Therapy Session

[Countryguy63]

My suggestion of what to say to your therapist is... "This is not a good fit for me. I feel I could be more proactive with a therapist who has a more positive view of sexuality and does not judge me but works with me to resolve the issues I'm having. Thank you very much for your time."

^^And there it is!!^^

 

[Mogluver]

Therapy is nothing more than a service, no more or no less. You are the one to benefit, and you should ask yourself if your receiving the benefit from the service being provided. If you have doubts, or emotions about the therapy that is negative, then the situation is not a good one. To me, and only me, I have asked the question, "what do I really want?" That puts the focus in the right place, as if one is not centered in ones life, then others can not be provided for in their lives. This life is a journey, we all make progress, and it sounds to me Brother Tang, that your making good progress in that journey. Just remember your needs should be met through the therapy, and the sessions need to be supportive with out an agenda. BTW, jacking off is a totally healthy exercise, a man needs to keep his pipes flushed, it's that simple. Good luck and let us know how your progressing.

 

[paneros]

The therapist says that I should never masturbate, that the only sexual activity one should have is with their spouse.
......
I am not a sex addict. Addict implies, in my mind, a repetitive behavior.

Well, in terms of specific questions you could ask your therapist (and I use that term loosely, given how you've described her approach so far), I'd ask the following direct questions, and then listen closely to her answers and explore more with her.

Q1. Why should I never masturbate?
Q2. What is the healthy psychological basis for this direction?

Q3. Why should the only sexual activity I have be with my wife?
Q4. What are the reasons behind your assumption that this is an intrinsically psychologically healthy approach?
Sub-question: I sometimes find that I get sexually aroused while taking a shower, particularly as I wash around my glans thoroughly and gently with warm, slippery, wet, soapy water. However, my wife is not in the shower with me every time this happens - is it really your professional recommendation that I now stop this activity as it can be classified as sexual, yet does not involve my wife? :wink: (For professional integrity, her answer must surely be yes - I'm hoping this question may prompt some introspection, insight and compassionate truth on her part!)

If your therapist has said you are a sex addict (which I am not clear whether she has):
Q5. What are your reasons for saying I am a sex addict?

Q6. Do you not think it is reasonable that, as a human with a sexual nature, I would seek to explore and express that, and value the opportunity to discuss aspects of sexuality with other people, not just my wife?
Q7. Do you understand that I might like to explore feelings around sexuality with other men, and women, and through the anonymity of an online forum, where I have freedom of expression without fear of offending others, as might be the case if I started talking with them to strangers on trains, my boss at work, etc.


I am serious, and I apologise that my tone is a little flippant in places. I wish to offer you a more light-hearted perspective on what I see as some ludicrous statements from your therapist.

I highly recommend considering what positives insights you have gained from the therapy so far, and what areas of insight and growth you would like to explore more. Then chat to friends to discover some other therapists in your area and their approach, and choose someone else!
I wish you all the best with it.

It's your money - support a therapist who supports you!

 

[B_ILIW]

Most mental health professionals seem to push their own beliefs/morals onto their patients. I think it's just a scam, not to help people but belittle them.

Perhaps see a dedicated sexual counsellor next time. S/he would only say not to do a thing unless it impacted on physical/mental wellbeing.

 

[helgaleena]

Don't call yourself asexual! That would be somebody who hates and avoids all sex. Masturbation IS sex, as I keep repeating upon these boards... Not you at all. And do not be afraid to shop around for a different therapist because you do not need to justify yourself to her. She's the employee in the situation.

Good luck on your search and don't delay on the couples counseling. Ideally you can find somebody who does both.

PS: I empathize with the distant parenting situation, as growing up with Scandinavian immigrants for parents/grandparents was like that too. The difference was that they included doctors who were frank about human bodily functions and plenty of sauna culture and life drawing classes. No affection, but lots of openness about what sex is and what it does.

 

[reallyhot]

Glad to see LPSG is living up to it's good name!
Way to go folks!
I hope you're able to find a new therapist that's better suited to your needs.
Good luck!
RH