Hey, I agree with most guys. He’s probably bi. I suspect, based on what you said so far, that he likes guys and hasn’t either have courage to be with one and is having mixed emotions and fear of getting caught by his friends, or he has but he is also into being with everyone he can without being caught if it is a boy. Since you’re in his friend’s circle, he may not have other boys with who he could do anything with and if he does, it could fall into the same situation where he can’t do anything openly for fear of being outed. It is very common for “straight” guys who like teasing other guys here and there to be cold and hot. They’re sometimes very insecure about what they’re feeling and don’t know if that is something they want to go through until the end, if that is new to them, so they don’t feel gay or don’t get caught in a situation that would be embarrassing for them.
I was 20 when I started hanging out with friends and one of their friends started hanging out in my house quite frequently.
They only talked about girls and all circled around that subject or games. He was 19 at the time. I was in the circle since I was never open about my sexuality, and although they teased me and suspected, still treated me like straight. They were homophobic still. When he was hanging out with us we ended up always talking more. Little by little we got closer and he’d go to my house even uninvited nearly every day. I started missing him, then I noticed I desired him, then I liked him. I was never brave enough to talk to him about it but I’d take advantage of the proximity every time we’d be too close physically. I was always afraid of him noticing something and then my “precious” friendship would be ruined and all the other friends would also be gone. So I scanned every little reaction and I progressed if no resistance was there. There was never resistance.
However I was always confused. I started thinking there might be something there but he would talk about girls all the time.
One day after drinking too much, all of us. I got into the car by myself on the front seat. He came right after me and locked the doors. A friend also set beside him on the back seat. Well I was sad and he kept asking me what it was. I did not want to say til he insisted so much I told him I liked someone who’d never like me. And the worst part was I’d never be able to tell that person. He started driving me crazy asking who it was. Was then hugging me seat and all while his face was right on mine from behind. The he’d kiss my chick and got really close to my mouth a few times. Def thought it was weird but I thought he was also drunk. Like you, I was very confused. I did not tell him that. I went back home and they both went with me. The other friend was quiet since he never let him talk. At home, he’d always share a twin size bed with me, while my roommate was sleeping on his own bed and the other friend on the couch. That night he slept with his face close to mine. He laid down. We were facing each other and he was way too close. I tried to hold but then I was having an erection. I could not feel anything from him. But he kept asking me about who the person was. And suddenly I notice that his face was so close that while he was speaking his lips were moving mine. I then took some distance to breath after he was quiet. And I decided that if I was too gay for him to be with, he was more than I because no straight man would do that. So I said “ wanna know who that person was?” Before he answered I started kissing him and he reciprocated.
It was my very first time that day. So we made out and touched each other. I was very curious so I gave him some mediocre head, for my first time. We went to the bathroom and were there a while until we both finished helping each other with our hands. Next day he was all weird and barely talked to me. Said it would never work and it was just because we were drunk. I was so confused I blew on him and I insulted hum with every word I could think of. I made up words. He was sad but we never spoke about it for another week. Following week he came to my house. I avoided him and even found I didn’t want to see him at all. I lost interest. But he started being nice and sweet. Slept in the same bed again. I turned the other way. He got closer and closer. I felt his dick was out and he touched my butt with it. We started making out again. We went all the way and this time he blew me saying he wanted to reciprocate what I gave him the other day. The same day I did other things for the first time. And he told me he was afraid of admiring but he wanted me to be his boyfriend. Even tho he could not tell anyone and even if he had a girlfriend and was married he wanted me to be with him.
I was young and inexperienced. I was still questioning my future as I am bi but had no idea. So I said yes. I started loving him more and more. To make the stories shorter, he lived with me for 5 years. During those 5 years I lost all I had because he never decided if we were staying together forever or we’d break up next day. He’d say we were “married one day” next day treat me like trash in front of everyone so no one could think anything about us. But everyone knew. Just couldn’t state for sure. At night he’d treat me like the only air he could breathe, in the morning like shit stuck on his shoes. He cheated me so many times. Going to extremes of asking me to fk his ex gf on my bed. Of course I refused. I forgave later. He picked up a much older guy in a club in front of me and other friends and went to his house, flipping me off while he kissed this guys neck. He was following me with his eyes while I was looking. So many things I stupidly went through and lost for him. He never worked while I was sustaining him and all the luxuries while I was in the navy. I never cheated him. It was just until the day he kicked my ass to be with my best friend, a girl, who knew about our relationship for years.
I must say I was the first his brother had after that happened. Not because I sought out revenge, but because we were very close to each other since he was in my house so often while my ex lived with me. So I had to pretend we were just roommates and was detached from him so his family would not think anything. But his brother was cute. We messed around and did wild things quite a few times after I broke up with my ex.
Anyway, I told this long ass real story just to illustrate my own experience with something similar you describe. I’m not implying the same exact thing will happen to you by no means. But I’ve seen similarities in other guys behavior and how bad it got for the guys that were in similar situation I was. I’m not that old, I’m 33, but I lost faith in guys that act like that. I give them the benefit of the doubt if they’re still questioning themselves, but I know now to never trust or believe their most compiling promises of love or whatever it may be. They’re overly volatile. And all we can know for sure when they are on those phases is that we will certainly get badly winded and left alone to pick up the pieces of our broken heart and soul. I almost died. I never knew what anxiety was until the day I realize he was indeed treating me worst than trash, not that his behavior dint make me feel that way before, but that time it was definitely worse. He called her love in front of me and he never even said it to me while we were alone unless he was horny. He never held my hand even alone unless I reached out and there he was so pathetic and drooling all over her as she was the only love he ever had. And I honestly believe today he never loved me.
Anyway, I am pretty sure I wrote more than a chapter of a book here. I just wanted to share with you and tell you to be careful about how far you’re willing to go. Even if he’s a nice person and he can be. There’s nothing in your story hinting he is not. But he seems very confused to know himself what he wants. And that is totally fine. The danger is that you know what you want and like, it seems. And I’d risk saying you probably wouldn’t be afraid of investing if you decided trying to trust him if he was would say yes. Use caution. And until he’s ready to tell himself and others he is one thing or another, if you get close to him make sure you know yourself it is just to satisfy your body and nothing else. Shield your emotions.
Me, I’d personally just sleep with him one or two times and make sure he knew I was there just for that. Once I did I’d make sure I’d be free from him. Be it telling straight to his face you have nsa, or straight up avoid him.
I believe you’re young. Even if it is a good thing. My only advise is, stay away if you think you may start feeling anything. It is not worth the years you’ll loose and hurt if he’s not certain of what he wants. Keep in mind my ex used to tell me he only wanted me, u til he had me and siding give a crap anymore.
Anyway. I don’t want to sound negative or sour. I’d just hate seeing someone young and happy get so badly hurt like I did.
However, it may be possible you’re stronger and smarter than me. I’d still advise you the same.
Good luck and keep us posted my friend. I wish you only the best.
