What constitutes "cheating"?

[D_alex8]

"I gotta tell you your timing stinks. Wasn't that supposed to be our anniversary?"

Okay. Now I felt truly reptilian.

You two absolutely have to stay together forever.

He can actually put you in your place and make you listen!

Now, that's a fuckin' miracle in itself! :biggrin1: :kiss:

===

Seriously, I'm glad it worked out as well as it did.

From the general tone of your post, I suspect there could yet be a couple of volleys of relationship gunfire following on from this still, so I don't necessarily think you should consider it 'done and dusted'... because on some level, at least, it will have set off some thoughts and doubts in both of you. And they, in my humble experience, take a good while to be 'worked through' more fully.

 

[B_Stronzo]

You two absolutely have to stay together forever.

He can actually put you in your place and make you listen!

Now, that's a fuckin' miracle in itself! :biggrin1: :kiss:

At least what I lack in restraint I have in my overall sense of well being eh? (you arsehole! :tongue

===

Seriously, I'm glad it worked out as well as it did.

From the general tone of your post, I suspect there could yet be a couple of volleys of relationship gunfire following on from this still, so I don't necessarily think you should consider it 'done and dusted'... because on some level, at least, it will have set off some thoughts and doubts in both of you. And they, in my humble experience, take a good while to be 'worked through' more fully.

yeah.. I know... don't think I'm not ready for it to come back and bite me in my ass either alex.:redface: But generally he's not the vindictive type.

 

[DC_DEEP]

I am happy for you, young man. I know it was a hugely difficult discussion to have, but seems you made it through.

You know the best part (from my viewpoint, anyway)? Now you know, you don't have to assume or guess. That feeling, in and of itself, is incredibly liberating.

So, you can still look at the menu, just remember to stay on your diet! No samples!

 

[B_Stronzo]

Thanks DC.

But that 'menu' can be so damned haute cuisine, n'est-ce pas?

What with all these fine cocks here it's simply unimaginable not to consider what a few of them would be like "firsthand" eh? Ah to be human.....:redface:

 

[jeff black]

I am not gonna lie.

I am pretty big on monogamy, and I was concerned that Stronzo's BF would have been quite upset with him. I would have.

It really boils down to the relationship, doesn't it. Being together nine years, you really get to know that person inside and out. As a result, maybe you are able to overcome things like this, all because you love/care for each other THAT MUCH.

I do wish you the best of luck in this situation, and I send my best to the mister(opposite of missus). He is a more forgiving man than I could be. Although, ask me again if I ever get cheated on, after nine years. I may react similarily.

BTW, Canadians are uber hot.:tongue:

 

[chicagosam]

It seems that this all boils down to the GoldenRule: Do as you would have done unto you. Most of the above has come from the side of those that are not on the receiving end of this. It is extremely painful to find out someone that you are involved with has placed someone else, even momentarily, in your place, and then still expects you to remain fainfthfully there for them. It's selfish. Yes, sex without commitment is great if that is where your values are, but then at least have the courtesy to be involved only with those of the same values. You just can't do this to someone you care about and expect them to accept it. Your need has now taken precedence over what you both have together. Monogmany is important to some people. I am one of them. It is a strength that binds, and more importantly provides peace and security in world that is so difficult. Not to have to worry about the one you are involved with, having that security, that commitment, makes life so much more wonderful and fulfilling. Simply, would you want someone to treat you this way? Having been on the other side, I can tell you, it hurts more than you know. No one deserves that for someone else's selfishness.

Stronzo, you have something great. To have a relationship that has lasted as long as yours is something to be held sacred. Don't take for granted what you have. Work out whatever you have to work out and don't throw away this wonderful bond over something meaningless. I wish you both happiness.

 

[rawbone8]

We choose limitations like monogamy as a testament to the other's importance in our life, and because the illusion of order is so reassuring. While the exciting freedom of chaos has appreciable benefits (fun), it can lead to outcomes that might seem threatening or frightening for others, raising insecurities.

Partners who base their relationships on trust can venture into open or remain exclusive, and keep the relationship growing. Monogamy takes real effort because it is so unnatural. I suppose that effort is our demonstration of love, and desire for security. Dishonesty is just disrespectful, period.

The desire to wander and experiment seems less pronounced at my age. At 30 it was much more evident. I'm happy now within the limits of monagamy in my relationship. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy looking.

I'm glad the talk worked out well for you Stronzo. You've mentioned before in other threads that your partner's ethnic background is Scottish. As you described your boyfriend's persona, I recognized traits that seem so familiar, like many men I know in my family and original community, which is almost entirely Scottish in heritage.

 

[madame_zora]

Stronzo, you are to be commended on this on so many levels, and our members have really enlightened me on several aspects of their relationships, for which I am extremely grateful.

This is one of those unknown frontiers for me, I don't think I've ever had what I would call a healthy relationship, so I've shied away from them for a very long time. I think I'm far more aware of what I don't want than what I do, and that is telling of my own mindset. By recognising immediately that you had something that was urgent to discuss with your partner, and doing so immediately demonstrated (to me) the seriousness of your commitment there and the respect you feel for a person you've chosen to place first in your life.

I can't help but believe your honesty will strengthen your relationship given time, as will your renewed commitment to monogamy, as your choice. Isn't it better to know that you're doing it by choice, and not because of any unknown reason? I think the two of you are very lucky to have found one another.