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Three weeks ago I graduated high school. It was rough... the end of an era and all. Of course, it was a terrible, miserable era. I was bullied, boyfriend-less, and generally un-cool for all four years. I have friends, of course. Not a big group that signifies the popular high schooler, but I was (kinda) happy with my few close friends that Ill be leaving in the fall when I go off to college.
The events Im chronicling here begin at 7 PM on a Thursday evening in early July, exactly three weeks to the hour after receiving my diploma at the center of our school football field. As a single 18-year-old male, I was doing what I usually do: masturbating.
It wasnt anything special. I found this sweet video online of some amateur porn star trying to suck down this dick that was clearly too thick for him. He was working pretty hard on it though... very hot. Maybe it was mostly attractive because the guy looked a little bit like me: a white guy with shoulder length dark brown hair, light scruff on his face, lean, a little bit of muscle definition, and legs that looked strong and hairy as hell. As were getting close to the money shot, both his and mine, my phone starts buzzing.
Shit! I think. I grab my phone to see whos calling, simultaneously wasting my peaking masturbatory session as well as this super hot video. Its Michelle, typical. One of my four best friends in the world, but she never knows when to send a text instead of calling. I answer mostly out of guilt, Id been ignoring her calls to hang out the last couple of days, so I might as well see what she has to say. Naked, erection slowly deflating, I pick up the phone.
Hey, Michelle
Ricky! You answered for once! Cynthia and I are heading over to hang out with the twins, wanna join? We can pick you up on the way.
Uh... Of course I was going with them, the five of us hang out almost constantly. Cynthia and The Twins Jimmy and Will completed the four best friends in the world that Michelle is one of. But I had something else on my mind at the time. Definitely. What time do you wanna pick me up?
Look outside!
Shit! again. Theyre already waiting for me and Im totally naked. Haha, Ill be down in a sec, I say, slamming my computer shut and jumping off of my bed. I pull on my boxers and jeans, throw on a t shirt, slide on my flip flops and head out. Halfway down the stairs I remember what I was doing. What if I have bed-head? Shit! and run I back up to grab a beanie.
Im out of breath when I get outside to the car. Its already almost dark from the incoming clouds. Michelle is in the passenger seat. Tall, blonde, okay face, way-better-than-okay chest. We dated freshman year for about a week before I came out of the closet. Now shes dating Jimmy, but I dont think its really that serious.
Cynthias driving, which makes sense. She has the nicest car, and shes proud of it. Its some cotton candy pink sports car. Very I wish I was Barbie. Cynthias also blonde, the shortest of our group at 55, and relatively average looking. Shes single as far as I know (we dont share EVERYTHING, not really), but I know she slept around quite a bit in high school. Its weird even writing that sentence, ...in high school, like it was so long ago. Oh, well, anyway...
We head out before I even have my seat-belt buckled after hopping over the door into the convertibles back seat. Nicki Minaj is on the radio and we all do our best to sing/rap-along on the way to The Twins house. I guess I should give some background on them since I did everyone else...
Identical twins James and William Blake (neither a tennis player or a poet) are about as different as identical twins can be, and isnt that how it always goes? Both stand at about 61 and are really cool people, and they get along surprisingly well for siblings in spite of (or perhaps due to) their differences. Jimmy works out, like, a lot, giving him abs, arms, and a huge chest to match his girlfriends. And his legs are just... whoa. Not gonna lie, hes snuck into a few of my fantasies on cold solo nights. His natural blonde hair is cropped short and a little spiky, in stark contrast to his brother. Will dyes his hair black (so black its almost blue) and lets it grow long over his eyes. Hes skinny and extremely proud of his bisexuality. It borders on annoying, but I think its funny. We always hang out at their house because their parents dont care what we do, theyre almost never there anyhow.
We pull up to the house and hop out. Cynthia puts the top up on her convertible and we head straight into the house to avoid the approaching rainstorm. Seeing no one, we go directly to the basement, our usual hangout locale. Jimmy is there alone, in shorts and a tank-top, on the couch watching baseball with a beer in his hand. Without a word Michelle leaps over, sits on his lap, and kisses him. Im not jealous. Cynthia and I sit down on either side of them and say hello. From the smell of it, this isnt his first beer, but its the summer after high school: no judging.
We watch the Phillies try and learn to hit the ball for a few minutes when Will comes down the stairs to the basement. Sunglasses on, nose ring in, bong in hand, and a huge smile on his face, Will seems to be his usual self. Hey guys! Wanna get high and watch a movie? Obviously we do, so we sit in a circle, pass around Wills bong, and chat.
2 bowls later we are lit. Its a little excessive for us with the size of this bowl, but Will just picked up and he was feeling, I guess gluttonous would be the best word. We giggle a lot and finally decide we should pick a movie as thunder rolls outside.
Something by Tarantino? Jimmy suggests.
No blood though, Im not in the mood for blood. Has he made anything without a lot of blood? Cynthia says. We think for a long time and cant figure it out. We settle on probably not so we move on.
A comedy? I ask.
Stoner comedy? Jimmy suggests. Like Dazed and Confused?
Dont be a cliche, Michelle this time.
But thats a good movie!
Dont be cliche! Its unbecoming.
Dont say unbecoming, is Jimmys last words before succumbing to another fit of giggling and trapping Michelle with him.
How about Planet Earth? I have it on Blu-ray, Will offers.
No, I need more plot than that, I counter. How about horror? Horrors great.
No, no blood, Cynthia contests once again.
Alright, what about a psychological horror?
No, I think Im too stoned for that.
We can always just watch Parks and Rec on Netflix. I know thats what we always do, but its a good standby. And so we do. We laugh for what seems like hours before the first episode is even halfway through. Oh, that Leslie Knope gets me every time.
Suddenly, during the first episode, an alarmingly loud crack of thunder announces its presence directly above us and the power goes out in mid-guffaw. We sit there in silence for a few seconds as we slowly process what has happened.
Well, I guess we wont be watching anything else tonight, Jimmy states the obvious. Last time the power went out they didnt get it back on for two days, so I guess we can forget anything that requires electricity.
So what do we do now? Michelle asks.
Without missing a beat, Will has the solution. Wanna smoke another bowl and dance around in the rain? And so we do. We laugh and dance around in the downpour for maybe five minutes before getting soaked to the bone and too cold, so we go back inside. The neighbors probably thought we were crazy. Or high. Theyd be right in both instances, I guess.
That was fun... but now what? Michelle asks again.
Well, the three of us are gonna change out of these wet clothes, Jimmy says.
What about us? Cynthia says. Its not fair that we have to be cold!
I guess you can change too. Michelle has some clothes up in my room, and Cathy [the twins older sister] is about your size. Is that okay?
Fine, Cynthia tries to be pouty about having to wear somebody elses clothes but fails. Were having too good of a time.
Im a little bit shorter than twins but I mostly fit into the clothes Will gives me to put on. Thin gym shorts and a too-big v-neck t-shirt. The V goes halfway down my chest, exposing more hair than Im typically comfortable with, Im abnormally hairy for an 18 year old and I get weirdly embarrassed about it, but I figure its no big deal.
We go downstairs and Michelle and Cynthia are waiting for us in the basement. We sit around and eat cookies, trying to deal with how high we all are, when Michelle begins, So...
...now what? Jimmy cuts her off teasingly. I dont know, do you have any ideas?
We usually just watch something, she replies.
We could play truth or dare! Cynthia proclaims. We never play truth or dare, but she seems like she always wants to.
Or we could act a little bit less like fourteen year olds, Will snaps.
You guys never want to play truth or dare with me, Cynthia whines.
For good reason, I add, but the mood is already turning towards playing.
She has a point, she always asks us and we always turn her down. Whats the harm? Jimmy says in her defense, in effect deciding for us.
Okay, I say, Ill play. But Im not gonna like it! I cant hide the smile creeping into my face.
Yay! Ill start, Cynthia declares. Okaaaay, Ricky! Truth or dare?
Truth, I respond, already regretting my bending on my steadfast no truth or dare policy.
Which of the twins do you think is hotter? As in, which would you most want to bang?
Fuck. How did this game get so serious so fast? Is it too early to try and deflect the question to get something easier? Yes. Dont be a pussy. Just say Jimmy. Its obviously Jimmy. Oh god, everyone is staring. My mind is already racing and I can feel myself blushing. I tell the truth but also try to give the most friendly answer.
Well, since Will is bi, he gets points for liking penises, but Jimmy is pretty hot. Sorry man, but have you seen his abs? This gets roars of laughter, Will looks shyly at the ground and Jimmy lifts up his shirt and gives me a you want some of this? grin. All in all, disaster avoided deftly. Now its my turn.
Jimmy, truth or dare? I ask.
Dare. Cuz Im not a pussy, he laughs in reply, looking me dead in the eyes.
Crap, now I have to think of a good one. Hmmm.... okay, following up on our first prying question... I dare you to take off your shirt, and keep it off for the remainder of the game.
Pssht, thanks for the softball, fag, he says and strips his shirt off in one quick motion. He flexes and my testicles throb in sad loneliness but I laugh along with everyone else. I can still have fun even if Im hopelessly horny.
Okay, my turn, Jimmy says. Michelle?
Dare. Because Im not a pussy either. I cant tell if they are purposely shaming me, or if Im just over-reacting. Probably the latter, Im just being paranoid, most likely.
Haha! I dare you to jerk me off in the bathroom. The bathroom is right off of the main sitting area of the basement. It is notoriously not sound-proof.
Are you serious? Michelle asks, knowing full well the answer, and not really minding. But she has to put on a show so she doesnt seem like a whore, I guess.
Yes Im serious. Im really high, a little drunk, and I wanna get my rocks off. Sorry, but you did pick dare.
Alright, she says. Then to the rest of us, Sorry guys, well be right back. Thisll be quick, though, dont worry. She laughs, we laugh, Jimmy doesnt laugh, and she leads him off to the bathroom. An awkward silence settles over the room.
So... this is weird, I say.
Yes it is, Cynthia agrees.
Do... we... listen? Is that, like, part of the dare?
Ew, no.
Yeah, lets just keep talking, I dont really want to listen to my brother getting a handjob, Will chimes in.
Okay, duh, sorry. Uh... sorry about the first truth thing, too, man. I hope you didnt take it personally or anything, I say.
No, dont worry about it. I mean, hes a hunk and all, I get it. I guess if I wanted to look like that, I could, right? We have the same genetic make-up. Youre attracted to buff blondies, no big deal. Thats why hes dating Michelle. Shes hot, hes hot, I get it. I will be getting you back though. There will be punishment, just you wait.
As he finishes speaking a loud moan escapes from the bathroom.
Ewwwww, why is this happening? Cynthia whines.
This, my dear Cynthia, is why we never play truth or dare, Will answers in a British accent. We all crack up at that, because its true. Were afraid weird stuff like this is gonna happen. We keep laughing for about a minute, mostly due to Wills funny voice. Over our laughing, we can hear Jimmy grunting, Unh...unh...oh fuck... faster... fuck... FUCK...UNH, UNH, UNH, fuuuuuuuck, and that makes us laugh even harder.
Finally, we hear the sink run as, I assume, Michelle washes her hands, and then the loving couple join us back in the circle on the floor. Jimmy looks very pleased with himself, a little bit of the light dusting of hair on his stomach is matted down. All together it took maybe three minutes from standing up to sitting back down.
Michelle finally breaks the silence that accompanies us staring at them, Okay, Ricky. Truth or dare? Obviously I have to say dare this time. I cant be a pussy. Plus we have that stupid rule where you cant say truth twice in a row. Goddamn, thats such a stupid rule.
Dare.
I dare you... to... I wince, make us all drinks!
Oh my god that is literally the worst dare ever! Jimmy groans. He has a point, its a pretty terrible dare, but I can relax now, and I get up with a grin and go over to the bar in the corner. Were lucky that the twins parents give no fucks about us drinking all their booze while we get high and do shameful things in their basement. While standing at the bar making two gin and tonics for the lovebirds, a rum and Coke for Will, a Cuba Libre for Cynthia because she has to be difficult about everything, and a strong White Russian for me, I get to my next task.
So Will, youve been left out so far. Truth or dare?
Truth.
I know what Ive been meaning to ask him pretty much since this game started, so I waste no time. There was a rumor going around in school for a few years and I never had the guts to come out and ask you about it. I overheard somebody in gym class one time say that you could suck your own dick. Is that true?
The events Im chronicling here begin at 7 PM on a Thursday evening in early July, exactly three weeks to the hour after receiving my diploma at the center of our school football field. As a single 18-year-old male, I was doing what I usually do: masturbating.
It wasnt anything special. I found this sweet video online of some amateur porn star trying to suck down this dick that was clearly too thick for him. He was working pretty hard on it though... very hot. Maybe it was mostly attractive because the guy looked a little bit like me: a white guy with shoulder length dark brown hair, light scruff on his face, lean, a little bit of muscle definition, and legs that looked strong and hairy as hell. As were getting close to the money shot, both his and mine, my phone starts buzzing.
Shit! I think. I grab my phone to see whos calling, simultaneously wasting my peaking masturbatory session as well as this super hot video. Its Michelle, typical. One of my four best friends in the world, but she never knows when to send a text instead of calling. I answer mostly out of guilt, Id been ignoring her calls to hang out the last couple of days, so I might as well see what she has to say. Naked, erection slowly deflating, I pick up the phone.
Hey, Michelle
Ricky! You answered for once! Cynthia and I are heading over to hang out with the twins, wanna join? We can pick you up on the way.
Uh... Of course I was going with them, the five of us hang out almost constantly. Cynthia and The Twins Jimmy and Will completed the four best friends in the world that Michelle is one of. But I had something else on my mind at the time. Definitely. What time do you wanna pick me up?
Look outside!
Shit! again. Theyre already waiting for me and Im totally naked. Haha, Ill be down in a sec, I say, slamming my computer shut and jumping off of my bed. I pull on my boxers and jeans, throw on a t shirt, slide on my flip flops and head out. Halfway down the stairs I remember what I was doing. What if I have bed-head? Shit! and run I back up to grab a beanie.
Im out of breath when I get outside to the car. Its already almost dark from the incoming clouds. Michelle is in the passenger seat. Tall, blonde, okay face, way-better-than-okay chest. We dated freshman year for about a week before I came out of the closet. Now shes dating Jimmy, but I dont think its really that serious.
Cynthias driving, which makes sense. She has the nicest car, and shes proud of it. Its some cotton candy pink sports car. Very I wish I was Barbie. Cynthias also blonde, the shortest of our group at 55, and relatively average looking. Shes single as far as I know (we dont share EVERYTHING, not really), but I know she slept around quite a bit in high school. Its weird even writing that sentence, ...in high school, like it was so long ago. Oh, well, anyway...
We head out before I even have my seat-belt buckled after hopping over the door into the convertibles back seat. Nicki Minaj is on the radio and we all do our best to sing/rap-along on the way to The Twins house. I guess I should give some background on them since I did everyone else...
Identical twins James and William Blake (neither a tennis player or a poet) are about as different as identical twins can be, and isnt that how it always goes? Both stand at about 61 and are really cool people, and they get along surprisingly well for siblings in spite of (or perhaps due to) their differences. Jimmy works out, like, a lot, giving him abs, arms, and a huge chest to match his girlfriends. And his legs are just... whoa. Not gonna lie, hes snuck into a few of my fantasies on cold solo nights. His natural blonde hair is cropped short and a little spiky, in stark contrast to his brother. Will dyes his hair black (so black its almost blue) and lets it grow long over his eyes. Hes skinny and extremely proud of his bisexuality. It borders on annoying, but I think its funny. We always hang out at their house because their parents dont care what we do, theyre almost never there anyhow.
We pull up to the house and hop out. Cynthia puts the top up on her convertible and we head straight into the house to avoid the approaching rainstorm. Seeing no one, we go directly to the basement, our usual hangout locale. Jimmy is there alone, in shorts and a tank-top, on the couch watching baseball with a beer in his hand. Without a word Michelle leaps over, sits on his lap, and kisses him. Im not jealous. Cynthia and I sit down on either side of them and say hello. From the smell of it, this isnt his first beer, but its the summer after high school: no judging.
We watch the Phillies try and learn to hit the ball for a few minutes when Will comes down the stairs to the basement. Sunglasses on, nose ring in, bong in hand, and a huge smile on his face, Will seems to be his usual self. Hey guys! Wanna get high and watch a movie? Obviously we do, so we sit in a circle, pass around Wills bong, and chat.
2 bowls later we are lit. Its a little excessive for us with the size of this bowl, but Will just picked up and he was feeling, I guess gluttonous would be the best word. We giggle a lot and finally decide we should pick a movie as thunder rolls outside.
Something by Tarantino? Jimmy suggests.
No blood though, Im not in the mood for blood. Has he made anything without a lot of blood? Cynthia says. We think for a long time and cant figure it out. We settle on probably not so we move on.
A comedy? I ask.
Stoner comedy? Jimmy suggests. Like Dazed and Confused?
Dont be a cliche, Michelle this time.
But thats a good movie!
Dont be cliche! Its unbecoming.
Dont say unbecoming, is Jimmys last words before succumbing to another fit of giggling and trapping Michelle with him.
How about Planet Earth? I have it on Blu-ray, Will offers.
No, I need more plot than that, I counter. How about horror? Horrors great.
No, no blood, Cynthia contests once again.
Alright, what about a psychological horror?
No, I think Im too stoned for that.
We can always just watch Parks and Rec on Netflix. I know thats what we always do, but its a good standby. And so we do. We laugh for what seems like hours before the first episode is even halfway through. Oh, that Leslie Knope gets me every time.
Suddenly, during the first episode, an alarmingly loud crack of thunder announces its presence directly above us and the power goes out in mid-guffaw. We sit there in silence for a few seconds as we slowly process what has happened.
Well, I guess we wont be watching anything else tonight, Jimmy states the obvious. Last time the power went out they didnt get it back on for two days, so I guess we can forget anything that requires electricity.
So what do we do now? Michelle asks.
Without missing a beat, Will has the solution. Wanna smoke another bowl and dance around in the rain? And so we do. We laugh and dance around in the downpour for maybe five minutes before getting soaked to the bone and too cold, so we go back inside. The neighbors probably thought we were crazy. Or high. Theyd be right in both instances, I guess.
That was fun... but now what? Michelle asks again.
Well, the three of us are gonna change out of these wet clothes, Jimmy says.
What about us? Cynthia says. Its not fair that we have to be cold!
I guess you can change too. Michelle has some clothes up in my room, and Cathy [the twins older sister] is about your size. Is that okay?
Fine, Cynthia tries to be pouty about having to wear somebody elses clothes but fails. Were having too good of a time.
Im a little bit shorter than twins but I mostly fit into the clothes Will gives me to put on. Thin gym shorts and a too-big v-neck t-shirt. The V goes halfway down my chest, exposing more hair than Im typically comfortable with, Im abnormally hairy for an 18 year old and I get weirdly embarrassed about it, but I figure its no big deal.
We go downstairs and Michelle and Cynthia are waiting for us in the basement. We sit around and eat cookies, trying to deal with how high we all are, when Michelle begins, So...
...now what? Jimmy cuts her off teasingly. I dont know, do you have any ideas?
We usually just watch something, she replies.
We could play truth or dare! Cynthia proclaims. We never play truth or dare, but she seems like she always wants to.
Or we could act a little bit less like fourteen year olds, Will snaps.
You guys never want to play truth or dare with me, Cynthia whines.
For good reason, I add, but the mood is already turning towards playing.
She has a point, she always asks us and we always turn her down. Whats the harm? Jimmy says in her defense, in effect deciding for us.
Okay, I say, Ill play. But Im not gonna like it! I cant hide the smile creeping into my face.
Yay! Ill start, Cynthia declares. Okaaaay, Ricky! Truth or dare?
Truth, I respond, already regretting my bending on my steadfast no truth or dare policy.
Which of the twins do you think is hotter? As in, which would you most want to bang?
Fuck. How did this game get so serious so fast? Is it too early to try and deflect the question to get something easier? Yes. Dont be a pussy. Just say Jimmy. Its obviously Jimmy. Oh god, everyone is staring. My mind is already racing and I can feel myself blushing. I tell the truth but also try to give the most friendly answer.
Well, since Will is bi, he gets points for liking penises, but Jimmy is pretty hot. Sorry man, but have you seen his abs? This gets roars of laughter, Will looks shyly at the ground and Jimmy lifts up his shirt and gives me a you want some of this? grin. All in all, disaster avoided deftly. Now its my turn.
Jimmy, truth or dare? I ask.
Dare. Cuz Im not a pussy, he laughs in reply, looking me dead in the eyes.
Crap, now I have to think of a good one. Hmmm.... okay, following up on our first prying question... I dare you to take off your shirt, and keep it off for the remainder of the game.
Pssht, thanks for the softball, fag, he says and strips his shirt off in one quick motion. He flexes and my testicles throb in sad loneliness but I laugh along with everyone else. I can still have fun even if Im hopelessly horny.
Okay, my turn, Jimmy says. Michelle?
Dare. Because Im not a pussy either. I cant tell if they are purposely shaming me, or if Im just over-reacting. Probably the latter, Im just being paranoid, most likely.
Haha! I dare you to jerk me off in the bathroom. The bathroom is right off of the main sitting area of the basement. It is notoriously not sound-proof.
Are you serious? Michelle asks, knowing full well the answer, and not really minding. But she has to put on a show so she doesnt seem like a whore, I guess.
Yes Im serious. Im really high, a little drunk, and I wanna get my rocks off. Sorry, but you did pick dare.
Alright, she says. Then to the rest of us, Sorry guys, well be right back. Thisll be quick, though, dont worry. She laughs, we laugh, Jimmy doesnt laugh, and she leads him off to the bathroom. An awkward silence settles over the room.
So... this is weird, I say.
Yes it is, Cynthia agrees.
Do... we... listen? Is that, like, part of the dare?
Ew, no.
Yeah, lets just keep talking, I dont really want to listen to my brother getting a handjob, Will chimes in.
Okay, duh, sorry. Uh... sorry about the first truth thing, too, man. I hope you didnt take it personally or anything, I say.
No, dont worry about it. I mean, hes a hunk and all, I get it. I guess if I wanted to look like that, I could, right? We have the same genetic make-up. Youre attracted to buff blondies, no big deal. Thats why hes dating Michelle. Shes hot, hes hot, I get it. I will be getting you back though. There will be punishment, just you wait.
As he finishes speaking a loud moan escapes from the bathroom.
Ewwwww, why is this happening? Cynthia whines.
This, my dear Cynthia, is why we never play truth or dare, Will answers in a British accent. We all crack up at that, because its true. Were afraid weird stuff like this is gonna happen. We keep laughing for about a minute, mostly due to Wills funny voice. Over our laughing, we can hear Jimmy grunting, Unh...unh...oh fuck... faster... fuck... FUCK...UNH, UNH, UNH, fuuuuuuuck, and that makes us laugh even harder.
Finally, we hear the sink run as, I assume, Michelle washes her hands, and then the loving couple join us back in the circle on the floor. Jimmy looks very pleased with himself, a little bit of the light dusting of hair on his stomach is matted down. All together it took maybe three minutes from standing up to sitting back down.
Michelle finally breaks the silence that accompanies us staring at them, Okay, Ricky. Truth or dare? Obviously I have to say dare this time. I cant be a pussy. Plus we have that stupid rule where you cant say truth twice in a row. Goddamn, thats such a stupid rule.
Dare.
I dare you... to... I wince, make us all drinks!
Oh my god that is literally the worst dare ever! Jimmy groans. He has a point, its a pretty terrible dare, but I can relax now, and I get up with a grin and go over to the bar in the corner. Were lucky that the twins parents give no fucks about us drinking all their booze while we get high and do shameful things in their basement. While standing at the bar making two gin and tonics for the lovebirds, a rum and Coke for Will, a Cuba Libre for Cynthia because she has to be difficult about everything, and a strong White Russian for me, I get to my next task.
So Will, youve been left out so far. Truth or dare?
Truth.
I know what Ive been meaning to ask him pretty much since this game started, so I waste no time. There was a rumor going around in school for a few years and I never had the guts to come out and ask you about it. I overheard somebody in gym class one time say that you could suck your own dick. Is that true?