Tempted to cheat on my partner

[Alamut]

Here goes.

Im together with a guy since about a month and a half. Despite some quarrels now and again, its going just fine. He's said he loves me, I might just deliver those words soon as well.

The problem is, I still feel an insane amount of lust for other people. It could be because I am bisexual and versatile. While the sex with my boyfriend is very good and getting better, it only satisfies one part of my desires.

So what to do? Should I go behind his back and find someone I can bottom for? I realize this sounds extremely immoral, it certainly seems so to me. But at the same time, I know my sexual frustration will simply increase over time.

Well, I just wanted some advice, might as well ask here.

 

[B_Nick8]

Here goes.

Im together with a guy since about a month and a half. Despite some quarrels now and again, its going just fine. He's said he loves me, I might just deliver those words soon as well.

The problem is, I still feel an insane amount of lust for other people.

You couldn't be less ready to be in a relationship. Apparently, you're more about sex--and with multiple partners--than you are about commitment.

Don't lead someone down the proverbial garden path when you obviously want to be walking elsewhere.

 

[invisibleman]

Here goes.

Im together with a guy since about a month and a half. Despite some quarrels now and again, its going just fine. He's said he loves me, I might just deliver those words soon as well.

The problem is, I still feel an insane amount of lust for other people. It could be because I am bisexual and versatile. While the sex with my boyfriend is very good and getting better, it only satisfies one part of my desires.

So what to do? Should I go behind his back and find someone I can bottom for? I realize this sounds extremely immoral, it certainly seems so to me. But at the same time, I know my sexual frustration will simply increase over time.

Well, I just wanted some advice, might as well ask here.

Well, why don't you tell the guy. Sit him down and tell him how you feel. Tell him that you still like him/love him/whatever and however you truly feel. You want to do it with some other men. Tell him that you like having sex with him and reassure him of that. Let him know that he can meet some other men as well on those nights when you are with your other men. Play safe.

 

[flame boy]

If you're like this after a month and a half, I would really question staying in the relationship if you're already looking for something else, not wise - unless its an open relationship. I would also advise against saying you love your current partner if you are prepared to "go behind his back", if you dont have trust you dont have very much.

 

[Pye]

You've been together a month and a half and you're calling him "partner"?

Be honest with him...you aren't ready and you need more than he can give.

 

[finsuptx]

I would discuss it with your partner now, or you'll be back here asking how to solve the new problems that developed once you started cheating in no time. Make sure to include a discussion on safe sex as well.

 

[overninept5]

I realize this sounds extremely immoral, it certainly seems so to me.

You answered your own question. Nothing more to be said.

 

[B_Nick8]

If you're like this after a month and a half, I would really question staying in the relationship

You've been together a month and a half and you're calling him "partner"?

Be honest with him...you aren't ready and you need more than he can give.

I know, right? Six weeks and he's already got straying eyes.

As to the bolded part of your post, Pye, it is more likely the converse.

 

[biguy2738]

Alamut,

When did you realise that you're bisexual? If it's a recent discovery, then your urges could be because of being bi...because it can feel like a second puberty and there are raging hormones and urges. In which case, I'd encourage you to take a step away from developing relationships with anyone soon, so that you have the time for things to reach an equilibrium inside of you. However, if this isn't a recent realisation, then I do not believe that your bisexuality has anything to do with it. If you were longing to be with a woman, then all good and well, but you continue to desire to be with a guy.

When it comes to your question about cheating, you may want to ask yourself, "What advice would I give my friend if he were to send me letter containing what I've just written in my post?"

All in all, I do not believe that you want to cheat. I suspect that this is a cry for help; that you've made this post because you don't want to cheat on him and you want to be talked out of it. I can tell you that if you're already unsatisfied and considering straying so early into your relationship, well, it ought to be setting off bells in your head.

All of the best with your decision. Just don't forget that your partner's feelings and needs are just as real as your own.

 

[nedly32]

You couldn't be less ready to be in a relationship. Apparently, you're more about sex--and with multiple partners--than you are about commitment.

Don't lead someone down the proverbial garden path when you obviously want to be walking elsewhere.

Well said

 

[invisibleman]

Well, if he feels how he feels he should let the guy know. I don't like cheaters. I would rather know up front. I also wouldn't want someone to feel forced in being in a relationship. Honesty is the best policy.

 

[Stephenmass]

You couldn't be less ready to be in a relationship. Apparently, you're more about sex--and with multiple partners--than you are about commitment.

Don't lead someone down the proverbial garden path when you obviously want to be walking elsewhere.

I totally agree with Nick's post! Don't lead someone on as you are if you are already thinking about straying; you are obviously not ready for a relationship whatsoever.

 

[D_Ivana Dickenside]

it doesn't sound like you were really ready to commit to your partner in the first place. i am not criticizing your relationship, but from your post it seems like you still want to play the field. if you really want to be with other people, it's better to end your relationship before pursuing your desires. but if you are willing to fight the temptation and be with your partner only, then you should let him know how you feel. it may sound scary, but talking it over with him could be just what you need.

 

[iluvbigheads]

You see I use to date guys like you and think of course he would never cheat, but you all do in the end. Now, this goes to all the guys who cheat: some of us will keep you going until you really do think you love us and that's when we replace you because you couldn't really be faithful in the beginning. Sorry this sounds crude, but I have no respect for guys who think they can get by cheating.

 

[BigDallasDick8x6]

Sounds like you want to be able to tell people you HAVE a BF more than you actually WANT a BF.

Level with him. And the sooner the better. It will only get worse as he falls more and more in love with you if you wait.

One book I read on gay couples said there are two kinds of gay men -- Excitement Seekers and Home Builders. If two Excitement Seekers get married or two Home Builders, things can work out. But when an Excitement Seeker marries a Home Builder, it can be very frustrating. The Excitement Seeker is bored and the Home Builder feels he isn't getting as much as he's giving. Oversimplified no doubt but it does contain some truth.

You are definitely an Excitement Seeker. Is he? If so, you might suggest dabbling in 3 ways to satisfy your itch. If he isn't I think your relationship isn't meant to be, because I don't see you converting to a Home Builder until a good many years from now, if ever.

Hope that helps in some way.......

 

[Alamut]

Alamut,

When did you realise that you're bisexual? If it's a recent discovery, then your urges could be because of being bi...because it can feel like a second puberty and there are raging hormones and urges. In which case, I'd encourage you to take a step away from developing relationships with anyone soon, so that you have the time for things to reach an equilibrium inside of you. However, if this isn't a recent realisation, then I do not believe that your bisexuality has anything to do with it. If you were longing to be with a woman, then all good and well, but you continue to desire to be with a guy.

This is it I think. I still have alot of desire to explore what I like, what I dont like, what I want to do and what I dont. At the same time, I find sex without any kind of mental connection completely meaningless. A dilemma to be sure.

And yes, I do believe that he is a Home Builder and me the opposite. We are also from different cultural climates, where mine has a greater focus on independence and personal space compared to his. I think the whole issue is a combination of need for adventure and feeling slightly suffocated. He needs alot of attention and care, and my personality simply isnt able to give him that all the time.

We have taken a break currently, for other reasons. The idea has indeed entered into my mind that I could go exploring in this pause. I really have to think about this, since I am (as with everything else) of two minds about this.

 

[B_Nick8]

This is it I think. I still have alot of desire to explore what I like, what I dont like, what I want to do and what I dont. At the same time, I find sex without any kind of mental connection completely meaningless. A dilemma to be sure.

Sorry, but you don't read that way.

And if 6 weeks of faithfulness is already starting to make you chomp at the bit, you're either simply not in love with this guy, as you say you're ready to proclaim, or you don't yet know the meaning of the word.

I implore people who can't understand what it's like to care enough to honor promises, to be faithful to a person who's offering you that in return, and living under that impression, to have the decency not to enter into relationships where that is the understanding and the given.

Doing so is selfish and cruel in the extreme.

 

[Alamut]

Sorry, but you don't read that way.

And if 6 weeks of faithfulness is already starting to make you chomp at the bit, you're either simply not in love with this guy, as you say you're ready to proclaim, or you don't yet know the meaning of the word.

I implore people who can't understand what it's like to care enough to honor promises, to be faithful to a person who's offering you that in return, and living under that impression, to have the decency not to enter into relationships where that is the understanding and the given.

Doing so is selfish and cruel in the extreme.

Well, there is truth to your words, to be sure.

However, I can honestly say that I didnt know how I would feel about a long term relationship when we first met. Or how I would feel a month and more into the whole thing. Much that goes on inside ones mind is hidden from oneself, especially things such as desire and love.

I really have to give this alot of thought. One thing I have come to realize, is that I will NOT cheat. Even though I might be tempted to it, I agree that it is the better path to be honest to your partner and part ways before that kind of thing happens.

And if it does come to a parting of ways between me and him, that I will be alot more careful in the future when entering into relationships. I have to understand my own situation and so on, so that I dont hurt the one Im with.

 

[Alamut]

All of the best with your decision. Just don't forget that your partner's feelings and needs are just as real as your own.

Despite some posters impression of me, I actually subscribe to this to the extreme. Actually, your partners feelings should be far more important than your own in a relationship.

I seem to kind of have forgotten that in my current confused state. Damn shame there is such a stigma on same sex relationships, its hard to vent and discuss about this freely with friends.