What Does A Women Look For In A Guy

[1andonly]

I am curious what does a women look for in a guy! I am alway told I am nice caring extra but that doesn't seem to get me far..I am not good at flirting and pick up lines...and input is appreciated

 

[MickeyLee]

For true? Same thing as I look for in all the people I have in my life. Common ground, good heart, sense of humor, secure enough to laugh at themselves and be honest about what they want/need.

It's pretty basic.

I do appreciate terrible pickup lines as long as all parties know the pickup line is awful.

 

[1andonly]

Thank you sometimes I wonder if I am to nice....thanks for input

For true? Same thing as I look for in all the people I have in my life. Common ground, good heart, sense of humor, secure enough to laugh at themselves and be honest about what they want/need.

It's pretty basic.

I do appreciate terrible pickup lines as long as all parties know the pickup line is awful.

 

[MickeyLee]

The only time a guy seems "too nice" is when he seem disingenuous. Like, he's trying to convince me he's a "nice" guy.

Be a funny guy. Be a gregarious fellow. Be an engaged and engaging conversationalist.

 

[LaFemme]

Kind, confidant, respectful, funny, intelligent, financially secure, can take care of himself, interested in self-growth - you know, all the good things. A little quirky is cool.

 

[693987]

I'm not just attracted to men. For any potential partner?

Good person (actually good, not claiming they're "nice"), smart (doesn't matter if it is leaning more towards life experience smarts or scholastic), realistic/not naive, mostly have their shit together (job, not in mass amounts of debt, functional adulting kind of stuff), isn't trying to make me their therapist/emotional crutch, has goals in life (stagnation/lack of desire to improve life is not my thing), and brutally honest/blunt. I have no interest or time in any kind of games.

 

[1andonly]

Thank you all

 

[MickeyLee]

I second quirky. A lil nutty is a good thing.

 

[918177]

I look for a male version of myself minus the ego.

I got enough ego for 10 men so more ego isn't helpful.

 

[1850231]

I am curious what does a women look for in a guy! I am alway told I am nice caring extra but that doesn't seem to get me far..I am not good at flirting and pick up lines...and input is appreciated

Fundamentally kind and curious about other people; their needs and experiences beyond his own. A sense of worldliness that goes beyond university degrees and high power jobs - I don’t care about wealth, but a get up and go attitude coupled with a preference for getting shit done, is extremely hot. I like men who, generally, like other people - generously spirited, but with a healthy sense of self. What else... I adore funny. I would fuck a gargoyle if he made me laugh. Mostly I like men who are genuinely into me - who I am as a person etc.

A few thoughts - if this is helpful

• If you can make a woman feel seen - like you paid attention to what she was saying and you were able to share a (kind) observation about her personality (not her looks) that endeared her to you, she would remember that.
• Try to have two things going on - genuinely funny/teasing - rib her a little bit, but then be a grown up and make sure she gets home safely and contact her the next day. Show your nurturing side but in a cool way. Make it about her and not about you being a “nice guy”. Women can tell - the later is off putting.
• Watch a lot of female comics - Whitney Cummings, Ali Wong, Tiny Fey, Janeane Garofalo etc. to get a sense of what some women find funny and what’s topical in our lives. If you really want to make an impression, read Nora Ephron’s books. Her observational writing is u n r e a l

You don’t have to be good at flirting, you just have to like her, as a person, and be willing to be vulnerable enough to let her know it. Even if it means admitting that you’re not very good at dating - most people aren’t. And pick up lines are awful - forget that. Just say hi and comment on something she’s clearly made an effort on and remind yourself that we’re all just a humans looking for connection.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

The non op male has been reported.
To remind those who click through, unless you are the Original Poster, male identified humans may NOT post in Ask a WOMAN.
It’s in the name.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I don't much go for nice. Kindness is where it is. Every man I loved won me over through kindness and humor.
Every man who couldn't hold my attention lost my interest through ugly behavior, incompatible social values, or insecurity.

My favorite men, be they friends, relatives or lovers, are gentle and affectionate, patient with me amd my quirks, fiercely loyal and protective.

My interactions with some 9f my favorite men today:

"I miss you too. Keep your house in order. I will hug you soon." (He was not referring to my literal house.)

"Our time be so exceptional." (In reference to a night on which we spent hours laughing at ourselves, each other, and trading music, with an emphasis on covers. Don't let his grammar catch you sleeping. He is brilliant.)

"Sis. I only ever hear you sing once a year, but it is always worth waiting for. I love you too, Sis." (I sing a short ditty I wrote just for him on his birthday every year.)

"Did I just see you drive past my house? Can I just see your face for like... ten minutes?" (I obliged and left reluctantly after the best 12 minute snuggle.) Then: "You always forget, Baby, but I'm always going to ask. Could you please call me when you get home safely?"

"Would you like me to pour you the last of the coffee?" (He has three degenerative disks in his spine, but he always tries to take care of me, despite my protests.)

There were a lot of outrageously hilarious things they said to me too. But you kinda had to be there.

I love these men. They are always good to me. Well, maybe my little brother is not ALWAYS good to me. LOL But he is loving, generous, protective and one hell of a prankster. I value these aspects of him. I appreciate these qualities in anyone.

 

[Brianne_24]

As with any romantic relationship, you always want to feel wanted, loved and respected. Challenged during conversations, listening skills, good communication, and care.

Beyond that, I would say the following are also important and tend to determine how attractive you are:

- no fuckboy attitude. Any thirsty or creepy behavior is an immediate no. If you argue petulantly with a date or girlfriend the way a child argues with their mother, immediate termination of interest.

- Hygiene. Sorry nerds, but the basement dweller look is absolutely not in style anymore. Find a good barber, take care of your teeth, shower or bathe every day, smell nice, and wear clothes that are not just stylish but suit your personality.

- Lifestyle. This is another one that gets overlooked often and in my experience tends to be the main thing working against most guys. Sharing your life means having a life worth sharing. If that life mostly amounts to getting a radiation tan from your computer or TV for every minute of your free time, you can expect there to be less interest in you as a partner. Sleeping a lot, laziness, slow wit, carelessness, etc. Like holy FUCK are there a lot of men that don't understand these basics. But an active lifestyle? Parties? Restaurants? Concerts/festivals? Friends? Traveling? Even if the extent of socializing amounts to hanging out with a few close friends and family at home, if those hangouts are always fun that will go a long way. And having a fun lifestyle also tends to give you automatic confidence or, if nothing else, genuine advertisement of what you're about, attracting those who are interested.

- Bedroom skills. So you have a micropenis. Got a tongue? Learn new techniques, what positions work for us and which don't, surprise us, deliver more than whats expected. All good things.

- And for long-term relationships, I want to be in love and with someone in love with me. How do you know when you're in love? Easy: If the mere thought of something horrible happening to your partner genuinely fucks up your day than that's pretty much it. If you feel nothing, than probably not.

Hope this helps ^__^

 

[LaFemme]

Yeah, a tongue won’t help me. I don’t like oral.

Always speak for yourself.

 

[693987]

As with any romantic relationship, you always want to feel wanted, loved and respected. Challenged during conversations, listening skills, good communication, and care.

Beyond that, I would say the following are also important and tend to determine how attractive you are:

- no fuckboy attitude. Any thirsty or creepy behavior is an immediate no. If you argue petulantly with a date or girlfriend the way a child argues with their mother, immediate termination of interest.

- Hygiene. Sorry nerds, but the basement dweller look is absolutely not in style anymore. Find a good barber, take care of your teeth, shower or bathe every day, smell nice, and wear clothes that are not just stylish but suit your personality.

- Lifestyle. This is another one that gets overlooked often and in my experience tends to be the main thing working against most guys. Sharing your life means having a life worth sharing. If that life mostly amounts to getting a radiation tan from your computer or TV for every minute of your free time, you can expect there to be less interest in you as a partner. Sleeping a lot, laziness, slow wit, carelessness, etc. Like holy FUCK are there a lot of men that don't understand these basics. But an active lifestyle? Parties? Restaurants? Concerts/festivals? Friends? Traveling? Even if the extent of socializing amounts to hanging out with a few close friends and family at home, if those hangouts are always fun that will go a long way. And having a fun lifestyle also tends to give you automatic confidence or, if nothing else, genuine advertisement of what you're about, attracting those who are interested.

- Bedroom skills. So you have a micropenis. Got a tongue? Learn new techniques, what positions work for us and which don't, surprise us, deliver more than whats expected. All good things.

- And for long-term relationships, I want to be in love and with someone in love with me. How do you know when you're in love? Easy: If the mere thought of something horrible happening to your partner genuinely fucks up your day than that's pretty much it. If you feel nothing, than probably not.

Hope this helps ^__^

For someone who flailed at people for perceived (by you) generalizations in another thread, you're blatantly doing the thing you flailed about. Plenty of nerds are fastidious. Shower minimum of once a day, have their own clippers (or two) for grooming, dress decently, wear nice cologne, etc.

 

[Brianne_24]

Yeah, a tongue won’t help me. I don’t like oral.

Always speak for yourself.

I only bring it up because of how many men act like having a tiny dick is a bedroom death sentence. It's so overdramatic considering how many of us do enjoy oral (even if you and I do not).

 

[Brianne_24]

For someone who flailed at people for perceived (by you) generalizations in another thread, you're blatantly doing the thing you flailed about. Plenty of nerds are fastidious. Shower minimum of once a day, have their own clippers (or two) for grooming, dress decently, wear nice cologne, etc.

I mean I feel like my post was somewhat clear which nerds I was referring to after mentioning the inactive, antisocial lifestyle of staring at a computer or gaming all day while avoiding good hygiene, but ok. Not that it's impossible to find a girl into that lifestyle (theres someone for almost everyone I imagine), but overall it doesn't help anyone's chances much, and definitely not with me.

 

[MickeyLee]

How filthy are some dudes?

I've run across the occasional ultra "earthy" woman who thinks essential oils are an acceptable replacement for regular bathing...

But at least one, if not more (hell, sometimes all) woman will always list hygiene on their must have/deal breaker list.

Isn't hygiene a given?

What have you seen? Who has approached you?!?

I wouldn't approach anyone without my whosits and my whatsises having a good once over with soap. Same with clean clothes and at least a rudimentary attempt at styling.

Dudes. If you want someone to touch it, touch it with soap first

 

[AlteredEgo]

How filthy are some dudes?

I've run across the occasional ultra "earthy" woman who thinks essential oils are an acceptable replacement for regular bathing...

But at least one, if not more (hell, sometimes all) woman will always list hygiene on their must have/deal breaker list.

Isn't hygiene a given?

What have you seen? Who has approached you?!?

I wouldn't approach anyone without my whosits and my whatsises having a good once over with soap. Same with clean clothes and at least a rudimentary attempt at styling.

Dudes. If you want someone to touch it, touch it with soap first

I started high school in an institution strictly for science nerds. The Bronx High School of Science. Everybody was about as clean as any other cross-section of society. However, I joined the science fiction and fantasy club. The friends I made there are my friends to this day. We rolled 18 or more deep to all kinds of shenanigans and shindigs. Because of these friends, I go to sci-fi, comic book, cosplay, and anime conventions.

When I first began attending cons in my late teens, it was a bit of culture shock. The hygiene was a fucking problem. Back then, a female attendee was novel. That I was black was also less common. That I was conventionally attractive, coiffed, clean, and neatly dressed was so powerful a combination as to paint a target upon myself. The attention from men was overwhelming. Most of the men approaching me were unwashed, mouth breathing, morbidly obese, socially awkward weirdos who used more gel than shampoo and needed haircuts.

When my clique tried to take over the committees that ran our favorite local convention, we failed because we got physically ill from spending hours breathing in their filth in the meetings. They literally stank us out. After the first meeting, I rode the subway for an hour to meet my boyfriend, who tried to greet me with a bear hug. I was so focused on my headache that I didn't realize I had begun to smell like armpits, belly buttons, and cat pee. He held me away at arms length and asked, "Sweetheart, where did you go today?" I had to ask his mother to let me use her shower and borrow some clothes so we could go out. I smelled that badly just being in the same room as the convention planners for a few hours. After a few meetings, it was clear to me that these people wore the same clothes to every meeting. Because of the stench, backbiting and infighting, I resigned from the committee. At the following convention, I noticed they wore the same clothes I had always seen them wear, including the official convention t-shirt from the previous year. On the last day of the con, as we were leaving, I saw them clean for the first time. Freshly showered, and slightly better groomed, and in the new t-shirts. I came to understand it was their one clean day a year.

The first time I went into a gamer/comic shop there was a tabletop RPG in progress. I was with another conventionally attractive woman from my old clique. The busy shop immediately became noticeably quieter. When I approached the sales clerk and ask for a D&D set of dice, a brick of six sided, and inquired about which edition of White Wolf's Mage they might have available for me to look at I could swear I heard a gasp. my friend was interested in making some Yu-Gi-Oh trades. Suddenly all eyes were on us. When I asked about the store's ability to authenticate a rare Magic the Gathering card for me, you could have heard a pin drop. We were unicorns at the time.

These activities are way more mainstream now, and people at conventions are a mix of the stereotypical unwashed dweeb, and the mainstream geek. I still stand out though. I was very flattered that Cary Elwes recognized me from the previous day at a panel during a convention. He complimented my cosplay. Of course, some dork working for the convention felt the need to translate Mr. Elwes' subtle complement for me, as if I hadn't understood what was being said to me. "He means he likes your body." Yeah. Thanks. I've been flirted with before. LOL

These dirty social rejects are real. They are no longer the majority, but they are still out there perpetuating the negative stereotypes in our fandoms.

 

[693987]

Going to state fairs/etc even when you're not anywhere close to the livestock, you smell the odor of humanity. Night clubs, movie theaters, anywhere you cram a lot of people into an enclosed space, close proximity, there are going to be some whose hygiene may not be as sparkling and squeaky clean as some others. Ride a subway train. Take a bus. Your nose will likely be assaulted by a broad range of odors, not all of them pleasant.

Being antisocial doesn't mean bad hygiene. Sitting at a computer all day doesn't mean bad hygiene. Being into video games doesn't mean bad hygiene. Shitty fucking stereotypes.