiences with guys. I never let them hold me, kiss me, etc. I dated and had sex with quite a few women as well. I never thought of myself as "gay". Got married,etc.
The marriage was rocky and we eventually separated, but I still did not connect the dots. I could admit to having close male friends and I could admit to having sexual activity with men, but I didn't allow for the possibilty that I was bisexual or gay.
Finally, when I did kiss a guy I was trembling like a leaf. The most passionate sex that I had ever had followed.
This experience was extremely unsettling and I plunged into depression. For a while I couldn't function sexually very well with a woman because unconciously I felt like a phony and I was still thinking of a man....and I would become very depressed after sex with a man. I was in a double bind. I very much wanted to figure out who I was. I was lucky to be in med school and so it was easy to get help at no cost.
In retrospect, I know that my anxiety about my homosexual feelings made me depressed, motivated me to pursue some of my relationships with women, kept me from integrating my sexual and emotional feelings, and caused me to be preoccupied about my "label". I also know that understanding this took time and, in my case, real effort. Understanding comes easier for some than for me, and harder for others.
If homsexuality wasn't controversial in our culture I probably wouldn't have spent much more energy worrying about it than I spend on most other decisions.....and neither would you.
Try to be patient. Give yourself time.
Most of all, know that you are NOT alone. There are many more folks who struggle with sexual/emotional conflicts than you know.
That is the beauty of these pages. You can get a sense of that.
One last thing: now that I am on the other side of all that internal drama I know that it is a blessing to be able to accept love where you find it; without regard for labels.
Peace w

 

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da_blissmachine: having engaged in mutual masturbation did not make me gay.... but it did have a positive effect on the relationship, and made us much closer platonically

 

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James249620002000: I spent years denying my homosexual feelings. I married quite young and had children. Even though my wife and I had sex--even before marriage, I was always attracted to men. I spent thousands of dollars on therapy--telling my wife that I was going for depression when I was really trying to sort out my feelings. The therapy at that time assumed that homosexualtiy could be "cured." It can't. My nature cannot be changed, and I have finally accepted things as they are. You younger guys are lucky to live in a society that is more accepting of homosexuality than the one in which I grew up. My feelings did make me depressed and at times suicidal. When I quit worrying about it and accepted who I was, things got so much better.

 

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Javierdude22: [quote author=joe22xxx link=board=sex;num=1066881395;start=20#20 date=10/26/03 at 11:21:14]Javier,
Thanx for giving me the impetus to explain my confusion.  I've expressed some of this stuff before on other threads, so sorry for the repetition. It seems to me that sexual acts and emotion are pretty mixed up together. Even if it's just a quicky jerk off with a friend or a quicky with a girl when I'm drunk at a party. For instance, I've done sexual acts with my older brother when he & I were younger, mostly jerking off together and some oral stuff. Those sexual acts were very satisfying for me & they expressed some love I have for my brother. I don't regularly have sex (fucking) with guys but I have a few very close male friends who I think I'd at least make out with if they wanted too because I have a deep love for them. Does this mean I'm bisexual? I'm not attracted to the male body but I am attracted to certain males who I love very much. I'm also interested in big dicks. I think they look very erotic.  So in this case, does it mean that I'm straight because I'm attracted to women's bodies, or that I'm straight sexually and bisexual emotionally? Fuck, I'm lost in this stuff. :-/[/quote]

Yeah man, it makes sense.

I dont think you should look up a different category on this other than straight. You like the occasional sexual (on low levels) encounter with your close friends. And the important thing is that the reason for you to want that is that you love them. Many people would make that exactly the reason not to engage in sexual acts with them. You do, but thats everyone own preference. I think it happens quite a lot.

You like the look of dicks, and the occasional sexual encounter makes you in my opinion a very open minded straight guy, kinda like Dee. But, regardless of anyone's opinion, I wouldnt make too big a deal outta this.

 

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tsctsc: Thanks for sharing Blo!
I would also urge those of you who are trying to figure out your label to relax about it. If you are struggling with it, there is no need for you to identify/label yourself one way or another. Give yourself time to find yourself, have experiences.

 

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wvalady1968: [quote author=tsctsc link=board=sex;num=1066881395;start=20#26 date=10/27/03 at 10:38:10]Thanks for sharing Blo!
I would also urge those of you who are trying to figure out your label to relax about it. If you are struggling with it, there is no need for you to identify/label yourself one way or another. Give yourself time to find yourself, have experiences.  [/quote]

Well said. I agree.

 

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da_blissmachine: actually my only "gay" experience is what made me more sure I was strait

 

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prepstudinsc: I just hate the labels of straight, gay, bi. There's a spectrum of sexuality that just can't be fit into a couple of "types." I know that most of my friends have all experimented with guys before. Some decided they are gay, others bi, some yet, straight. I'm straight, but like getting off with a buddy now and then. Does that make me bi? Maybe it does. I like the intimacy between two friends, but I can't see myself living with a dude as "husband and husband." There are a lot of things about gay relationships that don't appeal to me, and I've never been totally attracted to a guy before. I think that the amount of people who are 100% gay or 100% straight is fairly small....I think most people (men especially--because we tend to just be horndogs) are somewhere in between.

 

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fourdeg420: I don't know, it seems like some people are still trying to fit themselves and others into catagories. When I want to eat a salad one night because my boyfriend has made me eat hamburgers every other night, I don't say, "I can't do that because it would make me a lesbian- I mean vegitarian". If I'm attracted to a woman it's because I'm attracted to her (be it emotionally or physically) same goes for a man. I have been in realationships (more than a year) with men and women and while I have found that a lot of "gay" women are more in love with the idea of being different than being in love with me, I still think that it's something that should be experienced.
Guys do it to: A lot of guys I know wouldn't be okay with it if a girl they were interested in had had a girlfriend. But they are okay with the fact that they have had other male partners. That seems like a silly double standard to me. People are people, if you limit yourself to contact with one kind of person, you're missing a whole lot of unique experiences.
If anyone could do me one favor, just forget all your preconcieved notions of generalizations of groups of people. Every person is different, I recomend getting to know as many as possible, it doesn't matter what context it's in.

The soap box is now vacant