Something Unique

[Webster]

I was twisting off the cap from a gallon jug of kerosene when my mother caught me. She was afraid that I might have swallowed some, so she fed me raw eggs to make me throw up.

When I unscrewed a huge vise from a workbench, it fell on my stomach.

My mother brought home a beagle pup which tore my grandmothers laundry off the line. My father shot the dog.

My mother left us when I was 9.

Our house burned down while I was at school.

 

[D_Barbi_Queue]

I don't know for sure who my real dad is.

I grew up just hours of Mexico and even lived 45 minutes from Tijuana for 2 years and have never been over the southern border. I even been within MINUTES of the border several times. The only time I've been out of the US at all was driving into Canada near Niagara Falls. Otherwise, I've lived in Florida, Virginia, Texas (of course), New Hampshire, California, Ohio, and now New York.

I have a foot long vertical scar on my stomach.

I have a hairline crack in my my front tooth that is barely noticeable that I got when my sister threw a deer leg as me.

And I skinned rattlesnakes for a living during my first 2 yrs of college.

 

[novice_btm]

I lied about my ethnicity to make a friend realize what a racist fuck he was.

"yeah, but you've known me all these years, and i'm ____, and you never had any problems with me!"

even after his apologies and corrective self-evaluations, i never rectified the planted thought. it was no small task, considering my WASPy features. :tongue:

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

Is your next line, by chance, "Hulk Smash!"???

Actully, me have even bedder line dan dat;


Is you ready??

Here me goes:
COOKIE!! ARRGHOMPGHOMPGHOMPGHOMPGHOMP!!!SLURP!!