Tops, How do you Want your Bottom to Act *Outside* the Bedroom?

[erratic]

One way or the other, a person will prefer either topping or bottom. Yes, there are versatile people, but most people are one or the other.

Yeah, I really do think that's a cultural thing. I've noticed Americans (not all of them; I know a few exceptions to the rule) are super serious about that, and all the Canadian queer guys I know who've lived in the States for any amount of time have been like "wtf is with this top/bottom shit?" And they report that all their American partners are dumbfounded that they reject being forced into one role or the other.

 

[D_Lee_Iacuckold]

Well I'm a bottom, but I think I'm a dominant one at that, both in and outside the bedroom. I consider myself pretty masculine but I treat my tops like they are king. I guess in a sense, the tops that I have been with have been very catering to me as well, so the reciprocity is there. I find that the tops that I have been with have been on equal footing with me in terms of "behavior." I attract what I give off essentially so there is really no expectations that I feel I have to reach.

 

[B_Nicodemous]

Yeah, I really do think that's a cultural thing. I've noticed Americans (not all of them; I know a few exceptions to the rule) are super serious about that, and all the Canadian queer guys I know who've lived in the States for any amount of time have been like "wtf is with this top/bottom shit?" And they report that all their American partners are dumbfounded that they reject being forced into one role or the other.

I need ta move ta Canada...

:biggrin1:

 

[erratic]

I need ta move ta Canada...

:biggrin1:

This is true - and for only one of many reasons

 

[D_22]

This is true - and for only one of many reasons

I'd like to third that move. The whole "defined one-sided top/bottom" thing annoys me.

 

[deleted804287]

Yeah, I really do think that's a cultural thing. I've noticed Americans (not all of them; I know a few exceptions to the rule) are super serious about that, and all the Canadian queer guys I know who've lived in the States for any amount of time have been like "wtf is with this top/bottom shit?" And they report that all their American partners are dumbfounded that they reject being forced into one role or the other.

The guys you are talking about must be versatile then, because like I mentioned, people usually have a preference, and here in america we like to put labels on preferences. Whether you refer to it as top or bottom or not, doesn't change the fact that some people prefer top or bottom and are therefore labeled as such to make sexual encounters as easy as possible

 

[aethermaelstrom]

a relationship between two full-bottoms would just....not work.

Why not? They can still love each other, sex is only a part of a relationship. Lesbians get along fine without inserting penises. Would two 'full-bottoms' not just use toys? Or are 'bottoms' supposed to be submissive and can only enjoy a dominant 'top'?

 

[mallak]

Yeah, I really do think that's a cultural thing. I've noticed Americans (not all of them; I know a few exceptions to the rule) are super serious about that, and all the Canadian queer guys I know who've lived in the States for any amount of time have been like "wtf is with this top/bottom shit?" And they report that all their American partners are dumbfounded that they reject being forced into one role or the other.

Yeah, I need to move to the U.S., too many versatiles in Canada:BORING. I appreciate the sexual honesty and directness in the U.S. I won't have health care anymore but the sex will be hotter lol

 

[Infernal]

I dated a guy who's previous boyfriend taught him it was appropriate and expected to be a gentleman in public and a whole in the house. We would go out in public and he was kind of treated people well, but when we got home he became this foul mouthed hole. I found it really fake and distasteful. It didn't last, but that was just one of many reasons.

 

[NicholasSommerby]

You know, I must admit I don't know too many people who really label themselves as tops or bottoms any more, but regardless, I've never understood why someone should behave a particular way according to what position they prefer in bed. I like my partner to behave out of bed the way he behaves in bed. Fun, funny, hot, confident, conscientious.

This sums it up for me as well.

I didn't get with someone because they have a personality disorder to where they behave different in and out of the bedroom (and for some people, those and other places). I get with them because they are who they are, and they can have the same personality no matter where they are.

 

[longskin]

I prefer my bottoms (I call them pussy bois) to worship my cock in the bedroom and want nothing more than to had me use them for my pleasure and reward them with my man milk for a job well done.
That all changes outside of the bedroom. I want them to be masculine, genuine, affectionate, kind, witty and intelligent. I'd also like them to be relatively independent outside the bedroom. But when I close the door it's all about doing what I want them to do.
I've found that this is the best way for us to both have a great time.
I'm attentive, involved, kind, masculine and very interested in my bottoms welfare Nd happiness. But these attributes don't appear in the bedroom much!

I've always thought of myself as more masculine than a pussy boi, but I like your take on things Guanaco11.

 

[Exbiker]

Hmm.

I too have questions about this notion of all-encompassing roles...

I think most people are actually versatile, even though they maybe more inclined to Top or bottom.
And in some cases to Dom/sub etc.

It can vary through a person's life.

I'm more top and dom, but not exclusively.


And, from anyone, whether I'm in a relationship with them or not, I initially expect :-

• fairness
• attentiveness
• flexibility
• humour
• kindness
• imagination
• reliability
• a sense of adventure
• morality

... at least, until it proves otherwise. And then I might have to reconsider things ...

:smile:

 

[elgarcon]

I don't think I've ever thought of a guy I was with as "a top" or "a bottom". I know people, including myself, have their preference in bed, but It isn't really a part of my identity.

 

[hrdhatdad]

I agree. I wouldn't be compatible with a guy that "thought" like a bottom. The guys I fuck are just regular guys. I'm just fortunate they act like a dude and like being fucked.

 

[Beta4Alpha]

I've never heard top/bottom discussed in the UK. It strikes me as such as strange notion that the gays should be one or the other; even more so that this would apply outside the bedroom.

I understand your point, but some of us are just wired one way or the other. While I prefer to be exclusive bottom, I have topped occasionally, and it is simply not as fulfilling sexually.

 

[Beta4Alpha]

Why not? They can still love each other, sex is only a part of a relationship. Lesbians get along fine without inserting penises. Would two 'full-bottoms' not just use toys? Or are 'bottoms' supposed to be submissive and can only enjoy a dominant 'top'?

Do you REALLY think a piece of cock-shaped latex can substitute for the real thing ?!?!?!

 

[FrankTO]

I'm neither top nor bottom, and I don't associate any sex act with domination or submission; it's a total turnoff for me. I had a partner who was all soft-spoken and gentle in real life but got really aggressive and domineering in the bedroom (eg. wakes me up and drags me by the hair down on the floor so I can suck his cock - let's just say he didn't try that again). We had a good run but not because of the sex! I'm lucky enough now to be with someone who doesn't think getting on your knees to give a blow job is in any way an act of "submission" - it's just two men having a good time as equals.

 

[Yankee82]

I am strictly a Dominant top, I prefer my bottom boys to be masculine outside of the bedroom, and act like just a regular guy, however alone when with me your ass is mine! I will give you all the pleasures of taking my big cock! I will fuck you and you will worship my cock, as I feed your ass and mouth!

 

[AlexDB9]

you know, i must admit i don't know too many people who really label themselves as tops or bottoms any more, but regardless, i've never understood why someone should behave a particular way according to what position they prefer in bed. I like my partner to behave out of bed the way he behaves in bed. Fun, funny, hot, confident, conscientious.

e x a c t l y

 

[AtomicMouse1950]

I like the way you think. :biggrin1:

I am strictly a Dominant top, I prefer my bottom boys to be masculine outside of the bedroom, and act like just a regular guy, however alone when with me your ass is mine! I will give you all the pleasures of taking my big cock! I will fuck you and you will worship my cock, as I feed your ass and mouth!