Unprotected Sex: How, Why, When?

justoogayyknow

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First of all I want to say this: I'm asking without any judgment. This isn't the place to go off on what other people should or shouldn't do on the bedroom, I'm just looking for honest answers about real experiences. I know all about the risks of unprotected sex, as do we all. I just am interested in different perspectives.

I'm gay. The gay community has its own standards about when we have unprotected sex, and our own subculture of people who prefer not using protection (we have names for them and everything). However, for the vast majority of us, the legacy of the AIDS crisis hammers into us the importance of always using protection, getting tested for STIs frequently, and discussing our sexual history before encounters with others. Gays who have unprotected sex are almost universally on PREP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis) which hugely reduces the likelihood of HIV transmission.

Now, I am also aware that because there wasn't the same push for sexual education that happened in the gay community, a lot of straight people don't always have the same awareness of these issues. I've known straight guys who have never been tested because they feel they "don't really need to." I've even heard stories of straight guys who just don't worry about protection, assuming the girl has it taken care of. They maybe use condoms on one night stands, and then stop when they have a monogamous relationship, and even then, not consistently.

So, my question is this: for single straight men, how do you decide when and when not to use a condom? Is it case by case? When the girl makes you? Every time? Until you've been together enough?
Are there times when girls don't want you to, and ask you to go in bare?

I suppose I have a semi-related question. Consider this a bonus, if you have the knowledge. As in gay culture, are there people who explicitly have a kink or fetish for unprotected sex? Is the idea that you get off on (potentially) breeding as many women as possible? Or is it perhaps a fixation on inseminating the same woman repeatedly? Would you say this is related to why people may choose not to use condoms with a new partner (as it definitely is in certain gay circles) or do they just not want to wear one because it feels better?

So to sum up: I'm wondering whether straight people have different perceptions of risk, and how the decision of when and when not to wear a condom is made. I'm also aware that I'm asking a group that's probably more sexually educated/aware than a random group of people, so I'd like to hear about your perceptions of other straight guys, as well as your first-hand experience.
 

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To have children.
Condoms is our way to avoid pregnancy even married.
There are pills but they change your mood at least it happened to a woman friend and they won't protect you from std
I can't understand people risking themselves on std seams suicidal to me
 

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First off, condomless sex feels better, in most cases for both parties involved. It also can be a mood killer for a number of reasons especially during spontaneous sexual encounters. Also as a weird paradox, I've noticed the insistence on condoms can be a red flag, as if you're trying to hide something....For myself, there is a level of ego at play for the self control I've been able to practice during condomless sex to not impregnate someone until I wanted to.
There's also some gendered dynamics at play...for women, as they tend to practice much higher selectivity in their sexual partners, chances are if you've made the cut as a man that she wouldn't necessarily be unhappy at getting your desirable genetics in her very own clone.
As far as our perception of risk I think there are some biological and sociological dynamics at play in heterosexuality that are not present in homosexuality that bear rewards that mitigate the risk, and in this modern age of sexual freedom I think those things are amplified further.
 

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I've had more unprotected sex than i should have in my life.
Could you elaborate on that? Talk a little about the situations where you made those decisions? Was it because you wanted to go bare, or because she wanted you to? Or was it even something you discussed or thought about?
 
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justoogayyknow

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First off, condomless sex feels better, in most cases for both parties involved. It also can be a mood killer for a number of reasons especially during spontaneous sexual encounters. Also as a weird paradox, I've noticed the insistence on condoms can be a red flag, as if you're trying to hide something....For myself, there is a level of ego at play for the self control I've been able to practice during condomless sex to not impregnate someone until I wanted to.
There's also some gendered dynamics at play...for women, as they tend to practice much higher selectivity in their sexual partners, chances are if you've made the cut as a man that she wouldn't necessarily be unhappy at getting your desirable genetics in her very own clone.
As far as our perception of risk I think there are some biological and sociological dynamics at play in heterosexuality that are not present in homosexuality that bear rewards that mitigate the risk, and in this modern age of sexual freedom I think those things are amplified further.
Yeah I know that it feels better and can kill the mood, etc. I guess what I'm wondering is about the differences between how straight people make these decisions and gay people, how or even if you discuss protection before you have sex, etc. We always do, pretty much.
It's definitely not a biological thing - gay sex isn't more risky than straight sex. Actually, now that there is so much literacy for sexual health among the gay community, so many of us knowing the risks, getting tested frequently, and so on at such high rates, rates for transmission now tend to be higher for straights. But that's not the point of the discussion.

That's interesting what you say about ego though - that you have control not to impregnate someone accidentally. So, is the idea that having unprotected sex shows greater prowess, because you have to be sure you won't accidentally cum inside her?
 

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That's interesting what you say about ego though - that you have control not to impregnate someone accidentally. So, is the idea that having unprotected sex shows greater prowess, because you have to be sure you won't accidentally cum inside her?
One of the biggest ideologies pushed unto millennial men was the appeal of staying power and sexual control..."One Minute Man" by Missy Elliot is literally burned upon my psyche.
Also remember preselection is heavily at play when women sexually select men, so men that don't come quick or uncontrollably imply sexual experience which in of itself tends to be highly attractive.
I guess what I'm wondering is about the differences between how straight people make these decisions and gay people, how or even if you discuss protection before you have sex, etc.
I always carried condoms with the intention of protection should an encounter come about with a woman...but again a lot of underlying biological urges seem to take over when women have a genuine, as opposed to opportunistic or transactional desire for a man. I guess its a bit of a humblebrag but the vast majority of my sexual partners(or chance encounters) have either requested we go condomless or removed the condom at some point during sex..
 
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Could you elaborate on that? Talk a little about the situations where you made those decisions? Was it because you wanted to go bare, or because she wanted you to? Or was it even something you discussed or thought about?

Many decisions were spur of the moment and in heat, we would go condomless. It's not uncommon honestly.

If a woman asks me to use a condom, I absolutely will use one. There are just many times I've been with people where we are so hot for each other that the condom i had on me went unused.

I am very lucky not to have any accidents or to have contracted an incurable STD. Very lucky.
 

justoogayyknow

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Many decisions were spur of the moment and in heat, we would go condomless. It's not uncommon honestly.

If a woman asks me to use a condom, I absolutely will use one. There are just many times I've been with people where we are so hot for each other that the condom i had on me went unused.

I am very lucky not to have any accidents or to have contracted an incurable STD. Very lucky.
So you were just both so into it you didn't even bother with it - and it seems both of you wanted it bare anyway. By "accidents" I assume you mean cumming inside? Is it just assumed you'll pull out, in this scenario?
 

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So you were just both so into it you didn't even bother with it - and it seems both of you wanted it bare anyway. By "accidents" I assume you mean cumming inside? Is it just assumed you'll pull out, in this scenario?

Yes. Pulling out is pretty much standard practice.
 
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So, my question is this: for single straight men, how do you decide when and when not to use a condom? Is it case by case? When the girl makes you? Every time? Until you've been together enough?
Are there times when girls don't want you to, and ask you to go in bare?
I lost my virginity (18+) to my first sexual girlfriend wearing a condom because she wanted to have sex and wasn't on birth control. So I happily wore one then, and 99% of all the rest of the hundreds of times we had sex. I didn't want to get her pregnant, she wasn't on birth control, and I didn't want to pull out every time we had sex. I like (no loooove) cumming deep inside a woman, condom or not!

I suppose I have a semi-related question. Consider this a bonus, if you have the knowledge. As in gay culture, are there people who explicitly have a kink or fetish for unprotected sex? Is the idea that you get off on (potentially) breeding as many women as possible? Or is it perhaps a fixation on inseminating the same woman repeatedly? Would you say this is related to why people may choose not to use condoms with a new partner (as it definitely is in certain gay circles) or do they just not want to wear one because it feels better?
That same first girlfriend I mention above asked me a few times to not wear a condom, or in the heat of the moment we went bareback for a bit, before pausing to put one on. She said she loved feeling me without one, and I loved it too, but I wasn't taking any chances with pregnancy. The less that 1% of the time where we didn't use one, I either pulled out (only once or twice) of she was at the point of her cycle where she felt pregnancy wasn't going to happen. That was also only a handful of times, and we stayed clean and safe and not pregnant the entire relationship.
First off, condomless sex feels better, in most cases for both parties involved. It also can be a mood killer for a number of reasons especially during spontaneous sexual encounters. Also as a weird paradox, I've noticed the insistence on condoms can be a red flag, as if you're trying to hide something....For myself, there is a level of ego at play for the self control I've been able to practice during condomless sex to not impregnate someone until I wanted to.
I found using condoms to be the complete opposite! I was ensuring I wasn't catching an STD, she wasn't catching one from me, and there would be no pregnancies. That was comforting and allowed me and my partners to fuck with abandon and cum deep inside their pussies as nature intended.

Yes. Pulling out is pretty much standard practice.
I've only done this a handful of times and always found it very difficult. Every fiber of my being is screaming to cum deep inside her so pulling out is the last thing my mind and body wants to do. I just found it easier to use condoms and let our climaxes cum when they did, entwined in each other and maximizing our enjoyment of each other.

I've never had an issue with a woman wanting to use condoms when it was a first encounter of a hookup type situation. If she didn't bring it up, I would. I feel being safe allowed us the freedom of just enjoying having sex with each other. I haven't used a condom in many years in my marriage as they are not needed, but would gladly do so if they were.

Bottom line? I'm getting laid! Wearing a condom is not a burden in any way!
 

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I found using condoms to be the complete opposite! I was ensuring I wasn't catching an STD, she wasn't catching one from me, and there would be no pregnancies. That was comforting and allowed me and my partners to fuck with abandon and cum deep inside their pussies as nature intended.
I think it was more like how prenups are considered...objectively it's an intelligent means of resolving issues before they even begin, but a lot of women will find it insulting if you insist upon one before marriage, As if you're planning upon divorce. In my experience a lot of girls/women are low key insulted if they offer bare sex and you insist on a condom, almost like they internalize it as you implying they're dirty or something, or on some, "I'm good enough to fuck, but not have a baby with/commit" type stuff. As much as women embrace the concept of consequence free sex for themselves, I think more than a few deep down are resentful of consequence free sex for men, or at least the men that sleep with them.

I've only done this a handful of times and always found it very difficult. Every fiber of my being is screaming to cum deep inside her so pulling out is the last thing my mind and body wants to do. I just found it easier to use condoms and let our climaxes cum when they did, entwined in each other and maximizing our enjoyment of each other.
In the power dynamics of sex, I think this is why men who pull out or forgo contraception might be desired a little more than those that rely on a contraceptive. Not just sexually, I think a lot of women are prone to "shit tests" of men, instances where they test your mettle, your decision making capabilities, sometimes even the amount of disrespect or disadvantage you'll endure from them, as an ongoing reference for their valuing of you..that loss of control can be very mutually satisfying, but it may also signal to her a means by which she can control you, and in my experience women have an extremely difficult time maintaining respect for a man that she can control. Unfortunately most times for men, at least in the eyes of women, being overly concerned or wary of consequences can signal an inability to deal with them, so then the question begs her, "why am I risking having to clone this mofo, when he is too scared or too inadequate to embrace the possibility/consequences of that happening?"
 

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First of all I want to say this: I'm asking without any judgment. This isn't the place to go off on what other people should or shouldn't do on the bedroom, I'm just looking for honest answers about real experiences. I know all about the risks of unprotected sex, as do we all. I just am interested in different perspectives.

I'm gay. The gay community has its own standards about when we have unprotected sex, and our own subculture of people who prefer not using protection (we have names for them and everything). However, for the vast majority of us, the legacy of the AIDS crisis hammers into us the importance of always using protection, getting tested for STIs frequently, and discussing our sexual history before encounters with others. Gays who have unprotected sex are almost universally on PREP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis) which hugely reduces the likelihood of HIV transmission.

Now, I am also aware that because there wasn't the same push for sexual education that happened in the gay community, a lot of straight people don't always have the same awareness of these issues. I've known straight guys who have never been tested because they feel they "don't really need to." I've even heard stories of straight guys who just don't worry about protection, assuming the girl has it taken care of. They maybe use condoms on one night stands, and then stop when they have a monogamous relationship, and even then, not consistently.

So, my question is this: for single straight men, how do you decide when and when not to use a condom? Is it case by case? When the girl makes you? Every time? Until you've been together enough?
Are there times when girls don't want you to, and ask you to go in bare?

I suppose I have a semi-related question. Consider this a bonus, if you have the knowledge. As in gay culture, are there people who explicitly have a kink or fetish for unprotected sex? Is the idea that you get off on (potentially) breeding as many women as possible? Or is it perhaps a fixation on inseminating the same woman repeatedly? Would you say this is related to why people may choose not to use condoms with a new partner (as it definitely is in certain gay circles) or do they just not want to wear one because it feels better?

So to sum up: I'm wondering whether straight people have different perceptions of risk, and how the decision of when and when not to wear a condom is made. I'm also aware that I'm asking a group that's probably more sexually educated/aware than a random group of people, so I'd like to hear about your perceptions of other straight guys, as well as your first-hand experience.
I live with an illness so I know better than to expose myself to the dangers of unprotected sex. However, I've only been intimate both ways(giving/receiving) with two men. The first guy, we hadn't even discussed having anal sex but I think it was an assumption that it would happen on his part. When he penetrated me I was shocked two-fold for allowing myself to be penetrated, and doing so without a condom which I did have in my possession. As many times as we've done the deed, it was always unprotected and thankfully I never received any unwanted anything. I think it's obvious that people can sometimes be reckless when it comes to sex and we do things that you should have given further thought before doing the deed. That's how people end up with unwanted pregnancies. For me, I think that was the case because I had no reason to trust him as he was a stranger to me.

Thankfully, our tryst wasn't a one and done deal. We were in each other's lives for 4 years being casually intimate. I learned to trust him that he wouldn't hurt me even though he did anyway, but not because of unprotected sex. The other guy, oh god, I definitely should have used a condom with him. Let's just say for a guy wanting to try getting fucked by a cock, you should know better than to have a dirty ass. I'll say no more. Haven't done anything or been with anyone since those two and that was almost 10 years ago.
 
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justoogayyknow

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I've been cumming inside lately with no condom more than I probably should be but yeah. I've actually been joking to a friend that there's going to be a pregnancy scare soon
You mean with once partner or multiple? And you're just doing it for the sensation?
 

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I have several fuck friends. Firstly, I have had a vasectomy so I don't worry about knocking the girls up.

All of us go get tested for STDs every two weeks.

So we are pretty much safe.
 

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I know it's cliche, but condoms just don't feel good. I go flaccid the second my dick is in one, and when I get hard again I typically can't feel a damn thing.

That being said any one time deal it's condom all the way, just deal with it haha. When I'd be dating women, we'd chat about it and if we both came back with clean STD tests, and being careful in other ways (I never cum inside) then we'd go without. I'm married now, so we don't have to deal with them. We are both clean, and we aren't trying to have another kid...but the only real birth control we are doing is I pull out. It worked for 2 years before, and the first weekend we were trying to have a kid we got pregnant. So, pulling out has been 100% effective for me. haha.
 

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As a 90s kid, the safe sex message was hammered into my skull for life. I've never had unprotected sex outside of a stable relationship, and have zero plans to change. I have definite opinions about those who (outside of stable relationships) engage in unprotected sex with multiple partners, regardless of sexual preference - they're idiots! So I get Prep and ART...but frankly the idea of taking medication on a regular basis all my life is about as appealing as smelling a leper's armpit. Condoms and lube are so much easier.
 
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The 90's lies about who is at risk told in health class are a big reason why people are age don't want those people teaching anything sexual to their children.
 
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